PWL Results for May 16, 1999.

• In the opening match, Midgets' champion MASCARITA DIABLO successfully defended his title by pinning former champion CAP'N CRUNCH in a highly technical match lasting 10:22.
• The tag match between RONALD McDONALD & HAMBURGLAR and GRIMACE and his mystery partner degenerated into an all-out brawl.  As the three tangled in the ring, out came the returning BURGER KING, wheeling out a deep fryer.  BK attacked RMC and HB, tossing poor Hamburglar into the fortunately empty fryer.  The ref called for the bell, but BK and Grimace continued their beatdown of McDonald until security finally decided to intervene.  The ruling was a DQ win for 'Burglar and Ronnie Mac at 5:27.
• In match three, NC-17 and THE TANGLEFEET brawled from the outset, but DIRK MERCURY and TRIPLE X quickly gained the upper hand.  In relatively short order, NC-17 were able to secure the victory, as Mercury pinned Tanglefoot 1 following a top-rope legdrop in 3:55.
• Cruiserweight champion STARSHINE HIPPIE took on top challenger VENOM in a match well received by those in attendance.  Both traded high-risk moves, and two counts were the top holds in the contest.  Hippie had Venom in a figure-four leglock for over three minutes, but the challenger refused to quit.  Likewise, Venom thought h had the match and the belt after a top-rope headbutt onto starshine, but the champ kicked out at two.  The match went the full thirty minutes, and was declared a draw.  The fans were disappointed at the result, but everyone agreed this was one of the top bouts seen in the PWL this year.  Starshine retains the belt, but Venom will definitely have the opportunity to obtain the championship sometime down the line.
• JOE THE GIANT and HUMAN TORNADO wrestled a freestyle match, pulling out anything and everything in their arsenal.  At about the seven minute point, however, one of PWL's finest fans threw a bottle of JIM BEAM into the ring, nailing JTG right on the skull.  Joe turned around, voiced his displeasure in no uncertain terms, and he and Tornado decided they had enough and walked back to the dressing room.  The match was ruled a countout in 7:29.
• The return match between Women's champion ELIZA BLADE and former queenpin DARK ANGEL was another hair-pulling, non-stop brawl.  Unfortunately for the champion, interference by THE TERROR clicked this time, as the North American champion beaned Blade with his title belt.  This, coupled with a DDT from Dark Angel, spelled the end of Eliza's 11-day title reign, and Dark Angel is your new Women's World champion.  Time of the match was 6:00.
• Out came FAT ALBERT for his special guest refereeing role in the announced main event.  First came THE TERROR and his partners, World tag team champions THE PILLARS OF PAIN.  As they jawed with Albert, their opponents stormed the ring, World heavyweight champion PLAGUE and former tag champs STRIKE FORCE (with manager KHAINE).  Fat Al let the six combatants do their thing, and they brawled in and out of the ring, as tables, chairs, and anything else not bolted down came into play.  This match was very entertaining, if a bit confusing to watch (hence the short report of it, wink, wink).Terror took some initiative and wheeled out Burger King's deep fryer and began to slam his opponents into the fryer.  Fat Albert lumbered outside to take the fryer back, Terror took exception and made a comment related to Albert's wide frame.  Albert stopped, turned around, and blasted Terror with a right to the head.  Then, he slammed said head into the deep fryer, and tossed him back into the ring.  Plague rolled into the ring, and Fat Al made the quickest 123 heard in the PWL.  Your winners, Plague, BEAST, and CARNAGE.  As they celebrated, PWL President GENE WEST walked to the ring and took the microphone.  He announced that since the Pillars of Pain were hurt in the six-man tag match, they would be unable to wrestle Strike Force in a non-title match.  Beast and Carnage came back to the ring, and told West that they were fit to wrestle, and that should account for something.  West agreed, and started the tag match.  Beast and Carnage grabbed Golem and proceeded to double-team him while Terror and Quartz were dazed outside the ring.  Strike Force were able to apply the Eliminator on poor Golem, and Gene West made the three count himself, and declared Strike Force the winners.  West then announced that the three-man match between Terror, Albert, and Plague would start immediately.  Plague took another mic and announced that he wrestled his scheduled match, and refused to team with Fat Albert because it would not help the World champion in any way.  West agreed, and decided to change the match to a one-on-one bout between Albert and Terror.  West called for the bell, and Albert rolled outside to the floor.  He sat on the still-confused Terror, and West set a record by besting Fat Albert and making the quickest three-count ever heard in the PWL.  The bell rang, pandemonium ensued, and West handed Fat Albert the North American title belt, declaring him the new champion, and as Fat Albert celebrated, security helped Terror to the back, and Gene West ran back to his dressing room and locked the door.