Curled against his side Lou kept her fingers entwined with Kid’s and waited patiently for him to find his words. It was obvious that the further into his memories he went, the deeper the pain. She hated to see him so tormented, but knew that as it once did for her, the telling of the past and the unburdening of the soul would make him stronger.

He looked down at the diminutive hand dwarfed by his and stared at the rings that bound them together. Kid knew in the end, Lou would understand what he’d gone through, would no longer blame him for keeping secrets that threatened their marriage, their very way of life, but he also knew he would always blame himself. Running his free hand over the back of hers, gently touching her ring, tracing the familiar scar left by the barn cat years before, he relaxed as she ran her other hand across his tense muscles. He knew he had to tell the rest, explain how a first kiss led to a child, explain the heavy weight that was in his heart and he knew that when he was finally done, from that moment on, they could begin their life together again.

“Things were different between me and Doritha after that. It’s hard to say how, exactly. I wouldn’t say we were courtin’, not officially, but we were closer than just friends and although they rarely said anything, other people knew that. We spent a lot of time walking and talking; making plans for when we left. Thinkin’ on it now, I know I did most of the talking because almost every word out of my mouth from the age of twelve was about going west.” Kid shook his head at the memory. “Looking at Jackson, it’s hard to believe I was only about his age when this was going on. I remember feeling so much older than I should have.”

“It was your burdens, your pain, that made you feel that way, Kid.” It touched Lou to the core that her husband felt he could finally open up to her, yet at the same time she hated to see him in so much agony.

“That might have been it, I don’t think I‘ll ever really know, but it’s strange how quickly you remember everything when you really let yourself think about it.”

“Maybe you should get some rest now.” She was concerned he was trying to take on too much by staying up half the night and talking with her. “We can finish this in the morning.”

Kid turned to look at her face, the worry evident in the rich brown of her eyes, and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. “Please don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I want to finish this now. I don’t think I can sleep again until I’m done. Can you understand that?”

Remembering how they had stayed up for hours while she told him about Flynn, Lou nodded her head.

“To tell you the truth, I’d like to try and get up from this bed. I’ve been in it almost a week now…”

“You will not get up!” Lou cut him off before he could finish. “You have a dislocated hip, you’re not ready to be walkin’ around.”

“I have to get up and move sometime, Lou. You know once the dislocation is fixed it should just be sore for a while, it’s not like it’s broken or nothin’.” Kid could see the sour look on Lou’s face. “Please, Lou. Just to the chair by the window? I’m not asking to try the stairs. I need to get up from here.”

Lou figured it was the desperate and childlike look in Kid’s eyes that made her take pity on him and give in when she knew she shouldn’t. “Fine. To the chair and that’s all, Kid.” When he started to shove the quilt aside she grabbed a hold of his arm. “Now wait a minute, mister. Let me go check on the children and then I’ll grab the chair from Maddy’s room so I can sit with you. Wait here for me to help you. Understand?”

Excited at the prospect of standing on his own two feet, Kid bobbed his head rapidly. When Lou left the room he carefully swung his legs over the edge of the bed and waited for her return.

Returning to the room chair first, Lou set it by the window beside the one they had kept there for years. She looked at her husband, sitting on the bed as eager as a new puppy and had to hide her smile. Moving in front of him, she handed him a shirt. “Let’s put this on you. I don’t want you to catch a cold on top of everything else.” It took longer than usual to maneuver the shirt while favoring his tender ribs, but Kid was determined to walk to the chairs.

“Let me do this, Lou.” He wanted to do it without her help.

“Kid, let me give you a hand tonight. Tomorrow you can be show-off for everyone else.”

He knew it was better to not push his luck. Placing his hands in her outstretched ones, he half pushed, half let himself be pulled into a standing position. He was surprised by the lack of intense pain he had been expecting, but he did feel wobbly on his feet and was glad for Lou’s support.

The first few steps were small and overall it was more of a shuffling motion than walking, but eventually they made it to the rocking chairs. Kid was winded when Lou settled him in and turned to open the curtains so he could see the ranch in the evening light.

Lowering herself into the chair beside him, she tried not to worry when he closed his eyes and grit his teeth, while he tried to get comfortable. “Are you okay?” was all she could muster.

“Fine, just fine,” he replied. Seeing the disbelief in her eyes he smiled weakly. “Really, it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as I was expectin’. Now you come here and pull your chair closer.” He tried to give Lou his most alluring smile. “I’ll even share my quilt,” he teased.

Turning her chair so her back was to the window and she could see his face, Lou watched the smile he wore light his eyes. “Hard to believe a walk from the bed to here could make you so happy,” she said as she pulled the hand-made blanket across both of their laps.

“I don’t think it was the walk itself, Lou. I’m just happy I can walk, that I’ll eventually heal.”

