Chapter Eight

Kid watched Lou standing by the window. She was still wearing the skirt and blouse she had borrowed from Rachel. He had seen her dressed similarly before, but for the first time he felt as if he was learning what made her such a beautiful woman. He never knew there was so much behind the pain he saw in her eyes those first few months after they met. Yet at the same time, as he saw her unconsciously search around her neck for Flynn’s cross, he was unsure how the action made him feel. He was mesmerized by her tale, but its message was not lost on him. There had been a love before his and no matter what type of love it was, it still had a hold over her.

Reluctant to break Lou from her reverie, he walked across the room and stood before her. Lou sensed his presence and only looked up when his hands clasped hers.

“You thought you were still wearing it, didn’t you?”

“For a second I guess I still felt it hanging there. Then again, for a second I felt like I was thirteen years old, too.” She gave an exasperated sigh before speaking. “It’s all so complicated!”

“You keep saying that. What’s complicated, Lou? It’s you we’re talking about here. It’s your life, something only you can tell me about. Do you realize that in the last few hours I’ve learned more about you, than in the whole time I’ve known you? Why couldn’t you tell me before?”

Kid’s pain was evident in his eyes, eyes that were the window to his heart and she knew he was deeply wounded, but at the same time she wondered if he realized the pain this was causing her. “It’s stuff I choose not to think about. Can’t you understand that?”

“I understand, Lou. I really do, but you know about my past, about what brought me here – my pa, my ma, Doritha, even Jed. You also know how little I tell people about my past, but not you. I always tell you.”

Breaking from his grasp, she shook her head. “Eventually you tell me. Usually only after I drag it out of you. It’s not like I told other people and not you. Other than Flynn, Stacy and Joey, only Teresa, Jeremiah and Sister Marie know how awful that orphanage was and even they don’t realize how long it went on. Without Flynn, I would have been gone years before I actually left.”

Kid didn’t point out that she only named Flynn as her reason for staying. “Do you still have his cross, Lou?”

Lou walked back to her bunk to continue packing. She kept her back to him and shook her head no. She doubted he believed her. “You think I’m goin’ back to him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know. I want to say no and mean it, but I really don’t know. Where were you plannin’ to go?” Realizing she was putting more clothes in her bag, he stormed across the room and grabbed the next item from her hand. “What are you doin’, Lou?”

“Give that back, Kid! I’m packin’. What does it look like?”

“You’re still leaving here? Leaving me?” He moved his hand out of her reach as she lunged to retrieve her clothing from him.

“We haven’t fixed anything and it’s getting late. I told Rachel I would be gone by the time they got back from church.”

“Jeez, Lou. We haven’t fixed nothin’ because you haven’t told me everything. I know you’re holding out on me. You said you were married to him. Kissing him goodbye isn’t marryin’ him!”

Lou reached for the white folded item in his grasp as his arms flailed about. She managed to grab a hold of a loose end and Kid tightened his grip. Together the pulled like it was a child’s tug-of-war. Looking down, he realized they were fighting over the nightgown she wore on their first night together in Redford. He let go as if it scorched his hand.

Lou saw the look in his eyes and pulled the gown to her protectively. Carefully refolding it, she put it into the bag. Whether he believed it or not, it meant something to her. “I’m not a whore, Kid.”

“I never said that!”

“You didn’t have to, it was all over your face just now. I meant what I said, I never lied to you about that.”

“God, Lou. You’re right. This is complicated!” Kid’s frustration was growing by the minute. “Nothin’ you’re telling me makes sense and you clammin’ up and not talking anymore ain’t helping matters any.”

“What more can I say to you!”

“Tell me the rest, Lou. All I know right now is that life was hell for you in the orphanage, your friends helped you survive and then Flynn left, within weeks you‘d run away and were out on your own at thirteen.” Softening his tone of voice, he went on. “We talked some about St. Joe, but that leaves a lot of time before I met you. I just assumed you’d been workin’, movin’ around, but now I know you were married, had a life. Tell me about it, Lou. Don’t run away again.”

Lou pressed her fingertips into her eyes to try and stave off the approaching headache. She knew he was right. During the `past two tumultuous days, she had purposely not told her story to the rest of her friends because she felt Kid deserved to hear it first and here she was, backing out and packing up. She would tell him the rest and then leave, her peace having been made.

“I can’t be here when the all get back. The good byes were hard enough the first time.”

“Would it be so bad to tell them ‘hello’?”

“It was hard for all of us and I don’t want anyone to remember me unkindly. I won’t make them do it again.”

Not understanding her determination to still leave Rock Creek he knew he had to stall her, make her tell the rest of the story, so together they could begin to heal and rebuild. “Let’s get out of here then, you and me, we’ll ride out to the creek or somewhere else. Anywhere where we can talk some more.”

“Probably couldn’t hurt. I can come back in tonight once they’ve all gone to sleep and leave then.”

