Sometimes the Past...by C.C.

Sometimes the Past Comes Back

...not to haunt you

by C.C.

Chapter 1

Lou sat behind the school desk and let her mind travel back to a much better time. She hadn’t had much time to dwell in the past lately, not with Seth starting to crawl and get into everything. But every once in a while she would allow herself a few moments to think about how different her life may have been...... if she had accepted his proposals. Kid had asked her two different times to marry him, but she had refused both. Not willing to give up the life she had at the time, masquerading as a boy riding for the pony express. She never doubted her love for him, and his for her, she just thought, hoped really that he would wait for her. Wait until she was ready to give up the freedom she thought she had living life as a boy..most of the time. Well, she thought regretfully, she was wrong and now she realized just how selfish she had been to even think that he should wait for her.

Kid had left Rock Creek shortly after her second refusal and with him he took a part of her no one would ever have.

She was startled out of her daydream by the stirring of little Seth from his nap in the cradle she kept in the school house. She had had to work to support them because Robert rarely came home any longer, and hadn’t provided money since Seth’s birth. She didn’t mind so much that he didn’t come home, actually relieved each day he didn’t come home, but struggling to make ends meet for her and her son was cumbersome. Robert was not the man she thought she had married.

A little while after the express days were over each of the riders went separate ways. Lou and Rachel stayed at the old way station, Lou planning on heading to St. Joe to get her brother and sister as she had always planned. But Rachel took sick and when they realized it was going to be a lengthy recovery Lou agreed to take over as school teacher until Rachel could resume her duties. Little did she know what that meant for her future.

He was a very tall and dashingly handsome man that came to her schoolhouse that day selling school supplies they would need for the school year. Though she wasn’t really looking for romance, she found it hard to think about other men since she’d lost the Kid, but Robert liked what he saw. It didn’t take long until he had convinced her to have dinner with him, and he was charming and kind. Well, the rest of the courtship was short but Robert treated her kindly and she, knowing she had lost her one true love, accepted his proposal. She knew she would never share the love with Robert that she and Kid had shared, but she could envision making a decent life with him.

It wasn’t long after their wedding day that she saw the first flashes of his anger and rage. She didn’t quite have the meal ready when he came home and without any warning he’d slapped her - hard. She was overwhelmed, she couldn’t believe what just happened. She placed her hand on her cheek and felt the warmth from the blood rushing to the place he had just slapped. She glared at him trying to understand what had just happened. He seemed unmoved by her pain. Confused and overwhelmed she couldn’t think straight, she served the meal and they ate in silence. After Lou had cleaned up the dinner dishes Robert took her forcefully to the bedroom, after quite a struggle on her part, begging him to leave her alone and to not do this she gave in to him, his strength far outweighing hers. When he finally finished he rolled off of her dropping immediately into a deep sleep , leaving her feeling guilty and ashamed; she wept bitterly.

Life changed drastically for Louise McCloud Clark that evening. The fire usually burning brightly in her chocolate brown eyes began to dim. Robert came home seldom, but when he did he was drunk and all he wanted was to take what he referred to as “rightfully his”. Lou had begun to contemplate things she didn’t think she would ever be able to do, kill him, kill herself...she had lost all hope.

The only good thing that had come out of the first year of their marriage was her pregnancy. When she found out she was pregnant she was excited; maybe this would change things, maybe Robert would change, maybe he’d become the man she thought she had married.

Seth was born right after the second anniversary of Robert and Lou’s wedding. And though right after his birth Robert seemed to have softened, it didn’t take long before the abuse began again.

Coming out of her daydreaming she picked the baby up and began to head home, “Don’t worry Seth, I will find a way out of this, I won’t let him ruin your life, too.”

She decided to stop by and check on Rachel before returning to her home. She walked into the front door to be greeted by Rachel, who never really made enough of a recovery to resume her teaching responsibilities. Although weakened by her current state of health she was able to get around and Lou’s precarious situation did not go unnoticed by her. “Louise, you have to get yourself out of that situation, you know you deserve so much more”; she thought about the Kid and how he had adored her, how her life would be so much different if he hadn’t left. “Now if I had the strength I would physically take you away, but I can’t do that, this is something you have to do- please Louise- don’t wait until it’s too late” she pleaded.

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Chapter 2

It had only been a few weeks since his wife had died of scarlet fever. He grieved deeply for her but felt that there was nothing left for him in Virginia now that she was gone. He had met her shortly after he returned home to Virginia, leaving Rock Creek and the one true love of his life. He would have married Lou and stayed out west if she had agreed. But when she refused after his second proposal he knew he couldn’t stay there, that he would not be able to live in the bunkhouse with her and the rest of the boys. He knew he would love her forever but if she didn’t love him in return then life held nothing for him in the west, he would give Teaspoon, the station master his notice and head back to his home. He knew he would never find true happiness, knowing Louise was his soul mate, but he could at least exist and live without the constant torment of living and working with her knowing she didn’t love him.

It wasn’t long after he returned to Virginia that he met Mary. She was pretty and easy to talk to, but he didn’t have any desire to start a romantic relationship. Mary ended up being the pursuer and after quite a bit of patience on her part Kid finally started to court her.

Kid had know from Rachel’s letters that Lou had married so after a lengthy courtship, he had imagined that though this was and could never come close to what he and Lou had shared, maybe he could after all be married and have a family. Hadn’t he seen many people who weren’t married to their soul mates make their marriage successful.

Unlike Lou, Mary accepted his very first proposal and they were married shortly after. Kid was satisfied with the life he had found in Virginia; he didn’t try to kid himself into believing that this was the way he had hoped to spend the rest of his life - but he was not unhappy.

Making love to Mary was not at all how he remembered the sweet passionate love making he and Lou had shared, the first time at Red Fern, the many times at the watering hole and even sneaking out of the bunkhouse late at night when they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. It wasn’t like that with Mary, another thing he had to resolve to accept.

Only about six months after their wedding she had fallen ill with the fever and died. Kid wasn’t sure what to do, he felt empty inside and only one thought brought even a glimmer of hope to his emptiness. That was the thought of his first love, if he could only see her, he knew she was a married women, but maybe, resolving himself to the fact that he would never love or marry again, maybe he could just find her again, find comfort in just being her friend, if that was possible.

He made up his mind, he would head back out west. He would search for the family he had lost so long ago when he left Rock Creek. He’d try to find some of his closest friends; one in particular.

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Chapter 3

Lou needed some air, Seth was napping and she decided to step outside for a few minutes. When she got to the gate she noticed a horse in the distance - her heart stopped. Afraid Robert was back in town for what was “rightfully his”. She held her breath as the rider approached, she had to squint through the sunset and could see that the horse was not Roberts. Her heart began to pound wildly and her mind began to race. As the rider approached she could make out the familiar markings of the beloved horse of the Kids. “No”, she told herself. I must be seeing thing, she thought, he lives in Virginia now with his wife; he wouldn’t be here. But as he approached she realized this was not her eyes playing tricks on her, it was the Kid!

She was frantic, she didn’t know how she would react when they met. She didn’t want to act like a silly school girl but was quickly losing all of her control. She had to get a grip on herself.

Kid dismounted Katy and flashed her that grin that had succeeded in melting her heart on so many occasions a life time ago. His eyes were still as blue as crystal seas and he was still the most handsome man she had ever seen.

She gathered her wits about her and hugged him. “Hello Kid, fancy seeing you here” she tried desperately to keep her voice from trembling. Kid felt his insides tighten as she released him from her embrace - he had forgotten just what her touch did to him. He would not allow himself to think about her that way , she was a married women. He willed his heart to slow down, and was struggling with it as it did not comply to his inner pleadings. “Lou” was all he could muster, and even it came out cracking with emotion.

“My goodness Kid, what on earth are you doing here?” she questioned. She grabbed Katy’s reins from him and looped them across the porch rail, “We’ll tend to her later” she stated as she rubbed the nose of the horse she knew meant the world to Kid. “Hello girl, how’ve you been?”, Katy whinnied to her as if saying “Not too good”.

“Come in Kid, what are you doin’ here?” she talked as they walked toward the front door. Kid did not answer as they walked into the house. He smiled at the cozy little home which emulated the warmth of Louise. His heart stopped when he saw the cradle in the corner and fixed his eyes on the sleeping bundle. Lou noticed his face filled with mixed emotions. “Yes, there’s one of the reasons I still wake up in the morning, one of the reasons life still holds joy for me.”

The bundle began to stir and Kid walked over to the cradle and looked down into the same beautiful brown pools of mud he had gazed into on so many occasions. He scooped the tiny baby up into his large hands and held him. Lou thought that it looked so natural. His own father had only picked him up on one occasion right after his birth. Kid grinned at her - melting her heart as he always did. “Boy, she sure is beautiful, looks just like her mama” he stated. “Well Kid” she giggled, “I’m not sure he’d like being called a her”, she emphasized the he. Kid chuckled and turned a bit red. Lou saved him from his embarrassment, “A lot of folks mistake him for a girl - most say he’s to pretty to be a boy.” she stated matter-of-factly. Kid shook his head in agreement and allowed her to take the baby from his embrace as she showed him where he could wash up. She headed into the kitchen, Seth on her hip, to start to prepare some dinner. She thought she heard a horse out front, Katy must be restless, she thought, I’ll send Kid to take care of her when he comes back.

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Chapter 4

As she was preparing the chicken, she realized the horse she had heard was not Katy and one of her greatest fears was realized as she heard the front door open. “Louise!! Who the hell is here?!! Robert screamed as he entered, slamming the door against the wall, scaring Seth he began to scream. “Shut that brat up you bitch!” he spoke in a menacing tone. “Andrew please”, she pleaded, wanting at all costs to avoid the inevitable confrontation that she knew was going to take place. Before she knew it Robert was in her face, demanding to know who’s horse was out front. “What are you doing, you slut, giving away what’s mine?” he glared at her. “No Robert, please” she cried turning from him, fearing his wrath. He grabbed her by the arm harshly and spun her back around to face him. “I’m telling you Louise - I’ll get it out of you, you understand?” he spoke in a tone that made her understand that he would beat it out of her. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll tell me” he continued.

Kid appeared in the hall entrance, “Would you mind taking your hands off the lady?” At the sound of a man’s voice Robert threw Lou to the ground with the baby in her arms and turned his gaze onto the Kid. “Who the hell are you?” he boomed. Trying to remain calm he replied “well now, most folks call me Kid” he spoke cooly. “And I don’t believe that’s anyway to treat a lady, do you?” He began to head over to Louise to help her up. Robert grabbed his arm, so you’re the Kid, huh? You’re the one who used her up before I got my chance” he spoke with a voice full of hate. Kid almost growled at him, “if you know what’s good for you mister, you’ll take your hands off of me.” Focusing his attention on Louise and the baby he addressed her after Robert had released his grip on his arm, “Lou, you okay?” he questioned with concern. Robert walked in between Kid and Lou who was still sitting in the floor, “I don’t see that it’s any of your concern Kid, she’s my problem not yours, if you’ll excuse us you may leave, now!” his voice escalating with each word he spoke.

