C. K. Ruelas

August 2002 October 2002
January 2003
February 2003 March 2003
April 2003
May 2003 June 2003 July 2003
August 2003 September 2003
November 2003 Februrary 2004 Janurary 2004
March 2004 July 2004


My Story


Hello, my name is Carlos Kito Ruelas, and this is part of my story in 1000 words or less. LOL. My first name and last come from my Father. I get Kito from my father's uncle. Except my father didn't spell very well. It should be spelled, Q-u-i-t-o. Which is short for Enriquito, which in turn is short for Enrique. I was born in Fresno, California on May 25th, 1973 at 12:07 p.m. My mother, Yolanda, missed her lunch. I am her second son, and only son from her second ...uuumm what's the term, serious relationship. My mom married her college boyfriend at age 20, then had my older brother Ismael at age 21. My mom's efforts to save her marriage were to no avail. Her first husband was a womanizer and an abuser. She sat waiting many nights waiting for her first love to return home. When he finally came back he showed up with a new girlfriend who had a bun in the oven.

Well my mother was thrown into a cold world with one child and had to go on welfare. So then my dad came along and swept my mom off her feet. After a year of dating they decided to move in together. My mom tells me she clearly remembers the night that the moon told her she was pregnant. She was drinking a beer after she and my father had a huge fight and she sat and stared at the moon. My father was a drug user, pot smoker, paint sniffer, a heavy drinker, and he liked to ride Harleys. Go figure, my mom went for a bad boy. My Mother had seriously thought of having an abortion. My Grandma Isabel and Aunt Alice talked her out of it. My mother knew she didn't want another son from a man that was not good to her. But our religion is against abortion, so that saved me. She had me when she was 25. Five days before her 26th birthday. Well there she was with a failed marriage in her back pocket. A failed relationship that produced her second son. She was 26 with 2 sons on welfare.

I vividly remember the day she brought home the man that would stay in her life. My mom's best friend introduced him to me as "My New Father." I was 3, and I said to her, "That is not my father, I don't have a father!" Leodegario Gurrusquieta was his name. Leo is what we call him. He took on the responsibility of a grown man. He was 19, my mom was 29. He lied to my mom about his age. He said he was 24. His mother hated my mom, which in turn made him want my mother more. When my mother found out how old he was, she dumped him. But he did what he would to keep her. So many times he cried, begged and pleaded for my mother's love. So she stayed with him. He was an alcoholic and a major gambler. My mom didn't want anything to do with him after a year of being with him. Then she got the news that her I.U.D. had failed. (She should've sued) So there she was again, pregnant by a loser. But something inside Leo snapped into shape when he knew he was going to be a father. He got a good paying job and settled down somewhat. My mom swore to herself that she would stay with her third child's father. My little brother was born when I was 5 years old and my older brother was 10. I remember trick or treating that year without my mom. And that's how her three son's were created. And 22 years later. Leo and my mom are still together and married. I bet you thought this story was about me. LOL.

Well that was just my intro. I come from a somewhat loving and dysfunctional family. I was physicaly abused by mom and step-dad. My mom believed in ruling by the hand. She didn't want any of her boys coming out like thier fathers. Well my mom fully repents for her abuse. She has asked for forgiveness many times. But she knows she can still kick my ass. LOL. If there was any doubt in my mind that she loved me, it dissapeared when I came out to her. But we'll get to that later.

Like I said earlier, we were a poor family. Making it from check to check. We never celebrated birthdays. We had to work in the fields to earn money to get our school clothes. My older brother and Leo were one team and my mother and I, were another team. I worked in the grapes every summer before school, since 2nd grade. Except for my Senior year. I started school on time that year. I became a paperboy in my freshman year on December 15th, 1989. I did it for four years without a day off. I graduated from High school in June of 1992. I started community college that same year. And still was the neighborhood paperboy for most of Calwa. LOL. On October 8th, 1992, I got hired at Toys R' Us. My schooling suffered. I would work from the time I got out of class til midnight. I had not time to study. So when I was asked to be put on permanant staff, I turned it down because my grades had suffered greatly. I focused hard on shool the following semester. And it paid off. I got a 3.0 average that semester. Then on October 5th, 1993, I got hired at Subway. And it worked out fine with my classes. On Janurary 1st, 1994, I quit the paper route. School and work were going great. All the way up until I decided to steal my mom's car to go to a gay bar. On Martin Luther King's Day of 1995, I stole her car and went to the Gay Dance club called the "Express". I could not take these feelings of wanting to be with men. I wanted to see if I was gay or not. I came home crying and told my mom where I had gone. She was in total denial. She said she was gonna have my uncle give me a good talking too. I told her I wasn't gay. I just wanted to check it out. So she backed off.

