Henshin
(Transformation)
Written By: TRAnimeGal

James opened the door to the old worn down cabin. Flinging his bag to the hard wood floor, he wearily strolled over to the couch and plopped down.

"James, don't bother me. I'm taking a shower, and then going straight to bed."

"Just save some water for me."

"You'll get whatever I leave you."

Jessie, with her bag still over her shoulder, hurriedly walked into the bathroom and shut the door with a loud bang.

"What a case."

He stared at the back of the door. He could hear the hot water rushing down the drain of the shower, and it made his mind drift. He hung his head over the edge of the couch and, by accident, caught sight of a piece of paper that must have fallen out of Jessie's bag.

James stared at the note laying on the ground. It seemed to beckon to him to pick it up, read it, but his conscience tried to fight back. No, this was Jessie's, and he shouldn't. Just give it back to her, and you won't have to be tortured if she finds you with it. No, wait a second, she'll torture you because you had it in your possession anyway... He knew where it had come from: the only thing she ever wrote in, the pages of her sacred diary, and if she thought that he had read it, he was toast.

He opened it up and started reading.

He noticed that it was dated a few weeks ago, when they were still in the Orange Islands. He started reading the first few lines.

'Dear James,
I cried again last night. I don't know why I sometimes break down. I think it's because I'm so strong when the spotlight is on me, but when I'm in the shadows it hurts. I don't think I'll ever find a love that will look into my soul and not just at my face.'

His heart echoed inside of his head. It didn't seem possible to him, that she could ever feel so melancholy as to cry. And to keep it from him! He gulped as he read the next part.

'Yesterday, all of it, it just broke my heart. I was so embarassed, just sobbing in front of you and Meowth like that. Sometimes my purpose slips out of my head; I know I have to be strong.'

There was never a time that James knew that she had been embarassed in front of him. He tried to be as understanding as possible; that was just his nature towards people he was used to. But when was she crying?...

'I always thought that he would be the one to last forever... I must have been wrong.'

A vague image came into his mind. They were sitting in a clearing... they were trying to catch something... Nidoran. It was when they were in that small old English town, and they tried to seperate the two Nidoran from their trainers. She told her tale of heartache just before they were to execute the plan. He wanted to comfort her more, but with the lousy fleabag around, all he would get afterwards was teasing. He read on.

'I almost got over it, but it kept coming up in these small, subtle ways, and I could never let go. But something happened when we tried the little marriage plan. I don't know... When I held your arm, and we were walking through that arc of roses... Never mind the fact that you were in the dress... I felt like something was finally right with me. That I had a reason to be here. That I had finally found someone...'

By this point James had huddled himself in the corner of the couch. He never, ever knew that Jessie felt this deeply about anything. The sound of the rushing water in the background made his soul hurt even more; it reminded him of all the tears that she had cried. He thought that maybe she was crying them now, too.

'I know, we can never be. But... Can't you please hold me sometimes?'

"I will, Jess. I'll hold you for so long..."

'I know it seems that I have no heart, no soul, nothing inside of me. But I do.'

"I know, Jess."

'I can't break down. Mama was strong, so I have to be strong.'

"You don't have to be strong all the time. I can be strong for you."

'I have to go now. You're turning off the light, and wishing me off to sleep. And I'm hoping, with all my heart, that you'll hold me tonight, because I really need it. Goodnight.'

He ran his fingers over the tear stained letter. "I wanted to, so much that day. I wanted to make it all better for you, Jess. I did."

He jumped as the door to the bathroom opened. "Your turn, James. Goodnight."

He quickly dashed the sheet behind his back, but not quick enough. "James, what are you doing over there?"

"Oh, I'm just reading something." He stared into her eyes; they seemed a bit red to him. "Jessie, is there anything wrong?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing." He took the letter from behind him and folded it up neatly, unseen from Jessie's view. "But if you need anything at all, I'm here, OK?"

The corners of her mouth twitched upward a bit. "Fine. I'll see you in the morning."

She laid down inside of her sleeping bag, her back facing him. He felt that if he left, he would never forgive himself, so he decided to skip his shower, just for this evening. Climbing into his pajamas, he layed out his sleeping bag and laid down beside her.

"Still awake, Jessie?"

"Yes, thanks to you."

"Sorry."

"James, I want to get to sleep. Please?"

"OK." He, in a moment of frightened affection, reached his hand over her shoulder and brushed her hair back behind her ear. He could feel her tense up. "Goodnight, Jess."

She sounded almost mouselike. "Goodnight."

