The rest of the month passed by quickly and before anyone knew it, it was time for Christmas. There had been high hopes among the Express family that they could have a holiday dinner with everyone present, but the strain of Kid and Lou's impending divorce was wearing on everyone. Instead of planning for a stressful dinner, Rachel and Teaspoon accepted Amanda O'Connell's invitation to visit in Abilene, Kansas for a few weeks and they left several days before the holiday. Jimmy decided he wanted time off to visit his sister, Celinda, brother-in-law, Nathan, and his young nephew in Ft. Leavenworth and Teaspoon agreed to his short trip, leaving Buck in charge as Deputy Marshal. Cody was called back to his regiment and even Charlotte and Travis decided to dine on their own for their first Christmas as husband and wife.

Lou was left to spend the holiday alone with Teresa and Jeremiah. She made a truce with Rachel and convinced her friend to give her another quick cooking lesson before leaving so they could at least have a decent meal. Following Dr. Bailey's eating and exercise instructions, she was feeling stronger and the sight of food had more appeal. For Christmas Eve she planned to cook a turkey and for Christmas she was going to brave beef stew again.

She watched the heavy snow continue to fall as it had been since the early hours of the morning. The tinkling of children's laughter filtered through the closed window as Teresa and Jeremiah engaged in an all-out snow fight. It made her smile to watch them so vibrant and happy, yet at the same time she was sad. It was to be their first Christmas together as a family in over seven years and she felt badly that it wasn't what she'd hoped to give them. She and Kid talked about Christmas in the early days of the trip to St. Joe. They'd talked of being in Sweetwater and having a fine tree and mountains of presents for everyone - all the things they themselves had missed out on as children.

Now as Lou watched them race around the yard, snowballs flying, she couldn't fight the overwhelming sense of disappointment that permeated through her body. The feeling went beyond disappointment for them, that this holiday would be so much less than the grand affair she had dreamed of, but it was a deep feeling of disappointment in herself. It hurt to think of the Kid all alone for Christmas. He's all alone because of you, she chastised herself.

Looking out the window again, she noticed Jeremiah and Teresa were no longer in her view and the squeals and laughter were gone. Fearful that one of them was hurt, she grabbed the shawl Rachel kept by the door, tightening it around her shoulders before stepping outside. She was completely unprepared for the sight that greeted her.

"What in God's name is this?"

"A really big tree," grunted Jeremiah as he and Teresa struggled to keep the front end of the tree from dragging in the snow.

"I can see that." She laughed despite herself at the effort the two children were putting into their end of the load. She couldn't see who had the back end of the tree, but suspected it was poor Travis McKay or maybe Buck. As the children climbed the steps a head popped up from behind the wide base of the evergreen and Lou was shocked to see Kid's childish grin smiling back at her.

"Hey, Lou. Hope you don't mind."

She couldn't form a reply and only nodded her head as he passed by her and into the house with the most enormous Christmas tree she'd ever seen.

Once it was inside the house, it was obvious the tree was too big for Rachel's front room. Lou watched as Kid devised a plan with the children. Leaving to get Katy into the barn and out of the driving wind and cold Kid sent Jeremiah ahead to the barn for a saw and took Teresa with him to help with some sacks he had. Watching them all trek back into the swirling snow, Lou wasn't sure what to make of Kid's sudden appearance. It was obvious he was there for her siblings' sake, and she didn't want to cause a big scene, but she also didn't really want to get into it again with him so soon after their last run in. They hadn't spoken since the day she found out about the baby.

Stepping clear of the door as it swung wide, Lou was astounded at the packed sacks that Kid and the children carried. "You pack small children into those bags, Kid?"

"Nah, just about all of Tompkins store," he laughed. Putting the bags aside he shook out his hair and brushed off his coat. "We'll have that tree fittin' in no time. Watch us." Lou could only shake her head as he and Jeremiah dove in together as a team to cut some length off the massive tree.

"Kid, can I open the sacks now?"

"Teresa, I told you 'no' the five other times you asked me. You gotta wait until Christmas."

"But it is Christmas." Teresa's ten-year-old patience was wearing thin.

"Sweetheart, it's only Christmas Eve, but you can open them soon enough. What you can do for me is take the sack I left over by the door and open it over by your sister."

Lou watched Teresa struggle with the heavy bag and rose to help her.

