Lou spotted Teresa before her sister found her in the sea of people at the Ft. Collins train depot. “Tessie! What are you doing here?” Lou’s heart was pounding so loudly in her chest she was positive the other disembarking passengers were all staring at her. Did a second personal messenger mean more bad news? “It’s not Kid, is it?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. I just thought I’d make the journey back with you and stay a while to help. Jimmy came to see me at school yesterday when he got to town and told me about Kid. I’m so sorry, Louise.” Teresa held out her arms to hug her older sister.

Lou hugged her back and searched over her shoulder for Jimmy.

Teresa knew Lou was surveying the crowd for her old friend. “He’s at the telegraph office. We’re waitin’ on more news.”

“Oh.” Lou tried to keep her voice steady. “Do you know anything new?”

“Only what Jimmy was able to tell me, and he left Sweetwater almost two days ago.” Finally noticing the blonde gentleman standing close to her sister, Teresa cocked her head to one side and looked more closely. “Cody? Is that you? What’s that thing growing on your face?” She reached out to give him a big hug.

As he stepped out of the hug, Cody smoothed his long mustache. “Like it? I think it makes me look more distinguished. It’s been a while, Teresa. You look all grown up.” Cody noted that the scrawny girl who had spent so much time running around the growing PX ranch had grown into a fine young woman.

Holding her niece as they headed to the waiting wagon, Teresa McCloud smiled appreciatively. “I’m eighteen now, Cody. It has been about three years since I saw you last. I’ve almost got my teaching certificate too. Only one more year.”

Lou was only half-listening to her sister and Cody’s easy banter. She had spotted the waiting wagon and it’s driver. Jimmy stood perfectly still and perfectly straight watching their approach.

His face looks grim, thought Lou. He must have gotten bad news in the telegram. She vowed to hold herself together no matter what he had to tell them.

Jimmy watched Lou walk towards him and was surprised by how calm she looked. He had half expected her to be devastated by the news. Seeing her calmness, he feared that maybe she had truly given up on Kid and was only coming home out of duty.

Not moving until the threesome was in front of him, Jimmy reached out and shook Cody’s hand without taking his eyes off Lou. The minute he saw her lip begin to quiver, he pulled her into a tight embrace. Smoothing her hair, he rocked her gently as she let her hot tears spread on his shirtfront. He couldn’t doubt it now. She was home out of love.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re almost home. We’ll be in Sweetwater by tomorrow.”

Jimmy’s shirt, and her own sniffling, garbled Lou’s voice, but he could still make out her words.

“Yes, I got another telegram. He’s no worse.” Jimmy felt Lou’s shoulders heave in relief. “But he’s not much better either. They want us back, quick.”

Lou stepped back and wiped at her tears. “That’s it. I’m through crying. I can’t do this anymore. I need to pull myself together. And you Jimmy, let’s get a move on it. I’ve got a husband to get home to and heal.”

Jimmy, Cody and Teresa all smiled as Lou took Maddy back and readied her for the journey home. They were now seeing what Fallon had, the old Lou. And they could only be pleased.

They traveled as far as they could before the horses finally gave up for the night. Setting up camp, Jimmy cursed the four-legged animals.

“Jimmy, really. It’s okay. We’ve made good time so far and they need to rest. We need to rest.”

“I know you’re right, but I just want us to get there quick. You know, before…” Jimmy let his sentence fade out before finishing it.

“Before it’s too late. I know that’s what you meant. It’s okay. You can’t think I haven’t thought the very same thing every moment since Cody told me. All I can think is what if he dies before I can get there and tell him how much I love him? What if he dies before he sees the girls again? What if he dies before he and Jackson can learn from one another? I won’t let those things happen, Jimmy. I won’t let him die.”

“It’s good to hear you say that.”

“You must have hated me when you came home last week.”

Jimmy couldn’t meet Lou’s eyes. He knew his shame would be plainly evident and it always amazed him how easily Lou could read him. “Hate’s a strong word, Lou. I will say I didn’t like you very much when I found out.”