"Sweet dreams."

"You, too, James, you, too..."

@-->---

Today had gone no better than any other ordinary day. Grayish clouds hung in the sky outside the window as James sat huddled in the corner of the small cabin. The bright lights and chirping electronic sounds of his game no longer amused him, so he stared out the window at the dark cover. Jessie, sprawled out on the couch in no particular manner, sighed loudly into the still air.

"What's up, Jessie? Something bothering you?"

"No, not anything in particular."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

James watched as tiny drops of rain splashed upon the window. "You think we should take the day off tomorrow? It's supposed to storm."

"Sounds OK to me."

"I think we need a break."

She lowered her head off the edge of the couch. "I think we've needed one for a while."

He nodded in agreement. Turning back to the now soaked glass, he pondered about the state of her well being. Every time he looked into her eyes he realized a sort of sadness about them, even if she was in a happy mood. He could feel the pain within her heart, and he would do everything he could to make it stop.

"So," he said as he turned back to her, "got anything on your mind?"

"I wish we could catch that dumb rat we've been chasing after."

"I think we're really close to getting it."

"I've been really close to a lot of things, James."

There it was. The damper on the sapphire of her eyes. The one thing that seemed to have her by the throat, never giving up, never letting go.

"You have a lot more to reach for, Jess."

"Like what?"

He paused for a moment. "You could be the boss!" he said, smiling at her.

She responded with a weak grin. "I don't think that will happen anytime soon."

"Well, you could get promoted. As soon as we catch it, we're headed straight for the top."

"It wouldn't be any fun at the top without someone else."

"The queen and the king of crime, that's us!"

From her lips emerged a gentle smile. "I know. Double trouble, together forever."

"Right."

He was beginning to feel a bit better.

@-->---

Laying on his sleeping bag, James began to think some more. Was there anything that he had done to do this to her? He scrolled through a list in his mind. The only thing that he could think of was his lack of thinking in advance... Could all of those misfortunes really be the cause? He decided to wait until later to determine the cause; all he wanted to do now was sleep.

All of a sudden he heard a faint sound floating in the quiet night air. He tuned in his senses just enough to find out where it was coming from: the still figure beside him.

"Jessie?"

"Yes?"

"Is that you humming?"

"Mmm hmm."

"It's a very pretty song... What is it?"

She rolled over on to her side, now facing him. James, although not very close, could feel her warm breath on his cheek. He closed his eyes, as to take in every word. "It's called 'Dreaming of You.' It's by Selena."

"I don't know if I've heard of it."

She cleared her throat. Her clear voice rose no higher than a loud whisper as she sang a few lines.

'I'll be dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight.
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me.'

He opened his eyes and faced her. A lump rose in his throat as he stared into her eyes. "Are you dreaming about someone, Jessie?"

She blushed furiously. "It's not your concern."

"So you *are* thinking about someone."

"So what if I am?"

"Who?"

He had no time to revoke his question before he saw tears come to her eyes.

"No one," she whispered. "I have no one to dream about."

"Why do you say that?"

She averted her glance outside the window into the darkness. "I used to have someone to dream about. He left me. I just wasn't good enough for him."

"That's not true."

"I know it's true. He said it himself."

She slowly got up out of her sleeping bag. Taking her blanket, she walked over to the couch and sat down, sinking into the worn cushions.

"Oh, Jessie..." The monster was finally surfacing. He knew he could make it better for her, and he was going to succeed this time. "May I come sit with you?"

"I don't care."

He dragged his blanket along beside him as he moved over to the couch. He sat down right beside her and wrapped the blanket around both of them. "You can tell me, Jessie. I promise, it'll only be between you and me."

"I don't think..."

"Talking will help, Jess."

"Do you promise you won't say a word?"

"I promise with all my heart."

"That's what the last guy said," she remarked bitterly.

"You know what I mean, Jessie."

She turned away. "I'm not ready yet..."

"That's OK. Maybe later then..." He smiled, but inside he was torn apart. Did she have no trust in him? "You should get to sleep, and you'll be OK in the morning."

Impulsively he wrapped his arms around her. 'She wants to be held now...'

"Oh, James..."

She sunk deep into his warm chest. A serene silence filled the room as she slowly fell asleep from his touch. He looked at her eyes shut in peaceful slumber, and knew that she wouldn't be ashamed to put all of her trust in him, even if it took a little time for her to do so. Looking out the window at the rain, he tightened his hold on her.

"Dreaming about you and me..."