Lou was close to panicking, she knew Kid and she knew he would probably kill Robert. She had seen him on the winning end of fights often, especially when she was at the center of the argument. Her mind reeled trying to find a way to get him to leave. “Please Kid, please....” was all she got out before the Kid was on top of Robert, beating him. Robert was no match for his strength, especially that strength fueled with the anger and rage that consumed him. His hands clasped around Roberts neck and he continued to squeeze, trying to squeeze his last breath out of him. Dimly he heard Louise’s pleadings, “no Kid, no he ain’t worth it, please! Kid please don’t kill him, don’t let him be the cause of you hangin’, let him go Kid, please” her voice trembling.

Robert’s eyes had rolled back in his head as Kid released his grip. Shivering with anger he stood over the unconscious body. Although barely audible Robert was still breathing.

“Kid, you’d better leave, when he wakes up there’s no telling what he’ll do, please Kid, I’ll be alright. Just go” she pleaded with him through her tear-strained face.

He glared at her disbelievingly, “I will absolutely not leave you here!” did she think he was crazy, he thought. “You are coming with me Louise - I know how stubborn you are but you will not win this argument - do you understand?!” He did not wait for an answer, if there was one thing he knew it was that he would not leave her here for the likes of the monster that still lay unconscious at his feet. “Get a few things together for you and the baby- NOW!”, he bellowed his emotions at a fevered pitch.

Lou was startled by the tone of voice he was using, she knew it was not directed toward her, it was his rage over how Robert had treated her, but it still frightened her. She did not have time to argue or even think about it - she knew her and her babies life depended on it and she would go with the Kid for now, she would figure out what and where to go later.

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Chapter 5

After throwing a few things in her saddle bags and grabbing her old bed roll, which hadn’t been used since the express days were over they headed towards the barn. “Kid” she tried to get his attention, “Kid, what about Mary?” was all she could get out. He realized he hadn’t gotten a chance to tell her what happened in all of the commotion. His eyes softened and he looked at her, “Mary died of scarlet fever Lou, that’s why I came back here, to find my family, you and the boys.” “I’m so sorry Kid”, she was shocked by his statement. “Yeah me too, we were only married a few months, but at least she’s not in pain anymore” his voice trailed off. He turned his attention back to the task at hand. Lou watched him with pain in her heart, he was so full of so many emotions right now, and she only added to his burden, why did she always end up hurting him so? He didn’t deserve any of it.

Katy was already saddled so Kid began to saddle Lightening. “Aren’t we going to take the buck board?” she questioned him apprehensively, not sure whether he had gotten a hold of his emotions yet. “No Lou, I don’t want to take anything that belongs to him. He tried to speak soothingly to her, knowing his outbursts had frightened her. “You leaving him ain’t breaking no law, but if we take something of his he can have the law after us. We’ll just take Lightening - he’s yours” he turned around to finish saddling the horse.

“How will we carry Seth?” she questioned, feeling a little relief that Kid seemed to be coming back around. Kid tucked his coat into his gun belt and carefully placed the baby in his jacket, Seth would fit perfectly, “there” he smiled triumphantly at her “he’ll be snugly warm. “Lou looked at him worriedly, “I’m not so sure about this Kid, I’m scared.” She looked to him for support. “Trust me Lou - I’m not gonna let anything happen to either of you”, he assured her. Lou felt a peace in her heart she hadn’t felt in quite a while, since Kid had left Rock Creek, “I do trust you Kid.”

They rode out to Rachel’s place and woke her from a sound sleep. Though they didn’t have much time they made sure she understood the situation and promised to get in touch with her as soon as they got where they were going - problem was they didn’t even know that.

They rode for what Lou guessed was 4 or 5 hours and Kid slowed up. “I think Seth needs a break, we all do” he sighed. “Let’s pull up in the next town and get a room.”

Lou realized she didn’t have any money, she had forgotten in her haste. “Kid, I didn’t bring any money with me, I didn’t even think about it, what are we going to do?”

“Don’t worry about that Lou, I’ve got plenty to last us a while, until we get somewhere where I can earn some” he reassured her that he had things under control.

They came upon a small quaint town and entered the lobby of the local hotel. “Good evening”, he addressed the women behind the counter. “We’d like to get a room.” “Certainly”, she acknowledged his request, “Mr. & Mrs...?” Kid looked at Lou who was holding the very hungry and cranky Seth, she realized he was at a loss.. “Ah.. Hunter” stuttered Lou-caught off guard by the clerks question. After signing the register Kid sent Lou and Seth up to wash up, he’d grab something to eat and take care of the horses. He’d be up in just a little while.

Lou washed her and the baby and nursed him, he ate until he was satisfied and fell asleep. She laid him on the bed and curled her tiny frame around him; she did not realize how exhausted she was, it did not take long for sleep to envelope her.

Kid entered the room shortly after and found the sleeping pair. He smiled to himself at the site. He worried that she needed to eat but also knew she needed her sleep. He watched them for a moment wondering just what laid ahead for them. Maybe one day they could be his family... He made his way to the settee and after absently eating some cold biscuits and gravy was overcome by much needed sleep.

Early the next morning they stopped at the general store for the very few supplies they needed. They had to travel light, Lou was thankful that Seth was still nursing, one less mouth to have to worry about, she thought.

The next four days and nights they spent sharing the responsibility of holding Seth as they rode. Kid would find a secluded area each night and build a fire, after eating and taking care of Seth’s needs Lou was so exhausted she would fall into a deep sleep shortly after getting settled. Kid however worried (as usual) how long could they run, what were they gonna do when the money ran out, where were they going? Each night he’d fall asleep with all of these questions on his mind, he did not rest well. The only time he felt true peace was when he would watch Lou and the baby sleep. He would do whatever he needed to to keep them safe and provide for them right now. He didn’t know what the future held but for right now he resolved he would make it up to her for leaving her to find the likes of Robert Clark.

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Chapter 6

After breakfast the next morning Lou approached Kid. “You know, last time I got a letter from Jimmy he was Sheriff of a little town up in Wyoming territory, we’re heading in that direction, aren’t we? she questioned. He confirmed her statement with a nod. “I think the name of the town was something like Jackson Ridge or Jackson Bluff, that’s it, yeah it’s Jackson Bluff.

“Yeah, Kid replied, we shouldn’t be too far from Wyoming Territory. Next town we come to we’ll stop and ask around. “I’ll bet if “Wild Bill Hickock” is a sheriff around these parts, everbody’ll know about it”, he grinned at her.

Kid’s guess was right and Lou also happened to be right about the name of the town. They were told they were only about a day and a half ride from there. Neither of them were sure what they would do once they got there but both felt relieved knowing they at least had a plan now.

With some of the pressure lifted, after the nightly rituals, instead of Lou falling asleep and Kid watching them sleep they both felt like talking. They hadn’t had much of a chance to talk so far this trip. Sitting across from him peering through the fire “Kid”, she spoke to get his attention. “Yeah, Lou”, he looked at her. Feeling a little uncomfortable, but wanting to get this off her chest she continued “you know you ain’t said much to me about Robert. I know you must have some feelings about it, about him, about me for letting myself get into that situation” she chanced to look directly at him for the first time since he first arrived.

“Lou” he responded feeling overwhelmed by her piercing eyes. “I’d really rather not talk about it - if I hadn’t left, If I had only waited for you, you never would have been in that situation. It’s all my fault and it brings up too many feelings of regret, feelings I don’t want to deal with right now” he broke the gaze.

Shocked by the realization that he actually blamed himself for her situation she quickly tried to come up with the right words. “It wasn’t your fault Kid, you asked me two times to marry you, I turned you down. I knew that the last time I turned you down hurt you bad, I had wished in my heart that you would wait until I was ready, ready to give up riding. But I knew you were hurt too badly - It’s my fault for not telling you then how I really felt, for not at least telling you how much I loved you and for not stopping you from leaving me...” her voice cracking and tears beginning to flow. “Lou” Kid began to scoot closer to her bedroll, “I knew we loved each other, I just didn’t think it was meant to be, that’s why I left.” He cradled her in his arms knowing she needed to be comforted, he wondered how long it had been since she had truly been comforted by a man. Lou couldn’t remember ever feeling so protected. She never wanted to move again. They slept the night, Seth encircled by Lou who was encircled by Kid. It was the most peaceful and restful night of sleep they had gotten in months.

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Chapter 7

They awoke the next morning feeling a little awkward at the position they were in, still embracing. Lou rose and took care of Seth’s needs and breakfast mostly in silence. After a few moments Kid broke the silence “Well, better get going, wonder what Jimmy’s gonna say when we surprise ‘em?” he look amused. She smiled, knowing they had a lot of explaining to do, also feeling a little apprehensive about telling Jimmy about her life and how it turned out. She knew everybody thought she was too strong willed to have let a man control her like that, she couldn’t answer their questions when she didn’t have the answers to her own.

Before they mounted the horses, Lou wanted to thank him for what he’d done for her, for her and her baby. She stammered, feeling uncomfortable “Kid”, he looked at her, again touching her heart with his eyes. “Kid, I..I.. I just wanted to thank you for all you’ve done for me, for us... Seth and me. You have been like a savior to me, and I have no idea how to repay you. Kid shook his head, “Lou, you don’t’ owe me nothin’, I didn’t do anything any decent man wouldn’t have done.” He was desperately trying to control his emotions. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her and love her - he knew he had to get a grip on himself - they could not let their relationship go there - no yet anyway.

Lou knew the reality of the situation, she knew that any decent man wouldn’t go to the lengths to get her away from the likes of her husband that the Kid had, but sensing his uneasiness decided to leave it at that. She could still read him like a book, she knew the turmoil he was in and didn’t want to say or do anything that would make it any worse for him.

They rode the rest of the morning in silence. Each of them wondering what they were going to do when they reached their destination.

They approached the town that they had decided a few days ago would be the end of their trip. Both felt a little sadness, feeling this was nearing the end of the time they would spend together. They rode up to the sheriff’s office and dismounted. Kid handed Seth to Lou and she placed him on her hip- Kid thought she made such a natural mother, he never would have thought that a few years ago. He laid his hand on her shoulder and gently guided her up the few steps and through the door.

They saw Jimmy slumbering in his tipped back chair, his black hat covering his face. Kid cleared his throat as Jimmy peered out from under his hat. “Well I’ll be damned” he jumped up nearly toppling over. “What the hell....” he quickly glanced at the Kid and Lou with a baby on her hip, he was confused. “What the hell are you two doin’ here, if I ain’t mistaken you two idiots married other people, even though everybody knew you were made for each other, and here you are - looking like the nicest little family.”

