Monica's Online Journal: February 2005
Yuk!! I still feel pretty crappy. Just so drained, mentally. Had to force myself to go to school, which wasn't too bad. My teachers are very understanding about the whole situation. Then I had to come home#2 (Kyle's) and go straight to work at NewLook (eye glass store). It kind of midly helped, but that faded quickly. I've given up attempting to sleep. I'm just gonna go to bed at a decent hour and just lay there. At least I'll be getting some sort of rest. If I'm lucky I'll eventually fall asleep. Apparently my boss from NL is having the same problem, for the past few nights he hasn't been able to sleep. He keeps waking up at like 4 am and just goes on the computer for a little while then goes back to bed to sleep for like 2 hours then has to drag himself out of bed for work.
I can't wait to be done school. I think after supper at Kyle's mom I realized one of my problems. I miss a home. I've been living in houses for the past little while, but none where a home, not really since Joel. I need to get my own place, but that's completely impossible here in Ottawa with the prices as high as they are. I need to find a roommate. Just 1 to share a 2 bedroom appartement with. 400$ is much more affordable than 800$ a month.
I really hope the meds kick in soon. I'm kinda sick of feeling so depressed all the time. So far I'm still really down but the sharp edge it had has kinda dulled. Which is good, cause I can still manage to mostly pay attention in class. At least I can drag myself to class, as opposed to before, when I couldn't even get out of bed. *sigh*....
I saw Alex and Robyn today. They were coming out of Moxie's with the kids while I was working. I waved but couldn't really go see them. Anyway, it's nice to see people, even thougth I don't get to talk to them. I think I really need to go out to pool tomorrow. I'm feel like I'm dying here without much social interaction. I know it's mostly my fault cause I kinda isolate myself. But I'm gonna try and change that.
Well that's my monotonous boring rant. Does kinda feel better having written it down. Think I'll go have a large glass of cold water and write some e-mails to some friends to keep in touch. Ta-ta for now
It's 4:16 am, and I can't sleep. I've been having trouble sleeping for the past few nights and I really don't know why. I don't know if it's maybe a side effect from the meds, or if my body is just used to only getting like 4 hours of sleep a night (cause that's what was happening like the first few weeks I was with Kyle), or if it's cause I got too much on my mind with school and everything. My mind just seems to be going non-stop. I can't stop thinking about stuff. I hope it's just a temporary side effect of the meds and that it'll go away soon. I really need my sleep so that I can function properly in class and not fall asleep like last time.
I'm not in that downer anymore. I think spending the night at my place the night before last (night of the 28th) did me some good. Just having time to myself. Kyle and I went to supper at his mom's place last night, then watched Bill Cosby (stand up comedy: Himself). It was a really fun night. I actually got dressed up, with a skirt and nice shoes. I know I didn't have to, I just like dressing up every once and a while.
Blah! I hate this! I keep yawning but I know if I go to bed I'm not gonna be able to sleep. And then at 6 I'll fall asleep and be really tired at 8 when I need to get up and get ready for school. And when I get to school I'll be tired. It's what seems to be the routine lately. I'm really trying to get better by going to bed early every night. Last night I went to bed at 10:30, and the night before 11, and before that 10! But for some reason I can't sleep and just end up napping in class. Anybody have any suggestions on what I could do to get some sleep at night?
Kinda hitting a downer again. Not depressed or anything, just down. It seems like a decent day out there, but I don't excatly feel like doing anything. Think I'm gonna go home and do some laundry, tidy up. Spend some time with Gurr and maybe do some reading. I've been in a weird mood lately. Not sure why excatly.
Didn't go to school on Friday. Really wasn't feeling well. Just stayed in bed and slept. Then got up around 1 and went on the computer, Kyle watched movies so I ended up watching movies at the same time. Then I went to work. When I got back I went to bed and this morning got up and went to work. Felt very sluggish all day. Exhausted and tired, but for some reason I can't seem to sleep. Blah this sucks!
Well I guess I'd better start packing up my clothes and such if I'm gonna be going home anytime soon. Maybe I'll write later tonight.
