Guilt continued to plague Lou in the days following the dance. She'd always tried to be honest, but she'd lied to Preacher Kidderson and she'd lied to herself. She had never wanted a man as much as she wanted him. Not only that, but his control was a bonus as far as she was concerned. She felt completely safe with him -- safe from memories of the rape two years before and safe to lose her own control; Lou knew he would never take advantage of her and that was a heady thrill. Her last run was made in a daze as her thoughts churned. She replayed their kisses over and over and then felt her stomach churn because of her dishonesty. The pastor was a good man, just like Buck had pointed out to her, yet she had treated Kid with much less than the respect he deserved. With determination in her stride, Lou walked into the barn. "Hey Buck, you in here?" "In the last stall. Watcha need?" Buck replied. He worried about his friends. Neither she nor the new preacher were looking very happy these days. "I want to slip off for a swim," Lou sighed, propping a leg up on the stall door. "You know the boys are real careful not to interrupt you these days," Buck grinned. "I know, but I wanted to make sure someone knows where I am. After I take a bath, I'm gonna go talk to the new pastor." Buck cocked an eyebrow. "You going courting?" "No, I'm going to apologize and I'm going to be honest with him," she announced. "Put us both out of our misery." "I imagine he'll be courting you again soon," Buck noted. "I didn't know you had argued." "Buck, I can guarantee he won't be courting me," Lou sighed a bit sadly, "but at least he'll understand why." Buck watched her walk away after that cryptic remark, but held his tongue. *(*(*(*(*(*(*(*(* Lou sliced through the water, invigorated by the exercise. She faced a difficult task, but she already felt better knowing that once she'd explained things to Preacher Kidderson, she'd feel less remorseful. She may lose him, but she had never really had him to begin with; at least his relentless pursuit would finally end. She dove under the water, coming up for a breath and letting her hair sling behind her as water splashed the air around her. She'd barely taken in a lungful of air when she spotted a paint horse tied to a bush. After stopping by the waystation, Buck had pointed the pastor in the direction of the pond. Now Kid stood on the bank, his eyes squinting as he watched her. Pure desire was in every line of his face; he didn't even try to hide it. Lou was drawn by the passion in his blue eyes, yet her gaze still traveled down his body. Once again, she noted the strong thighs encased in his black trousers and the crisp white shirt stretched over his chest muscles. She bit her lip just as he slipped an index finger under his black collar. He began to slowly unbutton the top button of his shirt, releasing the black band that marked him as a pastor. That button was followed by another, until Lou could see the dark hairs of his chest in the opening of his shirt. "Stop it right there Kid," Lou warned, her voice cracking on her own desire. "I think I'm tired of stopping," Kid called back, unbuckling his belt. "I mean it Kid," Lou's voice shook. "So do I," he replied. His belt and shirt already hung on a nearby shrub. His pastoral collar was hidden underneath. She noticed he was barefoot and wondered how she'd missed him slipping off his shoes and socks. Her eyes widened as his hands reached down to his fly. She quickly turned around. "I know you're a gentleman. Leave so I can get out of this water and dress," she ordered, her voice wavering in shock. Her only answer was a splash behind her. Suddenly, she felt his hands on her upper arms. "Do you have any idea the cost of my control?" came his voice at her ear. "Do you know how many nights I've lost sleep for wanting you? How many times I've awakened from a carnal dream about you? Do you have any idea how very badly I want you and literally ache in need of you?" Lou shuddered, feeling her own desire build at his words, but she also felt hopeless in the face of his passion. Silent tears began to pour down her face. Slowly, he turned her to face him. His expression turned from hunger to compassion as he looked at her tear stained cheeks. "Oh Louise, I'm sorry..." "You don't have nothun' to be sorry for," she hiccupped, trying to stop the flow of tears. "If I'd just been honest with you, we wouldn't be in this predicament." One eyebrow lifted quizically. "Louise, I've wanted you from the minute I saw you." Lou sighed. "Preacher...I mean Kid," she corrected. "I'm soiled goods," she