“Can’t say I blame you. I don’t like myself much right now.”

“I thought you weren’t going to beat up on yourself anymore?”

“I’m not, Jimmy. I’m holdin’ myself together. At least until I see him. I know I’m gonna fall apart then, but I want you to know that I truly am sorry about all this. I wish I could do it all over again.”

Jimmy stole a glance at Lou and watched her scratch the dirt with a stick. “I know you would, Lou. I’m thinkin’ Kid would do it different too, but that’s in the past. Now, you’re just gonna have to fix it.”

“Can you tell me about it?” Lou whispered.

“I already told you what you need to know. Why go over it again?”

“You didn’t tell me what really happened, Jimmy. You didn’t tell me what was happening with him before it started. I need to know.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose to stave off the tension headache he felt forming, Jimmy knew this was a conversation he didn’t want to have, but would. For Lou. They talked for hours - about the girls, about the fire and about Kid’s condition.

“There’s one more thing you need to know, Lou. It’s about Jackson.”

“You’ve been awfully quiet on that matter, so far. I’m guessing you and the Kid talked at great lengths about him.”

“Pretty much. He’s gonna keep the boy. He’s got no one else.”

“I figured that already. It wouldn’t be Kid if he didn’t do the right thing.” She said it with no malice in her voice; only the understanding that she knew Kid was not the kind of man to run from his responsibility.

“Well, Jackson must have been born with some of the Kid in him for sure, because he does the right thing too. He saved Mary Emma and Sarah that night.”

Words failed her and Lou turned to face Jimmy. She didn’t move a muscle, she didn’t blink, and she hung on Jimmy’s every word.

“He was the one who got them out of the house. It was really only the front that was burning from the tree that fell on the porch. The porch is gone now, but at first look you’d have thought the whole place was gonna burn. Mary Emma said she and Sarah got scared and were hidin’ under the bed when Jackson found them. He had to convince them to leave. They wanted to wait on Kid. By the time Buck got to them, Jackson had already herded them downstairs and broken the kitchen window and lowered them to the ground.” Jimmy could see the fear in Lou’s eyes. “I don’t think they were in real danger. We were on the way with the ladder, but still.”

Lou wrapped her arms around herself and rocked is a slow, steady motion trying to ward off the chill that had permeated her body. “He saved my babies, Jimmy. He didn’t have to, not after the way I treated all this.”

“Lou, he’s not a bad kid. The girls have already taken to him, especially Mary Emma. To tell you the truth, we all have. He don’t say much, but he’s smart. You can tell, and he has a fine way with the horses. He’s taken to feeding Lightning for you.”

“For me? Why?” Lou was humbled by the actions of the young boy.

“Can’t say as I rightly know, but I’m guessin’ he feels badly that you left.”

“Make that two of us.”

The two friends slipped into an uneasy silence that was only interrupted by Cody’s snoring. A reminder of simpler times, it eased Jimmy to sleep, but left Lou awake and wondering.

Pulling into the PX Ranch, Lou’s first instinct was to look at her own house. She was shocked to see no visible damage. The only evidence of the fire Jimmy had described was the absent porch and missing trees from the yard. There were new steps leading to the door and the house was freshly whitewashed.

“Wally and the boys set about fixin’ it as soon as the sun came up,” Jimmy offered. “They were hopin’ to get Kid moved into your house before we got back.”

Lou only nodded. Taking Cody’s hand, she stepped down from the wagon in front of Buck and Jenny’s house and turned quickly at the sound of the front door opening.

Sarah burst from the confines of the house like a ball of energy and nearly tumbling down the stairs, she threw herself into her mother’s arms.

Picking her up and hugging her close, Lou covered the four-year-old’s face in kisses while checking to see that she really was in one piece.

Waiting for a second ball of energy to burst through the door, Lou was unprepared to see her eldest daughter walk out slowly, with Jackson, and hold her ground on the porch, refusing to even smile at her. Watching Mary Emma latch on to the boy’s hand, Lou knew the battle line had been drawn. Sadly, Lou noted that in her absence, her daughter had grown up.

