But he couldn't bear the sad disappointment in Lou's eyes when he told her he had now news of Jack. "Don't try and convince yourself that we would've found her if only you'd followed me out there," Jimmy said tiredly. "You ain't God, Lou, you can't make things so just by wishin' 'em that way."

Lou wasn't surprised that he'd read her mind, but she was startled by his dejected, abrasive tone. The others seemed taken aback also, and Buck, who had had time to think, and had mellowed greatly on the subject of Jack, said, "Hickok, you need some rest. You don't look like yourself or sound like yourself."

"I guess I ain't," Jimmy confessed.

Rachel led him inside her house, to her quiet guest room, where she readied it for his use, and then joined everyone on the porch. They were all quiet, a new habit since Ike had been killed. For someone who had never uttered a sound in his life, Ike had taken up a great deal of space in the riders' lives, and without him things felt uneven, without boundaries, as if the circle had been broken and an open space was left where Ike had used to link them together.

"We will find her," Rachel said suddenly. "This is a big country, and she's only one small girl, but I know we'll find her."

"If Jimmy couldn't find her, what hope have we got?" Cody asked. "Hell, he's as good a tracker as they come."

"Jimmy's judgment may have been...a bit clouded," Buck offered quietly. "A man doesn't always see straight when his emotions get the better of him."

This thought had never occurred to Cody or Noah, and even the Kid had to let it sink in for a moment. "You mean..." he said, voice trailing off. "Jimmy...and Jack?"

"Boys," cautioned Rachel, "we don't know anything of the kind. All we know is Jimmy tried his hardest to find Jack and bring her back to us, but he wasn't able to. That don't mean he won't eventually."

Lou sat down hard on the porch step. She looked up at Kid, who stood beside her, and slipped her hands into his. "I wanted Jack to be here when we get married," she whispered. Kid could only nod and grip her hand tightly in response.

Jimmy slept fitfully. He woke with a start in the middle of the night and knew he wouldn't be getting back to sleep in a hurry. He dressed and wandered outside, deciding to stroll the new grounds and get a feel for them. Anything to take his mind off his miserable failure.

When he stepped out on the porch he found he had company: Rachel was rocking back and forth in the wooden rocker she had placed by the door. She was wrapped in a blanket, her hands clasping a mug of hot tea. She didn't seem surprised to see him. "Thought you might be out here eventually," she said. "Have a seat, Jimmy, talk to me."

Jimmy didn't want to talk, not to anyone; he wanted to walk in the breezy night air and collect himself. But he sat and was silent as Rachel's chair squeaked to and fro, filling the silence.

"You know," she began softly, her voice as smooth and slow as if she were telling a story, "on nights like this I just feel glad to be alive. The air smells so good, and I can't hardly believe it's already November. Things are changin', aren't they, Jimmy? This time next spring Lou and the Kid will be husband and wife...the Pony Express will be dyin' out, and the telegram will be takin' our place...this country might be at war next spring. My, I feel so old all of a sudden, thinkin' about all that change." She turned her head to stare at Jimmy in the moonlight. "You know what I mean, Jimmy?"

Jimmy nodded. "Yeah, I do, Rachel."

"It's okay for people to change, too, Jimmy. You know that, don't you? One day we won't be excitin' to Cody anymore, and he'll leave us, and that will be okay; Lou won't always want to dress in men's clothes and work in a man's job, one day she'll want to be a wife and mother, and that will be okay, too. Just because you're one person today doesn't mean you have to be that person tomorrow. You will always be the things that make you James Hickok, even if feelings or ideas change for you. Even if you came to me and told me that you weren't in love with Lou anymore, that you loved Jack..." Rachel paused as he drew in his breath sharply. She continued in a whisper, "That would be okay, too, Jimmy."

She allowed him to be silent for a long time, even though she was dying for him to say something, anything, in response to what she had said. She had said it cautiously, although reasonably sure she was right, and now she knew she was.

Finally he said, "I might say that to you, Rachel..." He stopped. He was rubbing his hands together, staring out into the night. "But I could never say that to her."

"Oh, Jimmy, that's wrong."

"I ain't worried about right and wrong just now, Rachel. Things might work out happily ever after in them books you're so fond of readin', and they might work out happily for Lou and the Kid, but I can tell you they don't work out to well for James Hickok. So I thank you for your kind words, and please believe that I don't mean to hurt your feelin's, Rachel, but I ain't interested in your ideas of love and romance. I'll save Jack the burden and myself some hurt, and just concentrate on findin' her." He stood up. "Night, Rachel."

Rachel watched him walk away and disappear into the darkness. She knew Jimmy's poor luck with women, but she had never imagined it had cut him so deeply. All the riders, even the Kid and Lou, who were now so happy and in love, had had their share of disappointing love affairs, and yet none seemed to have resigned themselves to a lonely fate as Jimmy had done. Either his love for Jack wasn't serious enough for him to consider a life with her, or it was far more serious than she had imagined. Rachel was inclined to think it was the latter.