On May 12th, 1995, I moved out of my mother's home. She disowned me for abandoning my family. My brothers hated me for leaving. I knew I had to go find myself. I had worked my way up to Assistant Manager with Subway and I could afford to live on my own. My mother says that was her worse Mother's Day. I moved in with a gay couple (Didn't know this at the time) and their two female roommates. Talk about Real World. I was scared out of my wits when I found out the two guys were gay and and having sex together. My mom finally called me when my cousin Estella came to visit me and told her that I looked like I was dying. I stood in that home for a whole month.

I met my Best friend Manuel Hernandez, in the weirdest of ways. Through a guy who left his number on the bathroom wall. I called this guy and told him I was not gay, but curious. He was not interest and gave me Manuel's number. We hit it off good. We talked for 3 hours the first time I called. He asked me to be his third roommate. It sounded perfect because it was real close to my Subway and I could start saving money for a car. I started losing hours at work due to the fact I was starting to go out and party more. I became known as "The Macarena Man" by Suzie,the owner of "El Sombrero", where my soon to be friend, Maria deejayed. Before the summer was over, "The" and "Man" were dropped from "The Macarena Man, and I Became known as "Macarena". People thought I was a drag queen because I loved to dance. I didn't even care if I was the only one dancing, I'd put on my own show. LOL. I lived with Manuel and Tomas(Riviera) for all that summer. I couldn't afford to go back to school. So I quit. Well to make matters worse. We lost our Condo and I had to move back with my mom that September. I came out to her before I moved back in. She was not surprised at all. She accepted it or should I say, acted like she did. She would sing to me "My Baby's got a Secret", from Madonna's Song, "Secret". Jeeze, I knew my mom had a funny bone. LOL

I got demoted from assistant manager in October of 95'. My brothers hated the fact that I was living at home again. Like I enjoyed losing my freedom. So I moved in with Maria in November 1995. To pay for rent, she let me deejay for her. I worked every weekend with her for 3 months. Well I tried to lose that Macarena image by making my Deejay name as "D.J. CK Phun". C.K. for my first and middle intials, and Phun from CK1, Which was all the craze. Instead of spelling Fun with a "F", I used "Ph" to make it different. I got that idear from "Price Phister: The Phunny Phaucet with the Phunny Name". Well, Macarena stuck. People that knew me through friends didn't even know my name was Carlos.

In February of 96', I moved in with Manuel and his roommate Tony. All was looking good for me. Then the worse thing happend in April 1996. I lost my job on an accuisiation that I was giving away free food. They didn't fire me, they just suspended me permantly. I was never told I was fired. Maybe they put me back on the schedule now. LOL. My mom told me about taking a C.N.A. class that lasted only six weeks. I had no choice and no income. Tony was real cool about waiting for me to start work again. Two weeks before I was gonna start work, Tony kicked me out because I didn't give him the money I got for working with this old lady. Hello!? Mother's day was coming and My mom and mine Birthday's. So then I moved in with Tomas(Riviera). He worked out a deal with the owner of the house he lived at. Thomas had owed me $300.00 dollars and that's how he paid me back. So then on June 3rd 1996, I graduated out of C.N.A. class. I started working the next day. I met a guy named Angel. Craziest Mother Fucker I've ever known. We were hanging out alot. Manuel and I hung out during the days I was off and Angel and I hung out every night after I got off from work. I lived with Thomas and his roommates until August. I couldn't take it no more. I asked Manuel if he and I could go rent an apartment together. He was all for it. And then he backed out at the last minute. He said "I can't live with you yet. You are not financially stable to take on an apartment." I was crushed. I swore off all things Gay. Friends, Clubs and Rainbows. I ran home to my mom again. I wanted to hide. Life was too hectic living with Tomas the drag queen, Jason the Perv and John the S&M Daddy. I could not take it anymore.

