PWL House Show Results - February 21, 2000.

FROM THE PWL PLINKO HALL IN ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI:

• The show begins, as always, with World champion THE TERROR (with friends) strolling to the ring for some words o' wisdom. Terror takes the mic and tells everybody they obviously went to St. Louis Public Schools, and that the effects of eating paint chips during the school years are finally taking their toll. He then threatens to urinate on the first several rows, and demands more money in the PWL budget to clean up when CAP'N CRUNCH pukes his cereal all over the locker room at every house show. Next, Terror makes derogatory comments concerning his challenger, SETH, and his habit of eating candle wax before his matches.
• Backstage, we see Seth with PWL President GENE WEST. As Seth spits something into a flower pot, West assures him that he can bring home the precious World title later on in the evening.
• In the first bout of the evening, Midgets' World champion CAP'N CRUNCH continued his dominance over his fellow cereal makers, defeating CRACKLE (with SNAP and POP) by pinfall in 5:25. Pop then challenged Crunch to a title match for Friday night, and the evil Cap'n agreed. Crunch then beat up all three of his foes, spitting Crunch Berries in their eyes.
• Backstage, MONDO MBAMBA, M. KLEATS, and a hooded figure talk about making an appearance later on. Mbamba notices the camera, and repeatedly shouts, "He's not just a heel, he's not just a heel!" Also backstage, Terror congratulates Cap'n Crunch on his victory and rewards him with a dried apricot and political pamphlets.
• Match number two, for the Women's World title. Champion DARK ANGEL emerges victorious yet again, pinning former champion URSA in 6:10. Angel then made a challenge to any woman who could take her on in a match. Several large, drunken women in the crowd were held back by PWL Security, when the returning ALICE THE GOON ran from the dressing room and attacked Dark Angel. PWL Security then stoped the fight in the ring, as the women in the crowd turned their attention to the beer vendor, who was then beaten up by the women.
• The third match of the night saw BIG SID SMITH "The Neighborhood Bully" (with "Mean Old" MR. McMASTER) fight to a double-disqualification with former World champion HUMAN TORNADO. Smith and Tornado brawled evenly throughout the bout, and the match ended at the 7:00 point when Smith and Tornado began clubbing each other with frozen turkeys they found in the back.
• Backstage, Mbamba, Kleats, and their surprise walk toward the entranceway, FAT ALBERT screams that his frozen turkeys have been stolen, THE NEW ORDER take turns trying to throw beanbags onto the roof of the Plinko Hall, THE PILLARS OF PAIN fight with THE SEXECUTIONERS over who pays for the vending machine candy, and the midgets play a round of volleyball in the parking lot.
• Next up, POTATO SALAD JIMMY is the opponent for MONDO MBAMBA's surprise mystery wrestler. After going a long speech in which he succesfully found a word rhyming with orange, Mbamba announces his latest find as "My new wrestler ain't just a heel, he's the Whole Damn Foot!" And with that, out comes the man formerly known as RUDY, but now known as FOOT. Apart from the name change, his appearance is exactly the same as his Rudy gimmick. With Mbamba and M. Kleats looking on, beaming, Foot makes quick work of PSJ, defeating him by submissionin 2:44 with a sleeper hold, referred to by Mbamba as the "Foot Lights Out."
• New North American tag team champions RUFUS VAN PELT and BILLY JO JIVE (with "Sweet" SUSIE SUNSET) lost to former champions THE FABULOUS HORNER BROTHERS by countout to retain their titles. The contest lasted 7:19 when BJJ fell out of the ring after getting a good whiff of Butch Horner's breath. The champs and Sunset retreated to backstage when Butch and Old Weird Horner realized their breath to be an effective weapon and chased their opponents away by blowing in their general direction. This gives the FHB countless numbers of crude, disgusting ideas for their new line of PWL T-shirts, coming out shortly.
• Backstage, JOE THE GIANT consoles Fat Albert by giving him an extra bag of his pork rinds, Zod and Non bang on a door after realizing they've been locked out of the Plinko Hall, Terror gears up for his match by throwing bricks at Cap'n Crunch's head, and Foot celebrates his new gimmick by drinking a bottle of moonshine.
• STARSHINE HIPPIE is still the World cruiserweight champion, this time defeating QUESTION MARK by submission in 10:22 to retain the gold. ? scored many two-counts on the champ, but Hippie won in the end with the Starshine Hippie Finishing Hold of Temporary Pain.
• World tag team champions NC-17 pulled off another amazing defense of their titles, defeating former champions THE NEW ORDER in 11:01 when Triple X pinned Non. Zod and Non assaulted the champion following the match, but were interrupted when The Sexecutioners attacked both teams. The Pillars of Pain then attacked all three teams, and the mess continued until PWL Security and the drunken female fans rushed to the ring to stop the brutality.
• In your Main Event, PWL World heavyweight champion THE TERROR pulled ahead of challenger SETH in their one-on-one battles for the belt, scoring the pinfall victory at 14:09 to maintain his grip on the World championship. In a move so incredibly complex it will not be explained here, Terror reversed Seth's Tombstone piledriver attempt into a Terror Spike, which led to the 1-2-3 and win. Since THE TRAIN could not make it to the show due to another engagement, Terror finished the show by hooting loudly and chasing himself to the back.