Kid and Lou looked towards each other a bit sheepishly but quickly broke the gaze. Kid grabbed Jimmy’s hand and shook it but quickly embraced him in a bear hug. Slapping him on the back, Jimmy turned his eyes towards Lou, “Hello Jimmy” she opened her arm still balancing Seth on her hip, preparing for the big bear hug she knew was coming. “It’s a long story” she remarked hugging him. “You got some time?” “Yeah, yeah, just let me wrap some things up around here, you two go up to my place. It’s just outside of town about half a mile, you can’t miss it, looks just like a lonely bachelor ‘s place. You two go ahead - freshen up or whatever you need to do - I’ll meet you there soon.”

Lou had just barely finished feeding the baby when Kid walked into the living area - fresh from his shower. Lou’s heart skipped a beat as her memories of their showers together flooded her. Oh get a grip Louise - she chided herself. He looked at her, “You go freshen up Lou, I’ll keep an eye on Seth. She complied - gratefully, feeling the need for a good thorough shower.

When she was through, she approached Kid and Jimmy, who had come in while she was bathing. Seth was seated comfortably on Kid’s lap. They were laughing, it did her heart good to see the look of happiness on Kid’s face, it had been so full of worry lately. She could tell they were laughing about their express days, the best years of my life - our life, she sighed and made her way to the table.

She sat next to the Kid and began to tell Jimmy about the past few years and how her life had turned upside down. A lot of the information she was sharing was also new to Kid, it hurt him listening to her, knowing her pain could have been eased, knowing she never would have had to experience it if he had only given her more time - if he had only waited for her.

As if on cue - Kid picked up after Lou’s voice trailed off, filling Jimmy in up to where the Kid had shown up at her house.

Kid filled Jimmy in on his past and his marriage. Lou felt a tinge of jealously toward his wife, than berated herself for being jealous of a dead women. It was her fault he left, it was only natural he would find someone to love - he always attracted women, no matter where they went. How many times did she have to answer questions from all the girls in Sweetwater and Rock Creek. They all thought she was a boy , his ‘best’ friend, they were always trying to get her to ask him to ask them to a dance or barn raising. At the time Lou thought it was humourous, now she realized she should have understood then how blessed she was that she, even dressed as a boy, was the object of his affections. But she took it for granted and lost it. She’d been such a fool - well nothing I can do about it now, she thought.

Kid was finishing up when she realized she had been daydreaming and missed most of what he’d told Jimmy. “And after seeing the way he was treating her I almost killed him Jimmy! I could’ve ripped his heart out with my bare hands” he told Jimmy with heart-felt emotion.

Jimmy was shaking his head and Lou was looking ashamed. “Oh, please Lou don’t be ashamed, it want your fault” Jimmy stated, noticing her shame. “Besides, you made the decision to leave with the Kid; that took a lot of guts, you aren’t the kind of lady to take being treated like that, you just had a little help, that’s all” he concluded. She realized Jimmy didn’t hold her weaknesses against her and that he was only concerned for her.

He addressed Kid, “well, what are you two gonna do?” Lou & Kid glanced quickly at each other knowing they had no idea.

“Well first I need to find some decent work, then we need to find a place for Lou and Seth, somewhere safe.” he answered Jimmy.

“I think I can help you with a job, I lost a deputy a few weeks ago, been looking for a good man. I think I can trust your references” he snickered. “You think you’d be interested?” Before he could reply Lou interjected, “I don’t know if this town can take Wild Bill Hickock and the Kid back together again!” They all laughed, evoking many memories of their express days.

“And as for a place to live” Jimmy continued “you don’t know this but Buck lives up in these parts now. Found himself a wife and they have a pretty nice spread no too far from town.” Lou and Kid looked at each other and smiled, they both were excited about the prospect of seeing Buck. “It’d be my guess that they wouldn’t mind finding a little piece of land to put a cabin on, Lou you’ll really like Dawn” Jimmy added.

“And Kid you can stay here with me, until things change” he looked at Lou and Kid expecting some input from them, neither of them said a word.

It was getting late and though they were looking forward to the morning when they would ride out to see Buck again and meet his new wife, they were exhausted. Jimmy’s house didn’t offer much but he gave his bed up to Lou and Seth and he and Kid made pallets on the floor in the living area. Tomorrow was another day - they would worry about it when it came. They slept.

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Chapter 8

Lou awoke to the whining of Seth; he was hungry. After nursing, changing and dressing him and herself she left the bedroom and headed to the kitchen. She found Kid & Jimmy seated at the table drinking coffee. “Mornin’ ya’ll, when do we get started?” They laughed at her, always ready to go. “Let us finish our coffee and we’ll head out” Jimmy replied. Kid and Lou looked at each other, knowing life was getting ready to change drastically, just not sure how. They did not allow their look to linger, too many emotions, too many questions.

Buck had been as surprised as Jimmy to see Lou and Kid along with Seth. After getting the same history from both Lou and Kid that Jimmy had gotten yesterday he began to tell them his story and how he met Dawn. Lou thought Dawn was beautiful, this half-breed, like Buck, who had stolen his heart. She could see her and Dawn becoming fast friends. And she really needed a girlfriend. It’d been a long time since she had someone her age to confide in.

When Kid had filled Buck in on the immediate plans - the only plans he was making at this time- Buck excitedly informed him that there was already a cabin on the property, down by the creek. It needed a lot of work but the structure was still sound and he & Dawn would love for Lou and Seth to fix it up and make it their home. Walking away from the girls Buck turned to his old friend and looked at him puzzled, “Kid, are you sure only Lou and Seth will be needin the place?” he questioned. Dropping his head Kid replied “Buck”, he let out a slow breath “she’s still a married women, now I know you don’t understand my convictions, but one of those is that it ain’t right for a married person - woman or man to carry on with another, no matter what the circumstance is. It ain’t like I don’t want us to be a family Buck, but it’s got to be legal and all. It’s just not the right time”, he sighed “never seems to be the right time for us. I hope you can understand that” he looked to Buck for acknowledgment. Buck nodded his understanding to Kid “more importantly I hope she can” Kid added.

Kid and Lou spent their days trying to get the little cabin livable. Kid would start to work as deputy when Lou and Seth moved into the cabin. They worked side by side, communicating little. Kid knew he wanted to get her moved in and then he would start to consider his own future. Always putting her first - it was natural for him to do so. He knew his feelings for her hadn’t changed, well they really had, he knew he loved her even more now that he did years ago - but he also knew that she was married and if he stayed around too long he would probably do something he’d regret. Lou hadn’t mentioned what her plans were when it came to Robert. He didn’t think he could understand if she wanted to go back to him eventually, to try and work things out, maybe try to change him, but he knew she didn’t take marriage lightly. Hell, she had turned him down when he knew for sure she loved him because she understood what kind of commitment marriage was. He was afraid she would feel it was her duty to try to make things work - to make sure Seth knew his father. Well, he would think about that later, (when had he become such a procrastinator) he wondered. It was late, he’d head back to Jimmy’s for the night. The cabin was fixed up enough for Lou and Seth to begin staying there rather than at Jimmy’s.

“Well Lou” leaning over to kiss Seth’s head who was playing happily in his crib “I’m gonna head back to Jimmy’s, I’ll be back in the morning” he turned his attention to her “you gonna be alright?” he questioned her.

Lou looked at him, she was so confused. How did he feel about her, what were his plans for the future? So many unanswered questions. Right now all she really wanted was to run into his arms and have him hold her and tell her he’d never leave. But she knew that this was not the time for that. She was still married, she understood Kid’s convictions. Why does he have to be some damn upstanding and moral she thought, realizing at the same time that that was one of the qualities about him she loved so much. “We’ll be fine, you go get some rest” she spoke softly. “We’ve been through a lot these last few weeks.” He kissed her on the cheek and mounted Katy, watching him until she could no longer see his image.

Neither rested well that night. Both of them tossing and turning through the night with vivid dreams of the passionate lovemaking they had shared so long ago. Lou craved him so badly, she could feel his breath on her skin, his hands on her body. She wanted to cry out her need for him. It had been so long since she had truly wanted to make love, Robert only took from her. She remembered how her pleasure had always been more important to the Kid than his own. He would drive her crazy and work her into a frenzy, he was so patient-waiting for her to be completely satisfied before he began to think about his own needs. How could she have let him go- she was such an idiot! She cried softly for the man she had let leave her.

Likewise, Kid remembered every inch of her - he could imagine her in his arms, his lips caressing her neck, her shoulders. He remembered the soft giggle it always elicited when he would nibble her earlobe. He shivered thinking about how much he wanted her, how much he needed her. What she used to do to him, was still doing to him. Lou was his first and he was surprised when he and Mary made love because it did not have the same intensity and passion that he and Lou had shared. He was so naive he didn’t know there would be a difference, he didn’t realize the intensity of his and Lou’s lovemaking came from the deep love they shared. He had been disappointed about Mary, but he didn’t feel the need to please her the way he always felt the need to please Lou. She was the most important thing when it came to making love. He worked hard at bringing her pleasure, he’d never even think about his needs until she was fully ready for him. Again he shivered at the thought of her under him. He tried desperately to clear his mind of her and the images of their past. He was not successful.

They both welcomed the morning - knowing that keeping busy would take their minds off the night-time images. Kid showed up early and grinned at her. Her heart skipped a beat at his smile, the smile that always touched her. Oh, she thought, this is gonna be harder that I imagined. “Rest well?”, he questioned her as he remembered his own fitful night. She shrugged, “I guess.” Catching her uneasiness he approached her, “what’s wrong Lou?” he asked with concern. “Oh, nothin’, she sighed and busied herself. Kid was right behind her, she could feel his closeness and it unnerved her. “Come on Lou, don’t hold anything from me. I’m your friend and I want to help you, help you through this time” he urged her to share her problems with him. She was afraid to look at him afraid he’d read her true thoughts. Get a grip on yourself Louise, she told herself sternly. She wasn’t ready for the conversation she knew they would eventually have to have, for now she would be content to have him as just a friend.

“Oh Kid, really everything’s okay”, she faced him, smiling to let him know she really was okay. “Neither me or Seth rested to well last night- guess it’s just being alone and the new house and all” she lied. Convinced, Kid continued “if you’re afraid I’ll stay, I’ll make a pallet on the floor.” Lou, knowing this would never work; sure she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from attacking him if he stayed quickly responded. “No, tonight’ll be different, it’s just getting used to the new house- I’ve spent most of my nights alone Kid” she spoke only half truths. But seemingly the Kid accepted her fumbling excuse. They continued their work in completing the finishing touches to make the little cabin into a home, and it was looking more and more like a home.

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Chapter 9

A few weeks later

Lou left Seth with Dawn and ventured into town to pick up a few supplies, and stop in and see Kid, she thought to herself.