Lou opened her mouth in an effort to break the ice, but couldn’t find the words. She watched as Jenny stepped out and stood behind the two children. The two friends eyed each other closely - one begging for forgiveness without words and the other granting it with a subtle nod of her head.

“Hello, Lou. You made good time.”

“Jimmy and Cody drove like we were still delivering the mail. We’ve worn out the horses.”

“Buck’s down at the stable, he’ll take good care of them. Jackson, would you mind taking the team down to Buck and Wally for us. I’m sure Jimmy and Cody want to freshen up.”

“Actually, Jenny. I was hoping to speak to the children before I go see the Kid.”

Jenny didn’t know what to say about Lou’s decision to include Jackson and only managed a weak, “Oh, sure.”

“Jimmy and I will take the horses, Jen.” Pointing at Jenny’s protruding belly he said, “I want to see the father-to-be anyway.”

“He’ll be happy to see you, Cody. It’s been too long. Why don’t I walk with you? The children will be home from school soon and then we’ll be too busy to talk.”

“Let’s go mama-bear.” Jenny held out her hand to accept Cody’s help down the stairs. “You gonna name this one after me this time?” he asked as they started away from the house.

“Cody, leave her alone with that already,” chided Jimmy. “When you gonna realize that none of these women are naming their babies after you?”

Lou knew the friends would bicker all the way to the barn and it was good to see them relaxing a bit after the stress of their journey.

“Why don’t I go put Maddy in for her nap?” suggested Teresa.

Lou looked at her sister appreciatively. “That would be wonderful. Try not to scare Rachel. I’m guessing she’s with the Kid.”

“Grandma Rachel’s watchin’ Daddy sleep,” chirped Sarah. “Someone always watches him sleep.”

“How many times I gotta tell you, you baby. Daddy’s not sleepin’, he’s sick!” Mary Emma spit out the works like a snake spitting venom.

Sarah burrowed into Lou’s neck and she could hear the beginnings of soft whimpers. “Please don’t pick on your sister, Mary Emma. She’s too little to understand all this.” It devastated Lou that the one person who had been poisoned the most by the events of the last few weeks was her own daughter. “You are right though. Daddy’s been hurt and he’s not well right now.” She was fighting to keep her emotions in check. “Do you think we can all talk before we go see him?” She looked at the two children on the porch, including Jackson in her query.

Lowering herself to the well-worn wood, Lou kept Sarah in her lap and indicated for Mary Emma and Jackson to join her. Looking up into their faces as they sat on the top step, Lou could have sworn she saw sympathy in Jackson’s face and for that alone she knew she could love him. “I want to talk to you like grown-ups and it’s very important that you listen closely. Okay?”

Lou watched three heads bob simultaneously. “See, I want you to do something I didn’t do. I didn’t act or listen very much like a grown-up when Daddy tried to talk to me.” Looking up at Jackson, she gave him a wistful smile. It nearly pushed her over the edge seeing Kid’s childlike image looking back at her.

“You see,” Lou started again. “I was very surprised when Jackson came to our house that night, but I shouldn’t have run away. Daddy and I have always told you not to run away from problems and I should have practiced what I preach.”

“Why were you sad when Jackson came here, Mama? Now we have a brother.”

“Yes, Sarah. You do have a brother now. I guess I was sad because Daddy never told me about Jackson and he was keeping a secret. He didn’t do it to be bad, but it still hurt my feelings. The most important thing you need to know is that I’m sorry and I’m done running away. I’m here to be with you all now and to help Daddy get well.”

“Is Jackson going to live with us?” Mary Emma eyed her mother closely, daring her to say otherwise.

“Yes,” Lou nodded. “That is if you’ll have us, Jackson.”

Jackson contemplated what Lou was asking him and offering him. “I’d like to stay here, Mrs. McCloud. It’s a real fine ranch.”

The smile that split Lou’s face was spontaneous. He truly was Kid’s son she thought - a southern gentleman and a horseman to the end. “I think we’re gonna need to find something better for you to call me.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Jackson had no better suggestion.