stated bluntly, prepared from his immediate rejection. "You've rejected me over and over because you've been with a man before?" he asked calmly. "You need a virgin," Lou tried to explain. "I want you," he answered promptly. "I don't think any less of you. You've been on your own how long? It's easy for a man to take advantage of a woman without kinfolk. If you've given you're body to a man before, I don't like it, but I don't think you're soiled." Again, Lou began to cry, this time in great sobs. Kid placed her head upon his shoulder, his arms wrapping around her trembling body in the cold water. "I didn't 'give' myself," she murmured into his chest. She didn't want to live with anymore lies between them. "What was that? I couldn't hear ya," he sighed into her hair. Despite her upset state, Kid was still fighting his arousal at her naked body pressed so near his own. His jaw tightened in an effort to control his desire; he cared far more for Lou than strictly the physical sense. Right now, she needed his support -- not his passion. Lou lifted her head enough for him to hear her soft confession. "I didn't 'give' myself," she repeated, her voice shaky. "Oh baby," he cried as understanding dawned. "The bastard," he spat, unapologetic for his foul language. He drew her near his chest again, stroking her wet hair with his large palm. "And you didn't think I'd still want you because of something that wasn't your fault or your doing ?" "Soiled is soiled," she answered gravely. "No baby," he replied emphatically. "You are not soiled. She felt warmed by the repeated endearment and continued to snuggle into his wide chest. She could feel his chest hairs tickling her nose and felt the strange urge to giggle. "I lied to you at the dance," she confessed. "I do want you and I do like your control. And if all you want is my body, I'd much rather give it to you than have it taken by any other man." Lou was shocked at her own honesty, but she knew she would never be a suitable mate for a pastor. She'd found so little happiness in her short life, that she'd at least like to capture a few happy memories. "Oh Louise, don't tempt me with words like that. As much as I'd like to take your sweet body right now, I won't until my ring is on your finger." Lou shrank away from him. "I didn't say I'd marry you," she stated firmly, moving quickly for the shore. "Wait a second," he called, trying to catch her. His large body moved much slower through the water than her own slight form. With a huff, she exited the water, unashamed of her nakedenss. His eyes widened at her nude body and he stopped to stare, open mouthed. "You'd tempt a saint," he spoke almost reverently. Lou threw a shirt on over her body. Even after explaining her past and why she wasn't fit to be a preacher's wife, he still persisted in luring her with a wedding band; it was almost too much to bear. She crossed her arms over her chest as she glared at him. "You know my secret, so surely you understand why I can't marry you. If you can't stop talking marriage, maybe you should just leave me be." For the first time, she saw anger light his blue eyes as he surged out of the water. Like her, he paid no attention to his naked body as he stormed up the bank. This time, Lou watched, mouth agape as he yanked his trousers over his wet legs. "I'm sick to death of you running away from me. I haven't heard a valid reason yet why you can't or won't marry me. Are you too good to be the wife of a mere pastor? Or do you enjoy parading around as a man too much to put on a dress for a wedding?" Lou's mouth still sagged open, closing occasionally, making her appear as a fish gasping for breath. "Well?" Kid's angry voice demanded. "Which is it? Because I'm tired of my good intentions being rejected as I watch your retreating back." When she didn't answer, Kid walked up within inches of her. He pulled her tightly up against him, his wet chest soaking the front of her shirt. His palm boldly cupped her right breast as he seared her mouth with a demanding hot kiss. He released her as abruptly as he had pulled her to him and she staggered back at his relinquishment. "I love you Louise McCloud. When you're ready to accept that, as well as my proposal, then you can have my body," Kid announced. His passionate gaze swept over her body once again as he swung a leg across his horse's saddle. With a sweep of his arm, he gathered up the rest of his clothes. He didn't look back as he rode away. Lou could only stand motionless, tracing her lips and feeling the remnants of his kiss as she watched him disappear into the distance. |