Scene 6

The scene fades up to a beautiful sunset. Doyle is sitting in the sand, looking dejectedly at the island.

Doyle turns to the camera.

Doyle: Robin took another hiatus. The problem with that little scenario is, she left us on the island. We’ve been here for over a year. I’ve never been so frickin’ bored in all of my life. I swear. So this week, we’re going to do something special. Just to hurry the plot along so we at least get a little further before Robin puts us on the shelf for another 6 months. There will be no challenge today. Each tribe is voting off two people. It’s that simple.

The tribes come to stand beside Doyle as the sun sinks below the horizon. Riley is missing.

Doyle: Yeah, that tick on Riley’s ass? It actually ate his entire ass. (Angel smiles happily. But not too happily. He has that soul thing to worry about.) So he’s gone. We won’t be seeing him again. Actually, maybe Robin will bring him back for the final Tribal Council, just so everyone can see him assless. Meanwhile, we’re here for a voting. We can’t just go to the votes, because then the section will be too small, so we’re going to hear a small testimonial from each of the remaining survivors.

Angel: Riley’s gone. And assless. When that tick ate his ass, I had to have Gunn remind me what a bastard I used to be, because that was almost a happiness moment. I was this close to losing my soul. I’m pretty sure I’m going to vote for Anya this time around, just because I don’t know her that well. She’s even more tactless than Cordelia used to be in high school.

Anya: I’m tired of this island. I miss Xander. I haven’t had sex in a year. This is horrible. I’m going to vote for Gunn, because he’s obnoxious. I would like him to leave.

Buffy: I’m voting for Cordelia. All she does is complain, and we’ve never really gotten along. I’m pretty sure she’s going to leave the island this time.

Cordelia: I’m voting for Buffy. I’m tired of the way she thinks she’s better than everybody else, just because she’s the slayer. She’s just as much of a loser as she was in high school.

Dawn: I guess we’re voting for Cordelia this time, even though I kinda like her. But I don’t know who else to vote for, and we’ve got this whole alliance thing going, so…you know.

Fred: I’m going to vote for Buffy. I like her and all, she’s really nice, and she’s cheered up a lot since we got on the island, but Cordelia wants to vote her off, and in order to have the best chance of winning, we have to stick together, and since Cordelia wants to get rid of Buffy, that’s what we’re going to have to do.

Giles: I believe I will be voting for Gunn this round. I have nothing against him, other than the fact that he calls me Gramps. Well, really, that’s more than enough reason to vote for him. Gramps indeed. I’m as spry as I’ve ever been.

Gunn: Anya’s gotta go, man. I ain’t never seen anyone as crazy as that chick. She’s outta here.

Lorne: I don’t like voting for Buffy, but Fred and Cordy, and Wes too, are going to vote for the blonde, so I’m afraid I’m going to have to go with them. Even if she is a cute little button.

Tara: I guess we’re voting for Cordelia. She’s not so bad. But Willow always told me stories about what she was like in high school, so I guess it isn’t so bad voting for her. I really don’t like voting people off, because everyone here is so nice.

Willow: Don’t tell anybody, but I’m voting for Anya. We get along okay, but if she complains about not having sex one more time…I mean, I haven’t really seen Tara for a year, either. It’s hard.

Wesley: I have to justify voting for Buffy to myself here, because she is the slayer. However, when she was under my charge, she was less than fun to work with, so this could be called…payback, I suppose. As crude as that sounds.

Xander: We’re voting for Cordy. This is for all the barbs, Cor. Sorry to see you go. Only maybe not so much. You need to quit whining about not being able to buy shoes. Really.

Doyle: And those are your testimonials. We’ve tallied the votes, and the next people to leave the island are Buffy, Cordelia, Anya, and Gunn.

Buffy: Damn.

Cordelia: Damn.

Anya: Does this mean I can have conjugal visits with Xander?

Gunn: You mean I get to eat real food? Sign me up.

Doyle: There you have it, ladies and gents. Oh, and by the way, as of today, the tribes are merged. Consider yourself the Poof Nancies.

The group looks at each other warily, wondering where Robin came up with such a stupid name. Robin immediately makes it begin to rain torrentially, as revenge for them questioning her almightiness. Because she’s cranky like that.

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