Happy Birthday to Me?
News Update: I stopped keeping track of Danny's death in the news. I was becoming consumed in it, and I was just very bitter and angry. I had to give myself room to breathe, room to accept what has happened. Danny is in a better place, and I pray he can find peace in his death. I know I have taken time to find that peace within myself. In a way, I am jealous of Danny. He no longer has to deal with the petty stresses of this life. Tomorrow is my 25th birthday, and I have no one to celebrate my life with. All the people I love and care about are miles and miles away from me. Kim is in Tennessee (I think...), Ramps is in Arizona, my family is in Missouri and Kansas, Lacie is in Missouri too. Jamie is who knows where (Jamie, call my cell phone! I miss talking to you...). I feel kind of alone. I need to focus on the positives in my life. Who DO I have? I have my roommate, Austyn, I have my cousins, Steve
and Sterling, but I feel very selfish in flat out telling people it's my birthday; I don't know why.

I am very reflective tonight as the last 25 years of my life run through my head. I know where I have been, I know where I want to go; yet I'm not where I want to be now. I want someone here with me, to celebrate these 25 years and the 25+ years to come. I keep on thinking of what my stalker told me. (My stalker is someone I met here in Salt Lake City who knew me from this website and blog...I don't know his name, but cheers!) He told me that someone would come along and love me for me. I hope he's right. All I can do right now is live my life the best I can. I can't actively seek out a relationship; it has to happen on it's own. I need to be the best JakeRob I can be, and develop myself to my fullest potential. That scares me, though; my fullest potential has never been revealed, but I think it's larger than I realize. Why does that scare me?