“Why don’t you call me, Lou? That’s what all my friends call me.”

“I can do that, Lou.” A familiar sparkle lit Jackson’s blue eyes.

Mary Emma smiled from her brother to her mother, fully understanding that a truce had been reached.

“Let’s go see your father. He doesn’t know I’m home yet.” Lou looked over to her house and up at the open window of her and Kid’s bedroom. She feared the unknown and needed to see Kid and start the healing. For both of them.

Mary Emma jumped to her feet and bounded down the steps. Sarah, wanting to emulate her big sister, wriggled out of Lou’s lap and did the same. “I bet you Daddy’s awake!” exclaimed the older of the girls.

“What makes you say so, sweetie?” Lou was encouraged by her daughter’s enthusiasm and didn’t want to dash her hopes with the reality she feared waited for them.

“Well, so far my wishes have come true.”

“Your wishes?” questioned Lou.

“Last night we saw a shooting star and Jackson told me if I wished on it real hard, I might get a wish made true by the fairies.” Mary Emma shook her head at her mother in disbelief that she didn’t know about the fairies.

“Jackson told you that, did he?” Lou felt a tug on her heart for the young boy. “And you wished for your Daddy to wake up?”

Marry Emma dropped her head and suddenly found the dirt on her shoe more interesting. “I sorta cheated.”

“Mary Emma…”

“I wasn’t real bad, Mama. I just asked for two tiny wishes instead of one big one. First I wished that you would come home and then I wished for Daddy to get better. And see, your home.”

Lou could not stop her daughters from running towards their house, convinced their father would be sitting up in bed waiting for them. Holding hands, Mary Emma was practically dragging Sarah across the yard. Lou followed behind with Jackson, who didn’t dare to do anything but remain silent.

There were words that needed to be said, but Lou didn’t know where to begin. How did you explain to a child that you were in debt to him? That had it not been for him, her homecoming could have been worse? Continuing her course to the house, she spoke without looking at him. “I’m truly in debt to you, Jackson. I hope you know that.”

“No you ain’t.” It was obvious by his clipped tone that he was not interested in talking about his heroics.

“Really, I am. You may not think you did much, but you saved my girls’ lives. You didn’t have to do that. We’re practically strangers to you, but I’m not surprised at all that you don’t realize you did something good.”

They stopped at the foot of the new stairs and Lou turned to Jackson. She could see him looking down at the bandage on his hand. When he didn’t dare meet her eyes, she gently took his chin and turned his face to hers. “You’re just like him, Jackson. No matter how and where you grew up, you’ve got all of Kid’s goodness in you. I can see that in just the short time I’ve known you.”

He tried to turn his head away and Lou tightened her grip on his chin just enough to keep his attention. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, though Lord knows it’s embarrassed the Kid enough through the years. There isn’t enough goodness out there and I wish there were more people like you.” Lou let go of Jackson’s chin now that she held his attention with her words. “You could have decided to spend your time here very differently, but you’ve decided to take advantage of this opportunity that we’ve all been granted, and I respect that.”

It was obvious by the look in the boy’s sky-blue eyes that in his short life there had been too few people who had spoken to him with such kind words. It pained Lou to know that her hasty reaction almost contributed to a continued lifetime without love.

“I meant what I said before. I didn’t say it to make Mary Emma happy or because I know it’s what the Kid wants.” Lou’s throat got tight when she said her husband’s name. “I would like for you to stay here. It’s gonna take some time, me and you and you and the Kid, but I can see the girls already love having you here.”

“They’re okay as far as girls go,” Jackson shrugged. He wouldn’t dare admit it, but he enjoyed his new role as a big brother and seeing the look of adoration in Mary Emma and Sarah’s eyes.

Lou chuckled softly. “That’s understandable at your age. You are a few years older than them. I think we’ll need to look at taking you to the school soon, let you meet some other boys your own age.”

“I’d like that.” Jackson stood watching Lou watch the front door. “You goin’ in?” he asked quietly.

