The smack to his head jolted Kid into full awareness and before he could get his hands up to protect himself he took a blow from the other hand.

“Where’s yer mother, you stupid kid?” Kid could smell the liquor on his breath.

“You deaf too? Where’s yer mother? I want my supper!”

As his father backed away and stumbled towards the kitchen, Kid leapt from the chair. Watching him sway to and fro, Kid sensed that his father had been drunk since the night before, clearly having no idea what he’d done to Sarah Jane. The notion that the death of his wife had managed to escape his consciousness enraged Kid. It made him bold. It made him ready to fight. It made him speak up against his father for the first time.

“Don’t waste your time, she’s not in there,” he called out to his father’s back.

“You talkin’ back to me, boy?” He whipped around and faced his youngest son.

“Yeah, and what’re you gonna do about it, old man?” Kid was baiting his father intentionally, suddenly possessed by a reckless disregard for the danger he was in.

Drunkenly charging across the room, Kid’s father had his fists already up. “You’re a real big man now, aren’t you? You won’t think so when you’re crying for your mama like you always do.”

Kid was expecting the punch to be at his face so the fist to his gut caught him off guard. As he doubled over, clutching his reeling stomach, the second hit did land on his face and sent him tumbling to the floor.

“Now, you lazy good for nothin’, where’s your God damned mother?”

Kid managed to roll to the left just as his father took aim at his ribs with his booted foot. Narrowly avoiding the direct kick, he jumped to his feet and turned on his father.

“She’s dead you son of a bitch! You’re so drunk you can’t even remember killing her last night!” So blinded by his fury, Kid didn’t realize that he had balled his hands into fists until he lunged at his father. As with Jed, the element of surprise was on Kid’s side and his first punch landed squarely on his father’s nose. He heard the crack and even in the dim light, could see the gush of blood. There was some satisfaction in knowing that his first punch had broken the man’s nose, but he knew he couldn’t back down now. All he had done was shaken the hornet’s nest and he would have to see this through to completion.

His father wiped at his nose with his shirtsleeve. “So, you think you can take me now, do you? Try that again and see what happens.”

Kid and his father circled the small living room like two prizefighters, neither willing to make the next move and neither daring to back down. Finally Kid lunged forward, but only managed to glance his fist off his father’s chin. Although still drunk, the challenge had sobered the older man some.

The return punch snapped Kid’s head back so far he wasn’t sure it was still attached to his neck. Then the sight flashed before him, his mother’s neck twisted awkwardly, and he wondered if she had suffered the same brutal attack. “Do that again and you’ll regret it for as long as you live,” he blasted.

His son’s boldness made him laugh out loud. “The only thing I regret is the likes of you.”

Finally hearing his father admit how much he despised him pushed Kid over the edge. He charged at the man and landing two sound punches to his head and torso he gave a shove that sent him reeling towards the fireplace.

Unsteady from days of drinking, he couldn’t find his balance and landing in a heap on the floor his head snapped back and met the cool stone. The sound of his skull cracking against the hearth echoed through the small house. In the light of the dying fire, Kid watched his body twitch once, twice, and then fall still.

He didn’t drop to his side as he had done for his mother. There was no rush of parental love, yet at the same time he didn’t find any satisfaction in watching the dark pool of blood form underneath his father’s head. He knew he was dead. It had been an accident, but he knew he had killed him all the same. How could he possibly explain this to anyone? No one knew the pain and humiliation he had suffered at his father’s hand, so there would be no sympathy, only outrage that a son would take his father’s life.

It was a simple decision. No one could know. He could try and defend himself, but the only outcome he saw was a hanging. His. Pacing the room in a panic, he struggled to calm himself. He needed a plan. First thing first, he looked at his father’s corpse and knew he needed to dispose of the body. People already thought he had run off, now Kid planned to make it permanent. After that, he had no choice. He would have to leave. It was time to make all of his talking a reality. It was time to leave Virginia and go west.

He had stayed up all through the night digging the grave at the edge of the woods. He knew time was of the essence, yet at the same time he was shrouded in a feeling of detachment that refused to force his pace. He knew he was digging a grave, every screaming muscle in his back and shoulders were a testament to that, but it didn’t faze him that he was burying another parent. That now, he truly was alone.

Moving the body from the house to the woods had been a time consuming task and the sun was starting to rise as Kid replaced the last shovel full of earth. There was no preacher or gathered crowd at this burial. There would be no marker or visitors to leave flowers. He had no feelings for the man he had just buried. There was no longing for a real relationship, no desire to do his childhood over again as a true family. Raising his eyes to survey the stark and anonymous surroundings, he decided it was a fitting resting place for a bastard of a man.

With energy he did not have, Kid scrubbed the front room clean of any traces of blood. The bank would take the house and he couldn’t have the next family that bought it finding it as a murder scene. If he truly wanted to get away from Virginia, it wouldn’t pay to have the law after him.

