THE RELIGION PAGE

To visit the place that you may be going click here
RELIGIONS COVERED BY THIS PAGE

LEONISM
THE CULT OF ROSS PEROT
WANG!
KIKLJUKI

This is the religion page. We cover only weird religions, so don't expect anything normal. If you are a biggot or easily offended by new ideas, don't view this page.

Leonism:

Finally Bazar Mauhatti has taken the time to write about Leonism. He has been busy with all those bombings you know. One of the chemical weopons centers in Iraq was struck and he was needed for the sacred burail with T.V. ceremony

Rules of leonism:

-clipping of the T.V.(done by parents(kids to young)) allowing the watching of TV age one month.

-prasing of leon, a mixture of Al Sharpton,Pee Wee Herman, Saun Connery and John Luc Picard, at breakfast, snack, and dinner. You do not have to do so at lunch for it is a waste of time.

-the 6 hours of TV after 3:10

-the watching of star trek on sci-fi

-the eating of three and .4 repeating pounds of jelly beans on a hourly basis during the watching of any show/film containg Patrick stewart or suan connery

-the going to electronic store looking around asking the clerk questions no one knows and then leaving without buying anything(note: go to different stores every week). This happens every friday after the initate turns 11.1 repeating

-going to sleep at 12.2 repeating o' clock

-the annual pig slaughter contest. This is where three men line up this year it was Bazar, Bobbin and Muhammed. Bazar chose a recoiles rifle, Bobbin chooses a squirt gun and muhammed chooses 40MM Personel machine gun.then they all fire in the air and try to catch the bullets. Then you spit the bullets you caught at the pigs.

-Then every five years we indure the totrue contest. First we have spicy pizza and are forced to drink the holy drink(dr. pepper) then we indure the blatter beating. We must sit while two men hit us with those little plastic bats that everybody hates.next we are forced to walk on two mile gravel path coated with gum without shoes or socks. Then we have break and relieve our stress by beating cows or People Named BoB with those little plastic balls that come with the bats. Next, we must experience little 5 year olds presenting the banging of the pots and pans. Then we get our hands tied behind our back with bubble wrap in front of us that we CAN'T POP. The next form is a little dangerous so we tie socks around our heads to prvent loss of hair. We go on a pick up truck with chain that connect us to the exhaust pipe. Then we get pushed off the truck and are driven across Broadway ny,ny. Every two feet we hit a pothole. Occasionaly we get decapitated but very rarely. The next torture is to be framed for dumping oil into the ocean, and having to listen to the darn environmentalists yelling at you!The last but definitly not least torture would be the getting constipated by those umbrelas nobody likes and are forced to listen to Celine Deion.

-The final cerimony is burial with TV. The TV will be smashed upon the dying person's head 1.1 seconds before death, and therefore it will be imprinted into their head. This will be useful for the afterlife.

The Cult of Ross Perot

Ross Perot is a true psycho, so we made a religion to honor him.

At birth, our form of circumcision or baptism is a Stretching. This is a ritual stretching of the ears to make the child become more Perot-esque. Also will be a naming ceremony. All names must start with an "R" or sound like Ross.

When a follower is 18-22, they will have a form of a Bat or Bar Mizvah. They will get to vote for Perot on election day. This signifies their move from school-spawn to college-spawn. To signify the move from college-spawn to hopefully-working-spawn, they vote for Perot again. If Perot is dead, our form of Jesus will become the next Ross Perot and run until he dies.

When a follower dies we take their ears off and throw them into a safe that their local place of worship (POW) will keep. When a POW fills that safe with ears, they become a KABLOOIE. This means that they are a very big POW.

To find out our beliefs, listen to one of Ross Perot's debates or something. He is the only one that can truly communicate for us. If you would like to join email Bobbin Mcguillicutty and he will contact us. All followers of The Cult of Ross Perot are very paranoid, and so we willn't give you our email address.

Wang!

Wang! is a religion that is not nearly as insane as most of the religion on this site. It's main belief is that the world we live in right now is just a preparation world, and we are all given a purpose in life (picked out of a hat)to affect the Golden Child. The Golden Child is watched 24 hours a day by old, fat men up in the "real world". You may be the Golden Child, who knows? When you complete your purpose, you die. All of the infant deaths can be explained by making their parents sad, therefore affecting the people close to them, and the people close to them, and so on until the parasite reaches the Golden Child. The Golden Child dies on his 18th birthday, no exceptions. Wangers are what we call Molytheistic. They believe in many gods and one god at the same time. They believe that there are 4 gods that take 6 hour shifts. Gods are called Taks. At one time there is Tak, the one that observes all, Guarding Tak, the one that guards the afterlife, Beating Tak, the one that beats discipline problems, and Sleeping Tak, the one that sleeps. After you die you go to what we call Sackegmuso. This is where you have a minute to make Tak laugh. If you make him laugh, you go to the real world. If you fail you go to the afterlife for eternity. In the real world you get to be one of the fat old men that observe the Golden Child for a day. At one time there are 50 of them. A few of them have been there for a while, and will soon become a Tak. After your one day you go to the afterlife, and make earwax. Yes, I did say earwax. This is the only thing that Taks can eat, and they eat so much that there must be a lot made. If one refuses to make any, then the Beating Tak does his job. If one tries to escape back to the Preparation world then the Guarding Tak comes in. (If they do escape they will be immortal in the Preparation World for they have no purpose). The more earwax you make in the afterlife, the more fun you have in the Preparation World. If you make a ridiculously high amount, you are allowed to have fun in the real world and you will be one of the more permanent old fat men. You will become a Tak one day as well. Taks change every 50 years. Followers of this religion are called Zhmikkerskies. There are few, and can be identified by having a 24 karat gold cap that would be worn by a czar. They strive to find the Golden Child before he dies or they die, and then they must make a lasting impression on him. If they do that, they have lived a complete life.

KIKLJUKI

Kikljuki has but one major belief. This belief is that the only purpose in life is content. This religion was founded on November 18th by a former Zhmikkersky that created and founded it. It is farely new, so there are a pitifully few amount of followers, but founder Jacob Mcguillicutty thinks it will be a very popular religion.

There is a holiday every day in the religion of Kikljuki, and they are all called Juki, except for November 18th, which is called Kikl. On Jukis you must get up out of bed, and have a fun-filled day. On Kikl there is an exception. You must have a supercalifragilisticexpiolidotiously fun-filled day. On Kikl all Kikljuki's are hyper, and therefore there are many, um, accidents.