Without asking, the bartender refilled Jimmy's whiskey glass a third time. Jimmy brought the drink to his lips and downed it in one jerky motion, swallowing hard, already numb to the burning fire of the liquor. He had never been one to drown in his sorrows, but by God, if there was ever any time to start, it was now. The memory of the disgust and dismay in Jack's eyes kept flashing through his mind. It just wouldn't stop, no matter how hard he tried. Even whiskey didn't make it stop; if anything, it only caused it to intensify. Jimmy knew without a doubt that he had made the stupidest mistake of his life. What the hell had possessed him to kiss Jack?

He knew what had possessed him. It was useless to pretend he'd had a momentary lapse of reason or that alcohol had had anything to do with it. The plain truth of the matter was that he had *wanted* to kiss Jack, had lived for it and dreamed of it for many months now. Maybe being a bit liquored up had given him a push in the right direction, but the fact remained that he had wanted to kiss her, and so he had. Despite the fact that he was now sitting in a bar, drinking himself into a miserable stupor, Jimmy couldn't deny the fact that it had been worth it in a way. He could still feel the gentle pressure of Jack's mouth against his, the taste of her lingering on his lips, the smooth feel of her skin pulsing under his fingertips. It was a memory that would have to last him a lifetime. No more attempts at love for James Hickok. He had fallen in love twice, each time with a wonderful, spectacular woman, and he would not make the same mistake on a third occasion.

Slim, feminine arms stole around his neck and rested there. Jimmy turned to see a saloon girl in a red velvet dress that defied description. She was tall and sinfully curvy, her hair a golden blond, her eyes mischievous brown, her lips painted wicked red. She smiled at Jimmy. "Hey, there, good-lookin'. You up for some company tonight?"

She was flamboyantly gorgeous and blatantly offering -- in short, everything Jack was not. Jimmy smiled weakly in return. "If it's your kinda company, sure."

The blond sat happily on the seat next to him. "I'm Nancy."

"James."

"James," she purred, slinking her arm around his shoulders. "Do you want to stay here for another drink, or would you prefer we just get right on upstairs?"

Jimmy stared at her with distaste. After the refined class that emanated from Jack's every move, Nancy was a coarse reminder of the reality of life. But maybe this was a lesson in itself, a reminder that women like Lou and Jack would always be beyond his reach, that only women like Nancy were attainable to a man like him.

Nancy was watching him with expectance. She raised one eyebrow. "Well?"

Jimmy slapped his money down on the bartop and rose rather unsteadily to his feet. "Let's go," he said. 'Let's go before I lose my nerve,' he thought. Nancy took his hand and began leading him through the saloon, weaving in and around tables and people, and then upstairs.

From the shelter of the doorway, Jack watched them go, crossing her arms over her chest, willing herself not to cry. 'You stupid, stupid girl,' she said to herself. 'How could you have been so bloody stupid? To think that kiss was anything more than a drunken man's fumbling attempts to satisfy himself for the night? You're pathetic, Jack Townsend, that's what you are.'

It was difficult to believe that Jimmy would do something as low as that. Jimmy who had always been so kind and generous, noble and self-sacrificing almost to a fault. But why else would he be heading upstairs with a saloon girl barely an hour after he'd kissed her so tenderly, if not to collect on an assured outcome that Jack had no intention of giving?

The moment Jimmy had kissed her, Jack had been overcome with two warring, equally strong sensations: bliss and fear. Yes, Jimmy was kissing her, but why was he kissing her? Sympathy? Pity? Intoxication? Surely in his right mind he would never have done it. Despite his slurred compliments during dinner, he had taken her completely by surprise. Fear and doubt had overcome her before she'd allowed herself to enjoy the moment, the beautiful simplicity of Jimmy's lips on hers. How dare he?, she had thought, and without allowing herself the luxury of thinking further, she had pushed him away and run in the opposite direction. Every jolting step seemed to pound out the word 'Why' to her. Why had he done that? It just didn't make any sense. It wasn't like Jimmy at all.

She was almost to the hotel, ready to burst into the room she shared with Lou and pour it all out to her sympathetic friend, when suddenly she had been struck with another thought. Was it possible that Jimmy had wanted to kiss her? Perhaps for the same reasons she wanted to kiss him? For a long moment she had stood there, disbelieving, shaking her head, much to the amusement of passersby. It was a ridiculous notion, but hope rose in Jack, all-consuming. Perhaps Jimmy had the faintest of similar feelings for her, in which case the only thing ridiculous about what had just happened was the way she had behaved. For some deplorable reason she had developed the tendency to run scared from a situation. She could have gone home when Jillian had rejected her; she could have gone back to Rock Creek and ignored Bart's threats; she could have stayed within the safe confines of Jimmy's hands and let herself be kissed. But she had done none of these things. At every opportunity she had panicked and turned the other way, afraid to confront any possible conflict. Oh, she despised herself.

Turning quickly, Jack headed back the way she had come. With any luck she would meet Jimmy halfway. Her heart pounding, she had retraced her steps, knowing full well that just because she was swallowing her pride and going back to him, it didn't mean that Jimmy would be willing to forgive and forget. She had done a terribly hurtful thing. If the situation had been reversed, and it was she who had initiated the kiss and Jimmy who had backed away and left, she would have been crushed. Jimmy's feelings weren't necessarily as strong as hers, but he deserved to at least be left with his dignity.

After searching for some time she finally found him in the saloon, and for a long while she simply sat in the back, by the door, and watched him, heart melting at the sight of his head hung over his drink, his mournful profile. Then she saw the beautiful girl with golden hair saunter slowly over to Jimmy, snaking her long arms around his neck and pressing her mouth to his ear. Jack froze, watching. Surely Jimmy would send her away, polite but firm, not interested. For a moment Jimmy looked perplexed, then he relaxed and smiled at the girl, a bit shakily, but a smile nonetheless.

And then he allowed her to take his hand and they began walking together. Jack's face burned bright red when she noticed where they were headed. Shame and mortification swept over her as she realized she had not been singled out for Jimmy's affections because of anything resembling love, but because he was drunk and lonely and in need of the sort of intimacy that sometimes came to a man in that state.

Jimmy and the girl were on the landing above the saloon. The girl stopped at her door and touched eager lips to Jimmy's neck. His gaze swept below them and he saw Jack immediately. His eyes were cool and distant as Jack stared open-mouthed. Jimmy followed the girl into the room and shut the door behind them.