During my hiatus from the gay world, I lived with my mom. Angel hunted me down and we started hanging out agiain in September. I asked Angel if we could get an apartment together and he was excited to do it. Manuel also found me. I told him about Angel and I moving in together. Manuel was very leery about Angel and suggested that I not move in with him. In retrospect, I'm sure glad I listened. Or am I? In October 1996, Manuel and I got an apartment together. This was going to be so cool. Living with my best Friend. I lost contact with Angel after I moved in with Manuel. Last I heard he was in jail.

On moving day, I got paid which had a letter attatched saying my checks were being garnished. Tony had sued me for rent owed for 3 months. I didn't make the hearing and automatically lost. So that made moving in with Manuel a little difficult, financially. So I worked extra shifts and my days off.

During the 6 months Manuel and I lived together, we slowly drifted apart due to our age difference. Our friendship had diminished. Manuel was hanging out with guys more his age. I was hanging out with friends my own age. I felt like I was replaced by Candelario. Candelario was a guy I met through a dating line. Candelario befriended Manuel way back when Manuel and I lived with Tony. Manuel and Candelario started to do almost everything together. I felt I was a nobody in my own home. In April of 1997, I decided I needed to live on my own. I guess jealousy had something to do with it. Leaving Manuel was the hardest thing I had to do. It was like I was abandoning him. On May 1, 1997, I moved into my first apartment. This was my next step in personal growth. Independence. Well my independence lasted only a few weeks. Because that's when I met Jimmie.

It was finally my time to shine. Life was good. In July of 1997, Jimmie lost his job at "Fresno Surgery Center". It was my fault. I kept him out late and didn't show up for work on time. My bad! I worked very hard to keep us afloat. Jimmie was the perfect househusband. Jimmie wanted to get back to work. No one would hire him in Fresno. So he asked if I wanted to move to Long Beach. At first I didn't want to. Then I felt responsible for him losing his job. So I agreed to move. I quit my job at Hy-Lond and we moved to Long Beach in August of 1997. I stayed there 2 days and moved back home alone. I felt that Jimmie belonged there. I didn't. His friends weren't especially nice to me. I was treated like the "Flavor Of The Week". I got my job back at Hy-Lond. Jimmie followed him back home a week later. In November of 1997, Jimmie got hired at "St. Agnes" hospital in Fresno. Life seemed great. I had no idea Jimmie hated living in Fresno with a passion. So he hinted at wanting to move away. In June 1998, Jimmie got offered a travelling assignment as a travelling O.R. Tech in San Diego. I was excited about moving to S.D. Little did I know that doing so paved the way to where I would end up with the ability to write this.

I hated not having my family around. I was 6 hours away from them. It bothered me so much it made me angry with Jimmie for me loving him so much, I'd move away with him. Well that started many arguments between us. So we moved back to Fresno at the end of July 1997. In August of 98', Jimmie needed a change of pace. He wanted to try and find work, somewhere other than Fresno. So we broke up. I needed a change also. So I quit at Hy-Lond (3rd time} and went to go work at "Orchard Park" on the Nigh Shift. I let Edward {a friend from work} move in to help pay the rent. He is the one who introduced me to WebTV. I logged on as CKPhun. Cyberlife Here I Was! Two weeks after Jimmie left, we got back together. He came home to me. He was working in Bakersfield. One month later I quit my job to go live with Jimmie in Bakersfield. In October 1998 I got hired at Orchard Park's sister home, "Laurel Springs". In December of 98', I resurfaced to the cyber world as CK-Phun and here I am. Writing this now. a little over a year later. {12-01-98} Living with the man I love in Bakersfield, California.

I had no intention on writing a novel. I know there is alot of things people don't know about what makes me tick. Well here is just part of what has made me who I am. I am proud of my roots. I admire my mom's strength. I was and always will be a ghetto boy. Now I'm proud to say that I have pulled myself out of that circle. If there are any specific things you'd like to ask, please feel free to do so. Well that's all for now. Talk to ya soon. Bye. Thanks for Reading.

