Chapter Two: Bittersweet Determination
Written by Holli. Editing by BuddhaFrog and MorningStar.
(WARNINGS: Yay! More Angst! Wooh! I’m sorry! And still PG!; Tsuzuki x Hisoka)

Another day in the office.

Hisoka closed the office door behind him with a sigh. His thoughts over his feelings and current state of being last weekend had accomplished nothing. Nothing gained, but seemingly, nothing harmed. Coming up with no resolution on such thoughts had left Hisoka in a strange place; stuck in a static situation with Tsuzuki.

Hisoka looked out the window and brushed stray hair away from his eyes. For now it would just have to be that way. He did not understand his feelings, and until he did, this would have to do. Besides . . . it would be hard to act on anything without knowing what Tsuzuki thought of everything that happened too. Hisoka was sure Tsuzuki would want him to do whatever he could to make himself happy as long as it didn’t lead to self-destruction. But, he didn’t want to be selfish . . . he had been thinking about how Tsuzuki might be feeling too. Undoubtedly, Tsuzuki had . . . stayed 'alive' for him . . . that seemed to be the only reason why he had turned away from his second death. But, that brought him back to square one; what did their relationship really entail?

Keeping things they way they were . . . he couldn't really say he was happy with the idea, but it was a safe place to be for now. Until . . . until something happens . . . whether it is something he'd do or Tsuzuki would do . . . he didn't know. How aggravating!

Hisoka let out a highly exaggerated sigh. This really, really sucked. Truly, no other word could describe the situation any better. This was such a . . . constant loop of confusion.

Tsuzuki was happy. Lightly, but securely clutched in his hands, held up to his chest was a warm, white bakery bag with bright red lettering, proudly proclaiming the bakery's name. If little hearts could be popping out Tsuzuki's head right now, there would have been a foot deep of them behind him as he walked down the office hallway.

"This is great! I'm sure Hisoka will love this, even if he doesn't care for sweets too much."

Tsuzuki's face took on a slightly more solemn tone. Hisoka. Tsuzuki's smile quickly returned even brighter than before. Nothing made him happier than being with his younger partner, no matter what mood the teen may be in. The one person he gave his all for . . . that was him.

Tsuzuki stopped walking and peered out a nearby window in the hall. Warm sunlight came in, having just broken through the clouds of a recent storm, giving Tsuzuki a slight golden hue. His face once again became much more serious . . . but not necessarily sad.

Hisoka. His whole reason for existing . . . . He cared for his partner so much, so much more and so differently than anyone else he knew or had ever met. When that young soul had come through those flames . . . that terrible fire of total destruction that would literally erase a soul from ever existing . . . Tsuzuki had still wanted to die . . . to no longer feel pain or cause it. But, when that same young soul crushed his body so close to his, and wouldn’t let go even if he was to die too . . . to utterly confess and cry out for him to exist . . . for the sake of just him . . . his heart couldn’t believe what he had heard. To be loved was beautiful. But to know that someone else needed your love more than anything else was even greater. This was not a simple love, but a love of absolute need that was a little melancholy, but so wondrous . . . so amazing . . . it hurt. A hurt that one actually cherished, that let you know you were alive for good reasons. So bittersweet.

The warmth of such thoughts soon covered Tsuzuki’s face, as he snuggled the bakery treats softly under his chin. Tsuzuki knew Hisoka cared about him so much . . . and he felt the same. But, what kind of relationship did they exactly have?

If he only knew his partner was wondering the same thing.

Tsuzuki put a mock face of determination on his face and softly padded one fist with the treats into his other hand. He smiled.

‘I don’t know what our relationship is, but as long as I am with him and can be there for him, that’s all that counts. I’ll help him through anything . . . because he’s everything to me.’

Tsuzuki looked once more out the window, a little sad again. His past flirting may have been a bit of teasing, but there had been true emotions behind it also, that he had also denied a little to himself. He wanted to have such an intimate relationship with Hisoka . . . romantic even . . . but he didn’t know what Hisoka wanted out of their relationship exactly. So, no matter how much it may hurt, he would be there for Hisoka in any way possible, no matter if Hisoka wanted him that way or not. He respected Hisoka and knew well of the boy’s pride. And his past . . . how he had died. It would be a long time until Hisoka would want anything resembling intimacy in his afterlife.

So that was that. He marched the rest of the way to their office. He’d be there for Hisoka in any way possible. If it was unrequited romantic love, that was fine. After all, true love is only true love if you want your loved one to be happy . . . even if it’s not with you.

“’Soka! I have this great apple pie I want you to try! It’s really soft on the inside, but nice and crisp on the outside, and it’s not even that sweet! It’s all about texture, that’s what makes it great! So try some, won’t you?”

Hisoka had been reading a book while waiting for his partner to show up. He gave a look of disgust on his face that could have only looked worst if he had stuck out his tongue also.

“Tsuzuki . . . . Let me spell it out. N. O. No.”

“’Sooookaaaa! Meanie! C’mon! I just know you didn’t eat anything this morning! You never do, so this is better than nothing!”

Damn him. Hisoka could feel the blood vessels in his head sticking out. How could he always tell?!

Tsuzuki was still crying, complete with puppy ears that were hung back and a lifeless tail.

“WAAHH!! I want Hisoka to eat! If he doesn’t, I’ll cry all morning!”

Hisoka’s face took on a shade of discomforted blue. He did NOT want to hear THAT all morning or be embarrassed by confused looks from the other employees. He promptly stood up and grabbed one of Tsuzuki’s checks, stretching out his face until his mouth drooled. Tsuzuki looked up in surprise and almost thought he heard Hisoka growl.

“Fine! If it’ll shut you up!”

‘. . . And if it’ll make you happy too.’ Hisoka thought to himself.

“Hisoka, are you smiling?”

“. . . .”

“Let’s get some coffee to go with it!”

“Ah.”

Tsuzuki grinned at the coffee bubbling out of the pot into their mugs in the break room.

“Don’t be so silly. This is going to be good, ‘Soka.”

With a sigh, Hisoka followed Tsuzuki out the door back to their office, coffee mugs in hand. Could things stay this way, a nice calm happiness?

Could Hisoka live with that?

TO BE CONTINUED...