Satisfied there were no remnants from the altercation lying about, Kid finally climbed into bed. He hadn’t slept in nearly two days and his body was finally giving out. Due to sheer exhaustion, sleep came easily, but not without a price. Several times throughout the day, Kid awoke drenched in sweat with his heart racing. Yet, no matter how hard he concentrated, he could never see inside his dreams to figure out why,

When he finally woke, it was already night. The house was dark, but the moonlight shone through the window, casting an eerie pallor on the room. He could tell by the moon’s height that it was well past suppertime. However, it wasn’t hunger that had his stomach rolling, only tension.

He could not waste another day.

The tiny pebbles made a distinct ‘ping’ as they landed against the windowpane. He had been tossing the stones for almost fifteen minutes using increasingly larger pieces, but he could only get so daring before he risked breaking the window. Kid released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding when a lamp lit up the room and Doritha’s face appeared from behind the curtain. He could see her relief even from two stories below and she rushed to drop the curtain when he waved her down.

He paced by the door to the kitchen, wearing a path into the dark earth. He’d reconciled himself to this plan of action during one of his waking moments earlier in the day. It was not something he was proud of or even comfortable doing, but it was the only way he would be able to make it out of Virginia.

Dressed haphazardly in her riding clothes, Doritha rushed into the night and threw herself into Kid’s arms. “You’re alright! I was so worried about you!”

Kid was confused by her reaction. “Worried?” he asked, as he took her hand and guided her away from the main house.

“Well, when you didn’t come to visit like you promised, I was convinced something terrible had happened to you. I wanted to come see you, but I know you made me promise not to come to your house unannounced. I was afraid you’d be mad if I did.”

Kid felt relief flood through his veins. She had finally listened to him. She would never know what he had spent last night doing, God willing. “It’s better you didn’t come.”

“Did he come back?” she wondered, fear evident in her eyes.

"No," he said abruptly. He didn't like lying, but he couldn't tell her the truth and he couldn’t find his nerve to continue. Stopping at the gazebo perched on the slope of the property, he led her inside and had her sit down.

She watched him pace the floor like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Kid, why don’t you sit here with me,” she suggested, patting the bench beside her. “I fear you’ll wear the soles of your boots clean through if you don’t.” Doritha tried her smile, but when even that didn’t draw his attention she got irritated. “Did you call me out in the middle of the night so I could watch you walk back and forth or do you have something to say?”

There was more than something on his mind - everything was on his mind - his future, his past, the here and now. Kid’s fingers abruptly stopped running through his hair, and he gripped his head tightly to make the pounding stop.

“This is silly, Kid. I’m going back to bed before my parents find me out here with you.”

Kid jumped in front of her as she rose to go. “Please, don’t. I’ll talk, really. It’s just that I don’t know how to say it.”

Gripping his hands in hers, Doritha softened her voice. “Say what, Kid? We’ve never kept secrets before. You know you can tell me anything.”

Taking his hands from hers, he stuffed them in his pockets and resumed pacing. Finally stopping when he was as far from her as he could get, he spoke quietly. “I’m leaving Virginia, Doritha. Tomorrow.”

She was stunned. They had talked about nothing else for the last three years and finally it was time. But she wasn’t ready, she didn’t have anything packed, she’d bought no provisions. It was too soon! “Tomorrow, Kid? I can’t be ready by tomorrow. Why the sudden hurry? Why not in a few weeks when the days are longer?”

He watched her hands flutter to her neck like they always did when she was nervous and it nearly broke his heart to have to tell her. “I’m going alone, Doritha. I need to get away from here now and it’s too soon for you to go with me.”

Standing perfectly still, she allowed his words to sink in before speaking. A myriad of emotions ran through her body including shock, disbelief, and finally anger. It was the anger that guided her words. “You’re leaving me here! You no good…” Even her proper southern upbringing could not stop the stream of curses that she lashed upon him. “How could you? After what we did! After you promised me?”

Kid tried to approach her, but stopped short when she turned her back on him. “Please, Doritha. You have to understand. It’s not that I don’t want to take you. I do, really. But I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?” she challenged.

Grabbing her shoulder, he spun her around to face him and held her fast when she tried to move away again. “Doritha, I know I made you promises, I know you want to come, but you can’t right now. I’m not saying it will be forever. I’ll send for you when I get somewhere and get some work. It just wouldn’t be fair to take you away now, when I have nothing to offer you.”

“But Kid, I don’t care about that. I thought we were going to do this together. It was gonna be our adventure.” The tears she could no longer hold back started to roll down her cheeks.

Kid tried to close his eyes to her tears. He knew he was breaking her heart and he felt like a bastard, but he had to take his leave quickly, fearful they might find out what he’d done, and that wouldn’t be possible with her along. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead on hers. “It is going to be our adventure, but later. Besides, if you left with me tomorrow, your Pa would just send a posse after us and take you back. If we wait awhile until I’m settled, he’ll see we’re serious.”