“You will heal. The docs told you that.” She touched his hand where it rested on top of the quilt where the joined arms of the chairs were.

“I know. You’re right.” As he squeezed Lou’s hand, he spoke words that needed no reply. “I guess once I finish telling you everything I can heal on the inside too.”

“Garth! Kid! Quit it this instant you two!” demanded Doritha. “I swear! I have never seen such nonsense before in my life.” Standing over the two boys as they grappled in the dirt, her look of disgust and disappointment was enough to make them stop. “You’re fifteen years old. When do the two of you plan to grow up?” she demanded.

Garth pushed himself to his knees using Kid for leverage. Kid smacked at his pressing hand and Garth gave one final punch to the leg before standing to dust himself off.

“Doritha, it always amazes me how you manage to bring out the best in us,” Garth smirked. “You’re never gonna be able to be with him for real and one of these days you’ll realize that. And when you do, I just might not be here to pick up the pieces he leaves behind.”

Kid swatted at the finger Garth pointed at him and scrambled to his feet. “You bring this on yourself, Garth. It doesn’t have to be like this. We can all be friends. Just like we used to.”

“Ever the optimist, Kid.” Garth could only shake his head at his friend and nemesis. “It appears she’s not the only one with her head in the clouds. Kid, it’s never gonna be like it was before. You have something I want and until it’s mine, you’re the enemy.”

“Garth, I will not have you talk about me like I am an object for your collection! I am a person and I choose to be with Kid. Why can’t you understand that?” Doritha stood her ground with her hands on her hips, ready for battle.

“I understand it just fine, Doritha. You’re just using him for his grand dreams of leaving Virginia. Anyone can see that, but this dumb farm boy. You’ll never have the kind of life you want with him and you know it, but if it takes you away from your parents well then that’s good enough for you. You know I can give you what you want when the time comes, but you refuse me when I want to court you. I can offer you not only the rich life you need, but what you crave the most - the attention of your family. Can’t you see that the longer you waste your time with the likes of him, the closer and closer you get to becoming nothing in the eyes of your parents.”

“Take that back, Garth Maxwell! My parents love me and you know it! One day Kid will be something and you’ll all see.”

Garth stepped forward and pulled one of her clenched fists from her waist and held it in his own. “But why wait for someday, Doritha, when I’m right here?” He held her hand tight as she tried to pull it away.

“Let her go, Garth. Can’t you see you’re upsetting her?”

“It’s not my touch, Kid. It’s that I spoke the truth.” Dropping her hand with flourish he turned to walk away. “You know I’m right, Doritha,” he called back over his shoulder.

A solemn stillness engulfed them as Garth marched away from the creek and over the rise that took him back towards the Simmons’ main house. They sat together in the grass, neither daring to even look at the other out of embarrassment. It was several minutes before Doritha felt courageous enough to speak.

“He didn’t mean what he said, Kid. You know how Garth can be sometimes. He likes to be dramatic, like an actor in a play. We’re still all friends.” She wrung her hands nervously.

“I’d like to think that, but things are changing, Doritha.”

“But why? They don’t have to.”

He turned to look at her and saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. Pulling her into a hug, he rocked her gently. “But it does. It’s how we grow up. Garth’s just smarter than we are and he can see the things we can’t. Some of what he said is the truth. We both know that, but I don’t think it’s that simple to explain away.”

“What are you talking about?” she whispered into his chest. “Are you saying you don’t love me anymore?”

“No! I would never say that.” He gently pushed her back so he could place a soft kiss on her lips. “I just mean that he’s right about your parents. As long as you and I stay as we are, they’ll continue to treat you as they do. With Agatha off in Charleston, they’re all you got now.”

“But Kid, don’t you see? It’s not just you that makes them ignore me. They ignore each other as well. They figure as long as they provide for me, give me money to buy nice things, they’re showing they love me. Yet I’ve never seen them show it to each other, let alone me. Mother cared for Agatha most of all and when she left with Martin, Mother seemed to have left with them. She passes the time waiting for a letter that never comes that says she should come help with the birth of her first grandchild. She has no use for me. And Papa, well I wasn’t born a son and that says it all. I want to be with you, Kid. I don’t care what they think. It certainly won’t matter when we leave here.” She curled back to his chest and traced her finger over a patch in the knee of his pants.

Kid watched her slow deliberate movements and tried not to let it get him riled up, but her closeness did it every time. Their first kiss three years before had been only the beginning and as they got older they got bolder and more curious. Propriety stopped them from going too far, but they often wiled away the afternoon snuggled together.

“Doritha, quit poking at me, you’re trying to make me forget what we’re talking about.”

“Is it working?” she asked, turning her head to nibble on his neck.

With a sigh of surrender he rolled her over onto her back and let the sweet smell of jasmine and summer grass push any thoughts of their troubles away.

