Reaching for the Moon

Maggie had at first been counting down the days till Kid and Lou were scheduled to return. Every morning she would wake and silently breathe, "Only eight more days now…Only a week…", and clutch that thought to herself like a talisman. She would descend downstairs to find Rachel readying herself to fix breakfast for the riders, and she would join her, following her to the bunkhouse, engaging in light-hearted chit-chat along the way.

She was still somewhat apprehensive around the boys, but as the days passed she grew more at ease in their company. A lifetime with her younger brothers and Kid for companions had rendered her both immune to the riders’ teasing, and eager to reciprocate in kind, merrily flinging a few of her own barbs to their surprise and amusement. Soon she came to regard them as pleasant companions, forming slow, tentative acquaintanceships with each of them.

She and Noah, especially, had come to a comfortable, understanding sort of friendship; their conversations were peppered with sarcasm and withering insight. He asked nothing of her and she asked nothing of him, yet both found the result highly satisfying. They exchanged banter and light-hearted bickering, spending nights on the porch discussing books and traveling and politics. Noah had a sharp, inquisitive mind equal to Maggie’s own, and she came to look forward to their nighttime discussions. At first because they kept her thoughts occupied and didn’t allow her to worry over Kid, but soon, she began to enjoy them for their own sake.

Buck was always friendly, if reserved, and Ike was forever smiling at her, coaxing her to learn a few words of Indian sign as each day passed. Cody, to everyone’s surprise, did not immediately declare himself in love with Maggie, but instead—to everyone’s greater surprise—seemed to genuinely like her. He was somewhat puzzled by her saucy wit and sharp tongue, as well as her refusal to give in to the charms he continued to flourish upon all present company; but he liked her a great deal.

It was Jimmy, however, whose company Maggie began to actively seek out. She would drift to the corral after supper, he would greet her, and they would spend a few hours together, talking or not talking, however the mood struck them. Maggie found his company restful; he was less demanding than Kid and more relaxed than Noah. He smiled easily and he made her laugh, he listened to her and wasn’t afraid to take her to task if he thought she was getting a little carried away. Somehow, in the span of a few very short days, Jimmy Hickok had become a friend.

The days were full for Maggie—so full in fact, that she soon forgot to count down to Kid’s expected return. The ninth day passed without notice, as did the tenth and the eleventh, and soon it had been two weeks, and it wasn’t until Rachel pointed it out one afternoon that Maggie noticed.

"Lord, you’re right," she said, looking up at the calendar before her and then back to Rachel. "How did I miss that?"

"Well, you’ve been keepin’ yourself busy, sugar," Rachel replied warmly as she kneaded the dough on the countertop before her.

Maggie sighed and looked out the window, tapping her pencil against her lips as she watched Cody and Buck sitting on the corral fence, talking a mile a minute. A smile stole over her lips as she thought of the last few days. "I guess you’re right," she replied. And I reckon I kept my promise to DC. I kept myself occupied and I didn’t worry over him. Now if only he’ll stick to his half of the bargain.

"I wonder what’s keepin’ ‘em," continued Rachel thoughtfully. "I hope they didn’t run into any trouble along the way."

Ike looked up from his book and signed quickly. Rachel laughed. "Ike says Express riders don’t run into trouble—trouble comes runnin’ toward them."

Maggie laughed, grinning at Ike. "So I’ve heard over the last coupla weeks. Have any of you managed not to get yourselves beaten or kidnapped? From what I hear, the bunch of you are lucky to be alive."

"You can say that again," Rachel agreed heartily. "It’d be a whole lot easier on Teaspoon and me too, if we didn’t have to worry over all of ‘em."

‘You secretly love it,’ signed Ike, and Rachel translated with another laugh.

Maggie’s smile faded and her brow wrinkled with sudden renewed concern. "Rachel, you don’t think they’ve gotten into some bad trouble, do you?"

With a secretive smile, Rachel tore her eyes from the window and looked at the girl. "I would imagine somethin’ just held them up longer than they intended."

"But how can you be sure?" asked Maggie, frowning as she studied her sketchbook, thinking, I will not worry. I will not worry.

Rachel just grinned and wiped floured hands on her apron, heading toward the door. "’Cause I see ‘em makin’ their way into the yard as we speak," she said, opening the door wide and stepping out onto the porch.

