Title: Please Do Not Litter
Authoress: Robin the Crossover Junkie
Rating: R for language, no graphicy sex but it’s implied
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys or Pet Mart
Dedication: To Jilla for the idea, to Sheepy for the title, and to Jilla’s and my cats for the inspiration.
Authoress’ Notes: Jilla wanted this. It’s the sequel to “Sandbox”.
Spike shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Xander snickered.
“Shut up,” Spike ground out, forcing himself to stop squirming, despite his discomfort.
Xander snickered again. “You have sand in your ass,” he stated mockingly. A fresh round of giggles emerged from his mouth.
Spike glowered at him. “Shut. Up.”
Xander continued to laugh. “See? Told you the sandbox was a bad idea.”
“Shut up.”
“You’ve got sand in bad places, and so do I. We’re taking the sandbox back.”
Spike didn’t speak. He stood and left the room. Xander sighed and got up, following. He found Spike on his stomach on the bed, flicking television channels agitatedly.
“What’s wrong?” Xander asked reluctantly.
“Nothing,” Spike replied shortly.
Xander sighed again and sat on the bed beside Spike, leaning down to kiss the back of his neck. “You know we can’t have a sandbox in the kitchen, and we can’t keep a camel, either.” Spike didn’t respond, so Xander laid down beside him and rubbed Spike’s back gently, kissing his temple. “Tell me what’s wrong, Spike.”
“I want a pet,” Spike said sullenly.
“You want a pet?” Xander was a little confused. Sure, Spike had planned to steal a camel from the zoo, but that just seemed like Spike-type mischief, designed specifically to piss him off and bring about wild monkey sex…which had worked, actually. Xander hadn’t even entertained the possibility that Spike actually wanted a pet.
“Well, yeah! I mean, you go to work all day, and I can’t go out, and I get lonely here by myself, nothing to do. Thought if I had a pet I’d have some company.” Spike was looking slightly embarrassed.
“And you didn’t think to ask for a pet? That we could have gone to the pet store and bought you one?”
“Uh…I didn’t really…want a camel,” Spike mumbled. “Just wanted to be fucked in a sandbox.”
“You’re sick.” Spike grinned as though Xander had just given him the most wonderful compliment.
“So can we go to the pet store now?” Spike asked.
“Yeah. But we aren’t getting anything creepy or crawly.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “You aren’t any fun anymore, Xan,” he pouted.
*~*~*
“Fish?” Xander asked, tapping on the glass of the large aquarium until the sales clerk gave him a disapproving glare.
“Eugh. No. Fish’re boring. They don’t even have any piranhas.”
“How about a ferret?” Xander asked.
“I…Too much like a squirrel. No.”
“What’s wrong with squirrels?”
“I don’t like ‘em. Don’t know why, though,” Spike replied with a puzzled frown.
“Puppy?”
“Have you heard those bloody things whine?”
“Yeah…” Xander prompted.
“Well, I’ve got better hearing than you, haven’t I? If I have to listen to that thing all day, I’ll snap its bloody neck. ‘Sides, Dru tried to feed me one that looked like it once. Named it Sunshine.”
“Lovely. Family stories.”
“Fine, I’ll just shut up then,” Spike snapped. Xander felt bad that he had hurt Spike’s feelings, but when he opened his mouth to apologize, Spike turned away from him. “Just forget it. I’m going over here to look at the rabbits.”
Xander sighed. He started looking around the store, trying to find a pet that Spike might enjoy. That’s when he saw them.
A black one, a white one, and a patchwork ginger and white one. Kittens. Xander’s eyes turned large, and his face got an “awwwwwwwwww” look. He went to the cage and opened it, pulling out all three kittens. They were small enough and his hands were large enough that he could hold all three at once. He walked over to where Spike was vamping out at the hamster cage. Xander produced the kittens in his hands directly in front of Spike’s face.
Shock kept Spike’s gameface on, and he blinked at the kittens. The little black one widened orange eyes at him, lifted her paw, and batted sweetly at his nose with a tiny “mew”.
“What the bloody hell…?” Spike muttered, his face shifting back to normal.
“Kittens! Spike, aren’t they cute they’re so tiny and fluffy and cute and they’d be good and they don’t whine and they purr like you do when I’ve just fucked you into the ground and you think I’m asleep but I’m not and they’re so cute and they’d sit on your lap and I’ve always wanted a kitten and look at them they like you!” Xander gushed out, all in one breath, as the kittens began to sniff at Spike’s face, the little orange and white one even trying to climb up on the vampire’s shoulder. Spike blinked again, his eyes dilating slightly as the part about Xander fucking him into the ground sunk in. “Can we get these?” Xander asked finally, his eyes wide and pleading.
“Uh…” Spike shook his head. “You want to get kittens? They’re not even slightly vicious.” To prove his point, Spike poked the white kitten in the ribs. It immediately started purring loudly, closing its crystal blue eyes in ecstatic bliss. Spike raised his scarred eyebrow.
“That one looks like you,” Xander said proudly. “He’s got blue eyes and white hair.”