While she was at the general store she was approached by a mildly handsome tall man. “Well, well, why haven’t’ I seen you around here?” he grinned at her. She knew he thought he was charming her, but he really was only turning her stomach. But she tried to be polite - realizing she hadn’t really been given a reason to be nasty to the man. “Well sir” she replied somewhat curtly “I live outside of town and don’t get in too often, I stay pretty busy at home.” She turned back to her purchases. He continued and was close to her face, close enough the she was becoming very uncomfortable, “Oh” he continued in a sarcastic voice, “do you have a husband at home that keeps you that busy?” Lou really didn’t like the tone of his voice or his implications. “Sir” she spoke harshly. “Adams, Richard Adams ma’am,” he interrupted her. “Well Mr. Adams I don’t see that my personal life has anything to do with you” she stated flatly, “if you’ll excuse me I’d like to finish my shopping.” As she turned from him he reached for her elbow. Without even thinking she rammed it into his ribs; “Don’t touch me” she almost yelled. Surprised by her reaction, he stepped back “Well I guess you just ain’t the friendly kind, huh?” he sneered at her. “I think I’ll be seein’ you again” he turned to go. “Don’t count on it” Lou answered, trying to calm her nerves. She quickly finished her tasks and hurried to the sheriff’s office. She need to see the Kid, she needed the comfort just his presence would bring her. It bothered her that she found herself relying on him for comfort, but she also knew that it wasn’t anything she had control over.

He was talking with Jimmy as she walked into the office. He turned and his face lit up when he saw her. Oh, Lou thought to herself, he’s happy to see me too. That smile, it’ll be the death of me yet, come on Lou get a hold of yourself. “What’re you doin’ in town?” he questioned her bringing her from her thoughts. She explained that she was picking a few things up, while she was talking she noticed Kid glance toward the door. She turned to see what he was lookin at and saw a very beautiful girl walking through the door, dressed in frills and carrying a parasol. “Well hello Kid” she interrupted rudely. “Excuse me Lou” he timidly glanced at her and shrugged his shoulders. Lou felt a very unfamiliar emotion begin to rise in her - she wasn’t sure what it was because she had never been one to be very jealous, but because she wanted to gouge this girls eyes out she figured this must be jealously. She stepped back and eyed the girl, yes, she was pretty but not exactly Kid’s type. She could tell the girl was a fake, and if there was one thing she knew about Kid it was that he could read people for what they were. She tried to act like she wasn’t listening to their conversation but tired in vain to follow it. “Kid, are you goin to take me up on my long-standing invitation to dinner, I do declare” she spoke in an exaggerated southern drawl “I don’t know whatever you do with yourself in the evenings, but one of these days I’m going to convince you to come and have a good old southern home cooked meal” she teased. She eyed Lou suspiciously. Kid looked at Lou and she tried to look away before he caught her eye, “Elizabeth, this is Louise McCloud, a very good friend of mine, Louise this is Elizabeth White, her family moved here from Georgia several years ago.” “Well, nice to meet your Louise” she continued in her exaggerated accent, she was glaring at her. “Pleasure’s mine” she returned Elizabeth’s glare with equal disdain. Kid cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Well Elizabeth, I appreciate the invitation, but like I’ve said before, I have plans for this evening, maybe some other time”. Not taking her eyes off of Louise, “You always have other plans Kid, why I believe you may be hiding a mistress somewhere” she spoke with the venom of a snake. “Hold on Elizabeth, my personal life really isn’t any of your concern, as I said, I am otherwise occupied and I would thank you not to say such things about me.” He glanced at Lou and she smiled faintly. “Well” Elizabeth huffed, I know when I’m being dismissed and turned on her heels glaring at Lou as she left the office.

Jimmy had been quiet throughout the entire exchange, all of which rather amused him. Kid always seemed to get the girl, whether he wanted to or not, he thought wryly. “She’s such a bitch” he stated flatly. Both Lou and Kid’s eyes widened at his statement. “I’ll see you two later”, he left knowing they’d need to talk.

“I’m sorry Lou” he apologized for her uneasiness. She was surprised by his apology, “It’s not your fault Kid, Hell I don’t blame her for coming after you - you’re a great catch!” she laughed. “But seriously Kid” changing facial expressions “I don’t want you to pass on invitations because you feel like you have to come to the cabin, you know you need to be able to get on with your life and not feel the responsibility of taking care of me and Seth.”

“Lou” he approached her “I haven’t had any invitations that are more interesting then spending the evenings at the cabin with you and Seth, besides you can’t tell me that under any circumstances I would be attracted to the likes of Elizabeth White” he jested with her. “Well she is beautiful you know” Lou smiled at him. “No Lou” Kid became serious “beautiful isn’t what a girl looks like - and that girl is rotten to the core - won’t leave me alone and she’s about to drive me crazy. I was about to take you in may arms and kiss you just to get her off my back.” She looked at him archly “you’d better not think you can use me to make other women jealous” she joked with him. He just shook his head, one day he’d tell her he wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her and it didn’t have anything to do with other women.

He walked her down the street toward Lightening, “Hello Kid, nice to see you this morning. How are you?” Lou looked and saw a pretty blonde beckoning to him. He walked in her direction - “I’m fine Cindy thanks” his voice softer than the voice he had used with Elizabeth. “And you?” “Fine, fine thanks, and who is this?” she asked referring to Louise. Again Kid introduced her as his very good friend and Cindy smiled at her, Louise could tell she liked this girl, she wasn’t anything like Elizabeth. The only thing she didn’t like was that Cindy showed interest in Kid. “Well it was nice to meet you Louise, and Kid you know that you’re always welcome to dinner.” “Thanks” was all the Kid replied. She turned her attention to Louise “Maybe we can get to know each other better sometime” she addressed her. “I’d like that” Lou replied. Kid was surprised by Lou’s reply, he’d begun to realized that he like her tucked safely away in her cabin.

They made their way to Lightening, she swung herself up into the saddle and bent low to talk to Kid. ‘You know, you should accept some of those invitations” she teased. Stepping back and glaring at her “you can’t be serious” he retorted “I’d like to look forward to my evenings.” And with his last remark he reached up and slapped Lightening on the hind quarter and he galloped away towards home.

As She rode home, she had to admit to herself that she didn’t realized Kid was receiving the kind of attention in town she had just witnessed. It scared her. But he still chooses to spend his evenings with me and Seth she thought with relief. Maybe someday he’d be hers - but for now she’d look forward to his visit tonight.

She didn’t realize that she was being watched as she returned to her tiny cabin by the creek.

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Chapter 10

After retrieving Seth from Buck and Dawn she started to prepare the meal. Her cooking abilities surprised even her at times. She had become, thanks to Rachel a much better cook and housekeeper than she had thought possible. With her thoughts on her days as a boy riding for the express and her life since she failed to hear the sound of the door opening.

She turned as she felt someone staring at her, thinking it was too early for Kid to be there. As she turned she froze at what she saw. Standing there, glaring at her with a wicked grin was Richard Adams. She was close to panicking and realized she was without a weapon or any means of defending herself. His eyes raked over her, making her feel ashamed, knowing exactly what he had on his mind. She tried in vain to come up with a plan, but knew he had the upper hand, there was no way she was a match for him, he’d have his way and there really wasn’t anything she could do about it. He approached her with a menacing look and spoke to her in a low, taunting voice. “So, little lady, don’t seem to sassy now do we? I’ll teach you to make a fool of me in front of the town,” he pinned her against the wall. “You’re such a little snob, I’ll show you what happens to snobs when I’m around”, he began to rip at her shirt. She began to panic and tried in vain to get away from him, his whiskey-laden breath hot on her face, she thought she was going to be sick. Her mind whirling as Adams ripped her shirt away, and just as quickly she felt his grip on her released and in a blur saw him tossed through the air and land flat on his back. It only took a second and she realized that it was Kid, and he was beating the man, probably to his death if she didn’t stop him. She finally got his attention and Kid realized that Adam’s was unconscious, he grabbed her and held her tight, not wanting to let her go. His breath coming is shallow gasps. “Oh god Lou, what.. did he.... are you okay?” was all he could get out. “Yes Kid, I’m okay now... she held on to him just as tightly... thank you” she whispered and began to sob.

He held her until her sobs subsided and took her face into his large hands. “Lou, I have to go and take him in to Jimmy, I’ll be back, do you think you’ll be okay?” All she could do was nod. He took Adams in and returned as quickly as possible to find Lou sitting at the table in the kitchen holding Seth. “Lou” he approached her cautiously. She looked at him with a look that gripped his heart, he could feel her pain just as acutely as if it were his own. “I’m so sorry Lou if only I had been here....” he trailed off. She realized he was blaming himself and knew she didn’t want him to, “Kid, it’s not your fault, you can’t save me from every situation you know”, she smiled at him wanting him to know that she would be alright.

After a few moments of silence Lou stood to finish preparing the meal she started which now seemed like an eternity ago to her. As they ate the mood began to lighten. He told her that Jimmy said he would hold Adams and call for the circuit Judge, with both Lou and Kid’s testimony he’d do time for attempted rape. Lou inwardly cringed at the thought of what the man could have done to her, thanking God for sending Kid when He did.

Kid told Lou that he was going to sleep on the floor of the living area, and that he would not hear an argument from her. After the first few futile attempts she realized she would not win this one, an actually realized she’d find comfort in knowing he was there. For tonight anyhow, she didn’t think she’d have any problems with the other thoughts that had invaded her mind, she just wanted the comfort of knowing he was there with her.

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Chapter 11

It had been several weeks since Adams’ attack on her. The circuit Judge had been through and as Jimmy had suspected Adams was sentenced to 5 years in prison for his attack on Lou. Though relieved that he was no longer a threat she still felt afraid of being alone with only her and Seth in the cabin. Kid could sense her uneasiness and had taken to sleeping on the floor of the cabin since the night of the attack. Although it wasn’t always easy, they had managed to keep their feelings and emotions in check. Both realizing the comfort they got from each other’s presence was more important right now than allowing their basic instincts to take control.

One Saturday afternoon while picnicking by the creek they spoke lightly avoiding subjects that were too deep, usually talking about Seth or the days when they rode for the Pony Express. One particular story Lou was relating caused Kid to laugh while he had a mouth full of cider, he sputtered. “Damn, what a mess” as he eyed the cider which had spilled down his shirt. “Give it to me” Lou laughed at him “I’ll wash it out.” “I think I have another shirt in my saddle bag”, he rose to go to Katy who was tethered to a near by bush. Not surprised by his preparedness she watched him as he removed the soiled shirt, her breath caught in her throat at his exposed chest. He was so muscular and ... her mind began to wander back to the vivid images of her dreams, her hands caressing his muscular chest, her fingers entwining his chest hairs (no, dammit, Louise, stop it now! she reproached herself). Kid was buttoning his new shirt as he approached her and sheepishly handed her his stained shirt. “You sure Lou, I can just take it with me and wash it out at the office” he stated. “Don’t be silly, I’ll take care of it and you can get it tomorrow.”

He suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to tell her. “Oh, er .. I meant to tell you Jimmy asked me to ride out to Fort Wesley with him tomorrow, he’s got to transport a prisoner.” he looked at her closely trying to read her mind. “We’ll be gone a few days”, he continued “do you think you’ll be okay?” “It ain’t been that long since...you know...” Lou knew he was referring to Adams’ attack. “I can tell him no, you know he’ll understand” he tried to soothe her. “No Kid, it’s okay, we’ll be fine” she reassured him. Not so much afraid of being alone as she felt the dread of not seeing him for a few days. She hoped he felt the same, although he did not indicate through his facial expression that he did.

While trying to hide his emotions, he was trying to read her face. Did she care if he left, did it matter to her. He did see what he thought was a somewhat disappointed expression on her face, but he didn’t know how to take it. Was she still uneasy about being alone, or was it because she would miss him, he inwardly hoped it was the latter. He did know that when Jimmy asked him his first thought was to say no - he didn’t want to even go a day without seeing her. But then he realized that he’d have to let her go sooner or later.. Maybe this would help when that time came. He had agreed to go but still had that dull ache inside, knowing he’d miss her terribly, wanting to tell her how he felt, knowing he couldn’t.

The next day

Lou spent the day putting some finishing touches on her new home, she spent some time with Dawn, who had quickly become a close friend. After some nice leisurely conversation with her and Buck she picked up Seth and began the short walk home. She was feeling somewhat melancholy, not sure where her life was heading. She knew she couldn’t go on like this, things between her and Kid would not be like this forever. She either had to find a way to have him completely or find a way to get him to leave her life, she couldn’t continue to have him be part of her life like this, it was much too hard. She knew it was hard on him too.

After putting set Seth to bed she walked into to the kitchen and saw Kid’s shirt flung over the back of the chair. She had forgotten she told him she would wash it out for him. She crossed the room to pick it up and when she did she was hit with the scent of him. It flooded her with so many memories and emotions she had to sit, or fall. She sat back and buried her face into the cloth, filling her lungs with the scent. The scent of him, oh my god she thought, how am I going to handle this, I can’t take it anymore. She cried once again from the ache within. Without really thinking she walked into her bedroom and undressed. She put the Kid’s shirt on and hugged herself tightly. She felt such peace, she could smell him and almost feel him. She crawled between the covers of her bed and slept, a sleep full of sweet dreams, dreams she wished with all her heart would come true.

The next few days were lonely for her, it became her routine to do the chores around her place and head up to Buck and Dawn’s to offer any help she could. When she was alone with Seth, she would tell him how much she regretted that his father was the kind of man he was. How she wished Kid could be his real father. He mostly just giggled at her, not understanding any of what she was saying. She found herself sleeping each night in his shirt - feeling him, smelling him. She’d have to wash it before he came back, but for now she’d just enjoy it and the comfort it offered. It was all she could have of him - for now.

It was the following Saturday morning, Kid had been gone almost a week now. Lou tried to sleep in a little, Seth was still sleeping, but no matter what she did she couldn’t get back to sleep. So after tossing and turning for what seemed an eternity, she got out of bed and headed into the kitchen. As she approached the front of the cabin the door opened and Kid came in. He stood and stared at her. She looked at his bewilderment forgetting she was dressed only in his shirt. “What’s wrong, Kid?” afraid something was terribly the matter. Kid could not believe the feeling that was slowly engulfing him. He had absolutely lost all self-control and before he knew it he had embraced her and they were locked in a passionate kiss. He searched her lips with his, his desire growing by the second. Lou felt herself being lost in him, so many weeks of pent up emotion surfacing, she too had lost all control. All she could do was answer his yearning with her own. His hands roamed her body, finding her naked under his shirt; his desire escalating, his mind numb to anything but her and his need to have her, to make her his again. Lou was shaking trying to free him of his shirt, she wanted to feel his bare skin, needing to touch him, her long suppressed craving for him now in control. They began to make their way back to the bedroom, only breaking their passionate kiss when necessary to keep from stumbling. As Lou sank to the bed with the Kid’s shirt barely hanging on her tiny frame Kid suddenly pulled away - shock on his face, his deep blue eyes just moments ago full of desire and hunger now full of shame. “Oh god, Lou, oh...please forgive me...I, I..don’t know what came over me” he stumbled over his words. “You looked so damn beautiful standing there.... I’m sorry.. I should never....I’m so sorry I should never have lost my control. I need to go, I need to get out of here.” He turned to go still muttering “Please forgive me.” He almost ran from her leaving her trembling from passion and fear. The fear that he would leave and she would lose him again. Her breathing and heartbeat finally stabilizing she began to dress. She knew what she had to do, she was going back to find Robert. She would get him to give her a divorce. She didn’t know how or if she could, she only knew one thing, she would not lose the Kid again, she needed him as much as she needed air to breathe.

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Chapter 11

After spending sometime riding Kid had finally recovered from his loss of control. Something he was not accustomed to. If there was one thing Kid was known for it was his level head and self-control. He definitely had lost both a little while ago. He berated himself, you should have controlled yourself Kid, you had no right. He thought about her and how she looked, standing there in his shirt. He was sure that he had not wanted anything more in his life than her at that moment. He had to stop himself once again. He was afraid he was losing himself, who he was. The only thing that mattered to him was her. He needed her, he could not exist without her, he knew this now. Maybe he’d go back to Rock Creek, try to reason with Robert. He knew this idea was ludicrous, men like Robert couldn’t be reasoned with. But he’d have to try - if Robert wouldn’t divorce Lou then maybe he could overcome his convictions, knowing that they had tried. Maybe God would forgive them, but he would not live his life without her, that was the only thing he was sure of. He pulled up in front of the Sheriff’s office and noticed Lightening tethered out front.

Kid walked apprehensively into the office to find Lou talking to Jimmy. Jimmy was nodding his head in agreement to something she had said. Lou looked over at him, he turned away from her look, still uncomfortable with what had taken place a few hours ago. Jimmy excused himself, recognizing that the two needed to talk. “What are you planning, Lou?” Kid asked her realizing she and Jimmy had been up to something.

She took a deep breath, and realized they would finally have the long awaited conversation she knew was inevitable. “Kid” she looked deeply into his eyes “we can’t continue to deny our feelings, what happened back there Kid, that was bound to happen. It wasn’t your fault” she tried to assure him. “I’m as much to blame, you left so quickly, what’s the matter Kid, don’t you want me?” she questioned him with hurt in her voice. He was taken by surprise at her question, he approached her and stood just a few inches from her “Lou” he spoke in a low husky voice, “what do you mean; don’t I want you? Only every minute of every day, I haven’t slept in weeks because my mind is full of you and how much I want you. When I saw you standing there, looking so damn sexy, I’ve never in my life felt the feelings that I felt. I lost all control, hell I didn’t know or care about anything else at all... all I wanted was you; to hold you and kiss you and make love to you” he finished his emotional appeal. Lou’s tears were freely flowing, “I’m so sorry Kid” knowing the guilt over his actions was eating him up. “I didn’t know you were coming - I wouldn’t have been dressed like that.. I mean in your shirt and nothin’ else.”

“I shouldn’t have come in without knockin’, I just thought you’d be up and dressed” he spoke finally feeling comfortable with her. Realizing they both had come to a decision regarding their future a sense of relief replaced the earlier tension filled air. “ I have to tell you Lou” he continued “if we ever get this all worked out and you ever become mine once and for all you are never allowed to wear anything but my shirts” he grinned at her “do you have any idea what you do to me?” his eyes piercing her soul. “Kid” she laughed at him “the other day after you left I picked it up to wash it and smelled you, it was the best smell”...she lingered for just a moment.. “it brought such comfort, I slipped it on and crawled into bed. I felt like I was sleeping with your arms wrapped around me and it felt like you were at my side cause I could smell you, I’m sorry Kid but I never washed it” she grinned at him shyly. “I slept better those nights than I have in years Kid.” Realizing she had made up her mind she continued, “I’ve got to go back to Robert and convince him to give me a divorce. I can’t live without you” her eyes filled with emotion. Thinking that he intended to disagree with her she stopped him before he could start “please don’t try and stop me.”

“I’m not gonna stop you Lou, that’s where I was headin’ - we’ll go together” he simply stated.

“Kid, that ain’t such a good idea, Robert’s more likely to give me what I want if he don’t know your the reason I’m askin” she tried to reason with him. “Jimmy’s going to come with me, maybe he’ll cooperate more with the law by my side”.

“Well then we’ll all go - I’ll lay low, I promise.” he tried to reassure her. “And I ain’t gonna argue about it, besides when I came out west I had all the money from selling my farm in Virginia and I put it in the bank in Sweetwater and didn’t have time to get it out before we left, so I need to go. And that’s final Louise Elizabeth McCloud” he stated abruptly. Lou knew she could almost always have her way with the Kid except when he used her full name. She gave in reluctantly and they began to make their plans. Seth was already at Buck and Dawn’s, they needed a few supplies and then they’d be on their way.

Jimmy had made arrangements with another deputy to take over his duties for a while, he didn’t know how long he’d be gone. They mounted their horses and headed toward Rock Creek.

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Chapter 12

The three riders headed out towards their destination. Lou felt apprehensive about the next few days. One way or another her life would never be the same. Her hope was that Robert would easily hand her her freedom, but her fear - probably the more appropriate of the two emotions was that someone was gonna get hurt, maybe even killed. She tried not to think of what would happen to her if it was Kid who didn’t make it. Oh she wished he had stayed back in Jackson Bluff. But she knew he was as pigheaded as she was and he was gonna come with them no matter what, she knew it would have been futile to argue with him. She prayed that God wouldn’t take him from her.

Kid also lost in his thoughts, he knew the kind of man Robert was, he knew that even though he didn’t love Lou he wouldn’t just grant her a divorce, he wouldn’t just let her be happy. Men like Robert enjoyed seeing people miserable, Kid knew Robert would love nothing more that to see Lou broken and unhappy for the rest of her life. He longed to make her smile, to hear her laugh or just have her look at him with the fire that used to light up her eyes. He had started to see it a little more frequently over the past few weeks, and he definitely saw it yesterday when their passion got out of control. He wasn’t sure how he was going to ensure that the future was meant for him and Lou to be together, but he was determined to try...or die trying.

Jimmy knew the danger of the situation they were headed for, but he also knew that Lou and Kid where intended to be together from the start. Everyone knew that. There had been a time that Jimmy thought he could love her and she him, but after the way Kid and Lou looked at each other there was no mistaken the deep love they held for each other. Yes, their relationship had been stormy at best, but when they were on again, they were definitely on again. The rest of the riders always made a lot of noise intentionally whenever the two were at the station at the same time. There was no telling where those two might end up, they never could keep their hands off each other. Jimmy suspected all the other riders were jealous, like him. But he finally realized his jealously didn’t come from being envious of who Kid had, it was what they shared. He still didn’t think he’d ever find what those two had.