Maggie shot to her feet and rushed out onto the porch with Ike at her heels. Kid and Lou had already dismounted and now stood talking with Cody, Buck, Noah, and Jimmy. Lou’s face looked pale and she seemed to be favoring her right side as she stood against the corral fence, but otherwise they both appeared healthy and well.

"Kid," Maggie breathed to herself as she watched him with the other riders. She felt her heart race excitedly. She wanted to run to him and throw her arms around him, but she refrained, knowing he wouldn’t like it in front of the boys. Instead she allowed her pulse to slow once more, and waited while Ike and Rachel went to make their greetings.

She slowly made her way over to the fence, willing herself to be calm. It was all she could do not to kiss the life out of him. It may have escaped her attention that the nine days had stretched into two weeks, but she had missed him with all her heart, and now she was overjoyed to see him back and safe.

"Hey, DC…" she greeted him shyly.

Kid looked up then, and Maggie was startled to see a flicker of hesitation pass over his eyes. Then he smiled back. "Hey, Li’l Bit," he said, reaching out to run a hand through her hair.

"That all you got?" scoffed Cody, watching the subdued gesture of affection with scorn. "Shoot, if it was my girl meetin’ me after I’d been away two weeks, I reckon I’d have a damn sight more for her than a pat on the head."

Noah rolled his eyes. "Cody, when you gonna learn to think before you speak?"

"That was Cody thinkin’ before he spoke," Buck remarked wryly.

Cody ignored them. "Come on, Kid, a pretty gal like Maggie waitin’ back here for you, and that’s all you can manage?"

"She does deserve at least a hug," added Rachel teasingly. "She was a good girl while you were away, Kid. She even stopped worryin’ herself sick…after the first week or so."

The hesitation was back in Kid’s eyes, Maggie knew she wasn’t mistaking it. He licked his lips nervously and his eyes darted over to Lou. Their gazes held for a minute before breaking away, leaving Kid to shrug and duck his head bashfully.

"It’s all right," Maggie said softly, affecting a broad smile she didn’t quite feel up to. She poked Kid in the arm and added, "Me and DC aren’t like that. We don’t need all that mushy stuff."

Everyone chuckled in reply, but the words burned in Maggie’s throat. She and Kid were like that, or at least they had been. There had never been a day without a hug from him, or a quick kiss, or a small touch, just enough to let her know he was there and he loved her. And now suddenly he couldn’t even give her a hug to say hello? She fought back the anxiety, telling herself it was nothing. He was just tired, or maybe he was shy around the boys. It was nothing to worry over. She plastered another smile on her face and ignored the instinct that screamed inside of her, telling her something was wrong.

"So what took you so long?" demanded Noah, slapping Kid on the chest with a grin. "Didja get lost on the way?"

"No," answered Lou quietly. "We run into some trouble up along Blue Creek."

Instantly the smiles faded from the riders’ faces. "Trouble? What kind of trouble?" exclaimed Jimmy.

Lou looked up through tired brown eyes. "I got hurt—"

That was as far as she got before the boys exploded into outraged questions.

"Where?"

"How?"

"Was it bad?"

"Who did it, Lou? "

This last was from Jimmy, and Lou turned to him, looking fragile and worn-out. "I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, Jimmy, that’s all. The bullet just grazed me; Kid took good care of me and I’m fine."

"Then what took you so long to get back?" asked Rachel.

Then Kid jumped in with another sideways glance at Lou. "We took it nice and slow," he said. "We rested when Lou needed to and didn’t leave till she was ready. We still made good time, I reckon."

‘She’. So he finally knew. Maybe this was how he had found out. Maggie was relieved that she’d no longer have to pretend she didn’t know the truth about Lou.

"Well, sugar, you get yourself right on into the house so I can check on you. One of you boys pick her up and take her in," ordered Rachel.

"Aw, Rachel," Lou protested, "I can manage just fine. I been ridin’ like this for days now."

Rachel shook her head and fixed the young girl with a steely gaze. "All the more reason you oughta to rest up now. Your body did you a favor while you were travelin’, Miss Louise, and didn’t let on how much pain you were in. You’ll find out tomorrow mornin’ just how hurt you really are."

Nodding firmly at Rachel's words, Ike immediately lifted Lou into his arms as if she weighed no more than a stick of firewood, and began carrying her into the house. The boys and Rachel trailed along at his sides, chattering away to the girl and asking her a hundred new questions.

