Just an Update...
So, apparently Kim is clutching her hands, ripping out her hair, waiting for me to reveal my big secret/possiblity to all. Well, all I can say right now is I've met someone. I don't want to say too much here, because I don't want to jinx it. Is that weird? I suppose it is...

I just got done working out. I've decided I need to do more of that. I want to get that great body that I had a while ago. I was working at UPS, I was working out everyday, and I was eating correctly. I need to get back into those habits. It all went downhill when I started the show I'm in right now. I started back eating fast food, and work outs became very superficial. I have a bit of what I like to call "fluff."

There's not much more to talk about right now. I'm feeling good about life, and I'm getting ready to move to SLC. I'm moving in with my friend, Austyn. We've been apartment searching, and we'll go again on Monday.

Have a great week...

It's 1:30 in the morning, and I can't sleep
Well, I've been very busy with this website recently. I can't imagine what else I could possibly have to say here, yet I find myself returning to my point of inspiration.

I'm really tired, but my mind is racing with events that have happened in the past day and a half. I've never had anything like this happen, and I like it a lot. I'm not going to spell everything out here; I'm only going to say that right when something was due, it came my way. It's as though things have been preparing me for what is about to happen. What is going to happen, though? I'm not sure. I know what I want to happen. The way things have been going, it's a possibility, but that's all.

For anyone reading this that is confused, I'm sorry I can't spill the beans. Not yet, anyway.

Note to All Readers
This, as a journal, is a map of myself. I take you through my thoughts, my failures, my successes, and my growth. For this reason, I ask all of you to read the journal from the beginning, meaning the entry from Feb 19th. Now, you have a choice. Of course, you can read it as it appears, but you'll be reading backwards. Nothing bad will happen, no viruses will appear on your computer, but I might have to stick the Star Wars Kid on you. You don't know wrath such as the wrath of Ghyslain. If you don't know what I am talking about, check out his story at www.starwarskid.com.

Okay, all kidding aside, I'm trying to figure out how to reverse the order you see the entries. Maybe I'll just leave it like this, I'm not sure.

Oh, also, anyone reading this, feel free to leave me comments. There is a link at the end of every entry you can follow to add your ideas to this blog.

I love you all!

Home , and a postage stamp
Today I find myself more internally focused than ever before. It is not more depression, but rather hope seems to smile on me once again. I've noticed that when I work on this online journal, it is usually when I am down, depressed, or otherwise inhibited. But today, I am truly estatic. I am currently listening to a song written by my new friend, Spencer. It's called Home, and it's haunting melody floods me with emotion.

Where is our home, really? At the first, superficial look, I will say it is in Missouri, the house where my family currently resides. But I have to say, that Home is also where love is created, shared, and felt by all. I realize that this new stage in my life is to find it, or create it, that Home for myself. My heart is drawn to Salt Lake City, where I served my mission. Ogden seems to drain me of my reserves. It is not where I belong. I feel lost, misplaced here. The only thing that has helped me through this has been my friendship with Jamie, yet she is leaving Weber State after this semester to pursue other avenues. I believe I am meant to be in Salt Lake. My cousin, Steve, has offered to let me stay at his home until I get on my feet, and I am very tempted to take the offer for a while, but I will not be able to stay there indefinetly.

Many items clatter for my attention at the moment, yet I feel inclined to continue typing until I come to some conclusion. I have yet to do my laundry, I need to clean my room, and homework remains undone. I also feel the need to just go run, although it is raining outside. I could run on the indoor track at the gym, but the visual stimulants are very limited. I love to run where my attention is pulled by nature, which in turn allows my cluttered mind to clear itself. Yet I need to type just a bit longer.

For the moment, my mind remains still, and I have nothing to type. My eyes are drawn to an envelope that brought me a letter from my Grandma. She wrote me every week on both of my missions, and the envelope carried a special signal to the recipient. The stamp comes upside down. For her and me, it says "I love you." I had forgotten about that for a long time, until just now. It's a stamp of a toy tractor, one I've never seen before. I suppose I keep the envelope just for such occasions: to remind myslef that I am loved. I know that sounds a tad bit cheesy, but then again it isn't. Everyone has the need of being loved, and I find my love from a postage stamp.

So, my conclusion for today is, I am loved. It also says that I need to create my own Home where I can feel that love, not just from my Grandmother, but from a companion that can bring me happiness for the rest of our lives.

I'm going to work on my Nauvoo page, and upload a ton of pics. Go check that page out as well. I love you all!

Comedy with 0% Organization, or Random Ramblings
My performance yesterday went really well. My best friend, Jamie, came to see it, and she loved it. She's awesome. She keeps on telling me that she is going to transfer to some other school, and if she does, I'm going to have to follow her. Or, I'll transfer to SLCC for a while till we come back to Weber State. They offer some of the same classes I need for my musical theatre degree, and I'd really like to get down to Salt Lake. Ogden just isn't the right place for me. My mom says that I do really well in Utah, and I do, but not in Ogden. I'm going to move to Salt Lake as soon as I can, and I'm going to SLCC for a semester or two. Then, I'll get back up here to Ogden to finish and graduate.