“I know I should,” Lou replied without turning her eyes from the freshly painted door. “But I’m afraid,” she admitted sadly.

Lou was both startled and touched when Jackson took hold of her hand and gently led her into the house. The first thing she noticed when she stepped into the parlor was the odor. Four days after the fire and the acrid smell of smoke still lingered in the house. I should really do something about this smell, she thought. Looking over the room, she was genuinely surprised to see little damage. She expected worse after Jimmy’s description, but found she really didn’t care if she’d come home to a pile of rubble. The one thing that meant the most to her, more than any possession she could ever own was lying in a bed, just above her head, battered and broken and she didn’t know what she would do if she lost him.

The walk up the stairs passed as if she was trying to walk through deep mud. Jackson had gone on ahead and wringing her hands together, Lou wished she still had his hand to cling to. It was too quiet above. There was no joyous laughter or children’s chatter that would have signified the answer to Mary Emma’s second wish. There was only oppressive silence.

Lou hesitated at the open door to her bedroom and had to grip the doorframe tightly to keep from dropping to the floor at the sight before her. Kid had been placed in the center of their bed. Shirtless, he had bandages binding his damaged ribs and another covered his sandy brown curls, protecting his head wound. Looking at his legs, she could see no damage, but knew he hadn’t taken a step since the doctor set his hip back in place.

His face was too pale and if it wasn’t for the soft pink of his lips, he would have been lost among the bedding. He already looked as if he had lost weight. His cheeks had the faint beginnings of a hollow look and bruises and dark circles shadowed his face.

The children had gathered on the far side of the bed. Sarah seated herself by Kid’s shoulder and was staring intently at the bandages that covered his chest. It appeared as if she was just watching him breath, as if she understood that the moment his chest ceased to move, it would be over. Mary Emma held Kid’s large hand between her two small ones and looked so intense. To Lou, it looked as if she was trying to will all of the life in her tiny body into his limp one. Jackson stood between the girls, his left hand resting gently on Mary Emma’s shoulder, his right clutched by Sarah’s tiny fingers.

Lou fought with all her might to stifle the sob she felt growing in the deep recesses of her chest, but the pain was overwhelming and as she pressed her fingers to her lips a stunted cry escaped out.

Rachel turned from the broth she was trying to spoon feed the Kid. She wasn’t surprised that Lou was standing behind her. The sound of the wagon, as well as snippets of her conversation with Jackson had drifted in through the open window on the spring breeze. Carefully setting the full bowl on the bedside table, Rachel rose and crossed the small space between her and Lou.

Stepping into Rachel’s inviting arms, Lou continued to choke on her sobs. She was determined not to alarm the children, but she was so grateful for Rachel’s comforting embrace that it was hard to hide.

“He’s dying, isn’t he?” Lou whispered ever so quietly into Rachel’s ear.

“He’s not going to die, Louise. I won’t, we won’t, let him,” she intensely whispered back.

Pulling back from Rachel’s embrace, she continued with her voice low. “I’m sorry, Rachel. You were right.” Lou felt she owed her old friend that much.

“It’s not something I’m proud of, Louise. I would much rather have been wrong than have this happen. I’m not angry with you, sweetheart. I almost understand why you did it, but I just wish you’d stop running when something like this happens. We’re all family here, we work through these things together.”

“We’ve never had troubles like this before. Not in so many years that it’s easier to forget when it happened last. But I won’t ever do anything like this again. There’s too much at stake now. Too many lives are affected.”

Lou and Rachel both looked to the children who were all watching them.

“He’s not awake, Mama.”

“I know, baby.”

“But I wished real hard.”

Lou rounded the bed and knelt before her daughter. “It wasn’t a wasted wish, Mary Emma. Don’t you go givin’ up on Daddy, yet.”

“I won’t.”

However, looking into her daughter’s eyes brimming with unshed tears, Lou doubted her resolve. The pain the children were suffering was beyond what Lou’s anguished heart could take and she pulled the frightened child into her arms and allowed her daughter to sob freely. Sarah, always sensitive to her older sister’s emotions started with tears of her own and crept into the embrace while all Jackson could do was watch and wonder.

