Asking the Question
I wish it was less confusing
Wish I could see through the stars in my eyes
Wish I knew why I came here
Wish I could capture my pride before it dies
Don't you wish you had someone to rely on?
Don't you wish you had a heart to love back?
Could you give up your life if I asked you?
Would you believe I was capable of that?
When the world turns its back upon you
And there's no one to sweep up your dust
Call on me from deep in your absent soul
Put your borrowed life in my trust
Could you give it all up for me?
Could you love me enought to leave it behind?
Could you see past my faults, past my darkness?
Could you blank it out, could you be blind?
Would you care for me, keep me from harm?
Or would the challenge make you turn away?
If so, then turn now, don't torture me
But if not, then I ask, for forever, please stay
Untitled
Why is the pain all I remember?
Why didn't the details stay?
Should I have written it all down at the time?
Was there a reason it all faded away?
I can't fathom the pain that I've caused you
I wonder, is it greater than my own?
And is it too late to have it all back
All I'd have to do is pick up the phone
I broke all the promises I made to you
But you broke all of yours to me first
Between known what I lost and what I could have had
I have to wonder shich one hurts the worst
Do you still cry at night the way I do?
Or did you even cry about me at all?
I guess both of us have unanswered questions
Because neither of us bothered to call.
Was it wrong of me to not acknowledge your plea?
Was I punishing you or myself?
I couldn't watch you anymore, it was all too much
Who hurt you more? Me, or yourself?
Hurting
Desperation
Biting the bullet
Begging rejection
Loathing
Burning hatred.
Rejection of yourself.
Loathing for yourself.
Fires in yourself.
Burning.
Do you feel the hurt?
Is it writhing inside,
Sinking venomed teeth in?
Is it sick and dying inside?
Is it empty, achey,
Or is it thick pressure
Crushing your lungs?
But isn't it kind of a relief
Just to feel?
My Fault
the taste of regret
it burns in iis amusement
existing solely to torment me
to show me what I could have had
what I would have had
if only I hadn't been so selfish
knowing that you trusted me
and that I didn't just break it,
I destroyed it, stomping, cutting, cruel
that I'm the one who broke your heart
and I'm the one you hate for it.
Schoolgirl
Sometimes I deserve to act like a schoolgirl
Instead of growing up so fast
Then I wouldn't have to please everyone else,
Except for me, which I can't do anyway
I wouldn't have to face the music or my fears
And I could hum over boys who might like me
And no one around me would be sick or dying
And I could smile the way I did before
Separation
He can feel her ring
Cutting into his thigh
He can feel her words
Beration on a sigh
He can taste her rage
Burning deep inside
He can taste her tears
That last night she cried
He can smell her breath
As the whiskey slides down
He can smell her hair
as she throws off her crown
He can hear her cries
From the night they parted ways
He can hear her footsteps
And he longs for that day
The Rose
Sweet innocence
Bathing me with your silence
Don't take love away from me
Don't think I could handle the misery
Generous lips take me to heaven
Cool eyes bring me home
My painted eyelids are leaden
I'm happy I'm not alone
A coiled viper waits, though
And I wait for its bite
Your sweet facade is all a show
And pain will come one night
I know that I can't stay here
If I don't leave my heart will break
But it's loneliness that I fear
Though the bond we have is fake
I know that you will hurt me
Still, I hold you close
I can't bring myself to see
The thorn upon the rose
To My Doubts And Regrets:
I hate the way you lie to me
Your silver-tipped tongue flapping endlessly
Burning me with its apathy
Whipping me with its animosity
I loathe the way you play that way
Like it's all my fault they went away
Like I've never had to regret a day
Breaking me with what you say
Why won't you let me live in hope?
Never let me adpt enough to cope
Give me just a little more rope
And when I'm strong, you simply mope
Doing your best to break my stride
Waiting till I fall back inside
Till finally I have to hide
And you take my thougts to suicide
Cold By Swathi
Welcome to my Prison,
I built the walls
I made the ceiling,
The floor that holds me up;
The bars that surround me.
I can never make it through
The key is lost to me
The whole world knows it too.
They look at me.
They yell
SCREAM!
Every word makes the floor higher
Every glance- the bars thicker
I don’t think I can breath,
But I built the prison,
I made the walls.
I only wish I could stop,
Sweat off some of my misery
Instead of drinking it by the cup
Maybe I deserve it.
I guess I always knew.
I was never really good enough,
At least…for you.
I know I built the prison
I know I made the ceiling
But do you know you gave me the metal,
The cement;
The tools.
All I ever remember is how I am not good enough
How I’ll never succeed.
Why couldn’t you just for once say that you still love me
It wouldn’t have broken down the prison
It wouldn’t have set me free
But maybe the nights wouldn’t have been so dark,
Or maybe so long;
Maybe the tears would have stopped.
Can’t you see I could live that life?
I could still be.
If I knew you still loved me,
But all you could do is put a ruler on me.
I could never live it up.
I could never measure up.
Yet I knew that I had to try
Or you would not want me
Now what do I have
I have these walls
The bars
The chains
Every link shows betrayal
Of you…by me
It was all my fault.
I am guilty as charged
I should have tried harder
I guess I never knew what the fun would cost,
My life,
My dreams,
But who cares!!
They are now forgotten
Distant memories locked away
Just like the look of pride upon your face
The way you smiled at my fantasies
I guess I murdered them too.
I guess I really do deserve them
My walls,
My ceiling,
My floor.
Now that you are leaving,
Could you leave my heart by the door?
No, keep it.
I will always love you.
Sharp
Sharp, strong and cool
Smooth like a knife
Cutting away at layers
Layers of my life
Coring it like an apple
Shucking off the parts
Flicking them into the night
This is where the madness starts
I’m not a stranger to it
It comes too often to ignore
I don’t like it, or embrace it
But I want to hurt a little more
Mind-numbing pain
But better that than numb
Easier than trying to fight it
Just give up and let it come
The Truth Is
The truth is that I haven't seen you for too long
And my heart is no longer quite as strong
Once upon a time I could have proved myself wrong
But the truth is your pained screams have drowned out my song
The truth is I never thought I'd see you again
And my soul has stopped crying out to ask when
Once upon a time I would have called you a friend
But the truth is that my patience has reached an end.
I'm Sorry
Accusations and frustrations
Eating at my mind
Subconscious effort to look for
The faults I’d never find
Thought I could protect my heart
By making you the baddie
All it did was make you hurt
Though never did I act maliciously
I’m sorry that I can’t be good
But I can try to not be bad
I don’t want to lose the things
We have or could have had
All the things I thought you did
You swore you’d never do
The times I thought you were hurting me
I was actually hurting you
Inside Me
Lines around an edge that's uneven
A path around a bend that that's unbeaten
A knife to the core of a heart
A forgery forged out of art
A simplistic end from a means
A red rose within colorless dreams
A pebble in a sea full of gems
A dirge lacking requiem
Ecstasy without barren bliss
Stolen romance with no kiss
A cortex not braced in a mind
A lemon peeled, to reveal only rind
A voice that knows not how to speak
Happiness derived only from what's bleak.
Wasted
The words are poison, but I can't not write them.
Seeing the page blank gives me hope,
but whatever drivel I pen
makes me wish the page was blank again.
If the page is blank, there is no failure.
There is only art
yet to come.
When what comes isn't art,
the page is wasted.
The lacking talent is wasted.
I am wasted.