Ignoring her last statement, he watched her stash her bag of belongings under the bunk, making it look as if she was never there and a chill ran down his spine. Could he face that sight day after day all because of something that happened before they were together? He didn’t know for sure, but he knew he had to hear her out. “Do you want to change while I saddle Lightning?”

Lou looked down and realized she was still dressed as a woman. It seemed strange, yet empowering to be standing on her own terms for once. “No, I’ll be okay. I’ll get Lightning and meet you in a minute.” She shot past him and out of the bunkhouse.

It was only minutes before they were riding away from Rock Creek at an easy pace. They had no destination and waited to see where their trusted, four-legged friends would take them. The silence during their ride was oppressive and Lou felt as if she had to continue to fill the void where chatter and laughter usually resided when they rode together.

“I told you what happened in St. Joe.”

Kid felt his jaw tense and his fists tighten around the reins at the mere thought of Wicks and his attack on Lou. Through clenched teeth, he fought to keep his composure. “You told me, but I don’t know how it happened. Where were Stacy and Joey? Why didn’t you go to the Malone’s?”

“Once we finally made it to St. Joe, we realized we looked like what we were, three broke orphans on the run. We had no place to stay, no food and only a few dollars between us that we’d won off the other kids. Joey, being the oldest, got us a room at the rooming house by lying to the clerk. He said he was eighteen and we were his sisters. He told him we were orphans, but he was takin’ care of us. The clerk believed him and gave us one tiny room. It didn’t matter; it was all we could afford. Stacy and I shared the bed and Joey insisted on the floor. It was so cold there we had to sleep in all our clothes to stay warm.” Lou shivered when she pictured the tiny, damp room in St. Joe.

Kid couldn’t help it, but he was curious again. “Did you find work?”

“Joey found work first. He got a job as an errand boy for the newspaper. He wanted to be a reporter, but they said he was too young. The pay was little, but it paid for the room. Food was up to Stacy and me. The first few days we scammed at the restaurants. We played like we were orphans and on our way east to stay with kin, but our money had been stolen and we didn’t have a way to eat before the next stage. People took pity on us and we ate well. We always pocketed extras for Joey. After a while, the owners caught on and we were out of luck.”

“So what did you do? Is this when…he hired you?” Kid couldn’t even bring himself to say the dead man’s name.

“No. We weren’t desperate yet. Eventually one of the restaurant owners gave in and let us wash dishes and clean up in exchange for food for a few weeks, but as the winter got worse, his business did too and he didn’t need us both. We decided Stacy would stay and I would move on.”

“Why her? Why couldn’t you stay?”

Lou couldn’t help but smile at the memory. She looked over at the Kid. “She had bigger pockets.” When his look back showed he didn’t understand, she actually laughed out loud. “She was able to take more stuff home. She had bigger pockets.”

“You stole from him?” Kid couldn’t believe his ears.

“Don’t judge me, Kid. I was young, hungry, scared and somewhat stupid. I’d bet you did a few things you ain’t too proud of before you got to Sweetwater.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him purse his lips and nod his head. She was right. He wasn’t as perfect as he liked everyone to believe. Although glad he understood her side, she felt no satisfaction from her new knowledge. Instead, she just kept her tongue and raised her face to the afternoon sun. Gathering strength from its warmth, she continued.

“I had a harder time findin’ regular work. It was cold and snowy and they were lean times for the people in St. Joe. Jobs for thirteen-year-old girls just weren’t there for the handin’ out. No matter how much I lied to say I was older, my size always gave me away. I did some stuff for the dressmaker, then the blacksmith and the hotel. I tried the livery, but no luck there. We were doin’ okay with the money Joey made and the food Stacy got and my small scraps so we didn’t mind. It lasted like that for about a month before everything turned upside down.”

Lou stopped talking when she realized where the horses and probably their own subconsciouses had led them. They were in the clearing. The one where they had spent many lazy days together talking, dreaming, planning and loving. She looked at Kid and he couldn’t and wouldn’t meet her eyes. He only saw recent memories, the two tortured nights he spent pacing as hurt and anger ate away at his gut and the harsh conversation he had with Jimmy.

“Kid, we can go somewhere else.” She knew this was where Jimmy found him.

“No, we’re here now. You take the horses, I’ll get some wood to start a fire.” He dismounted and left before she could protest.

Unsaddling the horses, she set the saddles by the stone circle they made one night many months before. She felt a sense of calmness spread through her when she thought of the night they hid out on their way home from a run. They were early getting back and they didn’t want to go home. Finding the clearing, surrounded by thick trees, bordering a cool stream and hidden from the trail they built a fire and stayed until long after it burned out making sweet love and promises of forever. She looked at the unbroken circle, built on love and thought that maybe this would be the place for her to bare her soul.

Kid returned with the wood and left it by the stones to start later. Sitting on the log he let Lou pace as she worked back to her story.

