CHAPTER TWENTY
The air was thick with voices. Bits and pieces of various conversations
floated in and around others. Different accents, different pitches of voice,
feminine, masculine, elderly, childlike, a word or a phrase or a trace of
laughter all contributed to the din surrounding the dockside where the
passengers of the 'Ocean Lily' all waited to board. Jack, Lou, Jimmy, and the Kid stood together, the few pieces of Jack's
luggage at their feet. The wind was cool and revitalizing after the hot day,
and everyone seemed to be drinking in the refreshing breeze, letting it sift
over their skin and through their hair. Lou had a tight hold of one of
Jack's hands. They were near the dock and the water was lapping at the
shore. It was a loud, strange, unfamiliar sound to Lou, but a comforting
one. Jack seemed remarkably calm, a warm glow in her eyes, a faint smile on
her lips. 'Even if she hadn't told me herself, I reckon I could guess by the
look on her face,' Lou thought wickedly. She was delighted for her friends. A man dressed all in blue strolled through the crowds, announcing, "Half an
hour till boarding begins, ladies and gentlemen! Please have your luggage,
tickets, and passports ready to be inspected." The sun was sinking over a pale gray sky. Jack felt Jimmy move nearer, his
chest pressing up against her back, an arm slipping around her waist. They
shared a secret smile tinted only by a trace of sadness. So little time
left. But such a beautiful night. Jack knew she would always remember every moment of the night before with
the greatest clarity, and as long as she lived she would never -- could
never -- regret it. He had been so gentle, so patient, as loving and tender
as if she were a sacred thing. She had been frightened at first, but he had
washed away all traces of fear with the touch of his hand, his lips, his
skin brushing against her own. They all spoke of inconsequential things, as if Jack were not about to
depart across an ocean thousands of miles wide and settle back into a land
so far away. Jack felt traitorous, but there was no denying that she was
deeply excited about going home. If she separated that from her anguish at
leaving her friends and Jimmy, she could almost be happy about it. But when
she remembered that these were their last few moments together, she wanted
to cry. How was it possible to be so pleased to be going home and yet so
agonized at leaving? The minutes passed by, and soon another man in blue announced that it was
fifteen minutes to board and all passengers should begin queuing. It was
then that they all became quiet. The Kid seemed to realize his relative
unimportance in this situation, and he stepped forward first, hugging Jack
and kissing her cheek. "Take care of yourself, Jack. Write us often. We'll
think of you." Jack smiled thankfully and released the Kid. Lou came to her then, both of
them tearing up, a painful repeat of the last time they had said goodbye.
For a long time they just hugged silently. "I love you," Lou said into her
friend's ear. "Thank you for your friendship." Jack squeezed her eyes shut as the tears fell down her cheek. "I love you,
too. Your friendship has done more for me than you could ever know." They shared small kisses on the cheek, and then Lou, too, stepped away,
standing by the Kid, who put a loving arm around her. They backed up and
turned, leaving Jimmy and Jack alone once more. Jimmy cradled Jack's cheek in the palm of his hand. She put a hand to his
wrist and they smiled. "I will wait for you," he whispered hoarsely, "for as
long as it takes." Jack's eyes filled up again. She shook her head. "No, I can't let you do
that." "Did I ask your permission?" he teased. "I don't think I did." "But Jimmy, I won't be back for ages. It's not fair on you." He shrugged, as if it didn't matter to him. And it didn't. "I'll still
wait. It's my choice, Jack, not yours. I don't want anyone else. I'll never
want anyone else. I promise -- I'll wait as long as I have to." "You may change your mind months down the road." "I think you're afraid you might change your mind." 'No,' she thought, 'I'll never change my mind about you, or how I feel
about you. But I couldn't bear it if you ever felt obligated to some vow you
made in a vulnerable moment.' Aloud she said, "No, I won't change." "Liar," he whispered with a rueful smile. He kissed her. She clung to him and buried her face in his shoulder. His arms were so
tight around her she could hardly breathe, but she didn't mind in the least.
