Dear Beloved Son;
As I lay awake at night, I think back to the day of your birth and to the first time I held you in my arms. The joy I felt that day, the love for one so small and so dependent on me for survival. As I waited for your birth, wondering what you would look like, me or your dad. What color of hair you would have, the color of eyes to the smile on your face.
Samuel you were a precious gift from God, the choosen one. God chose to givith you to me and God chose to takith you from me. I don't know why God took you from me, my precious son, but he had a much better plan for you in heaven than here on earth. I thank you Samuel for teaching me and showing me the light. You taught me to keep going on no matter what is happening, and to keep strieving in the midst of sorrow.
Samuel you were to perfect for this earth, to perfect to suffer the pain anymore. You fought the fight, won the race, you gave those who loved you the strength to go on and finish the race, and fight the fight; so that some day we will see you in heaven. Your strength and endurance lasted for only so long, and I thank you for being as strong as you were for me.
I thank you for staying here with me and your dad, letting us love you and not giving up on us. The joy of the long but short five months will always be with me, the long nights we shared as mother and son will be forever in my heart. You were the most interesting baby, you would have been typing on the computer by a year of age, such a fascination with the internet.
Samuel my lovely son, words cannot express the pain I feel for your loss, the tears come so hard at night, I am torn inside and sometimes feel like I can't go on any longer. I wonder what God's plan is for me, and why he choose to not let you be in that plan.
As I cuddled your lifeless body in the hospital room, Sammy how I wish I could have held you forever and never letting go. You looked so peaceful, almost as if you were alseep. Giving you up to the nurses was a termolal for me, I knew once I handed you over to them, that I would never get to hold you and kiss your sweet little cheeks.
I stand here in the church looking at your sweet angelic face, you look so sweet in your Christining gown, with your little bible in your hand, and the "yellow rose of Sharron" that grandma Cheryl gave you for your journey into heaven.
Heaven's Child
A meeting was held quite far from earth
"It's time again for another birth,"
Said the Angels to the Lord above,
"This special child will need much love.
His progess may seem very slow
Accomplishments may not show
And he'll require extra care
From the folks he meets down there.
He may not run or laugh or play
His thought may seem quite far away
In many ways he won't adapt,
And he'll be known as handicapped.
So let's be careful where he's sent
We want his life to be so content
Please, Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for you.
They may not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.
And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for this gift from heaven
Their precious charge, so meek and mild
Is Heaven's very special child"
Now the chapter in the book must close, my sweet little rose, as we lay you to the earth, ashes to ashes and dust to dust, remember little love, you will always be in my heart and on my mind forever more.
Written to C.R. Samuel Fields on June 12, 1999, from his mommy Connie D. Fields.