"Sit, Lou. No lifting or carrying heavy things - that was on Doc Bailey's list, remember? If she can't get it, I'll help her."

Lou wasn't sure if she was more surprised that he'd read the list and obviously committed it to memory, or that he'd actually told her no. "I'm not an invalid, it's only a sack." Kid gave her a look that said the matter was not up for discussion and strangely she chose not to continue to argue with him. Instead she watched as Teresa pulled out rolls and rolls of ribbons along with garlands and candles. "Kid. All this stuff?"

Kid looked back over his shoulder at Lou and Teresa surrounded by the decorations. Facing the tree again he tried to hide his delight. "It's to put on the tree and around the house. I thought it would look nice all fancied up."

"Christmas is tomorrow, why bother now?"

"You can still make it look nice today," he answered undeterred. "Hey, Tessie. If you look at the bottom of that sack, you'll see some poppin' corn we need to make so we can string it. Why don't you go get Rachel's pot so we can cook it over the fire in here?"

Teresa eagerly dropped the ribbon rolls and ran off to the kitchen. After standing the tree up to measure the new fit, Kid leaned it against the wall and sent Jeremiah into the kitchen to help his sister.

Alone with Kid, Lou didn't know what to say and silence hung in the air making the awkward seconds seem like hours. "You didn't have to go to all this trouble." She was embarrassed that he had put so much thought into the holiday for her sister and brother. "All the gifts, its so much money. It's too much."

"Don't worry about the money, Lou. I didn't touch what Charlotte gave you." It hurt that she thought he would squander that money.

Mortification ran deep and Lou rose to approach him. "I didn't mean it like that, Kid. Please don't think that." She was beside him now.

Looking down at her, he could see the blush of embarrassment coloring her cheeks and knew she was being sincere. "I don't. Well, not really." Her fresh scent was wrecking havoc with his senses. "I just wanted to make Christmas nice for Jeremiah and Teresa. What's happening, or not happening, with us shouldn't punish them. They deserve all this." He stepped away from her before he grabbed her and kissed her senseless, or back to her senses, which ever came first.

She hadn't meant to get so close to him, space was something necessary if she was going to maintain her composure and hold to her convictions. She had no idea why being so close to him was suddenly affecting her, but it was. So near to him, she could smell his natural scent, see how blue his eyes were, see the soft curls of his hair and it all had her heart beating a little faster. She figured it was only old memories stirring her, but she was glad when Kid broke the contact.

Reaching to touch the boughs of the tree and smell it's heady pine scent, Lou did ask where he'd gotten the money to be so generous.

"Remember those two horses I was training and tending to? You know, after we got back?"

Lou nodded. She vaguely remembered seeing Kid in the corral with two unfamiliar horses. There were too many days when she saw only what she wanted, if anything at all.

"Well, I sold 'em, for a good price too. And I even took some more orders. Seems lots of people are looking to go west instead of east to get away from the fighting and they want trained horses, good horses, and that's what I have."

Lou watched and listened as Kid excitedly described his budding business venture and she was both jealous and sad. She was jealous that he was taking their dream and their plan for the old station in Sweetwater and making it a reality in Rock Creek without her. He was doing what she'd told him to, but it made her sad to realize that he was apparently moving on. Deep down she'd hoped that he would pine for her a lot longer, that he wouldn't give up on her so quickly. Deep below the sadness, she knew even she wasn't ready to give up.

"Congratulations. I'm happy for you, Kid." She tried to sound detached.

"I was serious about what I said about Charlotte's money. I didn't touch it and I won't. That's for you and Tessie and Jeremiah, and for the baby. You'll need it to raise them."

It was clear to Lou that Kid was definitely moving on and making arrangements for them. It was surprisingly painful. "Some of it's yours, Kid. She gave it to both of us." Lou couldn't bring herself to talk about it as the wedding gift it was.

Before Kid could reply and make her understand he wanted her to have it all so she'd have an easy life, the children came back ready to make the popping corn and it put an end to their talk. He busied himself with popping the corn and starting the strings while Lou returned to the settee to make ribbons into bows for the tree. She occasionally visited the kitchen to check on her Christmas Eve feast.

As the evening hour approached, the howling of the wind reminded them of the storm still raging outside. The tree finally all decorated, Kid readied himself to leave.