Kid moved to go with them, but Maggie reached out a hand and touched his elbow, drawing him back to her. "DC?"

For a minute he didn't turn, but then he relented, and spun around to face her. "Yeah?"

She wasn't used to this brusque tone from the normally voluble Kid, so it took a moment for her to find her bearings. "I—I’m glad you're back," she finally said. A smile spread across her face. "Real glad, in fact."

"Are you?" he asked, and his blue eyes seemed to pierce into hers.

Suddenly she was frustrated. She had known something was wrong the minute she had walked up to him; up till now she had been willing to let him work it out on his own, but now her patience snapped. "Kid, what is the matter with you?"

He looked as if he didn't want to reply, but then his temper got the better of him, and he glared at her. "Why did you lie to me, Maggie?"

Maggie blinked at him in shock. "Lie?" she repeated in disbelief. "Kid—what are you talkin' about?" She searched her mind for anything Kid may have construed as a lie, but came up empty. She had never lied to Kid.

"I'm talkin' about Lou, Maggie!" Kid's voice rose another notch, but he sounded more irritated than angry.

"Oh." Realization sank in and Maggie ducked her head, before lifting her eyes once more and gazing back up at him sheepishly. "It wasn't a lie, Kid—"

"Don't give me that, Maggie! I know you knew the truth about Lou, and you deliberately withheld the information from me."

Fire flashed in Maggie's eyes and she felt her spine stiffen. She inched closer to him, jabbing his chest with her fingers. "Don't you use that newspaper talk on me, Kid. I am not one of your damned 'sources', you hear me?"

"But you knew," he protested.

Sighing, Maggie retreated again, crossing her arms over her chest as she spoke. "Yes, Kid, I knew. But we're talkin' about a person here, not a subject. It wasn't my place to tell you somethin' that Lou wasn't going to tell you on her own—or that you weren't quick enough to figure out the minute you laid eyes on her," she couldn't help adding, feeling a smile tugging at her lips.

Kid just glared at her in silence for a minute, and then suddenly all the fight seemed to go out of him. He slumped back against the corral fence, looking exhausted and dejected in equal measures. Sweeping his hat off in one broad gesture, he tossed it to the ground and said nothing.

"Kid? You all right? I didn't mean to yell."

"I'm fine," he grumbled.

Quietly, Maggie crossed over to him and seated herself on the fence next to him. She rested one hand on his slim shoulder. "Kid?" she whispered. "For what it's worth...I mean, I'm not sorry I didn't tell you, because I still think it was Lou's place, and not mine, but—I am sorry if you saw it as me lyin' to you."

A soft sigh escaped Kid's lips and he shrugged. "It's all right. I guess I knew you wouldn't really lie to me. I just felt so stupid, like it was somethin' I shoulda known right from the start. I guess I didn't like feelin' stupid, so I—I just got so angry, and you were—"

"Safe?" offered Maggie, fighting back the taste of bitterness that rose in her mouth.

Kid turned around so that he was facing her. He looked up at her as she sat perched on the fence, his expression cloudy and uncertain. "I guess so...I mean..." His voice trailed off as he caught the hurt look in her dark eyes.

"Kid," she said slowly, looking down at her hands as they lay folded in her lap, "you know, the one thing I always asked of you was—"

"Not to take you for granted," he interrupted briskly. "I know, Maggie. I didn't mean to."

"I mean it, Kid. You can't be thinkin' it's all right to get mad at me just 'cause I love you and I'll forgive you. You just can't do that."

"I know, Maggie," he said with another sigh.

"I mean it, Kid. First it's, 'It's all right for me to yell at him, 'cause he's my husband', and then it's, 'Oh, she won't care if I do it again; she forgave me the last time'. Once a man and a woman start takin' each other for granted, that’s—that’s the end of things." Maggie spoke earnestly, holding

Kid's gaze with her own, her hands gesturing emphatically in the air. "We made a pact, Kid, remember?"

"I remember, Maggie."

"You just can’t—" Aware that her voice was bordering on shrill, Maggie stopped, taking a deep breath before she continued. Her tone was even this time. "If you got a problem, Kid, you can talk to me about it. You know that. There's nothin' you can't say to me. But you just can't go takin' things out on me—lettin'off steam—'cause I'm safe."