UPDATES November 17, 2001
Since last I wrote, so many things have happend. Last I reported that Jimmie and I were living in Bakersfield. Here's how we ended up back in Fresno. Jimmie was stabbed in the hand by a doctor with a needle while doing an open heart surgery at San Joaquin Community Hospital in Bakersfield. Jimmie was so angry that he wanted to quit and move away from Bakersfield. So he took an assignment in Larkspur, CA. That's somewhere in the North Bay of San Francisco. We lived there for 3 months from mid February 1999 to Mid May 1999. I worked part time for "Togo's Eatery". Then we moved to Fresno for 2 weeks. So that we could be around Friends and Family for my 26th Birthday. In June of 1999, Jimmie took an assignment in Campbell, CA. Near San Jose. Jimmie hated working at the hospital there. The pay sucked and I wasn't working. So we left after 2 months and went back to Fresno til Jimmie could get hired with another traveling nurse company. In August of 1999 we moved to Santa Barbara. Well, at first we moved to Carpenteria. It's a little more south of S.B. We stayed in a little room with a great view of the Pacific. After 2 weeks there, we moved into a cabin/house in S.B. I hated living there. And most of my cyber friends knew I hated living there. I wasn't working and I was bored out of my mind. So I started writing my cyber comic book. We had planned on living in Santa Barbara for the rest of our lives. Then it happend again. Jimmie was promised a great salary and then to find out the hospital couldn't pay him what they promised. So, Jimmie took the next assignment. Laguna Niguel was our next destination. November 1999 is when we arrived there. It was close to Laguna Beach. Jimmie hated working there as well. So there I was. Getting fatter from not working. Hating to have to miss my family. And living with a man who hated his job. So I chose to move back to Fresno. With or without Jimmie. I got tired of moving around. I chose to get my life back together. Lose this tremendous amount of weight I had gained the last 2 years. Needless to say I'm still trying to lose it now. So on December 24th, 1999 we moved to Fresno. I moved in with my mom and Jimmie moved in with his parents in Tulare.

On December 29th, 1999, the inevitible happened. My Grandmother, Isabel Valdivieso Hernandez, died that morning. I will never forget the shriek my mother let out that morning when she answered the phone and my cousin told my mom the sad news. I still have the scar on my foot from where I jumped out of bed and cut myself in the bedframe. My family got together for Y2K. But, we didn't party like it was 1999.

I had got in contact with Dawn after the Funeral. Dawn had told me that they were hiring at her job. Jimmie and I both got jobs there. Just so we could make some quick money and get an apartment. On January 6, 2000, I started working back at "Orchard Park". Jimmie started there 4 days after me.

Well, Jimmie couldn't live with me at my mom's, so he moved in with Manuel, Javier {Manuel's B/F} and their 2 other roommates. Tomas (Riviera) and Candelario {he moved in with Manuel when I moved out in May 1997}. These four guys all lived in a big 3 bedroom house. It had 2 living rooms. So they rented Jimmie one of the living rooms. Jimmie hated having to live like this but it was just a small step into our future. So after 1 month of hell at my mom's house and Jimmie living in his hell at Manuel's, I asked Maria if we could move in with her. So we did. We all got along great. In June 2000, we got our 1 bedroom apartment. And Jimmie quit where we were working at, and got hired at Valley Children's Hospital. I kind of pushed him into getting back into what he was born to do. Jimmie was getting too comfortable doing what I do. Jimmie stayed working with VCH til January 2001. He got hired at Vision Care Center. He's there now making $20/hr. One other thing happend in January 2001. Our lives were forever changed. Meaning everyone I know. Family and Friends. On December 31, 2000, my older brother, Ismael, met the woman who would alter all our lives forever. Believe me, I don't like thinking about her, let alone writing about her.