After several minutes, the girls had composed themselves and Rachel offered to take all three children downstairs for a snack. No one was eating well during the vigil and every effort had to be made to get any of them to eat. She knew Lou wanted to be alone with the Kid, knew she needed to be alone with him.

“Could you please look in on Maddy and Teresa, Rachel? Tessie must be famished by now.”

“When was the last time you ate, Louise?”

“Not sure. On the train maybe?”

“You can’t do that. You have Maddy to think of and you need your strength for all of them.” Rachel motioned her head towards the stairs where the three older children had just descended. “I’ll bring you a sandwich in a little bit. You need to feed him the broth so he can get his strength as well. Can you do that, Louise?”

Lou couldn’t lift her eyes away from Kid’s motionless body, but nodded in agreement. The click of the door shutting echoed through the room and in an instant, she was alone.

She knelt down on the floor between the bed and the window and took Kid’s large hand between her own smaller ones, much like Mary Emma had been holding it. She could see a few scrapes from where he had clawed at the wood blocking his path, but it was something specific that attracted her attention. It was the same thing that she looked at each and every day - his wedding band. The endless golden circle was an identical match to her own smaller band and she loved seeing it on his hand. She loved the feel of it when he touched her as they made love. She loved knowing that he was tied to her forever. Neither had ever removed them, not even when Kid was birthing foals or when she had gotten so swollen during her pregnancies that they threatened to cut it off her hand. She ran her finger over it now; much like she did when they were just sitting together and holding hands, and her heart ached with the familiarity. She longed for his hand to move and his thumb to trace her ring finger like he often did unknowingly.

Rising from the floor, Lou sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to make it move too much. Her hand shaking she reached out to touch his face. It was cool and she wasn’t sure if she was relieved he had no fever or scared because he felt like death. She traced each feature slowly, her thumb trailing across his lips and her fingers smoothing his forehead where she occasionally saw worry lines forming. Today it was soft and even. There would be no worries for a man who hadn’t woken in four days. She bowed her head to place her lips on his forehead and was surprised when her own tears fell to his skin. Lost in her reverie, she hadn’t even realized they had started again.

Sliding down so she could lay beside him, Lou fit her body to the Kid’s. She wanted him to feel her nearness, to know she had come home to him, to know she would never leave him again. Lying on her side, her head resting on her right shoulder, she allowed her fingers to touch his curls that escaped the bandage. The one curl that always fought him was twisting on it’s own and her hand gravitated to it. She found it hard to believe that it was only two weeks before that they had been together in the very same bed, under very different circumstances.

Her tears pooled onto her shirtsleeve, but she didn’t care to wipe them away. They were badges of shame that she would leave for all to see. She didn’t see how Kid could forgive her for her lack of faith and belief in him, but she was ready to do anything to make him try.

Lou’s left hand shook as much as her right and she tenderly rested it on his bandaged ribs. For a long while she could only watch her own hand rise and fall with his chest, somewhat comforted by the consistent, although slow, rhythm. She could barely feel his heart through the cotton bandages, but knew she would know his beat anywhere. She had spent too many nights with her head resting on his chest as they slept for her not to recognize the deliberate beat of a deep sleep.

“Kid, please don’t leave me,” she murmured. “I’m not through with you, yet. We have so much more to do with our lives. We have children to raise, a ranch to grow, one day there’ll be grandchildren to love. I don’t want to do these things with anyone else.” Her tears were coming quicker, her own heart beating wildly. “I was wrong, Kid. I know you say I never say that, but I am now. I was. I never should’ve run like that. I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m back now and I’m never going to leave you again. I love you, Kid McCloud. You are what I live for.”

She curled closer to his body and allowed her eyes to close. “If you leave me, I’ll die without you,” was the last thing she whispered before drifting off to sleep, right beside her husband. Right where she wanted to be until the end of their days.

Chapter Eleven