Comes the Dawn
by Lisa R.

Chapter One

The early evening sky was a whirlwind of colors. Reds, pinks and oranges flowed around and through each other to create a spectacular Nebraska sunset. Lou McCloud sat on the top rail of the corral mesmerized by the natural kaleidoscope, yet also oblivious to the beauty before her. Deep in thought she sat, as she had for the past several hours, contemplating.

Lou knew she should be happy, actually deliriously happy, and she was. Her wedding was only weeks away, but while she looked forward to the upcoming event, memories of a different time, a different life, kept creeping into her thoughts. She knew she had to tell the Kid. It wasn’t fair to go into their new marriage with secrets, but she just didn’t know how to tell him. Over the past year and a half that they had known and loved each other they had shared everything. They were of one mind, body and soul. Or at least Kid thought he knew everything.

Lou was embarrassed that she had let the charade go on so long. Kid had a right to know everything about her, she was going to be his wife, but every time she dared to entertain the idea of telling him, she lost her nerve. She almost told him three days before, when she returned from Seneca with her wedding dress, but her return brought an increased sense of excitement for the big day from her entire Express family and she couldn’t upset them as well. She truly believed what she had to tell Kid would upset him, hurt him even, but she also believed he would take it in, in his calm, solid, level-headed manner and they would move past it. Yet, the actual idea of doing the telling was still causing her trouble.

“Louise!”

Deep in thought, Lou didn’t hear Rachel calling her to supper. It took three tries, and a walk to the corral, before the station mistress was able to rouse her from her own thoughts.

“Sorry, Rachel. I just lost track of time. I’ll go wash up.” Lou scrambled down and started to head for the wash basin by the bunkhouse.

Rachel couldn’t stand to see the young woman in so much pain. They had grown so close during her time with the Express that Rachel thought of Lou as more than a friend. She was more like a daughter and the thought of this child - her child, suffering, was more than she could bear. “Louise, wait.” She watched Lou slow her pace and turn back to face her. “Are you OK? You were out here all day and hardly moved an inch. At one point, the boys and I thought you’d fallen asleep.”

Lou didn’t know how to explain the weight of her burden to Rachel. It had been a part of her for so many years that just speaking about it would give it life. Although she had kept it from Kid for so long, she knew it wouldn’t help matters by telling Rachel before him. No matter how much she wanted her womanly advice. She put on her best false smile and looked right at her friend. “I’m fine Rachel, really. I’ve just been thinking, making plans in my head.”

“Well, you know that you can always come to me if you want to talk. Anytime.”

The guilt started to wrap around Lou’s heart. She felt terrible about lying to Rachel and making her worry, but this was too personal, too much a part of her to share right now. Walking back to Rachel’s side and taking her hand and squeezing hard, she tried to assuage her concern. “I know that Rachel. You’ve always been there for me, just like you’re here now, but it’s nothing. Honestly, don’t fret.”

Rachel wasn’t fully convinced that Lou was telling the truth and felt that it was probably the same nerves that jittered before her own wedding that were bothering Lou now. “If you’re nervous about the wedding, it’s only normal. It’s a lot to plan for most people, but in your situation it’s doubly hard. It’s OK to be nervous.”

Lou knew it wasn’t the same kind of nerves that Rachel was talking about that made her stomach clench and the overwhelming desire to throw up steal through her body. Recent talks with Teaspoon and Jimmy and even her chats with the dressmaker in Seneca and the kind hearted Emmitt in Fenton had pushed all her doubts, and even most of her fears, about marrying the Kid out of her mind. Her conversation with Emmitt stuck out the most in her mind. He had put it all so simply when he explained that marriage was a wonderful thing and that at the moment he said “I do” any doubts he had about marrying his wife and staying married to her forever, disappeared. She knew she had no doubts about loving the Kid and she knew she could live with him forever. In reality, she knew she couldn’t live without him, but still she feared telling him her secret.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Lou laughed softly. “I’m not nervous Rachel, I promise. I have no doubts about this. Jimmy was right when he told me I was ‘doin’ the right thing’. I love the Kid. It’s just a little strange right now. There’s so much still to do.”

Still not convinced, but willing to let the sleeping dog lie for a while, Rachel started to walk with Lou towards the bunkhouse. “Well, you know I’ll help you anyway I can to get ready. I just love weddings! Why don’t we fit your dress tomorrow? I was going to suggest tonight, but we don’t want to do it on a full stomach, you’ll look all puffy.”

Lou felt a slight grin tug at the corners of her mouth as the image of herself puffed out like a stuffed pillow appeared in her mind. She agreed to the morning fitting.

As Lou started to round the corner to wash up for the evening meal, Rachel called out to her. “Lou, when did you and Jimmy talk? I mean, when did he help you see how right this marriage was?”

Lou smiled at the thought of the heart-to-heart she had had with her dearest friend. “On the way to Seneca. He was tired of me acting like a sourpuss, so he tried to cheer me up.”

“I guess it worked.”