@-->---

It did indeed storm the next day. A flood of rainwater barreled down from the sky from dawn until dusk, and then on into the night. Both members didn't do much at all the whole time they were pent up in the small cabin. Jessie was content on looking at her numberous magazines; James had his Gameboy to keep him occupied throughout. James sensed there was something wrong the moment he saw her eyelids lift that morning. 'She's probably nervous about what happened last night between us. We've never been as close before...'

He stared at her, her somewhat pale face still buried into the pages of her latest copy.

"You seem awfully quiet today, Jessie."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I don't know..." He clicked the off button on his game. "You usually seem more vibrant on days that we have off."

"I've had a long week, James. I'm tired."

"Even after..." He stopped.

The pages of the magazine crinkled in between her fingers. The bright red lettering scrawled across the cover was no match to her crimson cheeks. She paused for a moment, and then, with a large sigh, pretended to have deep interest in her readings.

James looked across the room at the neon clock that set atop the one small table they had. "Jessie, it's getting pretty late. We should go to bed soon."

She didn't look up. "When I'm done with this article, K?"

"Fine." James threw his game into his knapsack and walked into the bathroom to change. He stared into the cracked old mirror that hung over their small sink. 'How many tears has she cried looking into this?...'

Peeling his shirt off, he sat on the edge of the bathtub. 'I mean, I never would have though that my Jess would need help this badly... I will help her, no matter what. I'll make the pain go away. I'll be the strong one for once.'

He finished changing and stepped outside, once again tossing his things on his bag. "Jessie? Where'd you go?"

A hand popped up from behind the couch. "I'm here, James."

"What are you doing there?"

"I'm just laying down for now." Her voice seemed distant, on a far away breeze.

"Well, just don't fall asleep there. You'll ruin your clothes."

"OK."

He rolled out both of their sleeping bags, side by side, onto the floor. Flopping down onto his, he looked up at the ceiling. "Anything on your mind?"

"More than you could imagine."

The old couch creaked as she slowly got up. She hurridly grabbed her pajamas and walked into the bathroom.

He mentally begged her to come back to him, to his reassurance and his comfort and his touch, but he knew deep down that that wouldn't work right now. He sat patiently on his sleeping bag and fixed his eyes onto the door.

A turn of the doorknob, a creaking door opening, then a blur of light blue fabric passing before him. Jessie dropped her clothes on her knapsack, then dropped her head on her pillow in weariness.

James gulped and drew in a sharp breath. "What's the everything that's on your mind, Jess?"

She glared into his pupils. "You have... to promise."

'She finally...'

"If you don't promise..."

'She really...'

"I swear I'll kill you if you don't promise me. Promise me you'll never tell."

He leaned over and whispered into her ear. "You trust me, Jessie?"

"Just promise me."

"I do promise. Thank you."

She sat up and moved over against the back of the couch. "Come over here, James. Sit next to me."

He obeyed.

"What do you want to know about me?"

"I just want to know what's wrong, Jessie. What's making your heart hurt? And what can I do to help you?"

"You need to listen."

"I'll listen for as long as it takes, Jess."

She found his hand at his side and took it in her own. She shut her eyes and, no louder than the beating of her broken heart, started her tale.

"His name? Anthony." She opened her eyes and looked down at the floor. "I met him one day when we were really little, at a place sort of like a day care."

"You knew him for that long?"

She nodded. "Our moms dropped us off there every day, and sometimes we had to spend the night there."

"But I thought your mother was in Team Rocket."

"She was. It was a place for the members who had children to leave them there while they were on missions. Once I was there for a whole week while Mama was away."

"Why didn't she just leave you at home with your father?"

"Papa was a workaholic, too. He was busy with his job, whatever that was. He was probably a few other -holics, but... I don't know. Mama always said that the day care had better things for me and I could learn some stuff there, better than our old shack that we lived in."

James' stomach tumbled inside of him. That was probably one part of the problem, that he always bragged about his childhood wealth. He made a huge mental note of it, and through this unconsciously clutched her hand tighter.

"Well, anyway, the first time we met was sort of odd. All he wanted was a white crayon. And I passed him a white crayon. That's how it started."

"What kind of kid wants a white crayon?"

"I'm still not sure... But that was what was so special about him. No one got to him, nothing put him down, nothing stopped him from being himself."

"What was he drawing with this white crayon?"

"I don't know."

"So you were friends for a while before you got romantically involved?"

"Geez, James, don't sound so psychological."

He paused. "I'm..."