“You want all three?” Spike asked skeptically. “S’a lot of cats, innit?”
“Please?” Xander whined. He suddenly smiled, then turned a lusty glance on Spike. “If you let me get all three, I’ll let you use the vibrator on me till I pass out.”
Spike’s eyes dilated again. “Uh…”
“Pleeeeease?” Xander begged. He leaned in closer and whispered into Spike’s ear, “You can use the big vibrator.”
“Wrap ‘em up, get cages and a shitbox, we need toys and catnip,” Spike suddenly instructed, suddenly in a rush to leave. Xander beamed happily.
“Okay, you get a cat-carrier and some catfood. I’ll get toys and treats. I’ll make them one of those big carpet-covered houses later,” Xander instructed, heading off to the toy aisle of the Pet Mart. He pulled some feathery toys off the shelf, and a little bag of cat treats and a large container of catnip. He stuck them in a shopping basket, along with the three kittens. He then went to locate Spike.
Spike had a large cat-carrier in one hand, and a fairly large cage filled with several small white mice.
“Uh…Spike? Darling?” Xander asked. “Why do you have a cage full of mice.”
“Said to get cat food. Cats eat mice.”
Xander’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped comically. “We’re not feeding our kittens mice!” he nearly cried.
“But…” Spike said.
“No. We are going to feed them Kitten Chow like any ordinary cat-owner!” Xander exclaimed.
Spike rolled his eyes. “You just get more and more boring,” he sighed, placing the cage of mice back on the shelf. He glanced around and quickly shifted into his gameface again at the cage, laughing gleefully when several of the mice squealed in fear.
Xander rolled his own eyes and turned, heading to pick up some kitten chow. He and Spike picked up a litter box and a large bag of cat litter as well, then headed to the checkout.
Xander paid for the kittens and supplies with a cringe, mentally calculating how many hours he had worked to pay for this particular shopping trip. The men headed to the car, and went back to their apartment.
They walked in the door, and Spike put their bags down while Xander freed the kittens from their carrier. They began sniffing around the apartment.
“What are we going to name them?” Xander asked, wrapping his arms around Spike’s waist from behind and looking over his lover’s shoulder at the kittens, who were still exploring.
“Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner?” Spike asked. Xander spun the vampire around, staring at him in undisguised horror.
“What?!” he cried, his jaw nearly at the floor.
“There’s three of them,” Spike explained, “and three meals in a day. It’s only natural that we…”
“It is not! You’re sick!” Spike began to smile. “And don’t you smile at me, you undead…freak! That’s perverse!”
“I was just joking,” Spike replied, rolling his eyes.
“It’s still sick,” Xander grumbled. He watched as the little white kitten got up on Spike’s favorite chair and stretched out comfortably, so there was no way Spike would be able to sit in it. Xander snickered.
Spike took Xander’s mouth in a hot kiss. “You promised I could use the big vibrator,” he reminded his lover, sipping at Xander’s hot lips as he spoke.
“Uh…right,” Xander murmured, his jeans suddenly too tight. “First…first we gotta name the kittens,” he finally got out.
“You pick,” Spike said, rasping his cool, wet tongue up the side of Xander’s neck, delighting in the sudden pounding of Xander’s pulse.
“Uh…the white one reminds me of you, so let’s call him…Fang.” Spike made an approving noise around the patch of skin he was worrying gently with his teeth. Xander moaned and closed his eyes. “Let’s call the little patchy one…”
“If you say ‘Patches’, I will never fuck you again,” Spike growled against Xander’s throat. Xander chuckled.
“I was going to say Sherbet. Bert for short.” Spike took a quick step back.
“You’re naming our cat after ice cream? And I wasn’t allowed to name her Lunch?”
“It’s a good name!” Xander cried.
Spike pouted, nibbling on Xander’s ear. “What about Killer?”
“You want to name our cat Killer? We’ve already got one named Fang,” Xander replied.
“Fine, fine. But I am not calling that cat Sherbet. Bert’s not too bad, though.”
“Fine. You pick the black one’s name.” Xander reached his hands around Spike and began squeezing the globes of his ass, nibbling at the vampire’s pale neck.
Spike moaned. Xander expected him to think of a name for a cat?
“What should we call her, Spike?” Xander murmured with a sly grin.
“Fuck it. We’ll call her Blackie,” Spike finally said, grabbing Xander in his arms and carting him toward the bedroom. “I’m horny and I got promised some vibrator time.”
The kittens were curled up on the living room furniture, ignoring the sound of disrobing in the bedroom. Spike switched on the vibrator and listened to Xander’s panting.
“Buzz!” Spike suddenly shouted, flicking off the vibrator.
“Yes, the vibrator makes a fun sound, shut up and fuck me,” Xander gasped.
“No! The cat! We’ll call her Buzz!”
Xander grinned. “I like it. Can we commence with the boyfriend-fucking now?”
“Oh, yeah.” The vibrator started to buzz again, overshadowed only by moans, groans, and cries of ecstasy.
END