Walking up to his house as the sun set, Kid was startled by the lone figure standing only thirty feet from his porch. He knew his mother was home alone. His father, having finally taken to the idea of cards as a way to make money, now spent most of his nights at the saloon. Dropping behind the low bushes that surrounded their property, he picked up a nearby branch. Waiting until he was sure he hadn’t been seen or heard he slowly crept up on the unmoving man.

Nearly within striking distance, Kid raised the branch high, ready to deliver a blow to the back of the intruder’s head. Before he could start his downward swing, he was knocked to the ground and pinned beneath the heavy body of his intended target. He closed his eyes and waited for the blow that would knock him out. When seconds passed and it didn’t come, he dared to open his eyes. Grinning down on him was a face he hadn’t seen in over two years.

“Don’t you know better than try and sneak up on the man who taught you how to sneak?”

“Jed!”

Kid shoved at his older brother and as Jed shoved back it turned into an all out wrestling war. It wasn’t until they felt the icy cold water hit them that they realized the ruckus had drawn their mother from the house.

“Jesus Christ, Ma! You been saving that water since winter?”

“Jedidiah, I will not have you speak to me like that.” She tried to keep her voice harsh, but Sarah Jane could not help smiling as she looked down on her two soggy sons. “Well, what are you waitin’ for? Stand up and give me a hug.”

Jed jumped to his feet and as he swung his mother around the yard, Kid stood up and watched the scene before him. It was the first time he had seen his mother truly happy in months. Jed always had that effect on people and although Kid was happy to see him as well, he was still wary of his sudden appearance.

“Ma, I brought us some good eatin’s for supper. Think you can make something out of this chicken?” Jed pulled what appeared to be a freshly killed bird from the satchel he wore across his chest followed by some vegetables and breads.

“Jed! How wonderful. Kid, go fetch me some water so we can get started.”

Kid was nearly to the little well when Jed caught up to him. “You didn’t need to come help me, Jed. I think I’m capable of bringing in a pail of water,” he stated without turning around.

“I didn’t think you couldn’t, Kid. I just wanted to talk at you without Ma around. Will you stop walking already, God damn it!”

Kid whirled around and threw the bucket aside, not the least bit surprised when his fury caused the ancient bucket to ricochet as it hit the ground. “You got some nerve coming back here, Jed! You know good and well he doesn’t want you around and you know what’ll happen if he finds you here.”

Jed was unnerved by the intense look in his brother’s eyes. “I know he’s up at the saloon getting sauced and losing what little money he’s got. We’ll be fine. What’s a little dinner among family? I’ll be gone before he gets back.”

“That’s what you said the last time and he still knew you were here.” Kid unconsciously rubbed his left arm. Although it was healed, it still bothered him when it was damp. “He nearly killed her the last time and he swore he’d finish the job if she let you in the house again.”

Jed grabbed Kid by the shirtfront and shook him hard. “You let him hit her! Where the hell were you? Why didn’t you stop him?” Jed had already been miles up the road when the beatings occurred.

Shoving his brother away, Kid raised his clenched fists, ready to fight. “I didn’t let him do anything, Jed. It’s kinda hard to stop him when your arm’s broken, your head’s bleeding and you’ve been locked outside of the house in the dead of night to freeze to death. Don’t you blame this on me! I’m the one who’s here day after day and I do my best to protect her!”

Jed remained silent as the words sunk in. “I didn’t think he was still beating on y’all.”

“Why would he stop?” Kid demanded.

“I figured since you were bigger now, he would just leave you alone.” But Jed could see from the weary look on Kid’s face as well as the faint remnants of a black eye that it was far from the truth. He reached out to hold his brother’s face and get a better look, but Kid backed away.

“Just leave it, it’s almost healed.”

“Broken nose?”

“Not this time, just the shiner.”

“What’d he say it was for?”

“He doesn’t need a reason, but he claims he heard in town I was getting too friendly with Doritha Simmons.”

“Well are you?” Jed snickered.

This time Kid didn’t hesitate and landed his fist squarely in Jed’s jaw. Smaller by several inches as well as pounds, the element of surprise was his only advantage and it only took seconds for Jed to have him pinned face down on the ground with his arms wrenched behind his back.

“Get the hell off of me, Jed!”

Moving his jaw, he tightened his grip on Kid’s arms. “You gonna do that again?”

“You talk about her like that anymore and I might,” he hissed back with his mouth in the dirt.

“Christ, Kid. When did you go and get all hell bent and moony over Doritha Simmons?” Jed climbed off Kid’s back and stepped away as he came up swinging. “Well, I’m guessing’ by your reaction, you’re more than moony.”

“Jed, unless you want me to hit you again, you’d best quit it. She’s a good girl and we care for each other.”