“One night Joey was working late and Stacy and I were asleep. We woke up when we heard a huge commotion down the street. The hotel was on fire and people were rushing about everywhere. The newspaper office was just next door so we were worried about Joey. When we got there, we saw him running around talking to people. We were made to stay back and didn’t realize that he was writing a story rather than helping people. It was only when the story made the newspaper did we see he wrote it. Seems the star reporter was passed out drunk at the saloon when the fire started and Joey became a star reporter.”

“Wasn’t that good? Didn’t it mean more money?”

“You would think, but the paper couldn’t fire the drunken reporter because he was the owner’s son. What they could do was offer Joey a job in Chicago at one of their other papers. It was a good job and a chance he couldn’t pass up. Stacy didn’t want to leave me, but she had to go with Joey, they were kin, I understood that. I had enough guilt about leaving my sister and brother; I wouldn’t be in the middle of separatin’ them too. I couldn’t go with them. I just felt like I would be getting too far from my goal of getting to St. Louis and eventually getting Jeremiah and Teresa out. Joey left only when I agreed to take all the money left and promised to take the next stage to St. Louis. He would have bought the ticket for me himself, but his new boss rushed him so. Their train was leaving and he had to go.”

“You never left St. Joe. Why, Lou?” He couldn’t see how she ended up with Wicks if she had a perfect opportunity to leave.

She could sense his frustration and knew his anger would return when they discussed Wicks. “It wasn’t by choice, Kid. Some men must’ve seen Joey hand me the money at the train station, saw me put it in my pocket. They followed me to the mercantile where I was to buy the stage ticket and I never saw them. I remember someone bumping into me and almost knocking me over, another guy helped me regain my balance. I said my thanks and they moved on. When I went to pay for the ticket, the money was gone. All of it. I cried right there in the store. I went back to the rooming house, but the clerk knew Joey and Stacy were gone and he made me leave. He said he wasn’t runnin’ a whorehouse.”

Kid knew what was coming next and decided to busy himself by starting the fire. The sun would set soon and Lou would need the fire to warm her.

“I didn’t know where to go and walked the streets until well after dark. Finally when the town was quiet, I snuck into the livery and fell asleep in one of the stalls. I must have been real tired because I never heard him come into the stall. When I woke Wicks and the livery owner was lookin’ over me. The livery owner wanted to take me to the marshal, but Wicks talked him out of it. He sweet-talked him, just like he sweet-talked me. He offered me a job doing laundry and said I would have my own room and a place to eat. He made it sound so good.” Her tears started again and she didn’t make a move to wipe them away.

Kid continued to build the fire, but the image of Wicks stealing her innocence, the thought of him touching her, had him snapping thick branches with his bare hands. “Do you want to stop, Lou? We already talked about this, there’s no sense goin’ over it again.”

She contemplated the easy way out and shook her head. “No, it’s all part of the story. I’m laying it all out there for you and this has to be part of it.” She moved closer to the low flames that were jumping to life. “There were all these ladies at the house, all painted and dressed up. None of them even spoke to me, most were down right mean, but Charlotte, and she took care of me and was nice to me. I just kept doin’ the laundry and it took me a while to figure out exactly what kind of place I was workin’ in. I tried not to think about it. It was a roof over my head and food in my belly. It wasn’t until a year later that Wicks came after me. It only happened that once because Charlotte saved me. She got me out the next day and told me to pick a stage ticket for anywhere in the country. I thought about Chicago, but I couldn’t tell Joey and Stacy what happened, they thought I was in St. Louis. I never even wrote them to tell them I wasn’t. I was too embarrassed. The only place I could think of was St. Louis. I wanted Mrs. Malone to help me and I guess I wanted Flynn to save me again. All I know is I was too ashamed to go anywhere else.”

Kid opened his arms to Lou and in a moment of pure need she let him comfort her as the memories, ones she had long ago sworn to forget surfaced again. He held her tight and gently stroked her hair. She trailed her hands up and down his strong back and felt his still tense muscles beneath his shirt. Kid tilted her head back and silently dried her tears with soft kisses that eventually found her lips. Lou found herself responding to him. The kisses, fueled by pent up emotions, grew more intense. It was Kid who broke away first and he stepped away from their embrace.

Mistaking his retreat for anger towards her, rather than the anger he felt towards himself for taking advantage of her she moved to sit near the fire and warm her chilled body. “Is this worth it, Kid? If I go on are you gonna get the answers you want? You can’t even kiss me anymore without getting’ disgusted.”

“Lou, if you’re asking is it worth it for me to know this stuff, then yes. If you’re askin’ if it’s worth it to make you relive it, I doubt it. But we’ve gotten this far and we’re both still here. What would it hurt to go on? What happened when you went to St. Louis?

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Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five

Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven Chapter TwelveChapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen Epilogue


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