"Don't be." She rested her head on his shoulder. "Well, anyway, after about a year or so I was sent to live somewhere else, because that's when Mama... well, you know. Anthony and I didn't see each other for a while after that, until the day when I ran into him at Pokémon Tech."

"You saw him when we were at the Tech?"

"I guess it was sort of a way to remember my childhood before it was turned upside-down. He made me feel so happy... Don't you remember all those nights I came home late?"

"I must have fallen asleep before you got home."

"Anyway, we had this spot on campus where we met late at night. It was under that old, old oak tree, you remember it? I would go there, and every time I saw him he'd have something for me. One time, one time he gave me this beautiful necklace, an emerald heart. I'd wear it everyday, and I kept it on at night."

"So that's why you told me it was an old heirloom of yours..."

She nodded.

"What was it about him that made you fall head over heels?"

"Well..." She smirked a bit. "He had the softest brown hair, and his cheeks were always a bit rosy, and his eyes... you could look into his eyes forever..."

"So," James grumbled, "what happened?"

"Everything was going perfectly, like in a movie or something... We seemed like the two most compatable people there were, but now... now I know better than to think like that. One night I went out to our meeting place, and he had this beautiful picnic set up, and it was like a dream come true, except..."

Her glance darted away from their interlocked hands. "He tried to go too far."

"But... when we were at the Tech you were... fourteen?"

"Exactly."

"So what'd you do? You... no, you... didn't..."

"No, I didn't. I would have never done that. But that's where it all ended. He was coming close, breathing down my neck, and I just snapped. I shoved him out of the way, and spit in his face and yelled and yelled and yelled..."

"But then what did he do?"

"All of a sudden I felt the sting of his hand across my cheek. I can still hear his words ringing in my ear... They've scarred me."

"Wha..."

She shut her eyes again. " 'What do you think you're doing, bitch? I've had it up to here with you. No one will ever love you, you poor little street tramp. You're not even good enough for the dogs. I think I'll go find someone that's a bit more worthy.' "

She moved away from the couch and set her head down in his lap. Tears streamed down her pink cheeks as she was racked with sobs. "James," she whispered in a waivering melancholy, "I didn't even do anything..."

He stroked her hair lightly as she continued to cry. "And do you remember that week I was out, when I said I was sick with the flu? I wouldn't even let you come see me. That was then. I even had to lie to you, my best friend, so you wouldn't know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry!"

"Jessie, it's OK, it's over now..."

"I'm so sorry..."

Her weeping echoed throughout the quiet cabin, as James tried to calm her and dampen her sorrows for a while.

"Do you want to know something, Jessie?"

She turned and looked up into his downward gaze with her poofy red eyes. "What?"

"I was rejected once."

@-->---

She sniffled. "You were in love before?"

"It was when I was little, too, about 10 or 11. I had fallen for a girl in my school, and I sat beside her in English class, but she didn't notice me until I let her copy my homework. After that, she started looking my way more, saying hi..."

"You thought you were supposed to be together after that?"

"Well, yeah. We were young and stupid. I didn't know love then. She drew me a heart in art class, and I thought it was forever."

Jessie smirked. "That must have been cute, young naive love."

"I bet," he chuckled.

"So what happened that made you two not work out?"

"Well, other than the fact that I had mostly wrong answers..."

She smiled a bit. "So you were always dense?" she jokingly whispered.

"I guess so. Anyway, she always had this air about her. That she would always be better than me. I was the most privileged boy in school, but she always made me feel like I was nothing, like it was a shock to be seen with me. We were best friends for a while, but after I left for the Tech, we never saw each other again."

"That's sad."

"I always wondered what happened to her."

"I never really did until..."

She glared into his eyes for a moment, conjuring up the same deep thoughts that had plagued her before. "I never really did until I met someone else who was like that. I mean, a person that I had the same deep feelings for."

He did not ask what she wanted him to.

She glanced upward into his eyes, which seemed thoughtful at the moment.

"Do you remember where we met?"

The gears in his mind started turning, slowly, slowly.

"Of course I do. It was in the hall of that one dorm with the forest green carpet."

"It was purple. Paisley."

"I was only concerned about you...," he mumbled unconsciously. This made her smile inside, just a bit, but it did not show on her face. "It was raining outside," he recalled.

"And you were standing at a window..."

"Crying."

"Crying," she whispered, "just like the sky was."

He had never known her to be as poetic as she was being now, but it was a welcome surprise to him.

"And," She closed her eyes. "You were crying because you were lonely."

"I remember my loneliness then. It hurt inside."

Jessie giggled a bit. "Didn't I want to take your lunch money?"

"Yep."

