My Dark Side
Poetry By Jai***
(Do not copy without permission)

These are emotions I have felt..
Over different times in my life.
They are not recomended to read..
If you have a soft heart...
But they are my words and my release..
There are 5 poems here.
Each holding on to a different part of my life.





I cant see...

I cant see past the door.
I cant find the key...
I know it has to be here
But why cant I see.
I feel on the floor
Cold as ice
Nothing but dampness
lonliness..
Surounding me...
As If a window was open wide
a chill passes down my spine
An emptiness of emotion
Affraid to feel the truth
A dream in my head that wont leave.
I guess, memories of you
and all those wonderful times.
what is happening to us?
Will we be ok?
So many lies..
When will we be as one?
My time is running out..
If I cant find this key..
Shall I jump out the window instead?
Would I be happy being alone?
I have no idea..
Only that I cant remain...
Hidden with in a dream...

Jai



Not Knowing...

The fire is growing higher and higher
The smell of burning flesh fills the room..
The smoke is strong and nearly chokes me
as I sit alone on the bed.
Roses surounding me and a picture by my side..
Im now laying down, I can see everyone.
They are looking at me.
There are no tears in thier eyes
Nor sympathy in thier hearts.
All cold and hatred roaming all around.
Why are you doing this?
Why cant I get up?
I cant move.. Why cant you hear me?
I see a light and darkness as well
as they come towards me..
As if begging me to choose.
But I wont...
The room changes and I know waking up.
The sun light coming throught the window
a single rose sits by my side.
Who is with me, I shout.
But no answer in return.
I am alone.
I pick up the phone..
But I dont know who to call..
Who would listen to me afterall?
Everyone tells me that I have to live me life.
And I will learn....
Im living my life and all I feel is burned.
No one ever listens to how I feel.
The nakedness of the night
and the wind calm as can be..
I sit and talk to the wind and the tree's.
The sea of stars over head
and the waves crashing at my feet.
The love of the world .. my codependancy.
Int that I might recieve the gentle touch..
of the wind caressing my face..
The world has alot of things
that itself has to work out..
and how can I ask the world for help..
When I cant ask myself.
Jai



Crazy...

Mysteries seem to be evolving from every crack
and every corner.
the lights grow dim and shadows foll me everywhere.
The road seems to never end.
Searching and searching for a way out.
Leaves are falling from every direction
and the stars seem to be fading.. fading..
The door.. the door...
Help me.. Stop!!! Please help me...
I cant see its soo dark.. soo very dark..
A light.. I see a light...
I keep running towards the light..
But I cant seem to reach it...
Please help me..
I cant reach the light...
Nooo.. nooo dont fade.. come back.. come back...
Its so silent.. so very silent..
Where am I?....

Jai



A scared Thought...

My blood like ice.. running through my veins.
Every new drop turning unreal.
My mind is like the wind..
Sheltering the path..
Never staying current.
My dreams I call reality.
For all they are anymore are nightmares of everyday
I live in this world...
My heart is bleeding. ITs dying from hunger.
The hunger to love and loved in return.
My skin is crawling and I am shaking
Im scared to turn around
Im scared to face each new day.
The darkness is creeping further and further
into my heart and soul.
Soon there will be nothing left of me.
Soon I will fade away.
No one will care..
No one will even see that I am no longer there.
No one see's me when I need them most of all.
No one see's my accomplishments,
not that I have many any way.
But still to hear the words..
And to know i am loved..
Is something I long for everyday.
I cant seem to find it.
Its time for me to go away.

Jai



Suicide...

I know what I have to do..
But how do I do it with out seeing myself?
I see the clouds in the sky and it makes me want to fly..
I can see the street and the dim lights
upon the sidewalk.
I wanna feel the concrete hit my body.
and my mind splater and me fall deep asleep.
I dont wanna look at the pills..
I want to take them all in...
I wanna feel them poluting my mind and my soul.
The razors are sharp and new..
I see them sitting in my closet...
Knowing what they could do to my body...
Longing for an ending that never seems to come.
I dont do anything.. I sit here building up all
of my emotions.. my walls...
not wainting or able to let them go.

Jai



These were some of my emotions. my feelings
You may not understand the words or the meaning
But I feel them still to this day.
Only they are in the furthest corner of my mind.