“What? Why?” she’d asked him, panicking.
“The whelp kicked me out. Told me to leave, never come back. I’m leaving, Niblet. Say my goodbyes,” Spike had told her, hugging her once before crawling back out the window, and leaving. The next day, Xander had come and told him that Spike had bitten him. He must have had the chip removed, and he had tried to kill him.
“I wasn’t thinking,” Spike’s voice said over the phone. He sighed miserably. “We were shagging, and I just…I don’t know what came over me, pet. I just leaned in. Didn’t even think about it. And I bit him. I wasn’t gonna kill him.”
“I know, but…he thinks you were.”
“I don’t know how I bit him, Dawn. The chip is fine. It’s working fine.”
Dawn sat silently. “Is it like when you could hit Buffy? She was so depressed….is Xander depressed?”
“No. I don’t know what happened. Dammit, Dawn, how could I screw up so soon?” Dawn didn’t answer for a moment.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Dawn asked, far too wise for her age.
“Bloody hell. Yes. I’m in love with him. And he’s going to put a stake in my heart if he ever sees me again.”
*~*~*
Spike’s mouth was all over his body. Everything he was doing felt so nice. His cock was buried in Xander’s ass, and he was thrusting powerfully. Then he leaned down, and grinned, and bit into Xander’s throat. Xander screamed, coming harder than he’d ever come in his life.
And woke up. Xander looked around his bedroom blurrily, taking in the rumpled sheets, the stain on the front of his sweat pants. He was breathing heavily from his orgasm.
“I just dreamed about Spike biting me,” he said to himself. “And it made me come. What the fuck?”
Had he liked it? Was that why he’d freaked out? Spike had left town that night. Dawn didn’t talk about him, though the Scoobies all knew that she still talked to him. Xander couldn’t figure it out. If he’d had the chip removed, or dismantled, or changed, why hadn’t he killed them all? He hadn’t, though. He’d just left.
Xander leaned back on the pillows, mind troubled. Did he really mind the bite? No. It had felt really good. But wasn’t that what had scared him? That not only could Spike bite him, but that he’d ENJOYED it? That he’d liked having those teeth in his flesh, that he’d wanted to moan in pleasure when he felt his blood being taken into Spike’s mouth? That he’d really liked the feeling that not only did Spike need him, want him, but that Spike had lost control in the throes of passion and bitten him?
Xander sighed, and tried to go back to sleep.
*~*~*
Eight weeks later, nobody had mentioned Spike at all. Dawn was up and around, her casts removed, and slaying was in full swing. Dawn still talked to Spike, and still received post cards, but she didn’t talk about him, or how he was miserable and missing Xander. How he didn’t eat properly, how he didn’t go out, and had missed several gigs dancing because he’d “forgotten”. And she didn’t tell Spike that Xander was cranky all the time, and when he was depressed and thought no one was looking, he’d rub the juncture between his neck and his shoulder absently, or that he had lost weight and sometimes forgot to shave. Dawn knew they were both miserable, but words had been exchanged, and she didn’t think even she could fix the mess that the two men had made of their relationship.
“Be careful, Dawn,” Xander hissed at her, walking gingerly through the cemetery. Buffy was patrolling the South side, with Willow and Tara on the East, and Dawn and Xander had been chosen to walk around the North side of town, which had proven quiet lately. They were all about to meet in one of Sunnydale’s central cemeteries to finish out the patrol together.
“There’s nothing around, tonight, Xan,” she protested. “We haven’t seen a single demon.”
“Which is a good thing,” Xander reminded her.
“I know. I’m just really, really bored.”
“We’re almost done. Maybe the others have had more luck,” Xander replied, looking around distractedly. He stopped in his tracks.
“What?” Dawn asked him, turning around.
“Shh. Hear that?” Xander listened carefully. Dawn paused, also listening. They heard nothing.
“You must be going insane,” Dawn said cheerfully before letting out a blood-curdling scream.
*~*~*
“Bloody Hell. It’s 11:00 in the bloody morning. What the sodding hell do you want?” Spike growled into the phone, angry at being woken up before he could sleep of the hangover he was sure to develop after the previous night’s drinking.
“Spike?” came Dawn’s teary voice from the phone. Spike immediately sat up.
“Dawn? Niblet? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Spike asked, concern in his voice.
“You have to come back, Spike. It’s…it’s Xander. He was hurt last night in patrol,” she said before a sob broke through her chest.
“Dawn? Dawn?! What happened? Is he okay? Jesus, pet, he’s okay, isn’t he? Isn’t he?” Spike cried, flying out of his bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.
“They...they don’t know. There was a group of vampires. They had…baseball bats, and stuff. He was trying to protect me. Buffy was too far away. I guess he lost a lot of blood. And he hit his head. They…they said if he doesn’t’ wake up in 24 hours, then he probably won’t,” Dawn said through her sobs. “Please come,” she said on another sob.
“I’m on my bloody way,” Spike said. He hung up the phone and went out the back of his building, headed straight through the shade into the sewer tunnels, making his way to the bus station.