Her eyelashes fluttered, and he found her looking up at him again. "But I didn't, did I? When I was there, and I remember this so vividly, it was like a string in my heart snapped. Like the stitches that held my heart closed were cut. I can hear myself now asking what was wrong..."

"I refused to tell you."

"And I threatened to make you cry more if you didn't."

"I'm sorta glad you made me tell you, now that I think about it." He looked off into the dark corner of the cabin. "I would have been there for hours."

" 'Now, come on, kid. Stop your whimpering. I'm sure I can help you. Come with me.' "

"That's exactly what you said," he reminisced. "And then you took me to your dorm room and we both sat down with a big box of cookies you stole from the cafeteria and you made me tell you everything."

"That was a lot of fun."

"And then we had all the sleepovers, and parties, and the times when we were supposed to be studying but weren't..."

"Like before the night of the exam."

"Exactly."

She frowned sightly. "After that, we left the Tech. Everything in my life that I love gets left behind or torn away."

"But..." He did not finish.

Silence crept over the small room, along with the serenity and connection that came with this small square of life, this tiny piece of their puzzle that had been lost in the corner of the box for some time. Faded, misshaped, but still a crucial part of the big picture, that was now.

Jessie sat up and, resting on his shoulder once again, twirled her hair around her fingers. "Didn't," she softly spoke into the dark, "didn't you want to know who it was that I loved?"

"Yes."

She faced him.

"It was you."

He smiled at her sincerety.

"I already knew that."

Her lips gaped open for a moment. He put his fingers beneath her chin and, with a small chuckle, closed her mouth. Drawing back his hand, he wrapped his arms around her. "And you know what?" he whispered. "I think it's mutual."

He had almost forgot his wrongdoings when a small spark went off in his mind. His glance was lost temporarily.

"I have something to tell you, Jess."

"What is it, James?"

He looked away for a moment. "I found one of your diary pages, and I read it. I know I shouldn't have, but..."

She leaned forward, and their foreheads touched with a light tap. Her arms snaked around his neck. "I'm sure I can forgive you."

She brought her head down for a second. When she looked up, James gasped, for he was beheld with a beauty he had never seen in her before. Her sapphire eyes sparkled with the splendor of a thousand stars, and her rosy cheeks glowed dimly. Her eyelashes were laced with beads of shining tears, much like the early morning dew forming on the grass outside. He could feel himself moving closer, and shutting his eyes, and touching her lips to his, all in one movement. Nothing ran through his mind except her warmth, and then he recalled her tale.

He broke away. "I'm sorry, Jess."

"What are you sorry for?"

"Well..." His cheeks became flushed.

"James... You don't have to be sorry. You're not doing anything wrong. In fact, it's all right..."

She continued their kiss, stroking her fingers through his violet hair. He felt her weight shift, and then her body pushing against his, lowering them both to the floor. She stopped for a moment and looked down at him.

A salty drop fell on his cheek and slid down to the surface under them.

"I'm doing exactly what he did, aren't I?" she cried bitterly.

"It's OK... really..."

"I just want him to go away... make it go away..."

"I will, Jessie. It'll all go away soon..." he murmured as he kissed her tear-filled eyes. "Don't cry, sweetheart."

"I... I love you so much."

"So do I, Jessica..." He pulled her closer, letting her lips fall on his.

She paused after a moment. "James?" she whispered into his neck.

"Yes?"

"I need you more than anything else tonight."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she silenced him with another small kiss. "I know what you're thinking. I don't need you like that... yet. I just want you to hold me here. And make the pain go away."

"I will, Jess. I'll hold you for so long... I'll make it all go away."

"You, James... I only need you now... You're my one and only..."

She laid her head on his chest and sighed.

"James, I have something to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I cried two nights ago. I had red eyes because I was crying. And I cried last night, too. Because I felt so lonely. But now," she sniffled, "I'm crying because I found you. It took all this time to find you... but now I feel complete."

She tightened her grip on him. "I love you. So much. Please don't go."

"I won't, Jess."

For a few minutes the only sound heard was their light breathing and the sound of her tears. James looked up to find that she had drifted asleep in his arms once again.

He glanced outside the window into the dark. One night... it took one night for them to piece together the puzzle of the rest of their lives. He learned that sometimes you couldn't put trust into words, or love, or any other emotion. One touch, one kiss, explained all. He could feel his eyelids becoming heavy, and his senses dulling. He heard Jessie whisper in her sleep just before his body shut down for the night.

"Now I won't ever have to cry again..."

He shed a tear for her.