Lou thought about the cold and lonely room atop Teaspoon's office, likely made colder by the lack of a decent fireplace, and imagined the cupboards were as bare as the day he'd moved in. She hesitated, but before she had time to think of the consequences, she spoke. "Kid, would you like to stay for dinner?"

He gave no reply, only stared in stunned silence, so she hurried on, staring at an imaginary stain on the rug. "It's nothing special, we're having turkey and biscuits and potatoes and even some carrots, but Rachel left us a wonderful cake and Tessie made lemonade." Looking up at him, she was greeted by a slow heart-stopping smile.

"I'd like that, Lou."

The dinner was uneventful, with Jeremiah and Teresa maintaining most of the conversation. Lou was pleased when Kid unexpectedly complimented her cooking. Notoriously unskilled in the kitchen, Rachel had given her some lessons right after the wedding, but she hadn't had a real chance to cook for him before they left for St. Joe, and by the time they returned it was too late.

After the leisurely meal, Lou sent the children to change into their nightclothes before they all moved back to the front room to admire the tree. Sitting in the chair closest to the hearth, Kid called Teresa over with a wave of his hand and whispered into her ear as she giggled and covered her mouth.

Lou watched with interest as Teresa dug into one of Kid's sacks, rooting around until she found a beautifully bound book. Holding it up for his inspection, she took it back to Kid when he nodded his head. Climbing onto his lap, she curled against his shoulder as he opened the book to read.

Mesmerized by the sweet sight of Kid with Teresa on his lap and Jeremiah on the floor beside them, Lou barely heard Kid's soft southern lilt reading A Christmas Carol. It confused her to be so moved by the image. Having resigned herself to her feelings of anger and pain and complete despair, these new feelings swirling around her were unfamiliar. She'd curled herself into the corner of the settee and looking down at her hands, she found she was resting them on her abdomen where her baby grew stronger every day.

Finished with the story, Kid handed the book to Jeremiah who began to flip through the elaborate pictures. Teresa was asleep and he liked the feel of her tucked in his arms. He couldn't wait until it was his own child sleeping peacefully and dreaming sweet dreams as he protected him or her from the world outside. Smoothing her long hair, he shifted to make her more comfortable. He watched Lou watching herself. He could already see the differences Dr. Bailey's instructions were making. The two weeks of eating well, resting and exercising had a glow back in her skin and a healthy fullness starting to show on her petite form. As she pulled at her blouse, he could see a slight roundness to her stomach and his throat tightened.

Lou could feel the Kid watching her and she felt silly about all her poking and prodding at her own body. She didn't know how she'd missed some of the signs before, but now, aware of her condition, she could see the changes almost daily.

"Lou?" He fought to keep his voice from giving him away.

Startled by his voice, she looked up and met his gaze.

"Tessie's asleep. Want me to take her up?"

"That would be very helpful. I can't do it and she's getting to big for Jeremiah to carry."

"I can carry her!" Jeremiah's budding manliness was being questioned and he wasn't about to let it go unchallenged.

Kid grinned behind him. "I'm sure you can, but I've already got her. Why don't you go ahead of me and make sure her bed is pulled back. You can bring the book, it's for you all to keep."

Lou watched Jeremiah scurry up the stairs and Kid rose carefully with Teresa dangling limp like a rag doll in his arms, oblivious to where she was. Once they were out of sight, Lou rose to move nearer the fire. She was chilled without being cold and wasn't sure why. Was it was the howl of the wind outside trying to settle in her bones or was it the man who'd just walked upstairs that had her shivering?

"Lou, I'm gonna head out now."

She gave a little jump, not having heard him return, and shifted so she was facing him.

"Teresa's sound asleep and Jeremiah's not far behind. I promised him they could open their presents in the morning so they may be down here by sunrise."

"You really didn't have to do all this," she started, holding up her hand to silence him when he tried to interrupt. "But, thank you."

"You're welcome." Kid wanted to say more, but couldn't. Looking at her, all he wanted to do was step closer and pull her into his arms and kiss her and hold her and make the dark circles that were still under her eyes disappear, but he knew he couldn't. It would scare her and it was too soon, but he wasn't giving up hope. Reluctantly, he picked up his coat and headed for the door. Opening it to leave, he was blown backwards by the force of the gust and instantly surrounded by swirling snowflakes.