Rose Marie. The bitch of bitches. She changed my brother into something he never was. She would let him move in one day and kick him out the next. And I mean move in. Clothes, furniture, stereo, VCR, and T.V. He did this for 5 months. Back and forth. Moving in and out of her apartment and my mom's home. In May 2001, my mom was through with him. So she asked Jimmie and me to let Ismael move in with us. Without haste, we agreed to let him stay with the condition that he was to never see Rose Marie again. He agreed. Three days after he moved in, I got a call from Rose Marie at 2:00 a.m. I politely asked her to not call at such late hours. Due to the fact that I start work at 6:00 a.m. She called me every gay put down in the book. Such a mature woman for 45 years old. She sounded like a 10 year old ranting. So after a few hangups and cuss fests with me, I told Jimmie to give my brother the phone. He comes back and tells me he's gone. So when Rose Marie called back I told her he was gone. Once again the ranting went on. As I listened Jimmie came back to the room and told me our car was gone. My brother had stolen our car. Do you know what that feels like? So we came to the conclusion that he didn't keep his end of the bargain. A man of 32 not keeping his word. For shame. That was just the begining of the stealing he did from us. When he came home, I ripped him a new asshole. I could have killed him. He told us that he would be leaving in three days. He was moving back in with Rose Marie. So he did. And she did it again. She kicked him out 2 days after he moved in. My mom calls me and asks me to ask my cousin, Estella, to let him stay with her for the night. Well, my cousin said "Hell No!". But, before we knew it, he showed up at her front door. Rose Marie's car was filled with his belongings and he had nowhere to go. My cousin told him to "Get that bitch away from my house". So he did. And My mom called and begged once again. So Jimmie and I being the idiots with big hearts that we are, agreed to let him move back in with the condition that he is to never see Rose Marie again. He fooled us good.
On June 1, 2001 the 3 of us moved into a 3 Bedroom apartment. He had us fooled. Jimmie and I thought he was really through with her. We got him his own room. His own phone. His own towels and all things he needed to be independent. Well, two days after we move in, his phone rings and I answer it. It was Rose Marie. My face turned red and I hung up on her. I was hell bent on killing my brother and her. Ismael tried to act like he knew nothing. I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. Well, I was through with trying to keep those 2 idiots apart. They were meant for each other. Him for being a stupid horndog and her for being a whore. So Jimmie and I told him to go ahead and keep seeing her. Just don't bring her to our home. He was okay with that.

During our first week in our new apartment, Jimmie and I started noticing things missing. I find out why. Rose Marie's birthday is in the same month as mine. My May birhday bear. Missing! My "Cherished Teddies" bear, "May". Gone! Jimmie's "Beanie Buddies" dog, "Fetch". Vanished! Jimmie's Panda Bear Snowglobe. Poof! Jimmie's Relaxation Fountain. No More! Jimmie's alarm clock. Who Knows!? All these things and more, never to be seen by us again. Not to mention several music CDs. Food, sodas, and so many other things. Even a mirror that was hanging in the Kitchen! So in August 2001, Jimmie and I kicked him out. Jimmie and Ismael were almost in a fist fight. I was at my wits end. Reason being, I didn't know who I would defend. So Ismael is living with my mom again. Of course, he stole from her too. And is always stealing my step-dad's car to go see crusty Rose Marie. LMAO She swore she was going to marry my brother and give him a baby. I told her, I'd make money off that by telling "The National Enquirer". As far as I know, he is still screwing her and she's still screwing other guys at the same time.

So Jimmie and I were living in a three bedroom apartment and enjoying it. Manuel and Javier were the only other gay couple we knew and did things with. Movies, shopping, out of town stuff, and just hanging out. Manuel and Javier moved in towards the end of August 2001. They were no longer able to pay for a big house. Candelario had moved out with his boyfriend, Jesse. Tomas was not working. Javier was working very little. So they asked if they could stay with us til they could afford a place of their own. We agreed. Dealing with my brother and Rose Marie, I ended up quiting my job as a direct result of him ruining my sleep pattern. I was without a job for about a month. I got hired at "Somerford Place" in September 2001.

