Alex died january 22. 1991, he was exactly 6 weeks.
As usual Alex was sleeping in his pram around noon, but when he had been asleep for 4 hours, I began to feel worried and hurried out to wake him up.
When I pushed the pram around the house from the terrace, I became sure that something was very wrong, as he wasnīt mooving. When we were inside, I tore of the blankets, and picked him quickly up. He was heavy and too relaxed, and even before I looked at his face I knew he was dead.
As I turned him around, I saw his pale face, which was slightly flattened, because he had been laying face down into the mattress, and my heart felt like ice and I was suddenly in the middle of a nightmare - scaring and somehow unreal.
I ran into my husband, thinking: "This cannot be happening". My husband, Rune, imediatly tried to bring him back to life, while I just stood there, crying. Rune told me to call 911, and I tried to explain, what was wrong, but I could hardly remember my own adress.
5 minutes later the ambulance came, It felt like a lifetime. A few minutes later also a doctor arrived, and he also tried to resuscitate Alex. They didnt stop trying, and on the way to the hospital, the met with another ambulance with better equipment. We were taken to the hospital by the doctors driver.
At the hospital, we waited for awhile, while a nurse talked to us and tried to comfort us, we still had a little hope left, as they hadnīt given up yet.
After 20 minutes a doctor came and crushed our last hope, he told us, that they had not been able to save him, he had probably been dead for too long.
Alex was put in a bed in a small room, where we could stay for as long as we felt like, and Rune went to call our family; I could not do it, I could not hurt them by telling them that Alex was dead.
Soon we were 9 people in the room, and all wanted to hold Alex in their arms. At some time the police came, but they didnīt want to ask us anything, they could get the information they needed from the doctors.The nurse came in, her eyes were red, she had been crying - she was pregnant! She asked us, if we wanted to take Alex home for the night. We didnīt know we could do that, but it felt just right, we were given a little extra time to say goodbye.
We went home to my parents house, had something to eat and then we went to sleep, Alex were in a small bed right next to us.
My breasts were filled with milk, and I had to empty them, it hurt me to throw the milk down the sink - Alex were surposed to have it!
Early the next morning we went to the hospital with Alex, we had agreed to have an autopsy, we wanted to know why he died.
Home again we spoke to an association for parents of dead infants, and we had a lot of advice about the funeral etc. We were told that we could bring Alex home until the funeral and we decided to do that, we called the hospital and told them, we would pick him up the next day.
After picking up Alex, we went to the funeral home to order a casket and get the paper work in order - they took care of having him officially named ( the paper is dated the day he died).
Then we were at the cementary at the church from which he should have been christened. We selected a place for his grave, a double cause we wanted it to have space for us, when we died too. It was so strange thinking about your own death, when you are so young.
When we came home, we sat down with Alex in our arms for a while and then we put him in his bed. It felt so good having him home, we were able to hold him, kiss him and get out all the feelings we had for him, as well dead as alive.
We wanted his funeral to be just right, so had a lot to day the next day. Alex cutest outfit should be washed, for him to wear, he should have a letter, telling him how much we loved him him and would miss him. We wanted to buy a silver cross for him to wear around his neck, which he was suposed to have worn at his christening.
Also the priest came to talk to us about the funeral: we wanted the casket to be open, so everyone could see him and say goodbye and when Alex was carried down the isle, they should play a childrens song, I used to sing to him.
The day of the funeral I took off all of Alex` clothes, I wanted to take one last look at his little body.
His face had turned blue, but the rest of him was fine to look at. I dressed him in his clean clothes, we hugged and kissed him and then we put him into the casket. In the casket was also the letter we wrote, a toy elephant and his comforter.
We took him to the church ourselves and we carried him inside the church ourselves. The church was filled with flowers, it looked really pretty. The ceremony was beautifull and 4 of our siblings carried Alex to the grave.
Later that day, we went to the grave again, to see how it looked with all the flowers. It couldnīt have been more pretty.
Now we had to find out, how to survive after our little angel had left us.
Dec. 11. 1990 our first child, a son we named Alex, was born. He was a beautiful boy at 4200gr. and 55 cm. and we were the happiest parents on the face of the world. 6 weeks later our happiness turned into our liveīs biggest tragedy and sorrow. 