“Well, well, well. You gone an’ fallen in love on me, little brother?”

The blush of embarrassment quickly colored Kid’s cheeks and to avoid Jed’s stare he turned to retrieve the bucket. Jed followed him to the well and continued to poke at him.

“Just let it rest already, Jed! You ain’t home one hour and already you gotta be startin’ in with me like I’m still five years old. I’m fifteen now Jed, and what’s it to you if I do love her?”

Jed placed his arm around Kid’s shoulder. “Good for you, little brother. I was hoping you’d eventually get your nose out of those books and start chasing girls like a real man.”

“Just ‘cause I like books don’t mean I’m not a real man.” Kid held his ground.

“Yeah, but books don’t keep you warm at night,” Jed teased. “Come on, we’d better get in or Ma’ll think we fell down the well.”

Kid walked silently beside his brother, his brow furrowed tightly.

“Just ask it, Kid. You keep your face screwed up like that any longer and you’ll never get a girl to marry you.”

He didn’t want to doubt him, but he knew his brother’s methods were usually questionable. “Where’d you get the food, Jed?”

“I bought it,” he replied, looking Kid squarely in the eyes.

But Kid knew. There was still a bit of a twitch in his older brother’s eye when he lied and although it was getting better, Kid still knew. There was some other poor farmer missing his supper that night so that Jed could come home as the dutiful son and somehow Kid knew he’d be the one to suffer for it.

They feasted until the sun was firmly set and after the table was cleared and their mother settled into her chair to rest, Kid and Jed set out to hunt for rabbits and deer by the light of the full moon. Kid knew he was taking a risk by traveling about with Jed, but he also knew it would soften the blows if he could have fresh kill when his father came home. And no matter how much he resented his brother and his unscrupulous lifestyle, he was still his brother and he loved him.

How long they stayed out in the woods they both knew like the backs of their own hands they could never remember, but the scene that greeted them upon their return was a memory that neither would ever forget, nor speak of again.

The first thing Kid noticed was the light beaming from the open front door. He knew they’d left it closed and even if his father had come in drunk, his mother would have closed it behind him. She was adamant about keeping the dirt and the night critters out of the house. Both Kid and Jed stopped and hid in the low bushes where Kid had hidden only hours before.

Staring intently at the front of the house, neither saw any movement or heard any voices from within.

“Stay here, Kid. I’m gonna move in closer.”

“Hell if I’m gonna stay here. If he’s in there, I’m going with you.” Suddenly Kid felt an overwhelming urge to face the man who had been tormenting him for most of his life. He wanted to fight him, hurt him if necessary and make him realize that he would not be beaten again. And neither would his mother. It would end tonight.

Jed looked at his brother and saw an intense fierceness that made it look as if his face had turned to stone. There would be no shielding him this night. “Fine. Better odds for us if it’s two against one.”

Creeping closer, Kid couldn’t stop the feeling of dread that was winding its way through his chest. Something wasn’t right, this wasn’t like the other times he’d come home to his father’s tirades. Where was the screaming? The pleading? The breaking furniture?

“Jed, he’s not in there,” Kid whispered.

“What are you talking about?” he hissed back.

“I can tell. It’s too quiet.”

The two young men stood together at the foot of the steps, stalling before ascending them. One look inside the front room and it was obvious that he had been there, but Kid was right, he was long gone.

“Ma?” Kid called out. “It’s just me and Jed. You can come out now. Ma, where are you?” Looking into the recesses of the room he couldn’t see the frail woman anywhere. “She’s taken to hiding when he gets like this and I’m not here. He’s getting a bit blind and sometimes he doesn’t find her,” Kid explained to Jed.

Jed looked in the kitchen as Kid headed for the bedroom.

“Ma, where are you? I’ll come to you, just call out.” Kid was starting to panic, his heart beating faster in his chest. Pushing open the bedroom door, he could just make out the twisted shape on the floor beside the bed. Rushing into the room he fell to her side.

“Jed! She’s in here! She’s hurt, bring a lamp!”

Kid didn’t dare move her until he could see what he was doing. “It’s okay, Mama. I’m here now. You’ll be okay,” he crooned.

But as the oil lamp Jed carried filled the small room with light, Kid could see she would never be okay again. It wasn’t the sight of her bloodied face or torn clothing that made the bile rise to the top of his throat. What made him turn to his side and empty the contents of him stomach on his mother’s bedroom floor was the awkward way her neck was twisted. He had snapped her neck and with it, her life. Although her journey had been torturous, Sarah Jane was finally in a place where he couldn’t touch her again.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Kid turned to look at Jed who stood rooted in the doorway. There were no tears; there was no time for them. There were no words; none were necessary. He had finally taken the one good thing in their lives and destroyed it. And they both knew they would destroy him.



Chapter Sixteen