To those of you who have been following my online journal, I apologize to the three of you. I haven't posted in such a long time, but I have been extremely busy. I have been working at UPS, getting settled into my new apartment, and taking summer classes. One thing in the back of my head is the summer tuition that I can't afford to pay yet. Ah, the life of the struggling writer/actor/student. It's only $300, but that's 300 that I don't make in even a week. I'm looking for other ways to make money, so if anyone has any ideas...I'm open to them.
Even though financial issues are a part of life, I don't allow them to affect me, my mood, or my stress level. A long time ago, my parents were considering getting a divorce, partially because my dad didn't think he could leave work to go on vacation. I'm sure there were many other issues going on that I wasn't aware of, but my 13 or 14 year old mind focused on what the reason was according to Momma. Dad couldn't and wouldn't leave work so she could go and visit her family in Colorado. I decided on that day that money issues would never be a stress that effects my relationships, my moods, or even my stress level.
I just reread that, and it would seem that I prefer my Momma over my Dad, and that isn't the case. It was just in that time of tremendous stress, while my siblings were all sobbing, I just sat there. I was internalizing that my Dad was the enemy and the reason for all the fighting and the stress, when it really takes two to cause that. I'm sure my Momma had some nasty things to say to Dad. I've recently had her say some things to me that I'm sure she doesn't mean. She can be brutal when she wants to. It's the survivor in her; she had to survive an abusive father, a broken home, and so much heartache in her life. I don't blame her for saying such hurtful things at a time when she feels vulnerable. It's her nature to be cruel when the little girl feels attacked.
New topic:
Jamie emailed me finally! She's doing great. She's so funny, she had some awesome stories to tell me. I'm sitting here looking at the Mickey ears she got me at Disneyland or world or wherever she went...I always get those two switched in my head. Anyway, anyway...She's going places as an actress and model, and she doesn't even have an agent yet. I have an agent, and I'm not going anywhere. I haven't even had an audition yet! It's been 8 months! But I digress...what does digress mean? Kim, that's your assignment for the week. Post what digress means in your comments! Also, what is "a turn of phrase"? I mean, come on! How do you turn a phrase? Is your phrase going one way, and you turn it the other way? You can't do that physically, because verbal words aren't physical. Well, I suppose the vibrations are physical. Maybe that's what it means; you turn the vibrations. Okay, I get it. Now, how do you bend a vibration? That gets complicated, but Kim was my science buddy. She'll figure that out. Okay, Kim? Just like you did our science project alone. I STILL feel aweful about that. Oops. It was an amazing project, but it shouldn't have had my name on it. I owe you for that, Kim...and for history class with Mr. Hodge. That's where we first met, remember? That's funny that I remembered that. I met Jamie in jazz dance when I turned the wrong way and ran into her. We just laughed at it, and that was our first clue we'd get along just fine. Boy, get the two of us in a room together, and it's insane. It's kind of like me and Shawn...my ex-girlfriend. Was Shawn ever really my girlfriend? I'm not sure if she and I ever really went out. I mean, sure I met her parents and stayed at her house in Nebraska, but that's one of the only things we did that was relationship-esque. It's like paying for a gold necklace and pendant, but finding out it's just gold-eque, or plated in gold-eque. Or just eek-eque. Anyway, anyway...I was just trying to hard to be something that I'm just not. If I met Shawn now, she and I would become great friends, but that would be the extent of it.
Wow, it's late. (It's 10:30 am...) I have to drive up to Ogden and close my bank account up there, then deposit that into my new account...oh, but you don't want to hear about my errands I have to run. But I do have two new job interviews today! It's into the shower, and off to O-town.