*~*~*
“What are you doing here?” Buffy asked coldly as Spike stepped into the waiting room, eyes sunken in.
“I called him,” Dawn said quietly. Buffy whirled on her sister.
“You what? He tried to KILL Xander,” she started.
“I would never try to kill Xander,” Spike said quietly, seriously.
“You bit him, Spike. Your chip obviously stopped working before you came back. I ought to stake you now.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my chip. I don’t know how I bit him, but I know I didn’t mean to. And I certainly didn’t mean to hurt him,” Spike argued, looking at Dawn pleadingly.
“It’s true,” she said, stepping forward. “Buffy, Spike wouldn’t hurt him. He’s in love with him.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Thanks, ever so, for the help, pet,” he grumbled.
“Because we ALL know when Spike falls in love, nothing goes wrong,” Buffy growled.
“It’s different this time, Slayer,” Spike tried. She didn’t look like she was going to change her mind. “Fine. I just…when he wakes up, I’ll leave. I just have to know that he’s going to be okay,” Spike said, a tear falling from his weathered face. Dawn stepped forward and embraced him. Willow and Tara stood.
“I think he’s right,” Tara said quietly, looking between her lover and Buffy. “I think he really…cares about Xander. Maybe we should let him stay?”
“Tara’s right. He never tried to hurt any of us. And look at him. He’s a mess,” Willow agreed. Buffy looked on grudgingly.
“Fine. You can stay. But the second Xander wakes up, you leave, or I stake you.”
*~*~*
They waited at the hospital for fifteen hours before Willow and Tara took Dawn home to get some rest, leaving Spike and Buffy alone in the private waiting room of the hospital. A large waste basket was filled to overflowing from the girls’ tears, but Spike had sat, staring at the wall apprehensively. He hadn’t moved, but every time a doctor walked by the door, all of his muscles tensed considerably more.
“You really do,” Buffy sighed after a moment.
“What’s that?” Spike said, his mouth barely moving.
“You love him,” she said. “Even with me, you never…this isn’t the way you were.”
“I know.”
“How did you bite him?”
“That’s something I don’t know. We were…I just leaned in and bit. Didn’t even think about it. Then he pushed me off and kicked me out. Threatened me.”
“Will you bite him again?”
“Never. Not that he’ll let me within five feet of him, anyway.”
“So why are you here?”
“Because I love him. He may not want to see me, Slayer, but I need…to know that he’s alive, and okay.”
“I hope he wakes up soon.”
“Me too, luv.” They said in silence for a few more minutes.
“Do you want to go in? See him? Be alone with him?” Buffy finally asked. Spike looked at her for a moment, surprise on his face.
“I…can I?”
*~*~*
The wiccas had turned the radio on softly in Xander’s room. Willow said he usually liked to wake up to music, so they’d turned the radio on to an easy listening station and turned the volume low so that if Xander woke up, WHEN he woke up, he’d be a little more comfortable. Spike didn’t turn it off.
“You messed me up, pet,” he said gently as he sat down in the hard chair beside the bed, taking Xander’s limp hand in his.
“I don’t know how you did it, but you did. Took my heart and wrapped it right around your finger.” Spike closed his eyes, picturing Xander’s smile, his warm brown eyes.
“I know you hate me. I can deal with that. Most everybody hates me, really. I just…I would never hurt you Xander. I would never want you to be hurt, and if I caused it…I’m sorry.” Spike took a deep breath, trying to stave off the tears that were threatening to fall. “Sod it all, Xan, I fell in love with you. Didn’t want to. Didn’t mean to. But I did. Everything about you. Christ, when Dawn called and said you’d been hurt, I thought I’d die right then. I don’t know how I’m going to live without you. But you have to wake up. Even if you hate me and never want to see my face again, you have to wake up. You can’t die, Xander Harris. Not like this, not yet, not now. I’ve never regretted a thing in my life. I’ve been around for more than a hundred years, and not one regret. Except one. If I could take anything back, I’d take back the bite. I wish I’d never bitten you, Xander.”
“I liked it,” came the croak of a reply from the bed. Spike’s eyes flew open, staring into Xander’s brown ones.
“Xan?” he said in disbelief. “You’re awake!”
“And I have the headache from hell. But before you call them in, I have to tell you something.” Xander took a deep, pained breath. His ribs must have been cracked in the fight. “I liked it. I think…I think I kind of wanted you to bite me, which is why you could.”
Spike stared at him, shock covering his features. “What are you talking about?”
“When...when you bit me, Spike, it felt so good. I just…I freaked. I shouldn’t have said those things. You’re a vampire, and you bit me, and you weren’t supposed to be able to, and I really liked it, and I freaked,” Xander said, then grunted in pain as he tried to sit up.
“Lie back, luv. Don’t hurt yourself,” Spike said, still dazed.
“And I heard what you said. Spike…I love you too,” Xander said. He and Spike stared at each other for a full minute before the vampire slowly leaned down and pressed his lips against Xander’s.