Kid's mouth twitched in impatience. "I don't wanna hear this again," he told her.

Her jaw clenching, Maggie retorted, "Well, by God you're gonna hear it, DC! It is high time—"

Kid threw his hands up in the air and stamped his foot with irritation. "Oh, here we go. Miss High an' Mighty's gonna lecture me again. Like I haven't heard enough to last me a lifetime."

Her skin suddenly burned—it actually burned—at the thinly-veiled insult. The words stung her heart. It wasn't so much what he had said, as what he was implying: that she was nagging him, that he was fed up with her nagging him, that he'd had enough of her to last a lifetime.

What was happening to them?

Maggie softened then, her face breaking out into a smile that she wasn't quite sure she felt. She hopped down off the fence and tugged on Kid's arm. "All right. You're right. That's enough. Come on, let's quit actin' like an old married couple. You just got home; I want to hear all about your trip."

Kid smiled too, and tucked her hand in the crook of his arm as they began to walk back into the house. They moved at a steady pace, their steps matching one another's, the result of years spent building a rhythm together. And as they chatted, they were both well aware that their argument was not quite finished—that things were not quite the same.

* * *

Lou watched Kid all through supper, both of them silent as the others chattered around them. She found herself resenting the presence of her friends and Maggie—most especially she found herself resenting Maggie's presence. The warm companionship Lou and Kid had shared on the trail had been shattered by their arrival at the station, and now the remnants seemed to hang in the air between them. They seldom met each other's eye, but when they did, a warm shiver ran down Lou's spine. Kid's blue eyes were so intense, so confused and uncertain; looking into them caused the breath to catch in her throat.

She barely noticed that Maggie was as silent as she was, didn't notice the troubled expression on the other girl's face, didn't see the slim, nervous fingers tracing patterns in the tablecloth, as she watched Kid and Lou exchange looks; looks so powerful the very air seemed to sizzle between them. Lou didn't really noticed anything but the sandy-haired, blue-eyed man opposite her.

"So Kid, what did you think of your first run?" asked Teaspoon pleasantly, trying to break the tense silence.

It took Kid a moment to respond. He tore his eyes from Lou and shook his head, smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Teaspoon, what was that?"

Teaspoon and Rachel managed a quick, shared look of understanding between them. "I just asked what you thought of your first run," repeated Teaspoon.

Kid's face lit up. He seemed like her old DC for a moment, Maggie reflected, not the cool and distant stranger of today. "It was the most excitin' thing I've ever done in my life, Teaspoon," he replied eagerly. "I reckon I'd do it every day if I could."

"You'd soon get tired of it," Buck commented evenly as he tore off a piece of bread and smiled. "It's a hard life, Kid."

"It'd suit me just fine," Kid said, just a hint of stubbornness in his words. "I've had a pretty easy life, 'least, in regards to work I have. Might be nice to test myself once in a while."

"Are you sayin' you'd like to stay out here, Kid?" Maggie asked curiously. She was testing the idea out in her head.

"I didn't say that," answered Kid, exchanging another glance with Lou. "I just said it might be nice to test myself. I think I learned a lot about myself on this trip."

Maggie tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach, to tell herself that she was exaggerating the complicated looks Kid and Lou were sharing. But the moment she caught Jimmy watching Kid and Lou with the same troubled expression she wore, she knew there was no point trying to fool herself. Something was beginning to happen—if it hadn't already—and she could only watch and wait and hope.

The other riders were quieter than usual, feeling the undercurrent of discomfort flowing around them. They would have been hard-pressed to say just what the problem was, but somehow they all instinctively knew that Maggie and Kid seemed to be at the heart of it.

After supper Lou helped Rachel clear up the dishes as the others filtered out of the house, Maggie making polite excuses about a headache before going up to her room. Kid threw Lou a gentle smile over his shoulder as he went, but his eyes were distant, and a preoccupied expression clouded his features. Only Jimmy remained with the two women, dusting the crumbs off the tabletop, casting furtive glances in Lou's direction when he thought Rachel wasn't looking.

