40 Things I'd Love To Say At Work
 | 1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit." |
| 2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce." |
| 3. "How about never? Is never good for you?" |
| 4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public." |
| 5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way." |
| 6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter." |
| 7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message." |
| 8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant." |
| 9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying." |
| 10. "Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again." |
| 11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid." |
| 12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers." |
| 13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn." |
| 14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth." |
| 15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you." |
| 16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view." |
| 17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist." |
| 18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental." |
| 19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?" |
| 20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant." |
| 21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off." |
| 22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial." |
| 23. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?" |
| 24. "Do I look like a people person?" |
| 25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting." |
| 26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left." |
| 27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer." |
| 28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?" |
| 29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed." |
| 30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed." |
| 31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality." |
| 32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?" |
| 34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses." |
| 35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?" |
| 36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done." |
| 37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?" |
| 38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary." |
| 39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" |
| 40. "Oh I get it... like humour... but different!" |
