Stork Summoning For Dummies
Where do babies come from? How does one have them? This manual goes over all the icky basics of what, why and how. Hopefully, by the end, you too will be able to summon the stork and have your own baby.
Where babies come from
Babies are born in Duropo's, unusual cabbage patches hidden in secret locations around the world. Cabbage babies are formed by planting the seed of a parent into the soil of the cabbage patch. Once fully ripened, a group of Kerabi, specially trained chinchillas, collect, wrap and prepare them in blankets for storks to carry to the prospective parent.
How to summon a stork
In order for a male and female to produce a seed to plant in the Duropo, the following things must occur:
- Both parties must be of the proper age. Individuals under the age of 18 or sometimes 19 are physically unable to produce offspring.
- Both parties must disrobe. Fully clothed individuals are not known to produce offspring, except in rare cases.
- Both parties should kiss each other and roll around, making sure that the leaf shaped markings on your bodies touch each other and change color.
- With your legs intertwined, place your palms against your partner's palms, twining your fingers together.
- Count to ten, then press your intertwined hands against your partner's stomach. Let your partner do the same to you.
- You will feel something like electricity running up your arms and legs, and your bodies will glow. This is normal.
- One partner's arms will begin glowing. Do not be alarmed. Continue holding hands.
- The partner with the glowing hands must break free from the other's grip, placing his hands on the other partner's belly.
- Kiss your partner on the mouth. Energy will leave your body, traveling into your partner's body.
- There will be a glowing blast of light.
- Your partner may or may not faint. Do not be alarmed. You didn't kill them, unless you were doing something really, really, really weird.
- Relax and break apart. Continue living normally.
- The next morning, seeds should pop out of your partner's wrists. Some cases have been reported of them being coughed up, or popping out days later, at embarrassing times.
- Cover them with a cloth and they will mysteriously vanish within a half hour or so. In some remote locations, or in unusual circumstances, it may need to be sent by mail or carrier pigeon. The address will be provided by your local Gloomp Union.
- Wait for the seed to be planted and grown at the Duropo.
Contraception
Since it is possible for a child to be produced without completing all of these steps, contraceptive devices have been developed. These normally take the shape of supernaturally enhanced metal wreaths, which an individual wears on their head. While primitive in medieval times, modern devices have a 20-40% success rate.