No one believed it when Kid left, they all thought he rode out to let off steam, he’d be back in a day or two and they’d patch things up and the riders would be back to making lots of noise to avoid embarrassing situations. Well Kid didn’t come back and Lou got married, then Kid got himself married. He still thought that it saddened them all, but they never really got a chance to talk about it. After the express was disbanded, they all went their separate ways. Jimmy hadn’t heard from the Kid since he left and would periodically get letters from Lou. Although she never mentioned her situation, he could tell she was not happy, he even sensed more - he could sense from her writing that she was being mistreated. So Kid finally shows up - and because he still is that damn honest and honorable, he can’t just take her and Seth and live happily ever after somewhere. No, Jimmy thought shaking his head, no, damn fool’s probably going to get himself killed.

He was startled by Lou as Lightening approached him. “Jimmy, let’s find a place to camp - I’m tired and hungry” she groaned. He didn’t realized it but they been traveling all day and it was almost sunset. They all needed a break. Even though Kid was anxious to get as much ground under them as they could; he didn’t want this to go on any longer than necessary, he had to admit his backside was aching and he could stand some food too.

They quickly made camp and with the little bit of sunshine left Jimmy was gonna try and hunt something down for the meal. He left Lou and Kid. “Kid” Lou quietly got his attention. “Mmh”, he looked at her. “Kid, I need you to promise me something” she looked at him with her eyes that were windows to her heart. “Anything”, he replied meaning every word. “You have to promise me that if something happens to me”....she paused “you know, if I don’t make it out of this” he tried to interrupt her, to let her know he’d never let anything happen to her but she stopped him. “Promise me you’ll take Seth, you won’t let Robert have him, you’ll promise me that, won’t you” she pleaded with him. “I am not going to let anything happen to you, you understand?” he spoke sternly to her. “I will die before he lays even a finger on you again” he sighed heavily. Tears began to well in her eyes, “I know Kid and I believe you, but we.. we don’t always control our own destinies”, she tried to control her quivering voice “I pray that my destiny is to grow old with you, but there ain’t no guarantees, you must promise me” her voice steadier and solemn, “or I swear I will ride out of here alone and do this myself.” Kid decided he’d promise her, knowing full well she intended to do just as she had spoken. “I promise, as long as you promise me something” he scooted closer to her. “Promise that if we both get out of this alive” ...he hesitated. She peered at him, urging him to continue. “That you won’t say no to me again” he finally finished his thought. He continued before he gave her a chance to answer, “I can’t imagine my life without you, I’d rather die trying to have you for myself.... than live knowing you won’t be mine.” She sighed, how could he not know how she felt. She thought for sure, even if she’d not said it that she had shown it. Maybe the pain she caused years ago was still fresh to him, maybe he just had to be certain that she would not hurt him again.

“I’d never say no to you again Kid, I hope you know that I love you” her eyes piercing his soul. Kid could, just for a moment see that glitter he longed to give back to her. Knowing Robert had stolen some of her innocence and feistiness, his prayer was that one day he could return it to her. Seeing the look she gave him sent shivers down his spine. God, how he loved her. She kissed him on the cheek and he encircled her in his arms, he would keep his emotions in check for just a few more days, seeing the end of the tunnel made it a little easier, he just hoped there was light at the end of it.

Jimmy was successful and they ate a great meal of roasted rabbit. After excusing herself to make the call of nature Jimmy and Kid both extended their bedrolls, Kid unrolled Lou’s and laid it next to his. Jimmy’s eyebrows shot up - “you sure you can stand it Kid?” he questioned, he could not escape the emotional tension between the two. “Yeah” Kid chuckled, “I’m in control.” Jimmy shrugged, not so sure.

Lou returned and smiled at the Kid when she saw the arrangement - she knew it’d be okay, Jimmy was just across the fire from them, she couldn’t have him anyway. It would certainly help her to keep from attacking him. They slept, Lou nestled in his arms. However, their dreams that night filled with the dread of the unknown.

Jimmy watched the pair before he himself dozed off, wonder if they’ll ever catch a break, wonder if they ever get to be truly happy? Soon the fired died down and the sounds of the crickets and soft breathing was in the air.

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Chapter 13

A few days later the riders were approaching the town limits. All of them silent as the buildings rose up from the plains. Kid wanted to ride up to Lou and tell her how much she meant to him, why they had to do this; there was so much he wanted to say, but sensing her nervousness decided not to, fearing he would only add to her worry. He knew she was digging deep within herself to muster all of the courage she had; and even though he knew it was plenty, he knew she was probably doubting herself. He hoped she knew how deep his feelings ran and that if anything happened to him that would have to be enough. He wanted to tell Jimmy to take Lou back with him and to look after both Lou and Seth, and to be sure that Robert didn’t get anywhere near either of them - but he knew his friend - he knew he’d do everything in his power to protect Lou and her child if he wasn’t around to do it.

Each of the riders full of dread and worry over the unknown, they pulled to a stop. “I guess this is where we’ll split up Kid” Jimmy eyed Kid worriedly. “You stay outta site - you hear me?!” he spoke like he knew Kid would defy him. “Yeah, Jimmy” he looked sheepishly at him “I hear ya” - not promising him anything.

Kid looked at Lou and without words told her he loved her more than anything in the world and that he believed in her. She smiled at him and mouthed “I love you” silently. He nodded and rode ahead of the two. Her heart breaking; she didn’t have such a good feeling about what was about to happen.

After Kid was out of site, Jimmy and Lou headed into town. As they approached Lou’s house they noticed it was in shambles, it didn’t look like anyone had lived there for quite a while. Cautiously they pulled their horses to the hitching post out front. Jimmy’s well-trained eyes surveying the situation, alert for Robert or any other trouble. The dismounted, Lou’s heart beating so loudly she could swear Jimmy should be able to hear it. As they walked in the front door, which was ajar, she had to gasp at the site. Furniture was overturned, items were strewn, all the pictures were either off the walls, broken or hanging lopsided and broken- as if a tornado had struck. Fear gripped her heart as she realized the tornado that destroyed her house was Robert.

Her first reaction was to cry and to try and pick up some of the things that were so tattered, but then just as quickly, she realized that this part of her life was in the past, and everything she had left behind somehow belonged to Robert, she would let all of this go.

Jimmy gave her a few moments to compose herself. “Lou” he hesitated until she looked at him “he ain’t here” was all he said.

With her thoughts becoming more rational she looked to Jimmy for answers. “Where do we look Jimmy, what if he’s gone, how will I know?” she was relying on him for guidance. He was at a loss, he didn’t like seeing her this way.

“Let’s go to the saloon” he answered, “I’m sure some low-life over there will know” his eyes on Lou trying to read her thoughts (Hell, only Kid can do that) he thought.

“Maybe he’s just away as usual” she stated mostly trying to comfort herself - “We’ll just wait for him”. She was slowly losing the courage she had approached the house with. It had taken her a good part of the mornings ride to build it, but she felt herself losing it as she realized the confrontation with Robert would not be today. She sighed and breathed a little easier.

They mounted the horses and headed toward the saloon. They both expected to find it quite deserted, considering it was only mid-afternoon. As they got closer they could tell there was some activity and Lou was relieved that at least they might get some answers as to Robert’s whereabouts.

Meanwhile Kid had ridden in through town before Jimmy and Lou and had passed slowly by the house that he had only seen once. He silently prayed that Lou would not be too upset by the condition it was in. He continued through town until he reached the bank. He stepped inside to complete his transactions. He planned to meet Jimmy and Lou later, where they had camped for the night. He’d just finish here then head back out there, to sit, wait and worry....

Jimmy and Lou entered the saloon and immediately Lou saw Robert. Her heart stopped. Robert was sitting at a table drinking whiskey with a saloon girl on his lap and laughing loudly. Jimmy had never seen Robert, but judging by the look on Lou’s face, the man making all the racket must be him.

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Chapter 14

Lou stared at him, trying to recover the courage she had let slip away earlier - cursing herself for letting her guard down. (Why wouldn’t I think this is where he’d be dammit! Come on Louise, you can do this, for Seth and for you.... her mind wandered to the Kid and what they could have together if she could just pull this off) She was surprised at the feelings building back up in her as she thought about what she wanted her life to be. Her loathing for the man seated in front of her visibly evident, now.

He peered over his whiskey filled glass that he was drinking and almost choked as he noticed her staring at him. After clearing his throat and wiping the liquor from his chin he glared at her, “Well, well, well....look here” he motioned to the saloon girl “look who’s come back” he sneered. A malicious grin forming on his face (which Lou thought made him look like the devil himself) “So, you finally came back, huh?” he stood to his feet, the saloon girl falling into a heap on the floor. “I knew you wouldn’t stay away too long, you’re nothing without me Louise dear - nothing!” He started towards her and Jimmy stepped forward. For the first time Robert took notice of him and his badge. “Well now, Louise what’d you bring the law for” his question directed more towards Jimmy than Lou. “I haven’t done anything against the law, now have I?” Jimmy didn’t say a word, he silently prayed that God would give her the strength she needed.

Lou finally found her voice and determined she would not sound afraid, cleared her throat and prayed for a steady, convincing voice. “Robert, I’ve come to ask you for a divorce.” she stated flatly and sighed inwardly, thinking she sounded pretty convincing.

“YOU WHAT!” he laughed at her menacingly. He shouted “you are out of your mind, you’re mine Louise” he growled “there’s no way I’ll give you your freedom - you should have known better than to ask!” he spoke to her in the tone he used to use when he was angry enough to kill her.

His threatening tone alerting Jimmy, he began to step between Lou and Robert, who was approaching her quickly. The saloon had grown quiet - all eyes on the threesome. “Why, that’s Wild Bill Hickock” Jimmy heard a voice from behind him, inwardly he growled. Robert’s attention left Louise for a moment as he looked at Jimmy then back at her. “Well Louise, I see you’ve got some pretty famous friends” his voice becoming more and more evil as he spoke. Lou could see in his eyes that he was not thinking rationally - his temper mixed with alcohol was always a dangerous mix. She felt very vulnerable, her old self-image returning, even with Jimmy by her side.

Jimmy turned to find the voice who had identified him - in that split second Robert grabbed an unsuspecting Louise and yanked her to him. His gun unholstered and pointed at her temple.

Jimmy froze and cursed himself. He realized any move he made would probably end in her death. He knew that Robert was crazy and he had completely lost his mind and wouldn’t hesitate in pulling the trigger.

Lou stood perfectly still, he leaned into her and bit her ear as he whispered hoarsely, “Now, I’ve really missed you Louise, I hope you didn’t let pretty boy Kid use you all up again...” her skin crawling at his lusty voice. “Now you and me - we’re gonna leave real quiet like so we can get reacquainted” he eyed Jimmy daring him to make a move. Robert began to back out of the saloon toward the doors, dragging Louise. Jimmy was frozen, frantically trying to come up with a plan.

Kid had finished at the bank and was mounting Katy as he heard some kids run by yelling about a fight at the saloon. His heart fell to his stomach, he had a gut feeling that it involved Lou and Robert. “Oh please God, no” he mumbled a quick prayer and kicked Katy into a full gallop.