Well Tuesday ended up being a good day cause I was informed that there was no school on Wednesday; which meant I could drink and stay out late that night at pool. I also talked to my Calculus teacher, explained a few things to him and he gave me some work for chapter 5. Didn't bother talking to my other teachers. Now for pool... that was sooooo fun. I had a blast. I got all dressed up and went with Kyle, Tyson and Sam. Unfortunately Justing (who was supposed to bring a digital cam, hence one of the reasons I got dressed up) never showed up. Kyle and I drank a bit before pool then as soon as we got there I got a drink for us to share. Kyle and I got a table and Tyson and Sam got their own so that Kyle could teach me how to play. At around 9, none of Kyle's friends had shown up and I was getting quite bored. Ally showed up and we walked around a bit, went outside and chatted a bit, but she mostly spent her time with Jeff, lol. Then Mike showed up (one of Kyle's friends) and shortly after, Melissa (one of my friends) showed up with Shane. I really wasn't expecting to see them there, cause they hadn't shown up for a few weeks but I'm glad they did cause I ended up spending pretty much the rest of the night with them just chatting and watching their games. Kyle kept visiting me and vice versa. When Melissa and Shane left, I returned to Kyle's table and chatted with everyone. Andrew Sauvé (another one of Kyle's friends) had showed up and as soon as they finished their game we were off to Denny's. Kyle took care of the bill. I had a poutine, mmmmmm... he had french toast (seeing as how it was like 2 am lol). Sauvé and I ended up chatting the whole time while Kyle and Mike just sat there. I do kinda feel a little bad about that, looking back on it. But none the less, it was a really good night. Hopefully next Tuesday will be as good.
The next morning Kyle and I just hung out in his room. He worked on his site while I did homework. Then around 2:30 we went out to Dairy Queens, his treat. He rollerbladed and I biked. It was so hot outside that day. After DQ we walked to the Lincoln Fields mall which was really close and just window shopped. Then we walked back cause Kyle wanted more time to talk and enjoy the time outside. I had no objection. It was really nice. We got some pretty good conversations going. When we got back, I did some more homework then we went to the mall and did a bit of groceries. Again, a great day. 2 in a row with no drama or anything. It's great! lol.
Today has been a good day so far. I actually fell asleep in physics class today. I just couldn't keep my eyes open so when the teacher steped out for a second I figured I'd pull the hood up over my head and just put down my head till he got back. That was at 10:30. I woke up thinking I was at home in bed but realized I was on my physics text book, then realized I was in class, then looked up and realized the class was empty but for two other people sleeping like I was, then I saw the time.... 11:30, class had been over for a half hour!! I didn't even wake up at the bell!! Anyway, then I just kept naping till 12 when my next class was. Made a good effort in Caculus to pay attention and stuff, same for bio. Then it was time to go home. Thank God... Came home, and got on the net. :-)
Just before Kyle stepped out to go to the mall, his X, nat, called. Every second word was yeah, uh hu, so I didn't really figure it was her till he said "so I heard you're moving back home". Anyway, apparently she was calling to tell Kyle that the child she is "pregnant" with is not his, cause she is 6 weeks pregnant. She also appologized for being a bitch, not for cheating, but for being a bitch. She also got laid off apparently and wants to be friends with Kyle and chat and stuff. So if you ask me, she got fired, ran out of money so was calling Kyle to be friends so she can get back with him and he can pay all her bills so she can go and fuck around again. But that's just my opinion and I'm quite jaded, so you know, I could be wrong.
Anyway that was my little, kinda rant. Kyle is drawing his tattoos and seems quite content, I've had a little to drink, to unwind. So I think I'm gonna go hang out with Jeff a bit.
The pics below (now): Kyle drawing in his tattoo book and gurr. Me and Jeff.
I have to go to school today. Really don't feel like it, but I kinda have to, only like 4/5 weeks left. Still seems like forever. I know it's only a month really but it's still really hard to keep motivated. I don't want to see my Calculus teacher after what happened on Monday. I guess one good thing will be I get to see what I got on my Physics test, I'm sure by now it's been corrected. I just hope I did well, cause if I didn't, I'm gonna have a horrible day. Kyle is quite concerned about me and how my day at school will go today. He seems to be going out of his way to make sure I have a good day before school. He wrote me a letter last night for me to bring to school and read when I'm having a hard time. He is also gonna walk me to the bus stop. It's nice to know he cares about me.
