All of the optimism in the world, though, could not prepare my wife, her parents, and me for the weight of trials my new life would bring this family. It is not a "normal" way of existence. I always expected for my life to go a certain way. I'd have a job, get married, have 2.5 kids and a dog and live happily ever after.  No where was it written or did I consider - what if one of us becomes entirely disabled?

Does this change the rules? We were placed in an entirely new situation without a manual or any hint as to what to expect. How will this paralysis change me? Will I think differently? It's a given I'll look different and won't have much to offer physically. What do I have to offer emotionally or romantically? How will this effect me psychologically? Most important, how will this effect our relationship?

When someone has a major accident like mine, there is always at least one other victim. My wife became the other victim. This was the year she expected to be nurturing and caring for her own baby. Instead, she became the complete caretaker of a full grown adult. For all she knew, whatever dreams and plans she'd had growing up, storing her hope chest, looking through books of baby's names - they were all but vapor that had become lost in a nightmare from which she could not awaken.  Adoption was never considered.  For one thing, we couldn't afford it.  Secondly, I didn't think I could stand the frustration of not being able to nurture and embrace, let alone play with, a child.  (I have since proved myself wrong).

I have no idea what went through her thoughts as she fed me, cleaned me, bathed me, dressed me, and sat with me. As the weeks and months passed, we seemed to speak less and draw farther and farther apart as each of us were becoming more and more depressed. We never admitted to others or ourselves that our marriage was in serious trouble.

Every night she would read a chapter of Scripture aloud and I would pray. The last real discussion we had was regarding Jesus' return and how we thought now be a good time. Isn't that the way it goes? When times get rough, we pray for His return.

All I could do was watch helplessly as our relationship fell apart. By year's end, my poor wife decided she could no longer live this way. What could I do? It was out of my hands.  How could I blame her?  I wonder what I would have done if our roles were reversed.  I could never conceive this act would lead me face to face with Christ.

On December 23rd, 1983, one day before the year anniversary of my release from the hospital, I found myself at my parents house 100 miles away. Had it not been for them, I'd have nowhere else to go but a nursing home.

It was hard enough on them to see their son helplessly paralyzed. Now my marriage had failed and it seemed I would never be happy again. My mother found herself reliving events of my infancy once again as she had to be there to take care of my every need. For a while she had help from my older sister and brother who were home for Christmas. In a few months, to compound the family's heartbreak, my father, who had had prostate cancer years previous to that, received a letter from his doctor after an examination not long before my accident. His cancer had become active again and this time, it had spread to his bones. He had painful radiation treatment for a while but now, there was nothing that could be done.

He wanted so much to help Mom take care of me but by the end of March, he just couldn't get around. Hospice came to help him and us in his last days then on May 6, 1984, the Lord took Him home. On a positive note, we received a call from my brother on April 25th that his wife had just had their second child. This one was a boy. My dad, barely in and out of it at that time, was told the news. I asked him, "Do you know who called?" And he said, "Yes. I have a grandson."

After my father died on May, 6, 1984, I lived alone with my Mom for a little over two years. Since the only income I had was Social Security, the state provided a health care worker to come get me up most days. But it was God's love through her that kept me from falling into a pit of despair. It's amazing how she was able to support me during this terrible time of losing her husband. As I think about it, God may have used this incident to give her purpose after her loss.