Two days later Ike left for a run while the remaining bunkhouse residents prepared themselves for the town dance. Most could barely contain their anticipation for nightfall, when even the rugged Pony Express riders could mingle with the townfolk, including the town's daughters. For Lou, attending the dance was no different than any other trip to town. Extra effort was necessary to hide her gender, and she worried over the citizens' scrutinizing eyes. The type of gathering only served to make her more uncomfortable behind the charade she wore. And tonight, she had the added worry of Pastor Kidderson's unsettling presence. Lou had tried not to think about the preacher, especially the kiss they had shared. Unfortunately, she was unable to control her dreams; nightly, she relived the interlude and awoke dazed and slightly fevered. She was not only attracted to the man, but she also found herself dreaming of an impossible future. As she now stood before the mirror, she pondered her appearance. Even before she began dressing as a boy, she did not feel like a pretty woman. Her reddish brown hair held only a few wispy waves, and she had usually worn it in a long braid down her back. Her body was petite, and that included her breasts. After having lived in a bunkhouse full of men, she was now well aware of the male's interest in a more bountiful chest than she would ever possess. Perching her glasses on her small nose, Lou could only surmise that a truly beautiful woman would never be able to disguise herself as a boy quite as easily as she had for the past year. She sat on the bunk, the other riders laughing and joking around her. Closing her eyes, she pictured herself in a dainty pink dress, luscious curls piled atop her head and a softness to her face. That girl she could never be began twirling about a large room, dancing with a dark, handsome man in black britches. The man was Preacher Kidderson. Abruptly, she shook herself from the reverie. Eyes wide, she looked around the room, but none of the boys appeared to notice her dreamy look. Lou stood. "I'll be out on the porch," she said, her lowered voice breaking into the rowdiness around her. "Anxious to see someone?" Cody jeered. "Just wanting to get away from you," Lou refuted as she swaggered out the door. Jimmy and Cody snickered, but Buck watched her retreat, concerned with both her hunched shoulders and her unhappy demeanor. *(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(* The sound of a banjo, jew harp and fiddle drifted out of the windows and door of the dance hall, which was actually no more than a barn. Cody was waltzing a pretty girl around the room, changing partners with every dance. Noah and Buck stood on the sidelines making jokes at the blonde rider's expense. As usual, Cody was their entertainment for the evening. Jimmy stood in one corner, quietly talking to the banker's daughter. She was blushing prettily at his words, giggling behind her fan. Each seemed quite interested in the other. Lou, meanwhile, stood beside the makeshift coat rack off to one side of the door. Pastor Kidderson was not in attendance and she felt both sadness and relief. She would loved to have seen him, yet at the same time, it would hurt to see him dance with the other women. Lou found it hard to admit that to herself, but she was practical and honest. Subconciously, she began tapping her foot to the beat, but quickly stopped and looked around sheepishly. She may be able to walk like a man, but she wasn't sure she could keep time to the music without looking a bit womanly. "I saw that," a deep voice spoke behind her. Lou looked around, but could see no one. "Saw what?" she grumbled. "Saw you tapping that foot," the amused voice replied. The voice seemed to be coming from amidst the coats, but Lou couldn't see anyone. Suddenly, a tan hand reached out and pulled her behind the garments. She found herself pressed against the chest of Pastor Kidderson. White teeth flashed as he grinned and pulled her out the barn door. "Whaaaa -- Where we going?" Lou stuttered. Her small palm was in his hand as he pulled her along. Pastor Kidderson just put a finger over his lips to shush her as he pulled her farther into the darkness. "Aren't ya goin' to the dance?" Lou asked. This time, the preacher placed his long finger over her lips. Lou could feel his strong finger against the softness of her mouth and immediately fell silent. They were a good distance from the barn, with the faint waves of music still washing over them when he pulled her into his arms. "I came here to dance with you," he stated bluntly. "And I can't dance with you in there." "Pastor, you should be dancing..." Again, the preacher placed a finger over her mouth. "Don't tell me I should be dancing with another woman. You're the only woman I care to dance with." Lou tucked her head, both embarrassed and pleased at his attention. "And call me Kid," he grinned, reminding her of the shared kiss on their walk two days before. When she didn't answer, Kid began gently swaying to the music; her body instinctively followed his motions and they slowly danced in the moonlight. "I've missed you," Kid finally sighed. He placed a knuckle under her chin, tilting her face up to his. "Me too," her voice whispered, squeaking on the discomfort of such an admission, to herself and him. Slowly, he lowered his lips to her own, once again branding her with his kiss. This time, his hands were already on her waist, below the safety of her upper arms. His hands tightened on her small waist, pulling her closer to him. Lou didn't think, she didn't dare, but instead became lost in the warmth of his mouth. She strained to be closer to him, unaware of the temptation her small frame created in his body. Kid pulled her even more tightly against him. His palm began sliding up her side, resting just beneath the gentle swell of her breast. Even with her binding, he could feel her beneath her clothes. Sweat broke out on his brow as he fought for control -- fought the overwhelming urge to take her completely into his hand. Thoughts of unbuttoning her shirt and removing the restrictive binding began playing in his mind but it was a dangerous game. With a ragged breath, he tore his mouth from hers. She gasped softly, inhaling clean night air into her lungs. Her mouth ached at the absence of his, and she started at her own loss of control. "Seems to me we could easily put ourselves out of this misery," Kid sighed. Lou flushed all the way to the roots of her auburn hair. "I'm not, I mean, I don't..." She couldn't finish her thought. To say she didn't sleep with men would be a lie; whether willing or not, she had long lost her virginity. She couldn't very well claim to be a virtuous woman. Maybe Pastor Kidderson sensed the harlotry in her and that's why he took such liberties. Kid's palm cupped her cheek. "I think you took that wrong. I was going to suggest you marry me." "That's impossible!" Lou near shouted, backing away from him. "Why is it impossible?" Kid asked. "I want you more than I can almost control; we're young and we could have a good life together. I'd take care of you..." He hadn't mentioned love was Lou's immediate thought. Not only that, but he'd only reject her once he knew she was soiled. Her words were enunciated through clinched teeth. "I don't need no man to take care of me." "I didn't mean it like that," Kid sighed. "Tell me why you want me, but run off from me all the time? Why do you want my kisses, but not my honorable attentions?" Lou shrugged. She couldn't bear to think about her rape, much less repeat the details for him. If she could just keep her distance from him, maybe her body would stop burning for what she could never have. If only she could drive him away for good. "Leave me alone Kid. I want a man who's not afraid of wanting me. Maybe a preacher just isn't exciting enough for me," she finished, her voice grim. She turned and ran before he could see her tears, but more than that, before he saw through her lies. |