As he got to the saloon he saw Robert dragging Lou at gunpoint down the steps into the street.

His usual approach to dangerous situations was to think it through-have a plan. But seeing the situation, his mind blurred and he didn’t see anything but the monster of a man they had come to confront aiming his gun at Lou and dragging her roughly in the street.

It had been so long since his gun fighting days - he briefly prayed that the accuracy he’d become known for was still as sharp as ever. Without a second thought he drew his gun and heard himself yell “ROBERT!” At the sound of his voice Robert spun around quickly, noticing his foe he dropped Louise and took aim at the Kid - firing two shots rapidly. Robert fell to a heap at Lou’s side.

Lou looked over and saw Robert, crumpled and obviously dead. Shaken and hysterical she looked over to where she had heard Kid call Robert out. What she saw paralyzed her as she realized her worst fear had been realized.

**************************************************

Chapter 14

Kid lay in a pool of blood, by the time Lou came to her senses he was surrounded by some of the townsfolk. She stumbled to him and found him bleeding badly and unconscious. “Somebody get the doctor!” she yelled as she absent mindedly placed her hands over the gushing wound next to his heart. She began to sob and scream his name. “Kid, Kid, please.....Kid please don’t die, I need you Kid....you know that.....I don’t ...I can’t live my life without you, please” she sobbed sinking her head into his chest, not caring that she was being covered in blood, his blood.

Jimmy came running quickly with the doctor and he began to pull Lou away from the Kid to let the doctor get a closer look. Jimmy finally pulled her into his embrace, after she refused to let go of her love. He held her tiny trembling body trying to soothe her, but not accomplishing it. The doctor ordered a few men to help carry the Kid to his surgery. Jimmy, Lou & Rachel, who had heard the commotion and had joined them by now followed.

It seemed like hours since the doctor had taken Kid into his surgery, the three waited impatiently for him to come and fill them in. Lou wasn’t sure whether it was good or bad that it was taking so long, if he was dead surely the doctor would have come out and told them by now, but if he wasn’t what on earth could he be doing. She was almost physically sick, Rachel sat next to her stroking her hair and trying to soothe her with words, words that Lou did not hear. Jimmy paced, blaming himself for the entire situation, thinking he should have handled the whole thing differently. All of them lost in their thoughts and the only if’s, when the door to the surgery opened.

The doctor approached Lou, his face grim. “I really don’t know what else to do, it doesn’t look good” he tried to be honest without being too blunt. “The bullet missed his heart by only an inch, but I got it out, however, he’s lost a lot of blood. I’m not sure he can recover from that much blood loss” he look at her sympathetically “We’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Can I see him” she whispered, unable to find her voice.

“Yes, for a few minutes, but miss I want you to be prepared, he doesn’t look good” he warned.

She entered the room and tried to prepare herself for what she would see, but when her eyes found him lying, almost lifeless and paper white she felt a cold chill, she thought he looked dead. “Oh god,” she looked to the doctor for reassurance that he was still alive. “Yes ma’am, he’s still alive, but as I said I don’t know whether he’ll make it” he left the room. Lou approached the bed apprehensively and reached out to touch his hand, “Oh God” she pleaded “please God don’t take him from me, not now, not when we can finally be a family” tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

As she placed her small hand over his rather large hand she noticed that it was warm, the warmth bringing her some comfort, but still there was no response from the Kid.

After a few minutes the doctor came back in and told her to go get some rest, he would need her to help tomorrow with trying to feed him and to bath his wound. She reluctantly let go of him and in a trance-like state followed Rachel and Jimmy back to Rachel’s house.

She tossed and turned all night, not sleeping at all. If she dozed off even for a second, she’d dream Kid had died and would wake in a sweat with a scream caught in her throat. So she decided to think about the good times they had, back when they rode for the Pony Express. She would tell him tomorrow, whether he could hear her or not, exactly how she felt about him, even way back when they first started riding, before he knew she was a girl. Tomorrow she thought as she welcomed a few moments of sleep.

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Chapter 15

She woke very early and before anyone else was up made her way back to the doctors. She found the doctor tending to Kid’s bandages. She didn’t think that he looked any different; he was still pale and unconscious. When the doctor finished he gave her some instructions on trying to get some broth in him and what to do if the bandages started to get soaked with blood. After he felt she understood he left her alone with the patient.

She sat by his side and again took hold of his hand, which to her delight was still warm to her touch. She touched her lips gently to his and whispered that she love him. Oh, how she wished he would return her kiss, knowing that he wouldn’t.

She sighed, ready to begin the vigil that she would keep until he awoke, or at least until she hoped he would awake. “Kid, I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I’m gonna talk to you like you can, I have to believe that you can and that you’ll wake soon and everything will be fine.”

As she settled in for her story she had planned to tell him she thought she felt his hand squeeze hers ever so gently, she waited for a moment and did not feel it again. She reasoned that it must have been her imagination.

“Well Kid” she let out a slow even breath “let me start from the beginning. The first day I came to the station I was scared to death. I didn’t know how I was gonna pull off living with and acting like a boy. And when we all lined up on the fence that day and Teaspoon was giving us the rules, I looked down the line and was even more afraid, Jimmy looked so rough and scary to me and Cody was so cocky, Buck and Ike, well Ike scared me to death and Buck well he was and Indian for goodness sake and then..... I looked at you. I swear to you Kid that my heart skipped a beat when I first looked at you, I had to chide myself and tell myself to stop it. I was not gonna look at any boys let alone any of the boys I had to live with that way. My goal was to make enough money to get my brother and sister out of the orphanage and falling for someone was only gonna get in my way. But as things went on I found myself falling for you anyway, I didn’t have any control over it.” She paused to drink some water, and try to get a little broth into Kid.

When she seemed to have gotten a few spoonfuls down, she placed the bowl back down and took his hand back into hers. She continued with her story.

“Everyday I found myself looking for you and feeling relief every time you came back from a ride. But I had to be so careful, I was afraid that I’d give myself away, so I tried to ignore you. You probably thought I just didn’t like you or I was unfriendly, but it was a way of protecting my identity. Then you found out I was a girl and everything changed. I knew after you kept my secret that I’d have a hard time trying to not fall in love with you. And I wasn’t very successful at it. I looked forward to seeing you everyday. And I worried when you were on rides, yes Kid, I worried about you, I bet you don’t believe that, huh?” she wished he would reply. “So life went on for a little while, each day I fell deeper and deeper in love with you, even though I tried not to, I couldn’t help it - you were always so kind and thoughtful and every time I looked at you my heart would race.

“Then...... the first time you kissed me - outside the dance that night - I thought I was going to explode. I had never been kissed like that before and it really opened up the flood gates. I was helplessly and hopelessly in love with you after that night. But it scared me too. I didn’t know where to go from there. I knew I wasn’t ready to not be Lou anymore, but I also knew that I wanted you. I was so very confused Kid. With all the tension that was mounting between us I knew we would end up being with each other..... you know. And I wanted it Kid, more than anything in the world, I wanted to be with you, especially with it being my first time. And it was everything I expected it to be - you were perfect and treated me like I was really something special. It’s my favorite memory of my life so far....” her voice trailed as her mind wandered. “Kid wake up, wake up so we can make more memories.” Gathering her thoughts again, she continued.

“Well things were so wonderful for a little while, then you began to worry and fret so much, I know Kid, I know that’s your nature. But I wasn’t used to it, and I really began to feel crowded. Like you didn’t have any faith in me or my ability to take care of myself. I know now that I was wrong, that you only acted like that out of love, but Kid at the time all I could see was that you didn’t think I could protect myself.”

“You wanted to move ahead so fast in our relationship, and I wasn’t ready, or at least I didn’t think I was ready to give up riding and become the women I needed to be to be with you.” What an idiot I was, she told herself again.

“Anyway, I thought you’d be okay with that, at least at first. But I knew.... I knew that after the second time you asked me to marry you and I said no, I knew that that one hurt you bad. I had really hoped you’d find a way to be patient and wait but I also knew that you couldn’t. I was so selfish”....she paused again to reflect on how much all of what happened was her fault. “Oh Kid, I hope you can forgive me for not saying yes so long ago when I should have, none of this would have happened to you....” she cried.

A few moments later she continued her story, there was no changes in Kid’s condition. “Anyway”, she wiped her nose “when Jimmy and I were out on that last ride before you left we talked, he helped me to understand how lucky...er blessed really.... that I was to have you and to have the kind of love we shared. I realized then how much I needed you and I didn’t know how it would all work out but when we got back from the ride I was going to tell you... tell you I was ready to be what I needed to be to have you. But when we got back you were gone - I’ve never felt so alone. I wanted to go after you but Teaspoon told me you’d been gone for a few days and I knew I’d probably never find you. Well I decided to wait, hoping you’d blow off some steam and come back and we’d work everything out. You never came back” her voice almost a whisper now.

“Anyway time went by and the Express closed down and I helped Rachel for a while after all the boys went their own ways. I was planning on headin’ to St. Joe to get Teresa and Jeremiah when Rachel got sick. I told her I’d take over as school teacher until she got better. I was existing Kid, but not really living. I was really wondering what my life was all about.”

“It wasn’t too long after that that Robert showed up, I really didn’t want to have anything to do with him, but he was persistent and he finally talked me into dinner. And I actually laughed a little that night for the first time in a very long time. Eventually I realized that you were gone, that I had let the one true love of my life get away, so when Robert asked me to marry him I said yes. I knew I’d never be happy, like you and I could have been, but I owed it to myself and at least try to have a life. So we were married, probably the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life, other than saying no to you.

It wasn’t too bad at first - never even came close to being what you and I shared, but it was tolerable. And then he changed; I’m still not sure what happened but he started to hate me and treat me badly. At first I fought him, but when I realized it only made things worse I gave up, I figured he’d do less damage if I just gave in - and I was right.

He’d stay away for long periods of time and only come home every once in a while and as long as I didn’t fight with him he’d take me to bed, satisfy himself, roll over and sleep off the drunk he was in. He’d leave in the morning and I knew I had a while before I had to worry about it again. I guess I just learned to live with it, figuring I chose my own destiny.

Then I found you had married. I really was glad for you Kid, it hurt deep down, but I was glad you had found someone. But it did make my life even more bleak, I figured I didn’t have much to live for.... no I’d never do anything stupid, but I wouldn’t have minded at that point if Robert had killed me. And then I found out I was pregnant.

I was so scared, every time I got scared and lonely like that I’d think about you and for just a little while I’d feel better, than I’d think about you and your wife and I’d be so overwhelmed with sorrow that I’d have to stop day dreaming and I’d remember that I was pregnant and I’d be scared again. It... it was really a living hell.” She sighed ready to continue, Kid continued his slow rhythmic breathing.