I want to talk a little about what happend on September 11, 2001. Manuel was at work. Javier out of town with his sister. I was playing "Roller Coaster Tycoon" on Manuel's computer.. Jimmie was getting ready for work. Jimmie watches and listens to the news every morning. The morning of September 11, 2001 was no different. He yelled for me to come into the living room to see the "World Trade Center" on fire. I ran into the living room. Turns out that a plane had crashed into on of the twin towers. Being my cynical self I said, "Well the media will have something else to talk about besides Gary Condit". I went back to the computer room and Jimmie yells, "The other Tower is on Fire now!" I ran back into the room as CNN played back the video that showed a second plane crashing into the other Tower. I looked over at Jimmie and said, "That was no accident. That was a terrorist attack!" Jimmie and I just stared in awe. Then the news of the Pentagon being attacked and the crash in Pennsylvania came in slowly. After awhile they confirmed it was a terrorist attack. Our world was forever changed on that day. Many lives were lost. Many dreams destroyed in one day. My thoughts and prayers go out to those who were directly effected by the events of 9-11-01. God Bless us all. Give us the strength to carry on.

Well in October 2001, we ditched the WebTV and bought my mom's computer. We are hooked up to the internet via MediaOne Cable & AT&T Broadband. Manuel and Javier moved out on November 1, 2001. So here we are. Jimmie and I celebrated 4 & 1/2 years together on November 15, 2001. I'll try not to wait so long to update this page. As I'm always updating my life in one way or another. Til next time. Thanks for reading.

1/20/03
Well it's 2003 and I need to sum up 2002 for you all. I quit "Somerford Place" on May 25th, 2002. I had enough of the games Dawn and Sharol were playing. I had put my 2 week notice in and a day later I try to withdraw it and Felicia (supervisor, supposed 2nd mother of mine) had told me that I'd already be replaced. Fine. I was a little lost at first. With my brother gone and roommates nowhere to be found. Jimmie and I decided to move to a smaller apartment. We did so that very same weekend I quit. We'd planned it a month earlier. Well on June 8th Jimmie and I had gone to go see "The Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood". We enjoyed it. We came home to relax. It was a nice summer afternoon and then it happend. Jimmie said his chest was hurting. He said he wanted to go to the hospital. I just thought he was over acting his pain. Jimmie went to our bedroom and clinched his chest and told me to call 9-1-1. I freaked. He was having a heart attack. Slow but that's what it was. The paramedics came and took him. I was so scared that I drove as fast as I could to the hospital. I beat the ambulance there. I took a sigh of relief thinking it was just heartburn. I waited for what seemed like an eternity in the ER waiting room. I called everyone I knew. And Dawn Rackley(Jimmie calls her Rackley so that is how I'll refer to her) came to be with me. Rackley is the executive chef at "Orchard Park". Rackley had been coming over every Sunday for like the past year or so. She's a dear friend.

Two days later Javier calls me and tells me he needs to talk to me. I invited him up so we could talk. I already knew what he was going to ask. So I was going to stick with my story of a dance got a little too intense while Manuel was drunk. Boy was I wrong. Javier asked me my version of what happend. So then he proceeds to tell me that I am a whore for taking his precious Manuel to parties where things like sex happen. That I was to blame for what happened. That I should've brought Manuel home instead of dragging him with me to watch me be a slut. That I always went out tramping everytime Jimmie went out of town. Javier instructed me to never call their house, his or Manuel's cell phones. Never to hang out with Manuel again. To not even look at them again or ELSE! I told him to remember how he met Manuel. I warned him that if he thought that my being out of Manuel's life would make their home life better, that he was sadly mistaken. As I said this, I picked up the phone and called Manuel and told him what his little man just told me. And we didn't talk after that for like a week. When we did, Manuel apologized and said that things wouldn't change between us. I believed that for like a minute. Reality likes to slap people in the face. The only way Manuel can hang out with me is if he has a decoy to get him out of the house. Well, needless to say, we went several times that way. On the day I graduated from CNA class, Manuel and I went out and got really drunk and we crashed at my place. Manuel was so drunk he thought I was in their apartment. Well, I got a call two days later from Javier and he asks me why did I let Manuel stay at my place. I laughed and hung up on him. Javier called back and left a message saying that I was a son of a bitch. That my whole family were sons of bitches. And that he was going to kick my ass. I was so happy he did me that favor. I called Manuel right away and let him listen to it. That was round 2. Round 3 got intersting. Once again the tramps went out tramping. Had a great time. Manuel was instructed to call his little man and tell him where he was going. Well Manuel ignored the instructions and went out anyways with me, the whore, tramp, slut. Jimmie was at home that night and he sent us off with his blessings of a safe return home. Meanwhile, Javier is at home doing who knows what. Well we got home around 2:00 a.m. to find what? Javier waiting for us at the gate. Talk about drama! He started cussing at me and I advised Manuel to keep him away from me. Apparently Javier needed to prove to Manuel that he wasn't affraid of telling me off in front of him. I didn't care I was feeling too good. Then Javier says the worst thing any mexican can say to another... "Chinga Tu Madre". That sent me into a rage. But, I didn't go after him. I just called him a stupid wetback and dared him to come upstairs and tell that to me to my face. The yelling woke Jimmie up. I guess things had changed between Manuel and I. It finally dawned on me when I had gone out to meet Manuel and Greg at one of the bars. They never showed up. Manuel didn't call me to tell me plans had changed. I got so drunk on that Thursday night. I had a good time. But I was saddend by the fact that I sat once again in the drive thru at "Jack In The Box" without my dynamic partner by my side. So I called him and left a message saying that is was "Okay" I understood and that I was not mad at him. Manuel had become my nighttime friend. I no longer had any daytime friends. Manuel was the last one. I told Manuel about my revelation. He took it well. So he's tried to spend more time with me during the day. It's truly a sad day when you come to realize that we as individuals are truly alone. I'm just left to ask. Is this friendship worth saving? And I say this because I've spent too much energy on something that is out of my control. I know I'm not perfect. Life isn't perfect. Gay by chance, Friends by choice. I am left to wonder if that still means something. Until next time kids. Take Care!

