Meg's Piglet Page
TO
Meg's Piglet Page
The day I thought would be the happiest day of my life turned out to change my life forever, in a not so happy way.
My mom had been pregnant for only eight months when she went into labor. The pregnancy had gone well, or so we thought. I had been so excited because I was an only child and ever since I was old enough to care, had wanted a baby brother or sister.
On September 2, 1997 my mom went to the hospital thinking she was going to deliver a healthy baby. My aunt was staying with me at my house. I remember when my dad called and said I had a little brother I thought to myself, "Wow! I'm a big sister!" I got on the computer and began typing "Michael Kent Werner", the name we had picked out for a boy. My aunt told me my dad had said Michael was having trouble breathing because his lungs were small since he was born a little early. I thought, "Oh, no big deal. A lot of babies are born like that, he'll be fine." Later I knew something was wrong. It was really late, and my aunt was outside on the porch with my other aunts and grandma. The way they were acting I knew deep down in my heart something was wrong, but I was too tired to care.
When I woke up at six or seven the next morning I was not prepared for what was about to happen. It would change my world forever. My dad called and asked to talk to me. He asked me if I knew about Michael's breathing problems. I told him yes, I had, thinking Michael had gotten better, but in my heart I knew from the tone of my dad's voice something was very wrong. My dad then told me that the doctors were not sure Michael was going to make it through the day. Right then my heart stopped. I wasn't going to be a big sister anymore. My little brother was going to die. I was stunned and couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say. The day I thought would be the happiest turned out to be my worst nightmare. I went to the hospital with my aunt and stayed there all day. Some of my family went to hold Michael for a while with my parents. Then at 1:40 P.M., on September 3, 1997 my brother entered Jesus's arms. Even though Michael is with Jesus now, and I never got to see him say his first words, or take his first steps, and I never got to see him start school, and graduate, I know I will always be his big sis forever because he will always and forever remain in my heart.
"This is a picture I made for Michael right before he was born.
I just kinda thought he'd really like balloons. Now I send them to him in Heaven."
~FRIENDS~
Friends who have really helped me out are the ones who listen and try to understand, but know they really can't. My best friend, Ashley, has been the best! She will listen and just let me talk and she doesn't try and change the subject!And even now, 3 years later she still listens ~ and best of all, remembers! She thinks of me and my mom and dad on Michael's birthday and heaven day, and says so! That's really special. More special than people realize.
~Music~
One of the things that are helpful when I'm feeling sad is music. One song that is really helpful is "With You In Your Dreams" by Hanson. They wrote the song for their grandmother when she passed away a few years ago. I bought their CD the day of Michael's funeral. Perfect timing. I listened to that song whenever I was feeling sad and the words to the song helped.
Even though I no longer like Hanson (I've grown up a bit!) I will always remember the impact their music made on my life during a really hard time. Music is pretty special that way.
The Backstreet Boys have been even more helpful. Not just because they are 5 hot guys who sing and dance! They are all VERY sweet guys who have helped a great deal. All of them know what it is like to lose someone you love. The oldest Kevin, lost his father to cancer 7 years ago, and since Brian and Kevin are cuzins and Brian was close to his uncle that was a major loss for him too. Howie's sister passed away about a year ago so I can relate to him and what he says a lot. Even though his sister was older what he says always helps me to know that I'm not alone. One of their song writers Denniz PoP, who was like a father to them, just died from cancer and they have a song called "Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely" written by Max Martin who wrote songs with Denniz. The song is like a prayer to God about feeling empty when you lose someone you luv. This song is kinda like a Michael song for my family and me. I have said some of these same things to God.
Howie dedicated their new album Millennium to his sister. In his thank yous he wrote "To my sister Caroline, who passed away September 12, 1998 from complications from the disease called lupus: I'll always be grateful to have spent the last date of our American Tour with you in your hometown. I know that you are now in a better place, watching over all of is as our guardian Angel. I love and miss you dearly and dedicate this album in memory of you." Howie has also sent up a fund for the disease Lupus in memory of his sister. I think that is a good example of how important it is to know that people remember the ones we lose. Here is the link if you'd like to read a dedication Howie wrote for his sister:
Click here: Howie's Sister
Always reading their thank yous helps me too. They have a lot of faith and write about it. Brian talks about living " five years of his life and 21 years of grace." When he was five years old he almost died. The doctors told his mother to start making funeral arrangements. God had other plans for him though, and he doesn't take his life for granted. Reading that helps me to have stronger faith in God and remember He will help me through the tough times.
Here are the words to our BSB "Michael Song"…
Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely
Show me the meaning of being lonely
So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me...
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where You are
There's something missing in my heart
Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze
Guilty roads toan endless love
There's no control
Are You with me now
You're every wish will be done
They tell me....
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where You are
There's something missing in my heart
There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be You're asking me to feel
The things You never show
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where You are
There's something missing in my heart.
My favorite view from a hilltop near Michael's grave
I have found that it's pretty hard to be a "bereaved sibling". It's an odd title to have and a very hard thing to feel. I know that some people lose their brothers or sisters when they've shared lots of years together, and then there are those of us who never even got the chance to really know the ones we lost. I think both situations are really hard. And really lonely sometimes. It seems like people don't realize what this is like for us "kids". I know that there were lots of times that I wanted to talk and didn't want it to be with my parents. If you're in this "club" you've probably felt that too. If you would like to e-mail me, just click on Piglet and his pencil.