Tonight is pool night, don't want to stay out very late; I want to make sure I'm in bed relatively early so I can get up for school the next morning. I seriously think I'm gonna have to stop drinking on school nights. Kind of one of those sacrifices for the next month until school is done. I really, REALLY need to push through these next few weeks and do better so I can go to University. Kyle and I are supposed to go really early to pool and get a table just for he and I so he can teach me how to play better. I'm looking forward too it so I hope my day at school doesn't break my spirit too much. I already feel drained just thinking of the day ahead... *sigh* Think I'll go lay down a bit, seeing how it's only 7:15 now and I leave at 9:00 for school and I've already showered and had breakfast..
Things are going so much better right now. Things between Kyle and I are getting better and better again. My mood has been lifting more and more. I think I really did need that time off. Work doesn't seem so bad. I think my problem is school and work at the same time. On their own they aren't so bad. I got a big Calculus test coming up which I probably won't do so well on but that's alright. I'm not over worried about it. I can't wait to start University. Still looking for a trustworthy and CLEAN room mate to live with in a 2 bedroom appartement. Work today was slow but ok. I ended up chatting with Tracy and Jen most of the time. Kyle came to see me on my half hour break, as usual. We just sat and chatted. I litteraly can't stop smilling all the time. Even when I'm alone in a room, I'm smiling. It's actually quite annoying. When I'm with Kyle I seriously can't stop myself from having this big smile. It's kinda embarrasing to be smilling so much.
Tomorrow is a day off from work and school. Looking forward to having a full day with Kyle. Then Tuesday is pool night. We are supposed to go really early to get a table just he and I so he can teach me to play pool. I'm really looking forward to it. He also invited a whole bunch of his friends for later in the evening. So I'm gonna get to meet all his friends, hope I'm not too shy. Althought I'm much more outgoing once I've had a few drinks so I guess I'm not too worried. Also some time this week, we want to make a trip to Trivium at the Rideau Center. We are gonna leave our Debit/Credit Cards at home so we don't spend anything (Cause God knows we are gonna want to!!!).
Tonight Kyle and I are gonna be having a few drinks, I'm so excited. I haven't drank in what feels like forever!! lol. Well, I think I'm gonna go watch a movie with Kyle. King Arthur! Yay, that was a really good movie.
OMFG!! Exhausted! Good thing I got today off to relax still. I can't wait for all this to be over, mainly school. Things with Kyle are going great again. My mood is lifted again. But man do I ever need sleep, I'm so tired! I don't really feel too sick anymore, except my throat hurts a little. It's funny, because everytime Ben talks to Kyle and says stuff to try and mess things up between us, it always ends up making us stronger. I mean, if we wouldn't talk, maybe it could ruin our relationship, but we talk about everything and sort out the problems. Our relationship is now much stronger than I would have thought. I'm actually alot happier than I would have ever thought. Right now, Kyle is out rollerblading with Ben, and I'm not worried at all. Usually I'd be worried sick about Ben saying something to him that would make Kyle doubt our relationship, or Ben convincing him I'm no good. Well, I'm really tired so I'm gonna go take another nap...:-)
I've been soooo sick these past few days, had to go to the clinic again yesterday and get a note for school and work. I've got to rest till Friday. Then it's back to work. 12 hours on Saturday and then again on Sunday, thank god I've got Monday off because of the holiday. Then I gotta get ready for a test in Calculus. Blah!! I can't wait for school to be over. I'm soooo sick of it. I can't wait for the University semesters, where I'm done in April and can work to save money and pay off debts. Less stress.
I miss Gurr so much. I think I'm gonna go get him today and bring him over to Kyle's. Well, I think I'm a little tired and in need of another nap.