“Anyway, Robert left me alone the whole time I carried Seth, guess he had a soft spot somewhere. When Seth came I was by myself and had to make my way here, to the doctor’s office - alone. I made it just in time. He came into this world - a screaming, squirming pink ball. It scared me to death, I didn’t know how to take care of him, Rachel helped of course but I felt like a 13 year old school girl. But I guess I learned more than I thought from taking care of my brother and sister and with Rachel’s help it didn’t take long before I knew I could handle it, mothering just started to come naturally.

Robert showed up a few days later and was actually kind for a day or two, sort of acted like when we were courting. I got my hopes up a little, thinking we might yet be able to be the family I’ve always dreamed about having. But as soon as I could get around he went right back to being the cruel man he had become. He finally left and only came around every other month or so. Seth and I were doing okay - I was happy as long as he stayed away.

The pain in her heart beginning to lift as she shared her past with the Kid, even if he couldn’t hear her, she continued. “Then you showed up Kid” she sighed “I’ll tell you when I first noticed the horse coming to the house my heart stopped - I thought it was him and I wasn’t ready for that yet - you see, I had decided I wasn’t going to take it anymore, I just hadn’t worked out a plan yet. I wasn’t sure whether we’d just leave or if I’d try and kill him next time he tried to touch me. I swear I would have done it” she spoke with determination.

“Then as you got closer I thought I recognized Katy and my heart began to beat wildly. I tried to tell myself that I was imagining things, but you got closer and closer and I could tell it was you. I had to yell at myself, tell myself not to make a fool of myself. As soon as you got down off of Katy all I wanted to do was run into your arms, I wanted to feel the comfort that they always brought to me. Then I was brought back to reality and remembered that you were married; and I was too. When you hugged me I thought I’d burst into tears and beg you to take me away with you - for us to go as far as we could and love each other the way we used to. But I knew I couldn’t. Then when you came in and I saw you look at Seth and pick him up my heart swelled. I knew I would leave Robert and even though I didn’t know about your wife, I knew I’d rather be alone with my memories of you than to stay there and be subjected to his abuse for the rest of my life.”

She sat back, looking at the Kid, praying for a change in his condition. Hoping her words had somehow gotten through to him, but feeling his unconsciousness prevented him from even knowing she was there. “Anyway, you know the rest from there. You saved my life Kid, physically and emotionally. At first all I wanted was to get away from him....but then as we spent more and more time together - especially after I found out that Mary had died, all I could think about was us and how we were supposed to be together - how much I need you. Oh please Kid, wake up, I need to tell you how much I need you.”

Lou realized she had talked most of the morning and was stiff from leaning over the bed to be as close to him as she could. It was about time for the doctor to come back and change his bandages so she let go of his hand to stand and bent close to his face to kiss him. This time she knew she wasn’t imagining things. His eyes began to flicker and he slowly but deliberately tried to lift his hand to find hers again. At first she was speechless, than she realized what was happening. She was right in his face - “Kid, Kid are you awake?!” she cupped his face in her hands. He opened his eyes, ever so slowly - his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes and looked into hers. “Lou?” he looked in confusion. “What happened?” he questioned weakly.

Her heart leapt from her chest, she felt like the world had offered her a brand new beginning and fought the urge to wrap her arms around him, knowing this would add to the pain he must be in. “Kid, you’re gonna be fine” she smiled at him overjoyed. “Oh Kid, I love you so much”...she leaned in and kissed his lips again. They were dried and cracked and she could tell he needed water. She stood to get the glass and he wouldn’t let her hand go - “Don’t go” he begged. “Kid, I’m only going to get you some water..I’ll be right back - I am not going anywhere, you’ll never be able to get rid of me now” she teased him.

Kid tried to smile but realized he was in pain - he couldn’t remember anything about what happened after he saw Robert holding the gun to Lou’s head. He knew that he hurt and Lou was taking care of him so she must be okay - but what about Robert. It was beginning to overwhelm him so he closed his eyes and unconsciousness again overtook him.

The doctor entered as Lou was getting the water. “He’s awake doc” she excitedly informed him. “He’ll be fine now, I’m just getting him some water, he needs to drink something.” Lou realized she was rambling like a little girl, but she didn’t care.

The doctor went to examine him and found him unconscious. Not wanting to question Louise he just started to tend his wounds. He was beginning to worry about the situation - he didn’t think the Kid had much going for him. As he was unwrapping his bandages Lou came back into the room and also saw he was again unconscious. She got right next to his ear and kissing his earlobe she whispered “wake up Kid, the doctor’s here to see you.” To the surprise of the doctor the Kid opened his eyes. “Well, well I was beginning to think your little lady was imagining things, but I see I was wrong.” Lou smiled and the Kid glanced at her with those eyes, those eyes that told her all she needed to know. She wanted to shout for joy, she knew that they would finally be together the way the good Lord had planned from the beginning of time.

The doctor finished his bandaging, explained to them both that Kid needed to stay still to give the wound time to heal, they had to be patient. Both nodding their understanding, both wanting to do everything possible to enable him to heal fully as quickly as possible. Kid still worried about Robert.

Lou could tell he had a question on his mind and she figured it had to do with Robert. “Kid, you shot him right after he fired at you” she informed him before he was able to ask the question.

“Guess you’re just a better shot than he was. He was killed instantly”. Kid had never felt joy over killing anyone, and he didn’t feel joy over killing Robert, only a sense of relief. Not only did this free Lou from her life of hell, but it also freed her to become his. And he knew now that she would not say no to him.

**************************************************

Chapter 16

Days went by and Kid’s recovery was going smoothly. Rachel visited one day while Lou was out running errands. Kid knew what he wanted to do - he just had to devise a plan and he needed Rachels help.

Kid didn’t want Lou to know just how much better he was so when she was around he moaned and groaned and barely moved a muscle, but when she wasn’t there he was using the time to strengthen himself. He could get around now without any problems, but he wanted to be sure he could lift her; that was part of his plan.

After a few weeks, Rachel had assured him that everything was in place and today was the day. He was nervous with anticipation; he had waited a long time for this, seems like my whole life he thought. He began to doubt himself, maybe I’ve misread her .... no..that’s ridiculous, I’m just nervous he thought, I hope that’s all it is. Didn’t she tell me she’d never leave me again, that she’d never so no. He knew this was what she wanted too, they would finally belong to each other both emotionally and legally. Setting his doubts aside, he concentrated on dressing and getting ready for Louise.

She walked through the door looking radiant. But as soon as she saw the Kid she was quick to insist that he get back to bed. “Oh no Lou, I’ve waited too long for you, I’m not planning on taking any chances” and to her great surprise he easily scooped her into his strong arms and began to walk out of the doctor’s surgery, where he had been for the last few weeks.

As she began to protest he quieted her with a passionate kiss. This was definitely a healed Kid, she thought to herself.

As he released her from his passionate embrace he stared deeply into her eyes, she felt her heart stop as she thought she could see heaven in the beautiful blue sea of his eyes, eyes that never ceased to amaze her. “What are we doing?” she questioned. Kid didn’t answer as he approached the little church and began to ascend the stairs.

As they walked through the doors Lou looked in amazement as she saw Rachel, Jimmy, Buck, Dawn and Seth standing at the altar with the preacher waiting. She was too stunned to say anything.

Kid was still carrying her in his strong arms, he looked at her, fearful that maybe he had indeed misread her thoughts. Maybe he was wrong to assume this is what she wanted. He wasn’t sure he’d ever learn how to make her happy.

As he was questioning himself Lou finally found her voice and turned her eyes to his - “Oh Kid”, realizing this was his third proposal, she hugged his neck “Yes, yes,” she kissed his lips and looked directly into his eyes and said “forever and ever I will always be yours. I love you and I’m so glad you never gave up on me - even though I had almost given up on myself.”

He slowly lowered her to the floor and they approached the alter together. She looked at the crowd-her family- all of them grinning, receiving from them the acknowledgment that they all loved her and Kid with all their hearts and were equally as happy as she and the Kid were at this moment.

The minister cleared his throat to begin the ceremony. Kid interrupted him, “Excuse Reverend, but I’d like to say a few words to Lou if I may.” A little surprised the preacher nodded his head.

Kid directed his full attention to the beautiful women standing at his side. “ Lou... Louise, uh hem, when I left here a few years ago I left with a heavy heart, knowing I would never love anyone the way I loved you, but I also couldn’t stay here without being able to have you. So I made the decision to leave - right or wrong I left. As you know I did marry after a while but I never loved her the way a husband should love his wife, I never loved her the way I love you. I never once stopped loving you or thinking about you. I realized a long time ago that you were the other half of my soul, that I never could truly be a whole person without you. I had resigned myself to the fact that I’d go through life like that and that was okay - because it was the choice I had made. But after Mary died I realized I had to get back to you and even though you were married I’d come and just be close enough to be comforted in knowing that you were okay and we could be friends. I know now how dumb that was - you and I could never be just friends” he blushed slightly at the thought that entered his mind. “Anyway things have worked out this way and what we’ve been through in the past few months has only made me realize even more how badly I need you and how I truly cannot survive without you.” He paused, wanting to be sure what he said was perfect.... “Louise Elizabeth McCloud, I promise to love you forever and ever with every fiber of my being. I don’t have much to offer you - only my complete love and devotion”.

Lou looked at him with all the love she felt for this man standing beside her. She was overcome with the gift she had been given. She felt so unworthy of his love and wanted him to know just what he meant to her. She indicated to the preacher that she also had something to say.

“Kid” she began, her voice a little shaky, “While you were sleeping after you were shot, I told you a very long story of what you meant to me from the first time I ever laid my eyes on you up until now, I don’t know if you heard any of it - and I’m sure we’ll have all of our lives to talk about it, but I do want you to know that when you left Rock Creek you took with you half of me and I lost the other half of me after I married Robert. But when you came back to me I became whole again. You have restored my soul and I breathe only because I know you are here. I will love you with all of my heart and soul for the rest of my life. I want to be yours and will be proud to be your wife. I also don’t have anything but my complete love and devotion to offer you. But I do promise to never take you.... take us.. for granted. We have the rest of our lives to love each other and”.... she smiled mischievously at him “I can hardly wait to get started!”. Kid’s eyes opened wide at her comments as he smiled back at her. The crowd, save Seth snickered at the implication.

The preacher cleared his throat and completed the ceremony, a little red in the face. “You may kiss the bride.” Kid hardly heard even heard him as he was lost in his thoughts about the beauty that stood before him pledging her eternal vows to him. He realized what the preacher had said and wrapped his arms around her small frame and kissed her deeply and passionately.

He lost track of time and place and only came back to reality when he heard Jimmy’s comment. “Hey you two, we are in a church ya know? Get outta here, you need a few days alone.... maybe a few weeks!”

He finally let go of her and once again scooped her up into his arms and headed out of the church. He had made arrangements with Rachel - she’d be staying with friends for a few days. He carried her towards Rachel’s house, each filled with the anticipation of the reunion of both their bodies and their souls.

The End

PS. They lived happily ever after

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