The boy clearly had something on his mind, the older woman realized, and it was fairly obvious what it was. It hadn't escaped her attention that there was something new and decidedly questionable in the air between Kid and Louise, or that Jimmy, in his fondness for both Lou and Maggie, might have picked up on it too. She sighed to herself as she plunged a mug into the soapy dishwater. She had been around too long, and had seen too much, not to know that whatever was occurring between Kid and Louise wasn't going to stop and wasn't going to be ignored. They were young and they were foolish, and they didn't know what they were taking on or what they were throwing away. Someone was going to get hurt, and Rachel had a sneaking suspicion just who that someone would be.

Turning around she caught Lou finally intercepting one of Jimmy's looks, a questioning expression coming over the girl's face as Jimmy jerked his head toward the door, his eyebrows raised. For a few comical moments, unaware that Rachel was studying them, the two young people mouthed unintelligibly to one another, shaking their heads in consternation as each was confused by the other. Rachel bit back a smile.

"Would you two mind finishin' up here for me?" she suddenly asked them, breaking through the silence. "I'd like to go check on Maggie and see how she's doin'."

"Sure thing, Rachel," Jimmy assured her, the relief on his face causing her to grin inwardly.

She whipped the apron off her waist and nodded at them both. "Thank you kindly," she said with a smile. "Lou, don't be doin' all the work, you hear me? You may feel good, but your body needs restin'."

"Yes, ma'am."

Jimmy watched as the door closed behind her, turning to the still-puzzled Lou with trepidation. Now that he had her alone, he didn't know how to say what needed to be said. He cast his eyes down to the wooden floor, rubbing uncomfortably at the back of his neck.

"Well?" Lou finally prompted, resting soapy hands on her hips. A smile twitched at her mouth as she took in Jimmy's obvious discomfort.

He looked to the ceiling, hoping for divine inspiration. He had known Lou long enough to know that it was best to tread carefully when it came to confrontation. She had a temper that flared up quicker than any man he'd ever known, and he had borne the brunt of her anger on many occasions. "Lou," he began slowly, carefully.

"Yeeees?" she drawled, still grinning as she turned back to the dishes.

"What's goin' on between you and Kid?" As soon as the question fell out of his mouth, Jimmy winced inwardly. So much for choosing his words carefully.

Lou whirled around, a plate in one hand, a sopping wet dishrag in the other, droplets of water falling to the floor. Her eyebrows narrowed.

"What exactly is that supposed to mean, Jimmy Hickok?"

"I think you know," he said gently.

"No, I don't," she insisted, but he saw the truth in her eyes.

"Lou, he's engaged."

Hurt flooded through Lou at Jimmy's simple words. She turned back to the dishes, tossing the dishrag back into the water, where it landed with a soapy 'thwack!'. Drying her hands on her trousers, heedless of the dirt and grime there, she turned back around to Jimmy. Her voice was softer this time. "I don't know what you're talkin' about."

He groaned. "Lou. The way you two were lookin' at each other...

"The way we looked at each other? Jimmy, he helped save my life! We spent some time together on the trail, and we—we just..." Lou's voice trailed off as memories flashed through her mind, laughing with Kid, riding side by side in companionable silence, trading stories of hurt and hope. She had never felt so comfortable with another person in all her life. "We just became friends," she finished lamely.

"Friends." The word echoed on Jimmy's lips in an even voice. He was remembering the looks that had passed between the two of them, infrequent but so potent they were unmistakable.

"Yes," she whispered, "friends." It didn't sound convincing, even to her own ears. Jimmy knew her better than anyone, and he had seen right through her. Embarrassment flooded through her body, thinking of how she must have looked, making eyes at another girl's fellow like that.

Jimmy stepped closer to her, an expression of sympathy stamped on his face. She looked suddenly ashamed and forlorn, the smile gone from her mouth. He felt awful knowing he had caused the sudden change in her. He knew he had no proof, no evidence to go on other than those few, intense looks and the sudden distance between Maggie and Kid, but Jimmy knew he was right. "Just—just be careful, is all," he said.

"Careful?" With a flash of spirit in her eyes, Lou seemed to have regained her composure. She grinned up at him, her eyes shining again. "You ain't got nothin' to worry about, Jimmy. I'll be careful. Takes more'n a good-lookin' face to get the best of me."