Lou rushed forward to help push the door closed. Finally sealing it, they both leaned against it laughing at their efforts.

"Well, sure is a mess out there."

"Sure is," Lou agreed. She knew she should invite him to stay, but couldn't figure out how to do so without sounding awkward and forced.

"Would you mind."

"You're welcome to."

Both laughed again as they stumbled over each other's sentences.

"Do you mind if I stay here tonight? I know it's not far to Teaspoon's office, but I'd feel bad about taking Katy out in this and all." He wished he could tell her how much it would mean to him to be with her on Christmas morning.

Lou swallowed the lump in her throat. "I wouldn't dare send Katy out in this mess. You can stay in Rachel's room if you'd like."

"I can stay down here, if you'd prefer." He indicated the settee with a tip of his head.

Starting to turn down the lamps in the room, she replied "That would be unfair of me when there's a perfectly good bed in her room." Walking towards the stairs, she waited for the Kid to follow. "I'll get you a fresh towel and then I'm going to bed. It's been a long day."

Kid lay awake long into the night listening to the wind shrieking and the groaning of the house as it was rattled down to the foundation. He was nearly asleep when he heard the familiar cries and shouts of Lou having a nightmare. Stopping only to pull his pants on, he rushed across the hall to the room where she slept.

Opening the door, he made out Lou's form thrashing about in the bed by the light from the hall. Climbing up beside her, he shook gently in an attempt to rouse her from the terrifying dream.

"Stop!"

"Lou, sweetheart, wake up. It's me, Kid. It's okay, he's not here." Her eyes refused to open, but the violent trembling seemed to dissipate as he rubbed her arm.

"Give her back!"

Lou's desperate voice shook Kid to the core. "Lou, it's okay, I promise. I'm here."

Hearing a soothing voice, she slowly woke to find Kid's arms wrapped around her. "What's going on? What are you doing in here?"

"You were having a nightmare again. Do you still have them all the time?" He asked, but already knew from Teresa that she did.

"Not really." Lou lied and tried to move out of Kid's arms. "You shouldn't be in here."

The words stung like a slap and his reply showed more irritation than he'd intended. "I should, Lou, that's the problem, but we can talk about that later." He let her go reluctantly. "Are they different than they were before? You know, before this time in St. Joe?"

They were so much more different and so real that she didn't know how to explain her terror. "Sometimes they're the same, but lately they're different." Just the thought of them made her shudder.

Kid pulled the blankets up higher and stayed quiet hoping she would talk freely. Seeing her eyes close again and thinking her asleep, he rose from the bed. He wasn't ready to leave her alone, so he started for the chair by the window.

"I dream we have a daughter."

Kid stopped mid-stride and turned back to face Lou.

"She's so pretty.with your bright blue eyes."

Taking the chair, he pulled it beside the bed. "I'm sure she looks beautiful, just like you, Lou."

"She does some," Lou admitted, and the thought made her start to choke up. "That's the problem."

"Why is that a problem, Lou? A daughter that looks like you would be perfect." He could clearly see an image of his little girl and his heart surged with love.

"She looks like me so he.he tries to take her, to hurt her." The tears now fell easily. "It's all I've dreamt about since I found out about the baby. He doesn't care that it's yours and not his; in fact he wants her more because of it."

Kid took Lou's hand between his own and held it tightly, too emotional to speak. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, but the one thing he was sure of, was that the combination was deadly. "I'm so sorry, Lou, so sorry this happened to you and that it was him, but he'll never hurt our baby. I promise you that; I'll protect our baby and I'll protect you."

"It's easy to say that."

"Yes, it is, but it's because I mean it. I'll never let anything happen to either of you."

"But we're not together, Kid. It's not your worry." It was to be hers and hers alone, and covering the tiny bulge she curled protectively in the bed. Eyes closing again, she stifled a yawn.

Kid released her hand and settled back in the chair. "You get some rest now, I'll stay with you tonight."

No more words were spoken or heard as Lou's body relaxed and she drifted back into a dreamless sleep. With Kid in the room keeping watch, Lou slept peacefully for the first time in months. Kid did not.

As predicted, the children were up long before the sun was fully awake and together they bound into Lou's room to awaken her as well. She grudgingly rose and looked over at Teresa waking Kid from his post in the chair. It was obvious that he was stiff all over and Lou had to force herself not to laugh as he exaggeratedly rubbed at his stiff muscles.