“He won’t come after us. They don’t care about me.”

“Doritha, you know he will.”

Doritha stepped from his embrace and turned away again. This time she didn’t try and run. She only slumped against the frame of the gazebo, resigned to the fact that he really was going to leave her behind. “Are you in some sort of trouble, Kid?” She hoped he was. It would make his leaving easier to bear.

He took his time before answering. He was tempted to tell her all about his father - the fight, his death, his secret grave, but held his tongue. He could only tell her about the debts. He would need her help if he was to be able to leave and start fresh.

“How much do you owe all the people?” She wasn’t surprised by his revelation, his haste to leave suddenly understandable. Kid hated all matters concerning money and she knew he was embarrassed that he was in debt to almost all the shops in town.

“I don’t know. It sounded like a lot when Jed was talking to Mr. Maxwell.”

“Well, why can’t Jed pay it off? You always tell me about the wonderful jobs he has.”

Kid started to pace again. “Jed’s gone. He took off last night.”

Doritha turned to him, her mouth wide open. “He left? He left you all alone?”

“Yeah, and took the horse, so I can’t even sell it to pay somebody.”

“So what will you do?”

Kid knew he had to do it, but getting the words out past the lump in his throat would take more strength than he had. It was a matter of pride. In all the years he’d known her, he’d never had to ask for help, he’d never had to sink as low as this. And now, he was doing just as Jed had said he would. He would ask her for the money.

He kept his back to her. He didn’t dare let her see the tears that formed in his eyes as he spit out the words. “Can you help me, Doritha? Do you have any money I can use?”

She had no reply.

Running his sleeve across his eyes, he turned back around. After his initial restraint, the words flowed quickly. “I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t desperate. I just need to pay Ma’s debts so I can leave with a clear conscience. I don’t want to ruin her good name and I sure don’t want the law chasing after me over some debts. I’ll pay you back as soon as I have work. I’ll save the money real hard and by the time we’re together again, I’ll have it all saved up. I promise, really. What do you think, Doritha? Can you help me?”

Her nod was almost imperceptible. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” In an instant, she was gone, at a run, back towards the house.

It didn’t take long and when Doritha returned she sat beside him on the step and pressed a dark colored silk pouch into Kid’s hand. “Here, take this. It’s all I have.”

He could tell by her hoarse voice that she had cried all the way to the house and back. It pained him to have to take the purse from her. “Are you sure?”

Doritha gave a sad laugh at the question and stood up to walk around. This was the second time he’d asked her that and she’d said yes. Why can’t you understand I’d do anything for you, she wondered. “Take it, it’s yours. There’s almost $200 in there. It’s all I have.”

“Two hundred?” he asked incredulously. He’d never seen that much money before in his whole life. “How did you get so much money?”

“Papa. He gives it to me to buy stuff. More miniatures, new dresses, he thinks he’s showing me love if he gives me money. Then Mama does the same thing.”

“Didn’t you ever spend it?” Kid couldn’t imagine having free money and never using it.

“Of course I did, just not all of it. I always put a little bit away each time.”

“Why, when you could have bought more things at the mercantile?”

Doritha shook her head. How could he be so dumb? “I did it for us, Kid. It was for our new life together. I knew we’d need money so I figured I would save enough to get us food, supplies, whatever we needed.”

Kid looked at the soft pouch and suddenly it weighed more than the sun and the moon combined. He reached up to hand it back to her, the guilt too overwhelming for him to take it.

“What are you doin’, Kid? I said it was yours now.”

“I can’t do that. I can’t take this money. You need to hold on to it, for when I send for you. You’ll need a stage ticket and they don’t come cheap. You’ll use it then.”

“Kid, don’t be a fool. You have to take it. You said so yourself. You said you have to pay the debts so you can start fresh. Please, take it and go west. Make a new life for us.”

This time he let his tears flow unchecked and he stood to embrace her. “I’ll never forget this, Doritha. I owe you my life. Again.”

“Don’t say that, Kid. You make it sound like I’ll never see you again.”

“No! I didn’t mean that. I swear. I’ll send for you, I promise.”

“I know you will, Kid.” She tightened her grasp on his waist. “Just don’t forget me while you’re so far away, okay?”

“I could never forget you. You stay out of trouble while I’m gone, okay?”

“I won’t,” she laughed softly, growing somber again. “Walk me back to the house, Kid?”

Holding her hand in his, he took his time strolling back to the main house. At the kitchen door, he placed his lips gently to hers. “I’ll send for you, don’t forget that.”

Doritha nodded her head. “I won’t.”

“Good. Go on in, I’ll wait ‘til your light’s out.”

Doritha hurried up to her room and turned her lamp down. Instead of climbing back into bed, she went to her window and watched the Kid walking away in the moonlight.

As if he could read her mind, Kid turned and gave a final wave. And then he was gone.



Chapter Eighteen