Nina
We knew, that we would not wait long before trying to have another baby, we had been waiting long enough for Alex. After I had my first period, we bought a test, that could show, when I was ovulating. I got pregnant the first month! This was 3 months after Alex had died. We were so happy, but at the same time worried, that something went wrong. The first 13 weeks, I ran to the toilet all day long, just to make sure I wasnt bleeding, but after that it got better.
Just before I would be able to feel the baby kicking, I became worried again and had to go see my midwife, and she checked the hearbeat and I got to hear it too, she told me not to doubt my child and I went home feeling a bit stupid, but very releaved. The following months I was exited and could hardly wait to meet our new baby, I still missed Alex very much, but I felt like, the more attached I grew to the new baby, the more I could ”let go” of Alex.
We were hoping to have a girl, because we wanted things to be different this time, we didnt want to compare Alex and the new baby. I became very sure, that we were having a girl and I even bought girls clothes!
When the duedate came close, I began to worry again, and when we passed my date I was crying, because I was sure, that this baby would die before it even was born. I had a lot of contractions that stopped again and I was getting desperat ( Alex was born 18 days past duedate ). I was at the hospital for a check-up and the ob said, that I was going to have the baby in the weekend, because I was 3-4 cm. open already.
The weekend came and passed, I didnt know what to do, so after having contractions all day, we went to the hospital Monday night. I was still 3-4 cm. open, but I was allowed to stay. The next morning a new midwife came, and we decided that this baby was going to be delivered today!
I had a drop and soon real contractions started, and I went through them with no painkiller , this was something I had decided early in my pregnancy, because when I delivered Alex I had pethidin, which made me dissy and I was not able to push very hard ( I pushed for 1˝ hour ). 20 min. to 4 Tuesday afternoon Nina was born, she was 4500 gram and 54 cm. We loved her from the first second, she was a beautiful fat little girl.
I stayed at the hospital for 6 days, where I could hardly put her down in her own bed.
We had borrowed a monitor, that would make a sound if her breathing stopped for more than 15 seconds and when we came home, we sat down and stared at the flashing lights allmost sure something would happen and we hardly mooved. After this we decided only to use the monitor, when we were not right next to her.
The first time, the alarm went off was in the middle of the night, and I woke up, jumped out of bed and shook Nina before I even noticed, that the alarm had stopped imediatly had stopped again. Nina looked at me with a angry look on her little face, like if she was blaming me that I didnt trust her! The few times it happened again, that the alarm went off, I was able to check on her without waking her up and each time it was falce alarm.
When she had passed the 6 weeks, I felt, the worst was over, but we used the alarm until she was 6 months.
At that time she was big enough to moove around in her bed and moove away from the alarm, which gave a lot af falce alarms.
Today Nina is 7 years old and goes to school, I still worry about her, but all parent do that. Sometimes I can get very frightened because I am sure that something terrible will happen to her or our other kids. At night I can suddenly imaging, that the train will derail and crash into our house, or that evil people want to hurt us, fortunately I forget it again until next time. |