Had an ok day today, horrible day yesterday. All the stuff that's been happening lately kinda all came out in class yesterday when my calculus teacher decided to give me shit in front of the whole class. I just got up and went to the washroom where I stayed for like an hour. Then went to guidance to try and get some info on some options. Today was good cause I got some numbers and got some things done. Starting meds again. Horribly expensive... 2$ a day. Eekk, good thing I've got a health plan with the bank, hopefully it's still good cause I only work like 5 hours a week cause of school.
Kyle was great today. He got up this morning at 8 with me to accompany me across town to the clinic. They told me I had to go back to a different clinic closer to bayshore; he was really supportive and uplifting. When we got back we just relaxed for a while and chatted, then headed to the clinic they had suggested. He was quite patient in waiting for me, luckily they were able to see me right away. When we got back home from that, I was so tired/exhausted Kyle suggest I take a nap, and I said as long as he stayed with me, so we took a nap. I can't get over how things just melt away when we lay there together in each other's arms. Anyway, before I start getting mushy, his mom called around 7 and asked if we wanted to go out to eat. So we went to Monkey Joe's with his mom. She's actually really cool. She was suggesting we go over on Sundays or something and she'd make us some supper, I think it's a really good idea, she's really fun to chat with, and it shows a different side of Kyle, I like it.
Anyway, I should go. Unfortunately we aren't going to play pool tonight. I think we ate wayyyyyy too much lol. My throat is soooo sore. I think I might have strep throat or something. I can't swallow, yawn, turn my head, stretch. I'm completely swollen; and my sinuses are messed up to. Ick!! I feel so miserable (throat/sinus wise). Ok, gonna go spend time with Kyle now..
Well, even more "great" news... Ben is trying to get me kicked out of my place! I'm sick of the bullshit. Althought it really affected me at first, I'm feeling much better now. I talked with my parents and they helped cheer me up. And being with Kyle is a mood lifter in itself. I love the way he cares about me. I just need to hang on to that when everything else falls apart. I really feel like he is what holds me together.
Anyway, the other day he asked me if he was to design a tattoo for me would I get it. I asked him what kind of tattoo and he said he didn't know. Just a tattoo that I would inspire for him. I said I would and he suggested that we go together and get tattoos done together. I totally agreed. Sounds like a great idea. I still need to find a good design to put with the infinity symbol I want to get as a tattoo.
Wow, it's already midnight, time goes by way to fast lately. At least I get a nice break this week, I don't have school on Wednesday, but got a Calculus test on Thursday, so I should probably study on Wednesday. So Tuesday night (pool night) I should be able to stay out late and drink cause I'll be able to sleep in the next morning. Well I guess I'd better go and get some sleep, you know, the whole school in the morning thing...
Yesterday was a horrible day, again. Ben is being a complete and total dick/asshole. I hate him so much!! He is friends with Kyle now and comes over to Kyle's when I'm at work, but yet, Kyle is still not allowed in the house I pay rent in even when Ben is at work. Now does that make sense to anyone?!? And he has dragged the whole house in on it saying that it's a house desicion that Kyle can't come over ever. I guess what pissed me off even more is that Kyle agrees with Ben. It kinda makes me sick. But I've made my desicion on this last night, and it seems so far to be keeping me somewhat sane about the whole sitation.
Anyway, Kyle is still sleeping. He went to bed early last night, like midnight, I was a little sad about it cause we were supposed to do stuff last night but I shrugged it off cause he was tired and just went to hang out with Jeff and Tyson till 3am, then came to bed. I figured he'd be up early this morning since he went to bed early, but obviously that's not the case. So here I am, awake and with nothing to do. I wonder when he will get up? I wonder what can I do to pass the time? I could go to the mall, but it's 8 and the mall only opens at 9 or 10. Blah, this sucks.
And just to add a P.S., now that I think of it, Ben, if you are doing all this shit to try and screw me over and break Kyle and I up, it's not gonna work. You need to realize that I don't like you, I actually hate you now, so there's no way in hell we are getting back together, GET OVER IT!!! If you're gonna be friends with my bf, you're gonna have to accept the fact that HE IS MY BF. You're gonna have to deal with it sooner or later and trying to keep us apart and mess things up is only postponing the inevitable. It's actually really hypocritical of you to say that you don't like me anymore and just wanna hang out with Kyle, while meanwhile you still won't let Kyle in the house with me even when you're not there. You need to grow the fuck up and get a life. I don't like you anymore, I'm with Kyle, and I'm happy, Deal with it!!