"I won't hold you to that promise," she murmured against his jacket,
pressing her arms closer about his neck. "I won't, Jimmy, it's not fair to
you." "Damn you and your talkin' about fairness. And if you mention Lou, I swear
I'll scream," he said. She laughed. His hands were gently running through
her dark hair. "I don't care if you come back thirty years from now a
happily married woman with ten kids -- I'll still love you, Jack." "Ladies and gentlemen," the young man had a clipped accent similar to
Jack's, "please begin forming the queue directly behind the boardwalk. This
gentlemen here," he gestured to an older man standing beside him, "will be
examining your tickets and passports. Please begin queuing as quickly as
possible." Jimmy considered not releasing Jack from his arms, but after a hesitant
moment, he did. Their eyes were bright with sorrow. He brushed a tear from
her cheek. "Don't forget me." "How could I?" she asked. She slung her satchel over her shoulder and
picked up the two suitcases she had brought. "No, don't worry, I can
manage," she said as Jimmy moved to help her. He walked with her to the line
that was forming. Kid and Lou came over to them. The line was moving briskly along. Kid and Lou each gave her another quick
hug. Jimmy said, "I love you, Jack." Jack handed her ticket to the man on the dock. "I love you, Jimmy." Jimmy watched as Jack walked slowly down to the ship, carefully balancing
her weight against the heavy suitcases in her hands. She stepped inside and
was out of sight. He felt Lou's hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to go
now, Jimmy?" He shook his head. "Not yet." When the last passenger had boarded and the gate to the dock was closed,
Jimmy, Lou, and Kid stood with the remaining crowd of people. It was then
that they noticed the passengers were crowding onto the decks and waving to
those behind on the shore. "Do you see Jack?" he asked his friends. They couldn't see her among the masses of people. Her pale face and dark
hair were indistinguishable from the sea of faces, but they waved anyway. "Maybe she sees us," Kid said. Then the foghorn sounded, and slowly the ship
began to push away from the shore. It moved laboriously, but surely, and
soon was five feet from the dock...then ten...then thirty... Lou and Kid sat on a nearby bench while Jimmy leaned against the railing
and watched the water long after the ship had been enveloped by the dark
night. Something told them to stay, to wait for the agony to leave Jimmy's
eyes, and then walk their friend back to the hotel. And a letter was winging its way across the Atlantic, to New York, the
small town of Landingham, where it would rest in a cubbyhole in Ned Harmon's
law office, placed there by his new secretary, Paula. It would remain there,
unread and forgotten, with no means of finding its rightful owner. 'Dearest daughter,' it read, 'Most likely you have proceeded with your
usual haste, but I pray that this letter reaches you in time. Darling Jill,
pride of our hearts, there is no need for you to come back to England. You
have quite clearly made a new home in America and you have a new life. Your
father and I feel that coming back, while it might somewhat soothe your
homesick heart, and would certainly delight us, would only result in further
hurt to you. 'Dear girl, you say so little yet reveal so much. You obviously love these
new, wonderful friends of yours, and to say that you hold tender feelings
for a certain oft-mentioned Jimmy Hickok, would be an understatement, I'm
sure. How can you think of leaving them for a moment, let alone for the many
months you would spend away? Your father is well enough to make a trip
abroad. Name the time and location, and we'll make our way westward to
America, and gladly. We are anxious to see you and to meet these new people
who have made such a home for you. We will be thrilled if you decide to come
back, but think it over, please, for your own sake. 'If you feel you are repaying us somehow by coming back, don't feel that
way. There is nothing to repay. Everyone is allowed an impetuous decision in
their lifetime, and your father and I always knew that when you found out
the truth of your birth you would seek the answers yourself. Now the only
thing you owe us is to live a full and happy life, which we both believe can
best be done in America. 'Please write and let us know of your decision. And please know that we are
both doing well and are very happy, however much we long for you. Our own
days are full and our hearts beat happily knowing our girl is out there,
loved and loving. 'With love, Your Mother' |