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[MY SO CALLED POETRY] |
I try to speak my mine but I have....
When I'm trying to be clever,
that's all i'm doing,
Sometime I wonder what people are thinking of me.
But then again I don't care.
When I am out in the world,
what makes others able to do the work they do,
or how do they live I wonder,
what there life is like,
and do they loath certain days like I do,
or is there that one person in the world
some where that is having the perfect life,
never a problem..
the perfect child hood with no abuse..
great school life..
had a million friend..
was completely beautiful..
and now has a great job that they love.
As far as I know no one has it like that ,
although anything is possible.
(7/7/00)
Have you ever wished to be a ghost in a hall
so you could come and go as you pleased
Not to have all the worries of the world on your shoulders
and to someday be able to JUST SIT DOWN,
Not to worry about what you may be forgetting,
what you may have left behind
Have you ever just done one thing at a time,
or are you like most who have 5 things at once
Sometimes I fell like I must escape it all
To sore above the clouds
in a clear blue sky
To follow the sun to all parts of the world
to never let it go down on me
To feel this free would lift the heart of pain and of sorrow..
To be this free would be HEAVEN..
(7/7/00)
Is my soul in torment?...
Am I haunted by my past?...
Am I in denial?...
Am I lying to myself?...
Or am I the one who put me here?...
What shall I do for my torcherd soul?...
How can I heal the pain?...
Is there a pill to fix a broken heart?...
Is there some serum for a broken down spirit?...
Is there a remedy for loneliness?...
Why is it no one else can see?...
Was I not voicetress in my sorrow?...
Have I hidden it so well?...
Or is pain & sorrow now my only true friends?...
Is there anyone who ever heard me cry?...
Did I not yell load enough?...
Did I not scream with all of my being?...
With all the strength that I can muster?...
Or have I never told anyone how this displeases me?...
Have I become accustomed to it?...
How do you feel the differance?...
Is it out of boredom that makes me believe?...
Or is it not as bad as I think it seems to be?...
Written: (03/07/00)
HOPE!
The arbitrary nothingness of being the why of everything.
The knowing of nothing and the pretchesness in pretending you do.
Life with no meaning it's so incomprehensible.
The question you keep asking your self and give of false answers to, trying to delude yourself from what you already know as a pointless existence.
But we keep on.. making this little game into a drama, making it the reason we go on.
But why ? Why even try? When all you'll come up against is unhappiness, heartache and pain!
There's that question again and yet here I am playing my little role in the drama I've created, playing that same ole game. Trying to talk my self into happiness.
Trying to hide the reasons why I just can't die, the reason why I must go on, The fear on the unknown. The knowing that there must be more to life then this, that there has to be. That one day there will be light, that there all just like me. That all that I seek in this meager existence will become a reality to me. That I will rise and I will keep fighting I will not give up, give in nor will I just lie down to die! For the old cliche' "love will concur all", all I can do is wish for love and strive for forgiveness from all that I have heart all I can do Is...
HOPE!
Written: (??/??/01)
A Mother's Day Lament
But come to think of it these things not only define a Mother..
They are also for..
Business woman..
Temptress..
And a friend..
~*They've been proven wrong*~
Written: (5/13/00)
Rainy and dismal, is my favorite kind of night..
When the lightning dances across the water,
like a ballerina across a stage..
Its the only time for me, that I feel the sky is alive...
Golden streaks of light, in a blackened sky..
So close you feel you can reach up and touch them..
And the rain on my face..
As I look to the sky..
The pale blue moon looking back at me..
Little drops of water cleansing my soul..
Giving me a new beginning..
Giving me another chance..
To change..
To make a difference..
To dream..
To become what I dream..
Written: (03/07/00)
Not Good Enough
Me and my ramblings, I just ramble on...
No ones listening
no one even really cares. Tell me how can a person get this far in life with this many delusions, thinking someone anyone actually gives a fuck? Well, I'll just keep on. Keep on living inside my head not really knowing what life is till someone tells me! Explain this to me, what should I do next how can this be done? Questions I keep asking instead of just doing. To fearful to make mistakes & fearful that the world will swallow me whole then ask for another. Cause I was not good enough to satisfy his monstrous, endless appetite.
I Was not good enough.
But still I was Tasty!!!
Written: (11/28/01)
She's Got Moxxie!
She's got style and grace,
and an elagace that no one else sees,
A warmth and a love no one can understand,
she is the mother to all young woman of the world
They can not see past the outward aperance,
the side only she lets them see,
To know her, is to love her...
if you love her you know,
by trying to dig deeper into who she is
you come to understand your self just a bit more,
You ask questions of her
that you may not normaly ask yourself
but then she turns on YOU and ask's... "Why do you?
She's missunderstood,
and misstreated for speaking her mind,
she only wants you to know
there is so many options to choose from.
She has raised us from addaleces telling,
of stories of triuph and pain.
To take the good with the bad
and to dream when one can.
But the world does not want her,
it despises her,
for telling it children...
to stand up for your rights...
to think for your selves...
not to be ashamed of want and desire for another...
She lets GIRLS have there say,
to stand up for what you beleive is right.
To not be taken advantge of,
to show the world who is supreme.
To take what you want, to get what you need.
And not feel emarased for asking for it.
Written: (7/7/00)
