Mood:
blueNow Playing: iTunes Party Mix
The first thing I'd like to do is let everyone know what's been going on at work. Nothing ever came of the sexual harassment claim, so I'm still working at Verizon Wireless. I still see this other person, but we do not talk unless it is deemed necessary. On to today's thoughts...
"There's no one way to dance. And that's kind of my philosophy about everything." Ellen Degeneres
"Most of us don't start out wanting to be different from our families and friends." email I just read from Lynn, I don't know his full name.
I'm feeling very homesick. I've also been very upset for a while. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and my primary care doctor for the possibility that I am bipolar. I've been on Effexor 150, and Susan, my primary care doctor, upped that dose by 50%. I'm also on Abilify, for the bipolar disorder. I haven't spoken to any of my family about this, mostly because I don't want to appear to be weak or stupid. I know that Sterling thinks that depression isn't real, and he is the one that I would like to talk to. Steve thinks I need to grow up, and so I'm waiting until I feel that I am acceptable to him to go back over there.
As far as my family in Missouri is concerned, I miss them terribly. My very good friend Melanie and I were talking the other day about all of this. She told me I am avoiding the whole situation by living in Utah. Me living here is allowing my family not to have to face the reality of my situation. Melanie advised me to move back to Missouri; not to regress and take a step backward, but to take a step forward and force myself and my family to come to terms with each other as we are. I know my family will never accept the fact that I am gay. I also know that I want them to be a part of my life. I know that my Grandma is sick, she is on dialysis every other day. I don't want to be in Utah when she goes. If I move home, I'll have to stay at my parent's house until I find a place of my own. My Momma won't like my mice, hamster, or dogs. I love all animals, and I know she knows that. If I move home, how can I afford it? I'll need more space than I have in my car. Oh, and speaking of cars, my baby Red died! I traded her in for a Honda Accord recently, so I'm now paying a car payment each month, something I haven't ever done before. Anyway, back to the real topic, I'm not sure what I'm going to do after my lease is up in March. I will either move to a different complex here in Salt Lake, or go back to Missouri. I've already started applying for jobs out there...
Charley, my Pomeranian/Dachshund mix has an ulcer on her right eye. I've taken her to the vet twice now. She's turning out to be an expensive dog!!! She has cost me so far 350.00 in vet fees. Plus, she has gingivitis, something that I'll need to take care of when I get my yearly bonus from Verizon Wireless.
I love those two crazy dogs. My mice just had another batch of babies. There were 14 babies born, but one was still born. So, I now have 19 mice. If I move home, I'm only keeping two...well, maybe three. I'll of course still have my hamster and my two dogs.
Despite the differences with my family, I still love them. I still want to see them, if only on a weekly basis on Sunday or something. I might need to change Charley's name as I have a nephew named Charlie, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. (I've already started calling her Chelsie sometimes, and she responds that too...)