The biggest problem is getting my mother to agree. Isn't that sad? My life is my life, I'll be 25 this year. I want to move to SLC, but if I tell that to my mother, she automatically gets a bit testy and tries to tell me what to do. I end up sighing and telling her of course she is right, and I need to stay to finish my degree. But it just makes so much more sense to go down there and take the courses I need to take. I'm going to move at the end of this semester, and I'm going to take classes at the community college. I know I have enough credits to graduate, but none of them are in the same area. Grrr...

I have a cold. My performance yesterday really showed that off, with my lower and gravelly voice. Is gravelly a word, and if so, did I misspell it? I'm sure Kim will let me know, lol... Wow, is it weird that I miss her? She's in Kentucky I think, and I just got a comment from her on here. I was really lucky to have a friend like her in high school, someone who cares about you no matter what happens or how stupid you are. She's awesome.

This entry really has no rhyme or reason, I'm just rambling. I guess my life has no organization. I realized last night at 11:30 that I hadn't finished (or even started) my online class. I rushed through the tests, getting 70% on both, and I only finished one of the three assignments. Oops. I suppose I should start this weeks assignments and get 100% on everything. Wow, who knew that stress management would cause me such stress?

Right now, my tv is on Comedy Central, like usual. I only change it for SNL every Saturday. I'll watch DVD's of Family Guy or South Park. I also watch French and Saunders DVD's. If you don't know what that is, they are a comedy duo from England. You can order their DVD's from Amazon.com. They are HILARIOUS!! Comedy is one of my coping mechanisms. I suppose that's a good thing. I'm going to write a book someday, hopefully I'll start it soon. It's going to be ramblings like this, only with a focus. I hope to touch people's lives through comedy and laughter, and to inspire people to better themselves. That's a sort of vague description, but it works for me. It won't be a self-help book, because I don't hold a PhD in anything. I only hope someone will read it and love it and publish it. My friend Kim and I used to write books together, she was so much better than I was in High School. I hope she gets published someday, too...

Hey, sorry this entry is so random, but hey, that's who I am. I'll get more on here as time goes by. I hope that people who read this really feel me, and can relate to what I have to say.

LOL, MadTV is on right now, it's their 5 Year Celebration. I love that show. Someday, I'll be on MadTV or SNL. I love both of them. I just want to be the guest star on SNL I suppose. That's the low end of my dream. The high end, I'm a regular on one of those shows. Hey, maybe I'll get my own show! Maybe.

I love you all!

Jake

Beginnings
This is the beginning of my 2004 Journal. I updated it to a blog, because it's easier to navigate. Plus, if you want to add anything to my journal, feel free! It's easy, it's free, I love Angelfire!
Okay, I know it's the middle of February, and that means a lot of time has passed since I posted anything to this online journal. I've been extremely busy with school and the show I am in. I'm only taking 13 credit hours, but it seems like it's a ton more. I'm still considering transfering to another school, but I don't know where I would go. The U of U doesn't have musical theatre, but if they did, I would go there. I only have a few semesters left though, and that's one thing that has kept me here. The show I'm in is at Hale Center Theatre in the Salt Lake Valley. I love performing there. The stage is a technical wonder. I won't go into that here, just know that it's amazing. You have to see it to really understand it's wonder.
I'm taking a few classes that I really enjoy. The first class I'm loving is History and Literature of Musical Theatre. I found that I really love to research different time periods. I'm in charge of researching American Politics through the various decades of the 21st Century. I started off looking at the main political events, but I've found web sites and books that cover overall feelings and emotions of the people who lived through these times. It's the actual living through events that makes history, not the passing of events.
Another class that has helped me has been Stress Management. I am realizing through this class that I am creating my own stress, and I just need to let go of that "drama" and live my life. I've learned a lot of relaxation techniques that are blessing my life, and I'm really glad I decided to take this class.
I've discovered a few new things about me in the past few weeks as well. I am more a grown-up than ever before. I'm more intellectual. I still enjoy goofing off, but not as often. Things that used to be important to me are no longer as stressed as they once were. I'm ready for the next phase in my life. I'm not sure what that phase will be, but I am hoping it includes a few certain things. For instance, I want a place of my own. I'm tired of living in the dorms. I want a dog. I want a love in my life. I've always wanted that, but it seems to be more important now. I was walking through Wal-Mart the other day, grocery shopping. I felt so lonely right then; I felt completely alone. Being so far away from my immediate family has taken it's toll on me. However, I can't go back to Missouri permamently. My life is here in Utah now. To go back to Missouri would seem a step backwards to me. I am not done with this particular topic, but to continue would only seem neurotic.
On a much happier note, my sister is getting married! She is marrying Nathan Bogart on March 12th, 2004. Yes, she is my younger sister, but no, I don't feel a tinge of jealousy. She found herself long before I did, and that is what has helped her find someone. I'm glad for her.

I hope this blog will become a favorite place for me to post my thoughts and my emotions. I hope you find comfort here, or at least a cheap laugh or two. I know I will.