Fast Forward A Few Months.... And Now Introducing...

Here we are approaching my 30th birthday. I can't wait. I just want to get it over with. I feel that it's time to let you in on who's new to my world. First off is Israel. My adopted gay son. Gay as they come. Fun as they come. He's 8 years younger than me. My Mija, Candice. Sweet and quiet mixed with a little mystery. She's 9 years younger than I. Beau, the cutie pie from Porterville. He's 9 years younger than me as well. Erma, my fellow C.N.A. who can drink me under the table. She's so much fun. She drives a convertable. Nice. Jim, my gym partner. He's a pretty cool guy. Seems to have a hidden agenda. We'll see how that plays out. He's 3 years older than I. J.J. is 4 years young than me. We share the same birthday along with some other things. Pretty cool I think. He's a C.N.A., he's the middle child, his father's name is Carlos.

Israel and I do alot together. Ever since I lost my car in an accident. My Lola was taken from me by some idiot not paying attention. He rammed right into my front right side. Totalling the engine. May Lola rest in peace. I loved her. I miss her. I quit Hy-Lond after only 3 months. I went to work for "Oakdale Heights" as I call it, Oakdale Frights! I worked there 8 days. That's all I could take. I even quit college to work there. Just to find it to be the most unorganized place I've ever worked at. I got interviewed at St. Agnes on May 9th, 2003.

November 2003

I'm single. Been since June. Six years is a long time. Jimmie has moved out of town. I don't keep in touch with him. St. Agnes is a great place to work. I'm not upset with the changes I've made. Beau don't talk to me no more. Israel and Candice are my buddies. New faces are Roger from work and Shane from gay.com. He's a cool guy. Jim had the hots for me. UGH! I knew it! J.J. and I talk to him off and on. He's not single so it's hard. Manuel is a manager at Denny's. He's very hard to get a hold of. We do our best to hang out. We kick it every now and then. Javier got over his anger. Erma is no longer part of my life.

UPDATES June 2006

Well, so many things have gone on. Manuel is and always will be my closest friend. Even though Javier don't like it. I met Mark in the Fall of 2004. I'm happy. I'm now on S.S.I. All my real friends know why. I don't work anymore. Today is 06-06-06 creepy for all you Omen fans. I still talk to Dawn R. (Rackley)Candice, Israel, Roger and Shane. Jim and J.J. are no longer part of my life. New faces are Elena, Martin, and David.

My brother is still with crusty Rose Marie. UGH! Even though she got my brother to steal for her. He got caught. He got sentaced for 2 years at a group home. He has to work with very little pay. He asked for it. Thaz all Folks!