Ick! Yesterday was a really crappy day. Well, I guess it was good and bad. Bad cause I ended up hitting a "downer" got depressed and had a bit of a "rough time". But luckily Kyle helped me threw it. I'm still a bit cynical at the moment but I'm doing alright. Kyle is sick again but I guess this time I can keep myself occupied with the internet. God I wish these Ups and Downs would level out. I'm sick of changing from one extreme to the other in a matter of seconds and then back and forth. Anyway, the good part about yesterday is that Kyle and I made me a profile on campus kiss. It was interesting. We ended up getting to a spot that said questions and we ended up just talking about the questions. Oh, and I had had a bit to drink. Jeff was so nice, he noticed I had been really sad, so when I came downstairs to clean some dishes, he gave me a hug and asked if I wanted a drink, so he made me some juice and gave me some vodka. It actually did help, the alcohol kinda relaxed my muscles so I wasn't so tense. Anyway, Kyle and I went threw questions and I guess got to know each other a little more.
Yesterday at work I saw Alex and Robyn. And the new baby :-). And if you guys are reading this... Hi!. Hope you guys had fun at Moxies. I hadn't seen them since the night we went to the broken cue, that was before Kyle and I got together. Oh, which reminds me, *note to self: must remember to get some snails when I move into a new appartement* (don't ask) lol.
Well I think I'm gonna go bug Kyle a bit, althought he is still a little sick I think he's feeling better cause we were talking a bit earlier this morning.
It's almost 11am and I'm sitting here in the school library, trying to distract myself from thinking of Kyle. Things are going better again. I guess it's to be expected in a relationship. Ups and Downs.
I think my biggest problem right now is Ben. (Seems like if it's not one X it's the other). Kyle has started to talk to Ben again, now that he has MSN. This scares me quite a bit. Every time Ben used to talk to me, he managed to instill doubt (not anymore tho) and everytime he talks to Kyle, he convinces Kyle that I'm only with him to get over Ben. THIS IS NOT THE CASE!! I wish Ben could just realize that I don't love him anymore. There is nothing left! There is no chance of he and I getting back together. Give it up Ben. I'm happy with Kyle. We are happy together, please let us be happy and stop trying to break us up! You know what; now that I think of it, I don't think it would work. Even thought Kyle and I have only been together for 3 weeks now. I don't think our relationship is as fragile as I thought. I'm hoping Kyle is strong/confident enough in the relationship that anything Ben says won't phase him. I'm tired of all the lying.
Wow, I got alot of entries for today. Well the story of the deranged X continues, but hopefully it's pretty much done now. All her stuff is out on the lawn. She said she was sending some of her friends to come pick it up, because she can't lift anything (if you ask me it's mostly laziness cause she could still come just to oversee), but regardless if they actually show or not, it's not coming back in the house. I'd say she is too mortified about the way she acted last time but she doesn't seem the to be the type that can actually see the dumb things she does. Even her friends are starting to dislike her. They actually came up to Kyle and asked if she was a compulsive liar. That's probably why she can't keep friends very long. OOoo.. and here's a kicker, the guy she was dating like yesterday when she told Kyle "You know there's a possibility this could be your kid", she told her current (at the time) bf that it was his kid for sure, then tryed to get Kyle and everyone to move out of this place so she could have it with her friends, and that didn't work. Now she has broken up with him. It's actually quite funny. Well, I could say I hope she is pregnant, you know the whole "boy who cried wolf" thing, but I'd feel so horrible for the child. I wouldn't wish that kind of fate to a poor kid. Well, finally I get some time with Kyle, so I'm gonna go now...
Just trying to kill time. Wanna do some major work on the site but everything is at Kyle's and I'm at home right now. Besides, when I get to Kyle's I'm just gonna want to spend time with him and not really do anything else. As for school today, the test went good. I think I did well, actually I hope I did well. I answered all the questions and am quite confident about my answers, but I guess my last 2 tests kinda knocked me down a couple noches. I've continued reading "The Hole in the Universe" it's got it's ups and downs. I can't wait to finish it so I can read "The Elegant Universe". I'm gonna post quotes from the books that I really liked, maybe even post a few chapters of it. We'll see what happens with that. Anyway, I guess I should probably go. Kyle should be here soon. I'll try and do some more work on the site this evening.
