PWL HOUSE SHOW RESULTS - MARCH 20, 2000.

FROM THE PWL PLINKO HALL IN ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI.

CURTAIN-JERKER MATCHES:

• HOGFACE pinned BOOMPAW in 2:27.
• THE FATSOS defeated GUS STANKO and THOON by pinfall in 3:09.
• DR. DEMENTIA pinned HORNS in 3:12.

Interview: The Terror threatened to sic Cap'n Crunch on Kermit the Frog, announced that he would defeat Train at WrestleRama, beat up some local talent standing nearby, and downed four cans of 7-Up. He was then informed that tonight, he and the Pillars of Pain would face Train and The New Order in a six-man tag match. Terror laughed and said the only match that counts will be at WrestleRama, when he stands victorious and all his fans will join him in the celebration, and said a hearty hello to all three of them.

Match Four: Women's World champion DARK ANGEL and Midgets' World champion CAP'N CRUNCH vs. THUMBELINA and ORKO (w/ Aunt Rhody and Skeletor) in a mixed tag match.

• It was not a pleasant night for the king of the midgets, as Cap'n received a sound beating at the hands of not only his opponents, but their friends at ringside, several large women in the third row, whom he apparently offended at a bar last week, referee Burt Cooper, and Dark Angel herself. Angel thought that the only way she could teach her partner some lessons was to beat him up herself. In the end, Thumbelina scored the win, pinning the Cap'n in 8:44 after Crunch took some vicious taunting by some ugly children at ringside.

Match Five (World cruiserweight championship match): STARSHINE HIPPIE (champion) vs. TANKA SATCHMO (challenger, w/ Mondo Mbamba).

• The champeen faced the tagmate of his WR14 opponent, Foot, in the likes of Long Sweet Lips member Satchmo. Foot and Mondo claimed this was an ideal opportunity to wear down the champion, but if Satchmo won, it was clearly an attempt by the Suits to destroy LSL. Fortunately for Foot, not only was Starshine tested greatly in the match, he was able to secure the win with his dreaded SHSHoTP, causing Satchmo to submit at the 13:22 point.

Match Six: BIG SID SMITH (w/ Mr. McMaster) vs. SKELETOR (w/ Orko).

• Smith continued his steamrolling of PWL opposition by blindsiding Skeletor as the opening bell sounded. Skeletor tried valiantly, but could not stage a comeback against the "Neighborhood Bully," and BSS notched another win in whatever it is he notches, with the now-feared Bully Spike, followed by the pin at 8:11. After the match, Smith further solidified his status as one of those evil types by slapping the Bully Spike on poor Orko as well.

Interview: The Train, General Zod, and Non loudly promised victory in the six-man, speaking mostly in third person.

Match Seven (North American tag team championship match): RUFUS VAN PELT and BILLY JO JIVE (champions, w/ "Sweet" Susie Sunset) vs. BIG HEAD GUY and FAT DUDE (challengers, w/ Fu).

• A relatively easy time for the champions, as RVP and BJJ manhadled their opponents, and Susie punched out Fu on the ringside floor late in the match. The champs retain the straps as RVP pinned Fat Dude in 6:10. Following the match, the champions' in-ring celebration was interrupted by another appearance by The Electric Mayhem. Rather than one team chase another to the back, the two sides brawled to the back in the standard gradually-work-your-way-to-the-back process.

Match Eight (World tag team championship match): NC-17 (DIRK MERCURY and TRIPLE X, champions) vs. THE THUNDEFEET (challengers).

• In what may have been The Thunderfeet's last appearance in the PWL, the afore-mentioned challengers put up a strong showing, yet came up a touch short against the World champions. Mercury hit TF2 with the Bread Shot and got the W in 12:14.

Interview: Fat Albert was incoherently hyping his appearance on an unidentified television program when he was attacked by Big Sid Smith. Smith bloodied Fat Albert was breaking several (empty) liquor bottles that Fat Albert had by his side.

Match Nine (North American championship match): COOLEROY (champion) vs. FOOT (w/ Mondo Mbamba).

• If Tanka Satchmo did Foot a favor earlier, Cooleroy performed about 27 favors for Starshine Hippie in this contest. Cooleroy tossed his becruiserweighted challenger all around the ring without mercy. Cooleroy, in fact, seemed to be enjoying himself immensely as he made a mockery of the ex-Rudy. Cooleory got the win via an easy pinfall at 5:05.

Match Ten, Your Main Event of the Evening: THE TERROR (World heavyweight champion) and THE PILLARS OF PAIN (GOLEM and QUARTZ) (w/ Dark Angel and a bandaged Cap'n Crunch) vs. THE TRAIN and THE NEW ORDER (GENERAL ZOD and NON) (w/ Ursa).

• For some unexplained reason, most likely piss-poor booking, Terror and Train did not mix it up much in this match. Rather, the bulk of the action focused on POP and TNO, as well as the women beating up each other, and Cap'n Crunch being roughed up by ring announcer Guy Smiley. As has been the case recently, though, the Train side continued its domination of Terror's forces, as Non scored the pinfall over Golem following a triple diving headbutt on Golem from Zod, Non, and Train. Time of the match was 16:19. Terror took his frustrations out on Cap'n crunch, blaming him for the idiocy of the PWL, its fans, and the Suits.