Together they spent the morning watching Teresa and Jeremiah unwrap more presents than any two children deserved and they even managed to cook breakfast together. The storm now over, Lou found she was actually sad to see Kid gather his things to leave.

He wasn't ready to go, but knew it was time. If he overstayed his welcome this early on, his plan would never work. Standing in the fresh snow and finishing with Katy's saddle he looked up at Lou on the porch, wrapped tightly in a shawl to ward off the chilly air, and stepped up to join her.

"See, Lou, we can do this."

She shook her head at him. "Kid, two nice days don't fix everything."

"But it's a start." He covered her lips with his fingers when she started to protest further. "It's a start, Lou. That's all for now, but I won't give up on this so easily. I'd like to come back soon."

"You're welcome to see Tessie and Jeremiah anytime you'd like. I know you walk them home from school everyday. You don't have to hide anymore."

Looking down into her dark brown eyes and her pixie face, Kid couldn't understand how a woman so smart could be so dense sometimes. "I'd be coming to see you."

"Oh."

Placing his hands on her stomach he whispered, "And her."

The heat Lou felt rush through her as Kid's fingers lay splayed on her belly, was undeniable and she guardedly took it as a possible sign of things to come. "That would be nice," she replied honestly.

Raising his hands so they framed her face, Kid leaned forward to give Lou a soft and gentle kiss. Their first kiss in too long, his lips barely touched hers, but even the faint touch was enough to send chills through his body. His face still close to hers, he looked deeply into her eyes, deep enough to see her wounded soul. "I intend to court you, Lou."

She instantly backed away, confused. "Court me? You can't do that. We're already married."

"We're divorced. I got the final notice yesterday."

"On Christmas Eve!" The timing horrified her. "And you still came out here?"

"I came here because of it. I intend to keep our love alive, Lou. I'm gonna court you like I couldn't do the first time. Like you deserve to be."

"Kid, that's crazy!"

"No crazier than us bein' divorced. Lou, I love you, and underneath it all, I know you still love me. We'll figure out everything in between somehow. Will you let me? Can I come back and call on you?"

Lou gave it serious thought. Her head was telling her to say no, but her heart.her heart screamed at her to say yes. She nodded, but couldn't say the words. She'd let him come call on her like a young couple just starting out and see what happened from there.

Kid's heart nearly sang with joy as she granted her permission for him to return. He planned to court her in a manner like no one had seen before. He would win her back with romance and trust and prove to her that theirs was a one of a kind love. It was true love. Finding his voice, Kid readied to leave. "I'd better get back. I told Buck I'd give him some relief today. Jenny Tompkins is here for a visit to her father and Buck wants to pay a call."

"Jenny? Mr. Tompkin's daughter?"

"That's the one. Buck never told no one, but they've kept in touch and I think he's sweet on her."

A small smile turned up her lips at the thought of their friend with the pretty blonde girl. "That's nice for him. Give them both my best."

"I will." Kid shuffled his feet and hesitated, but couldn't resist giving into his gut feeling. "I have a present for you too."

"Kid, it's not necessary."

"It's more than necessary." He dug into his trouser pocket, pulled out a gold band and held it out to her. "Merry Christmas, Lou." He could see her hesitate and taking her hand, he placed the ring into her palm. "It's mine."

Lou nodded very slowly. She'd recognize the smooth gold band anywhere. "I don't.I don't know where mine is." She hadn't seen it since the day she left it behind in the alley.

"I have it."

"You do?" Shock and delight had her voice rising with the question. She was amazed he hadn't said anything earlier.

"Yep, but I'm keeping yours and you have to keep mine." He closed her cold fingers around his ring and kissed her fist. "One day we'll need them again and I can't wait to get it back from you."

Looking down at her fingers wrapping his ring like a present she whispered, "You said that to me once before." She clearly remembered the night before their wedding when he'd first presented her with the matching bands.

Gently brushing his fingertips across her cheek he lowered his voice. "I meant it then, but I mean it more now. It takes almost losing something to make you realize how badly you want it back. I want you back."

Without another word, Kid stepped off the porch, mounted Katy and headed out with a backwards wave and a smile that nearly took Lou's breath away. Stunned, she gave a small wave back and for the first time in months, she felt as if the shroud of sadness that had been cast over her was lifting.

Chapter 17