OMFG!!! Best sleep ever last night. Pretty much cuddled all night. I slept ssooooo well. Anyway, I'm in a horribly good mood this morning and completely ready for my physics test this morning. It's 8:30 so I should probably get ready, wouldn't want to miss my bus and be late for my test. It's great I have a day off tonight. Can't wait to spend some time with Kyle :-).
Bah!!! My mind is going numb! Stuff is just starting to phase me. I don't really know how else to put it. I just try not to think anymore. Ooo.... I got the most hilarious story!! Kyle's x (nat) started, again, to try and stir up shit. It's funny thought. She barged in yesterday to go talk to Kyle, I just stayed out in the yard with Tyson and Jeff and everyone. You know, I didn't want to cause trouble or anything. Soon after she left. Kyle said apperently she just wanted to talk about getting herself off the lease. Today, while I was out (school or work) she called him and said how she had a "proposition" for him. And the proposition being her having the house (garden home). 1, she has already gotten pretty much all but a box and a chair moved out, 2, Kyle and all his friends live here. He said no and they hung up. 20 mins later, she comes over and says: "get your girlfriend and get out" She told him she wanted everyone to move out and she was gonna take the house. She threatned to go see Carol (minto houses agent) and Carol would kick them out for her, then saying that if Kyle tryed to lock her out she'd get the cops to come over cause she is still on the lease. Anyway, things obviously got escalated and Nat started with the whole "You wanna hit me I know it, go ahead do it. Hit me, just do it" and one of her trashy (and I use the word trashy, not cause I know them but how can anyone with descent self-respect actually hang around with some one so skanky, whorish and just plain dumb and trashy as Nat) friend comes in and while Nat was trying to get Kyle to hit her and says: "Yeah and that would be attempted murder cause she's pregnant" ROFL!!! *Ima need a minute* OMFG this is so sad and pitiful yet so amusing! So yeah apparently, again, she's "pregnant" (if you ask me it's called just plain fat, but you know, what ever she wants to call it) And althought yesterday she told Jeff, don't worry it's not Kyle's, today she was apparently saying how she's not sure who's it is. REDFLAG --- WHORE. You know there's a problem when you've slept with so many guys in a short enough period of time that you don't know how the father of you're "child" is. I remember when she did the whole, "I'm pregnant" thing back when she was still dating Kyle and I was working at the Coliseum and was telling everyone including one of my friends who told me and I told Ben (obviously cause we were dating at the time) then when she tryed to get attention from my bf (at the time) by saying "Ben can you keep a secret, I'm pregnant" and he said "I know, Monica told me" so she didn't get the attention she wanted from him she tryed to get me fired by going and telling management that I spread around stuff I hear in the office. That's pretty low. In all honesty I just think she's jealous cause I got integrety. I mean I used to be friends with her, until she made up those lies about seeing me fooling around with Wade, a guy I worked with. We were in a theater for 5 mins while he explained what a theater check was. Trying to break-up Ben and I. Kinda sounded like she was a little jealous of the relationship Ben and I had, but you know, I didn't want to start anything so I just let it be and just stopped hanging around her. Then when I got promoted to treasurer, guess she must of been jealous again, cause she tried to get me fired. Well didn't work. And now that she isn't getting the attention she wants from Kyle she thinks she can try and screw people over. Well, looks like she's running out of ideas. Guaranteed in a few days/weeks she gonna start telling everyone, she's pregnant with Kyle's kid. Then conviniently enough, again, she's gonna have a miscarriage... oops, wait a minutes an abortion, I mean yeah miscarriage.... cause that's what happened last time. Kyle doesn't even know which it was cause she keeps changing her mind. Now that's sad. Well I just think it's sad that people like that can't grow up. OOOoooo.... even better. She told Kyle she was gonna pay him back the money that she owed him, then calls a few days later, asking to borrow money to buy her prescription!! WTF?!?! LOL. Right, and today she was saying how she is the one who is holding up the lease cause she makes 2k a month. The lies just keep coming. It's just so interesting how people just feel so inadequate that they lie that much.