Jimmy's eyes roved over Lou's face, studying her intently, curious at the swift change in her mood. She had been contrite a moment ago, and now seconds later she was as complacent as if they were merely discussing the weather or a mail run. "All right, then...I'm sorry, Lou, I was just—"

"You were just worryin' like always. I'll be fine, Jimmy," she said teasingly. She turned back to the dishes again and picked up the dishrag. "Go on now. Leave me alone to do these or Rachel will have my hide."

"I was gonna help."

"Go on now," she insisted, not turning around. She coaxed a light, cheerful tone into her voice, fighting back the choking in her throat. "I'll be fine."

"Well, if you're sure..." Jimmy watched her move her hands in the water, heard the clattering of silverware against plates and the tinge of sadness to her voice. Reluctantly, he headed for the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob, thinking back through the dizzying conversation he and Lou had just had. Nothing much had really been said—a brief confrontation, a dismissal, a request—but he knew that something important had just transpired. Sighing under his breath, Jimmy left the warm comfort of the kitchen and headed out to join the others in the balmy evening.

The moment she heard the door click shut behind him, Lou stopped her busy work, her hands stilling in the greying water. Her chin dropped down and a sob hitched in her chest. Oh, she was so stupid! So stupid to tell herself she could turn Kid's head when his heart was already taken. Kid was engaged, he was in love with Maggie, and Lou was treading a fine line—that’s what Jimmy had tried to tell her. Her face colored with embarrassment, realizing that a few minutes in her company had told Jimmy all he needed to know: that she was attracted to Kid, that she wanted him to notice her, to pay attention to her.

Shameless, that's what she was. Fighting back another sob, Lou groaned and shook her head, silently berating herself for her foolish actions. She wasn't any better than those girls who made eyes at the Express boys whenever they had to go into town. Kid was a taken man. He belonged to Maggie, and she would do well to remember that.

* * *

Twilight was falling when Lou re-emerged from the house. Rachel and the boys were playing poker inside while Teaspoon lounged in the rocking chair and read Dickens. The sound of friendly laughter could be heard from within the house, and the lamplight glowed invitingly in the window. The air was damp and cool. It felt wonderful on Lou’s skin.

She trudged on over the station grounds, hands shoved in her trouser pockets. She was not in the mood for company tonight. She couldn't stop thinking about Kid, wondering about this strange new feeling inside her. She had never been so affected by another person, and especially not by a man. After Boggs and Wicks, after the dirty, coarse men she had seen frequent the saloon where she had worked, she hadn't been terribly moved by men in general. Teaspoon and the other riders had changed that, of course, but while they had restored her respect in, and hope for mankind, none of them had touched her like this. She was so eager to learn about Kid, to know what his thoughts and hopes and dreams were. How could such feelings be wrong?

Maggie. The answer came to Lou easily, just as it had the other twenty times she'd asked herself that very question. Maggie was what made such feelings wrong.

Glancing up, Lou could just make out Kid's darkened figure by the corral fence. He was brushing Katy down, and even in the fading light she could see that his brow was furrowed and that an expression of thoughtfulness obscured his face.

She wondered what he was thinking. So many times, while on the trail, she had caught him looking at her with an unreadable expression that made her heart pound a little faster. Kid's gaze was so intense sometimes, so narrow, as if he were staring straight through her. She found herself hoping he was feeling just a little bit of what she was feeling. It might make it bearable somehow, to know that Kid felt the same. Even if he couldn't act on it.

"Evenin'," she called out as she approached him.

Kid looked startled for a moment, before glancing up and smiling faintly. "Hey, Lou."

"You been out here a while."

"Just takin' care of Katy. I think she was feelin' a little neglected while I was away." Kid spoke lightly, his face turned back away from Lou.

"I'm sure the boys took good care of her," Lou assured him, reaching out to pat the beautiful horse on her neck.

"I'm sure they did," agreed Kid with a laugh, "but Katy's a little spoiled. She's used to my undivided attention."

Lou nodded, smiling in understanding.

"Maggie feeling better?" he asked, changing the subject.

Lou sighed inwardly, still stroking Katy's softness as she avoided looking at Kid. "I don't know. Rachel looked in on her a while ago, but she said she was already asleep."

"Good. That’s good," murmured Kid.

They fell silent for several drawn-out moments. Gazing hesitantly at Kid's clear-cut profile, Lou felt her heart must be in her eyes. Surely if he were to look up, right now, at this very moment, he would see what she was feeling. She wouldn't be able to keep it from him. He would know her heart as surely as he knew Maggie's.

