> She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
> She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
> She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
> She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
> She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
> She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
> She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC > INCARCERATION.
> She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
> She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
> She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
> She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
> She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
> She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
> She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
> She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
> She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
> She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
> She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
> She is not KINKY - She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.
> She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
> She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
> She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
> She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
> She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
> She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
> She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
> She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
> She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.
> She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
> She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
> She is not LOOSE - She is MORALLY IMPAIRED.
> She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
> She does not have THIN LIPS - She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT.
