Home , and a postage stamp
Today I find myself more internally focused than ever before. It is not more depression, but rather hope seems to smile on me once again. I've noticed that when I work on this online journal, it is usually when I am down, depressed, or otherwise inhibited. But today, I am truly estatic. I am currently listening to a song written by my new friend, Spencer. It's called Home, and it's haunting melody floods me with emotion.

Where is our home, really? At the first, superficial look, I will say it is in Missouri, the house where my family currently resides. But I have to say, that Home is also where love is created, shared, and felt by all. I realize that this new stage in my life is to find it, or create it, that Home for myself. My heart is drawn to Salt Lake City, where I served my mission. Ogden seems to drain me of my reserves. It is not where I belong. I feel lost, misplaced here. The only thing that has helped me through this has been my friendship with Jamie, yet she is leaving Weber State after this semester to pursue other avenues. I believe I am meant to be in Salt Lake. My cousin, Steve, has offered to let me stay at his home until I get on my feet, and I am very tempted to take the offer for a while, but I will not be able to stay there indefinetly.

Many items clatter for my attention at the moment, yet I feel inclined to continue typing until I come to some conclusion. I have yet to do my laundry, I need to clean my room, and homework remains undone. I also feel the need to just go run, although it is raining outside. I could run on the indoor track at the gym, but the visual stimulants are very limited. I love to run where my attention is pulled by nature, which in turn allows my cluttered mind to clear itself. Yet I need to type just a bit longer.

For the moment, my mind remains still, and I have nothing to type. My eyes are drawn to an envelope that brought me a letter from my Grandma. She wrote me every week on both of my missions, and the envelope carried a special signal to the recipient. The stamp comes upside down. For her and me, it says "I love you." I had forgotten about that for a long time, until just now. It's a stamp of a toy tractor, one I've never seen before. I suppose I keep the envelope just for such occasions: to remind myslef that I am loved. I know that sounds a tad bit cheesy, but then again it isn't. Everyone has the need of being loved, and I find my love from a postage stamp.

So, my conclusion for today is, I am loved. It also says that I need to create my own Home where I can feel that love, not just from my Grandmother, but from a companion that can bring me happiness for the rest of our lives.

I'm going to work on my Nauvoo page, and upload a ton of pics. Go check that page out as well. I love you all!