I ever needed
From my first look at you
I knew I found heaven in your eyes
She sat Indian style on the floor boxes, old pictures, yearbooks and so many more keepsakes surrounded her and littered most of the room. She sighed as she picked up yet another photo album; she started slowly looking through the pictures stopping at the picture of him. She sighed as she looked at him running her finger over the picture, he was beautiful and he was hers at one point in time. She couldn’t bring herself to flip the page; he was staring intensely back at her. His eyes were always her weakness, always full of so much emotion. She always knew what kind of mood he was in just by looking into his eyes. She was just drawn to them, the way they lit up when he laughed or smiled. How intense they were when he said he loved her or when they shared an intimate moment. How dark they got when he was angry. By far his best feature, his eyes. They were what caused her to fall for him.
After staring at the picture a while longer she finally brought herself to turn the page. Yet, another picture of him, she couldn’t help the empty feeling overcoming her as she looked at the picture of him smiling so bright. He was her everything, he was all she needed. When she had him, she had everything she ever needed everything she ever dreamed of. She smiled as she thought about that day when she took that picture. He always hated getting his picture taken, but after lots of begging and pleading he agreed and he smiled the biggest, brightest smile she had ever seen. That had always been her favorite picture of him. Her smile faded though, she was never going to have the privilege of seeing that smile directed just to her.
But who’s to know, the way it would go
I have no regrets that I let you in
What if I missed one single moment
I would do it all over again
Sure, she had no one to blame but herself. It was her choice to walk away from him. It was the right choice and in order to save herself she had to do it. She didn’t regret doing it; she didn’t regret anything when it came to him.
In the beginning she thought she was going to regret getting involved with him. The idea of actually being with him was so far fetched to her. Something like that would only happen in her dreams. She never really thought the relationship would go very far, and she never thought she’d be so wrong in her life. No one knew how it would turn out or how long it was going to last. But she didn’t care because she was with him and that’s all that mattered to her, was him.
She always used to say that if she had the chance to go back and do it over again that she would. No thinking twice about it, she would do it all again. The hurt, the lies but most of all the love, all of it she’d relive it all, because she learned so much.
Because I was loved, I was touched
And I learned what love is
And I learned what love is
I was blessed, so blessed
Cause I learned what love is
I learned what love is
From loving you
People would always ask if she was crazy and ask why she would want to put herself through all that drama again. She knew they would never understand. She was blessed to have him in her life. When she was with him she was complete and most of all she was loved. She learned what love was from loving him. She truly knows the depths of love now, after being in love with him.
She smiled thinking about the first time he confessed his love of her. To say that he surprised her would be an understatement. It came totally unexpectedly, she never thought in her wildest dreams that he would tell her that he loved her. She never thought that he would feel that way about her.
It was on their one year anniversary and he went all out for her. The night had to be perfect he said, and it was. He made the night total perfection when he finally whispered those three words to her. She didn’t know what to say at first, her initial reaction was to freak out, but she stayed calm and admitted to him that she had felt that way for quite some time.
When it came to love it always scared her, scared her more than anything in the world. Because on one hand she wanted to be in love and on the other she didn’t because she had seen first hand how love could go sour and that’s how people got hurt. And that wasn’t what she wanted. But nonetheless she told him she loved him and they both took their relationship to the next step. He was the first person she every really loved, the first person outside of family that she actually used those words with.
I held you, I held everything
I ever dreamed of
With that first kiss from you
All this world seemed all so right
Pushing one box aside she started to go through another one. Lots of memories flooded her head as she went through the contents in the box, she laughed so hard she almost cried as she went through all the notes from her friends, when she was in high school, she shook her head silently wondering why she still kept those. The things they used to say and talk about it was crazy. She reached in the box to pull out another handful of things, that’s when she came across his folder. Full of poems he wrote her, one thing she absolutely adored about him he would write her the most beautiful poems she had ever read. There were letters from him when he was out of town, a select few pictures that she didn’t want to share with anyone…ever.
She pulled out a few of the pictures and couldn’t help but laugh. They were so goofy together sometimes, that’s what made their relationship fun. She sifted through the pictures slowly coming across one of them right after their wonderful night together when he finally told her he loved her. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and his arms were around her waist, their foreheads were touching and they were smiling at each other. They both had a dreamy look on their face, she smiled thinking about what it was like to hold him and be close to him it was so indescribable. When she was in his arms the world seem so perfect, nothing could ever go wrong when she was in his arms. Once again, she never thought she’d be so wrong. Even though while she was in his arms she felt like nothing could go wrong, inevitably things did. She frowned as she thought all the things that did go wrong with them.
She looked at the next picture and couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips. It was of them on their first date together. She remembered how nervous he seemed when he picked her up, how he tried so hard not to make a fool of himself with all that she didn’t even think of being nervous. The date went incredibly well, much to her surprise and at the end of the night she anticipated the good night kiss, or she at least hoped to get one. And she did, it was the most magnificent kiss she had ever experienced, during that kiss she felt that the world had stopped and no one else mattered. She sighed as she thought about the way he kissed, his lips in general, how gentle his kisses were, if she closed her eyes and thought hard enough she was sure she could still feel the way his lips felt on hers.
Some people search their whole lives
Never find what I found in your eyes
Glad I got to get the chance to have you in my life
Thinking about that first kiss and his kisses altogether gave her those feelings again, the butterflies and just the warm fuzzy feeling you have when you are in love. She couldn’t help but smile. She’ll never forget that night; she vowed to herself that she would never forget any of the times they had shared. Because without those times, without him she wouldn’t be who she is today and she had to thank God for all the times she had with him. She was glad that she had the chance to have him in her life, because she learned so much from him.
She was lucky to have him; she had friends who were jealous of her relationship with him. They could never find someone so wonderful someone that could complete them the way he completed her. Needless to say, they didn’t understand her reasoning for walking away. But they didn’t know the facts, they weren’t there late at night when the hurtful words were exchanged and all the love seemed to disappear. They didn’t see him with another girl, acting the same as he did with her. They didn’t know what it was like to be in love with someone who wasn’t honest with them. They didn’t know the feeling of being in love with someone and not knowing if they still felt the same as you. So they wouldn’t understand why she did what she did.
I won’t be sad when I look back
Cause I was loved, I was touched
And I learned what love is
I learned what love is
From loving you
Finally, tired of looking at all the things cluttered around her she got up and walked out of the room. Sighing she sat down and stared at the television, like she was actually going to watch it or something, how could she? He was on her mind, and the reason why she began to go through her keepsakes was long gone.
She wasn’t sad; she actually refused to be sad. She thought that if she started reminiscing about him she would be sad. But how could she be sad when she was so loved? And all the times she actually thinks about him they are all the good times they had and when she is thinking about that, there isn’t any room for sadness.
Without him she wouldn’t be who she was. Without him she wouldn’t be where she is today. She smiled as her eyes landed on her left hand and the sparkling princess diamond ring that was on her ring finger. Most importantly without him she wouldn’t know what love truly was and she may not be in love now, if it wasn’t for him.
I had you, I had everything