A Place For Grieving Parents
I made this page especially for the moms and dads who have an empty heart. Ones full of pain and sorrow, ones that need healing and a gentle word here and there. Nobody but us understands our tears or our sadness, the nights always seem longer, and the days get a little shorter. But the pain is always there. Sometimes in life god will give one person a little more on their plate than maybe they can handle. As each of us questions this reason, the maker above truly knows. He will never give you more than you can handle. In the end it will make you stronger. I cant say that I don’t ask a thousand times to the maker "WHY" "WHY ME", "WHAT DID I DO", all I gave was love, it isn’t fair. As I sit here righting this, in the midst of tears, my self I wonder "WILL" I ever be ok, do the tears ever go away? I wonder what it’s like to go to bed with happiness, what its like not to wake up in a cold sweat. Do the nightmares ever go away, the same dream each of us has probably had over and over again, when we see our child and reach our arms out but we cant quit reach him/or her, they keep slipping away into the light. I have heard it does get better, and yes the nightmares do go away, the tears turn to tears of happiness. But deep in your heart there will always be the longing for something you couldn’t have. You ll wonder, what would my child look like, what would he have turned out to be, what would his goals be.
.
The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he retores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
for you are with me,
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enimies.
You anoit my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the lord
forever.
Psalms 23
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE IN GRIEF
"This is a list of many things that were said to me after my son died, many of them being very hurtful to my sons father and I"
1) Its time to get on with life, its been months since he died.
2) Do you ever stop crying?
3) At least he spent his time in the hospital, you really didn’t get to know him and that should make it easier.
4) He is in a much happier place, you should really learn to deal with it.
5) Maybe it wasn’t meant to be
6) We don’t celebrate the dead.
7) At least it was now instead of years down the road after you were really attached.
8) You and your husband can always have more children.
9) Look at the beautiful children gods already given to you.
10) You have grieved long enough don’t you think.
I know many of these sound the same, but they still all have the same meaning of hurt. Many people say these things, thinking there are helping, when in reality they are just breaking down the parents. There isn’t a set time for grief, there isn’t a time of day or night a person should feel grief. It can come at 2:00 in the afternoon or at 3:00 in the morning. Some people grieve for a short while, while others grieve for many years.
THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE IN GRIEF
1) Would you like to tell me a story about "use the child’s name".
It helps a parent heal with the use of their child’s name is used, it makes us feel like you recognize that indeed our child did live.
2) Is there anything I could help you with, maybe I could clean your house or baby-sit the kids for the evening for you.
I found this really helped me in dealing with Sammy's death, I got to the point sometimes I couldn’t handle my other two children being around, as much as I love them I was to grief stricken.
3) You know you can cry on my shoulder anytime you want.
4) I don’t understand your pain, but I am willing to listen and cry with you during your tears.
5) I am not going to tell you it gets easier, because I don’t know, but will walk down this road together.
Many of these things were done and said by my and my husband’s family for whom we will forever be grateful. Some good and bad were said, but like I said sometimes, people do not know how to grieve.
Below I have listed a few sites that have helped me in grieving the loss of my son Samuel. Please take a moment to look at them and decide if they might help to heal your pain. Only you can make that decision when the time is right.
[Ethan's House]
[~~Babies In Heaven~~]
[Angel]
[H.A.N.D]
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