“I guess so. I’ll be right in so, don’t wait on me. Cody’s liable to eat the dishes if you make him wait much longer.”

Rachel chuckled as she opened the bunkhouse door and Lou quickly slipped around the corner so no one inside would hear the gentle sob escape her lips. Just the effort of light banter and fake merriment had taken everything out of her. She would have to tell Kid tonight. It couldn’t wait any longer. Once it was out in the open they could move forward and she could share in the mirth surrounding their wedding.

By the time she sat at the bunkhouse table, Lou’s earlier mood had returned. Rachel was shocked by the sudden change. After the talk they just had, she was convinced that Lou would be back to her old self when she sat down with them. Everyone watched as Lou moved the food around her plate, barely touching the stew and biscuits.

Kid just stared as Lou pushed at her meal and felt his heart breaking. All afternoon he sat by the window watching her at the corral, but he had been too afraid to approach her. She seemed happy on the day of her return from Seneca. He loved the way her face lit up when she spoke of her wedding dress. She had been very playful when they’d slipped off that night to the hayloft for some “quiet” time, but he watched her descend into this sadness the very next day.

He was convinced that something had happened to Lou on her ride or that she had thought about their wedding and changed her mind. Jimmy tried to convince him all afternoon that Lou had been fine on their ride. He even replayed their talk by the creek for him, as well as their trip to the Seneca dressmaker on their way back, to assure him that Lou was committed to their marriage. However, Kid was still convinced that all was not right and he couldn’t write it off to party planning jitters.

Lou made a hasty retreat after dinner. She scampered out so quickly that everyone seated at the table looked directly at the Kid for some insight into her sudden melancholy.

Kid kept staring at the food he was pushing around his plate and tried to avoid the determined stares. He felt their eyes boring into him and finally broke. “What are y’all looking at me for? She hasn’t said nothing to me about anything.”

“Son, did you two have a spat or something? Maybe you don’t like her ideas for the weddin’? In my experience, women can be a might bit touchy over their big day. And I’ve been through enough to know.”

Kid just shook his head dejectedly. “No Teaspoon, no fighting. She’s just been like this for a few days. You should’ve seen her today. All she did was sit on the corral fence and stare at the mare and her foal, still as a statue.”

“Ahhh…The call of motherhood.”

“Teaspoon!” Kid and Rachel chastised the older man at the same time. The rest of the boys tried to hide their smiles. Getting Kid anymore worked up would not benefit them in anyway.

Clearing his throat, and trying to will the blush he felt creeping in away, he turned in his seat to face the wise old Marshal. “Teaspoon, it’s not what you think. Lou’s not, well, she’s not…” He couldn’t continue and just buried his face in his hands. Dragging them over his weary eyes he just shook his head, suddenly feeling very tired. “She would’ve told me if it was that. I’d be happy. We want children, but I truly think this is something else.” His voice started to break as he spoke, out loud, his biggest fear to these people whom he loved like kin. “She’s pulling away from me, I’m afraid I’m losing her.”

Rachel felt her breath catch and thought her heart would break watching the sad young man. Sitting beside him on the bench, in the place Lou had vacated only minutes before, she took his shaking hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly. “Honey, don’t you worry about a thing. You and Lou will be married in a few weeks. I promise you that. I know that there’s nothing more important to her than this, than you.”

“Rachel, a few days ago I would have agreed with you, but now, I’m just not sure.”

“Kid, and the rest of you boys too,” she raised her head to look over all her charges. “Y’all have to realize that this is a big change in Louise’s life. In yours too Kid, as well as for the rest of us. Remember, she has lived her life a certain way for years, doing everything and anything she had to do to survive, then she comes here and although she’s safe to be Louise with us, her family, she’s almost never been anything but Lou to the outside world.” Rachel used her fingers to raise Kid’s chin and make him look directly at her. “She’s been alone for a long time and now she has you, forever, and in a way she never has before, but at the same time she gains you, she loses a little bit of the rest of us. You two will always be a part of this family, but you’ll start your own life and your own family as well. Addin’ all this up, it’s a lot of change for one young lady to take. Give her some time Kid. I know she’ll come running to you when she’s ready.”

“You’re right Rachel. It’ll be OK. I think I’ll just go check on her and then turn in. It’s been a long day.”

As Kid pulled the heavy door closed behind him, all eyes turned to Rachel. Nobody spoke until Jimmy dared to ask the question that was on everyone’s mind. “Do you really believe what you just told the Kid, Rachel? I ain’t ever seen Lou like this before. Not when she and him broke up before, not when that Wicks fellow was here, not even when Emma and Sam left.”

Rising to move away from the table, she was barely audible over the rolling thunder of an evening storm moving in, “I won’t let myself believe otherwise.”

Nervous looks passed between Buck, Jimmy, Cody, Noah and Teaspoon, but none of them dared to speak again. The thought of Kid and Lou not getting married was enough to keep even Cody quiet. If this wedding didn’t go off as planned, they knew it would be the end of their friends, in more ways than one.