Sam knew that although Buck and the others were aware she'd befriended the Winston boys, a gang of bank robbers who'd used Sam's help to get away with most of the bank's money, none of them knew Sam was involved in helping them get away, or worse that she'd fallen for one of the boys.
Bryce..his baby blue eyes permanently floated in Sam's mind, rendering her incapable of thinking about anything else except a different life she could have had. The Winston Boys had been gone for just over ten days now, and Sam was grateful. She saw her world in a totally different way due to them, especially to Bryce.
She'd been ready to marry JD in September and settle down to be a mother and wife for the rest of her life. But JD could do so much better than her, she knew that. Why should he waste his life with someone who was ruined, and was keeping company with bank robbers? Bryce, a bank robbing criminal, was what she deserved.
But how could she tell JD that? He loved her with every inch of his body and soul; Sam knew he'd never stop loving her. She couldn't have dreamed of a better man to love her. He was everything. She couldn't tell anyone else either. The People of Four Corners would think her mad. Certain things just 'were' in the town. Buck Wilmington flirted with all women, No man dared attempt to get close to Mary Travis for fear of Chris Larabee, Ezra Standish always won at poker, and JD Dunne and Samantha Crawford would always be in love.
Sam had slipped and blurted out in front of Bryce that she didn't want to get married. Bryce Winston was the only person in the world who knew that about her. Buck, Vin, Ezra, thay all expected her to happily settle down and be a loving wife.
A wife..... Sam thought, shuddering at the thought. Being with JD forever would be wonderful, but being forced to give up her life and become a wife and mother...Settling was not something she had any interest in anymore.
A man's voice interrupted her inner struggle. "Sam?"
Looking up, her eyes caught a red jacket, then an ever-smiling familiar face.
"Hey Ezra," she greeted quietly.
"Mind if I join you?" he asked. Sam indicated the ground next to her, and the gambler slid down. He'd been watching the girl for the past ten days, and knew there were things on her mind no one knew about. He thought maybe, since they'd always been close, she would allow him to help her out with some of those. Turning on the Southernized charm, he turned to her and spoke. "Now, I know I may not be the most honest character around, but I think I can judge others pretty well, and I can't ever recall seeing you so glum." his accent gave his words an adorable drawl.
"You have no idea," The first words from her mouth distressed him immensely. Then she stopped. "I really appreciate what you're trying to do," she said. "But you really don't want to get involved in this." She figured she'd spare him some agony.
Ezra knew how badly she needed help. It was radiating from her. "Is there anyone else you could talk to besides me?" he asked.
Sam pondered this. JD, Buck, Rain, Mary, Nathan, Vin, Josiah, Chris...no one else would be able to hear her side of things. They'd all be too upset about the robbery or would treat her as if she was a porcelain doll. They had their own lives. Besides, she felt a bond with the handsome Southerner.
"No," Sam admitted, looking down. "No one would understand."
Ezra smiled a bit. "That's what friends are for."
"Yeah, well you may soon be my only friend," Sam muttered under her breath. Ezra heard it clearly though.
"And why would that be?"
She looked him in the eyes. "Promise me that whatever I tell you is just between us, that no one, especially Buck and JD. will ever know about it," she ordered.
"Sam, you know I won't tell," Ezra promised, praying he wouldn't have to break that, but knowing he would if he had to. "I promise."
"Okay," she consented. "You know all about the Winston Boys, right?"
"Who doesn't? Chris has everyone in town up to date on those five." This was news to Sam. Since the robbery, she'd not paid any attention to what the lawmen were doing to help. She'd been too concerned about her own feelings.
"Really?" she asked.
"Not a soul in town who couldn't name and identify all those boys.." Ezra explained. "They ever come back, they'll all hang for sure."
Sam's stomach turned at the vision in her head of her five new friends' dead bodies swinging from ropes in the center of town. She was the only citizen of Four Corners who'd gotten to know them and thought they were good men who she'd loved being around, brief as her time with them was.
Ezra noticed her spinning something on her finger. A ring. "Where'd that come from?" he asked. "I don't remember it."
Now or Never... she thought.
Turning so she could look in his eyes, she bluntly stated the truth. "Bryce Winston."
Ezra's eyes widened in shock, surprise and confusion. "He gave it to you?" Ezra asked, lowering his voice.
"Yes," Sam said.
"Good God," Ezra had expected to hear a million things from her, but not this.
"I know it's crazy, I know it was reckless and stupid. He said he'd see me again. He promised."
Ezra rubbed his face with his hand, trying to figure out what to say. Suddenly, an awful thought came to him. "You didn't........."
Sam's eyes met his. With more maturity than he'd ever expected to hear, she replied. "I didn't sleep with him."
Ezra blushed. "That's not what I was going to say," he stammered. "But I'm glad to hear that. I was going to ask if you had anything to do with their getting away?"
From the way her eyes avoided his, he had his answer.
"Sam...." he breathed. In his heart, he understood and even partially sided with the girl. At moments where you felt torn by love, you'd do stupid things. Ezra himself had some many a dumb thing for love in his time.
"I hate feeling torn like this!!" Sam cried, frustration and fury bubbling to the surface.
"Torn between what?" he asked, absent-mindedly, then corrected himself. "Oh...JD."
"Of course JD," Sam said. "In case you weren't aware, I'm expected to marry him later this year."
"Don't you want to?" Ezra asked, scared to hear her reply, praying it would be yes, but doubting seriously.
"I don't think I deserve JD anymore," Sam whispered, not sure of how to say what she meant.
"Why not?" Ezra asked. If he could do anything to help her, he would..
"There are a million women in this word, he can do better than me. Someone who's been.." Sam leaned forward and buried her head in her knees.
Understanding, Ezra reached over and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Sam, What happened was not your fault," he said. "And JD loves you regardless."
"What do I do?" Sam asked.
"Besides talking to JD?" The words were aimed pointedly at her.
Sam gaped at him. "I can't tell him all this! It'd break his heart, and he'd worry, and.."
"Of course he's going to worry," Ezra didn't understand why that was so important to her. "Besides, wouldn't it hurt more for him to lose you?"
Sam swatted him. "Damn you Ezra!" she replied. "You make too much sense!"
Ezra knew that she wasn't angry at him, and that her anger was aimed more at herself. Seeing her misery, he looked right at her. "None of this is your fault," he said. "You understand me? Now, you need to talk to JD. Together, you'll figure out what to do," With those as his last words, he got up and walked away, hoping she'd heed his advice.
"Hopefully before I die," she muttered.
She sat there, alone, for hours. What would happen if she let JD go? She wouldn't be able to stay in Four Corners, it would be too hard. If she did, would she be like Anabelle? The thought disgusted her and the idea of seeing JD go through the misery that Vin had broke her heart. But if she didn't let him go, he'd never find out how much better a woman could be.
Eventually, she went off to bed...with nothing solved....and a pretty good idea of how little sleep she was going to get.