Maggie. Maggie was why this was all wrong, Lou reminded herself. Her heart sank and for a moment she rested her forehead against Katy's side, feeling tired and drained. It wasn't right, it just wasn't right. She had to forget what she was feeling for Kid. She had to ignore it, pretend it didn't exist. Pretend he didn't exist, if that's what it came to. She wasn't going to be one of those girls who chased a fellow who didn't want her.

Drawing her slim shoulders back, Lou stood straight up, giving Katy one final pat. "Well, I reckon I'll be turnin' in then." She was halfway across the yard when she heard his voice calling to her.

"Lou?"

Heart thumping like thunder on the prairie, Lou whirled back around to face him. She was glad it was getting darker and he couldn't see the flush spreading across her face. "Yeah, Kid?"

Kid set Katy's brush on top of the fence post, slowly and deliberately, and in a few long strides he was standing in front of Lou, towering over her. "I..." His voice trailed off, dropping to a low, husky pitch. He cleared his throat. "I mean, out there...on the trail...with you...We..."

Lou could hardly hear him over her blood pounding in her ears. "We what, Kid?" she asked, trying to sound light and cheerful.

He was staring at her, and if she had thought his gaze was powerful before, it was nothing to the way he was looking at her now. In the faint light streaming from the house, she could see his eyes slowly skimming her face, as if he were memorizing every detail. Her breath caught in her throat.

"Kid, what is it?"

He didn't reply. Instead, as Lou watched in muted excitement, his head began to lower toward hers. She had only ever been given a real kiss once in her life, but she knew that unmistakable motion, the anticipation on Kid's face, the way his breathing had grown shallow. She closed her eyes, all thought and reason wiped clean from her head, and reached for him even as he was reaching for her. She felt his breath skim across her face and then suddenly, without warning, Jimmy's words flashed into her head: Lou, he's engaged.

Guilt and shame flooded through Lou, nearly overwhelming her. Tears filled her eyes and she pulled away from Kid, shaking her head. "No!" she exclaimed. "No, no, no!" She lifted her hand to her eyes, rubbing the tears fiercely away. She drew in a ragged breath. "I--I can't. We can't. We can't, Kid."

Without another word Lou spun on her heel and ran off into the darkness, toward the bunkhouse. Kid watched as she went, his head spinning as he tried to understand what had just happened a moment ago. He groaned, his face coloring with shame, and leaned against the corral fence helplessly. What was wrong with him? One minute he'd been doing his best to avoid Lou's gaze and the next it was all he could do to keep his hands away from her...

He looked down at his hands as if they might be stained with his guilt. What was he doing? What was he thinking?

Only…only Lou had been thinking it too. He had felt her hands on his arms, he had watched her eyes close expectantly. The realization hit him with stunning force. Lou had—Lou had wanted him to kiss her.

This thought danced in Kid’s head long after night had fully fallen. The sky darkened and the soft hooting of owls was heard in the distance. There was a tangy scent of rain in the air, and Kid was sure there would be another downpour tomorrow.

When he glanced up at Rachel’s house, he saw a light on in the room Rachel had given to Maggie. He saw, faintly, Maggie’s familiar profile silhouetted behind the white curtains, her head bowed low. He watched her as she sat unmoving, wondering what she was contemplating. Knowing Maggie, it could be anything. She did have the tendency to amaze him still, after all these years.

And what would she think, he wondered, if she knew what had happened—well, almost happened—tonight between him and Lou? Would she be hurt? Would she be shocked? Or had he lost the ability to surprise her the way she could still surprise him? Would she just give him that smile that always seemed so maddeningly superior? Would she pat him on the head as if he were a child and tell him she had known already?

He had loved Maggie Seaborn at seven years old, watching her bright hair streaming behind her as she tore across the play yard at school. He had loved her at thirteen as he grew into awkward arms and legs, finally beginning to tower over her. He had loved her at sixteen when she had cradled his head in her lap and stroked his face with trembling, blood-stained hands. He had loved her at twenty when he had fumbled through an awkward proposal full of stammers and blushes, to find a smile and a ‘Yes’ waiting for him at the end of it.

He had loved her a year ago, a month ago, a week ago. But now? Now, when someone else had turned his head and made him doubt?

Now he just didn’t know.

* * *

To be continued...