Wow, what a rant. I could you know keep going and stuff, but I gotta Physics test tomorrow and gonna go watch some episodes of Stargate with Kyle. Also need to eat something. I should do groceries tomorrow, maybe make some pizza tomorrow or something. Ok, gonna go now. I'll write more later, now that Kyle finally has internet.
Well, I guess things aren't going as great as they were a little while ago. I guess I always knew it wouldn't last very long. I'm kind of trying to revert to not thinking. Don't really feel like going into detail on what's wrong, just that stuff isn't going as well as it was with Kyle. However, I think I'm gonna wait a little while. Maybe things are just awkward right now. I'm gonna wait till he gets a job and has his feet on the ground before I make a decision on the realtionship. I'm unsure how I feel now, so I'm just not thinking of it. Gonna wait a bit. Just focus on my schooling for now. Speaking of which, I'm in biology class right now. Doing some strange assignement on evolution. A little messed up actually, like a cross between pac man and pong. Just for the hell of it, I'm posting the site here. Scroll down to the middle and click on Evolution Lab. The program should be there. Well, I think it's time to go, and I don't wanna miss my bus so I'll try to write more later.
Things just seem to keep getting better and better. Mood wise anyway. All the shifts I've been getting are really starting to take their toll on me, but being with Kyle just seems to totally restore all my optimism/energy and happiness. I don't feel so drained anymore. Tonight I worked form 4-9 then tomorrow morning I have to work 9-3 at the bank and then quickly go upstairs to NewLook cause I work there from 3-9. Then I'm gonna go stay at Kyle's cause I'm sure I'm gonna be completely drained. Then the next morning I gotta work 11-6 at NewLook. So this weekend is gonna be quite busy. At least I'll get to spend some time with Kyle. I still can't get over how well things are going with him. How happy we've both become, just by being together, even just sitting there watching a movie or chatting. We were always so down and depressed and pessimistic, but that's quickly changing, for both of us. Like I said it's been like 2-3 weeks now, and it still just seems to be getting better and better. I really feel like I belong when I'm with him. I really care about him and it feels great to know he feels the same for me..... I know I'm sounding sappy and all and I know I could probably go on all night, so I guess I'll move on to the next subject.
School isn't doing all that great right now. I mean, my marks are great, but my attendance is lacking quite a bit. I did the Sir Isaac Newton test and am totally mortifyed (don't know how to spell!) I'm totally useless cause I didn't memorize the formulas!! I answered 2 out of 14 questions. Very disappointed in myself. I also hadn't slept in three days prior to the test, that didn't help. But I was just doing the contest for fun and still plan on finishing all the questions and posting them on my site. I also plan on getting more sleep during the week. I've been doing this really bad habit of just not sleeping at all when I stay at Kyle's. We kind of end up chatting all night. That's gonna have to change, we're gonna have to actually sleep :-). That way I can go to school and actually be productive.
I've finally reached my goal!! My visa is now under 1k!! Yay!! It's still, however, not good enough for my little perfectionist mind (this is one area where I guess it's a good thing) I wanna get it down to 500. With all these hours I've been getting, that shouldn't be too hard.
OOOoooooo!!!!! I found my "The Elegant Universe" book. I was so pissed off that I couldn't find it. You'd never guess where it was.....in a puzzle box. The puzzle I had bought in Deep River last time I was there, and had made the puzzle then took it apart, and aparently put the book in as well, closed the box and then never opened it again, until the other day when Jeff was here and said he wanted to do a puzzle and I had picked the Italian one and figured it was quite heavy, so I opened it, and there was my book!!! So I'm really glad now that I didn't buy a second copy.
Well, Mom, I hope things are still going good with that new job. Dad, enjoy your six weeks off, hope your hand starts feeling better, and Peter, good luck with the job hunting. I hope you guys are all doing well, I miss you all and can't wait to come down some time this summer.
