Dear Sammy,
I remember the day you were born, I watched the doctors take you out of your mom. You looked so healthy on that day, I thought finally a child without all the doctors visits and hospital stays.
However yours were the worse problems of the three of you. I look back on all the nights in the hospital, all the drives back and forth to Seattle, all the days I spent worrying because I wasn’t there with you. Waking your brother and sister up at 5:30 A.M to get them dressed and take them to formation with me so we could leave to come visit you and your mommy.
I don’t know how you could smile threw everything that happened, I always said you looked like a kind little old man because you never got fat like a normal baby. You were always skinny and wrinkled. You had the most enchanting eyes when I looked into them I could see innocence, trust, purity, joy, sorrow, pain and most of all strength. Yours were the deepest eyes I have ever seen, looking into them seemed like you knew everything, like you already knew the end.
I did like holding your hand while you were in the hospital, but I was afraid to hold you. You were so small and seemed so fragile with all your tubes and wires. I did find the courage to hold you every once in a while during your hospital stay. I am sorry I didn’t hold you more often. I remember the last time I held you, it was the Saturday before you died and we sat in the NICU and watched the Lion King.
Your life seemed so short but you taught me so much. In the hospital after you died you seemed so peaceful, but you were heavy, you had never been heavy to me before, you had always been so light. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life was handing your lifeless body to the nurse that day.
I know you are in a better place where pain can’t touch you and you don’t need wires and tubes and machines to help you live, but I still miss you so much. It still hurts to think about you and sometimes I can not hold back the tears. I love you and will see you again someday in heaven. Until then you always be in my thoughts and prayers.
Love Daddy,