P.S. I miss you too Kyle, and I hope you don't forget me tomorrow ... :-P (JJ). Hope you enjoy your day off (from me :-)) and I can't wait to see you when I'm done work.
I'm still in a great mood. I stayed a little later at work to help out with the Inventory. Some people I used to work with noticed me and came to say hi. We ended up chatting and hopefully they will be able to come and play pool next Tuesday. I also talked tp Phil, and he seems interested to come out as well. So hopefully next Tuesday will be lots of fun. Kyle came to pick me up and we chatted a bit. It's really dumb that we have to sit outside at the curb to talk because he "can't" set foot in the house I live in. This is so retarded, but whatever I guess. It's gonna be weird not having Kyle around tonight. Maybe I'll actually get some sleep :-P.
Anyway, I think I'll use some of this optimistic energy to work on the Philosophy part of my site.
Still in a really good mood. Still getting better and better. Spent the night at Kyle's again last night. I was intending on coming home but during the movie he asked me if I wanted to spend the night and I certainly wouldn't refuse :-). We ended up talking all night. So I got probably about an hour of sleep last night. Not really a great thing considering I have to work tonight, but I definately don't regret it.
Well, I don't want to go into detail on my whole evening, and I have a bunch of stuff I need to do so I'll leave it at that for now and probably write more tonight when I come home from work.
Althought I'm still upset about the whole Ben thing, I'm in a much better mood. I spent the weekend at Kyle's. We pretty much just relaxed all weekend. I can't wait to get my own place so that I can have my own space. Only a few more months left. I've got a really busy week ahead of me. Tonight I have to study for a calculus test, then when I get back from school tomorrow (Tuesday) I gotta go straight to work. New Look (eye glass store) is doing it's inventory and althought I'm not supposed to work on Tuesdays (pool night) I'm gonna help them out. So I'll probably end up working later than 9 tomorrow. Then go to school Wednesday, then back to work right after school. Then school on Thursday, and the Sir Isaac Newton contest is on Thursday too. I have Thursday night off (after the contest), so Kyle and I are gonna be able to spend some time together. Then Friday I go to school and then it's straight to work again. On Saturday, another 12 hours, 9-3 at the bank and 3-9 at New Look. Go home and sleep then get up to work again on Sunday morning to finish at 6. Then I'll have a little time to do homework before school on Monday. Eeek... busy schedual. I hope Kyle and I still get to spend time together. I'm starting to look forward to the summer where all I'll have to worry about is work. No school, tests, homework or assignments.
I had my taxes done this weekend, horrible!! I had to pay the governement 75$ then had to pay the guy who did the taxes 95$ to tell me I owed 75$. I was not happy about that, but I guess it could be worse. I'm just glad I had money saved up for this kind of thing. So it didn't set me back too much.
As for school. It's going better. I got the last test back from Biology. It was on Genetics. I got about 84%. Much better than the usual 60s I get on tests in that class. I actually studied for this one. Plus I already knew alot about genetics cause it kinda used to be my hobby.
I've gotten back my motivation to do stuff (thanks to Kyle), and it's kinda scary. I've started knitting and crochet again. Started a sweater the other day and continued the blanket I started quite some time ago. Went to the mall with Jeff on Saturday night and he was complaining about his sweater which had a big rip in it, so I bought some needles and thread and fixed it for him. It's been a while since I had sewn. I kinda miss it. I miss all that stuff I used to do. Being with Kyle has been lifting my mood and I've been more motivated to do stuff. It's really scary cause this morning I actually felt optimistic. Optimistic!!! Me!! I'm never optimistic! It was a weird feeling. It's been so long since I've felt this way. Happy. Like things don't bother me. Thinking about stuff like work/school/futur, didn't depress me. Ever since "the question" I haven't felt that way. Everything seemed to depress me so I tried to just not think about anything. But this morning the thought of those things didn't depress me. It just feels really weird to me.
Anyway I'm probably starting to trail off, there's alot more that I could say, but that would be getting into too much needless detail on my thought process and overanalyzing the way I think. So I'll just leave it at, I'm happy, optimistic and in a good mood.... and a little scared... :-p.
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