But then some stranger prints appeared,
and I asked Her, "What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat
But much too big to be from feet."
"My child," She said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.
"Because in life, there comes a time.
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
Author Unknown
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
What do you want it changed into?
How many toads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, if you can remember which one used to be the electrician.
How many witches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they do it in Great Rites.
How many Sex magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two, but they have to be very small!
How many Ceremonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.
How many Frost "School of Wicca" witches does it take to change a light bulb?
"Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANY where! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A blue fish Tuesday.
How many Erisians does it take to change a light bulb?
"How many have we got?"
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2-One to hold a ladder and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored east German machine tools
How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four. One for each direction.
How many members of IOT does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.
How many Proteans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many will fit?
How many Asatruars does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The light from the burning monastery is sufficient, thank you.
How many Seax Wicca witches does it take to change a light bulb?
"Refer to my second book, "Practical Light Bulb Changing" by Raymond Buckland..."
How many Pagans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.
How many TechnoPagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
If the computer is still working, who cares about the light bulb.
How many solitary witches does it take to change a light bulb?
(If they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)
How many years does it take a Kitchen Witch to change a light bulb?
Already changed.
How many lesbian feminist Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!
How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
(Any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwords...
How many Isians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to handle publicity, and one to write the newsletter.
How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Candle light was good enough for grandma, it's good enough for me!
How many Brit Trad Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
(In a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know...Initiate?"
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
It's a third degree secret.
How many years does it take a Gardnerian witch to change a light bulb?
A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.
How may light bulbs does it take to change a Gardnerian?
None, they can do it all by themselves, thank you very much!!
How many Alexandrian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
"Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"
How many years does it take an Alexandrian witch to change a light bulb?
That's the Maiden's Job. Maiden - Make it so.
How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb?
Thirteen; a High Priestess to change the bulb, and 12 coven members to hold her up under all that jewelry!
How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
None; real Thelemites aren't afraid of the dark!
How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
Six; one to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better the old bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second Druid's song.
How many shamans does it take to change a light bulb?
None; they shape shift into a cat or a bat, and can see in the dark.
How many mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1,331 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to another list
203 to demand that cross posting to other lists about changing light bulbs be stopped
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this mail list
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversies
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
48 to propose new change.lite.bulb newsgroup
47 to say there is already an alt.light.bulb newsgroup
143 to ask if anyone ever did change the lightbulb
2. you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg.
3. you think a goblet is a young turkey.
4. you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse.
5. you call your coven mates "Bud" and "Sis".
6. you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13.
7. your quarter candles smell of kerosene.
8. you pronounce "athame" as "athaym" and "Samhain" as "Sammon" or "Sam-hayn".
9. you think a "Sidhe" is a girl.
10. your idea of the "Goddess" is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team.
11. your Bard plays the banjo.
12. your 'Long Lost Friend' really IS.
13. you have a flight of plastic pink flamingos on your lawn and regard them as your familiars.
14. your Wand of Power is a cattle prod.
15. your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head.
16. you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy", "Joe", "Jim" and "Bob".
17. you call the Gods by hollering "Hey y'all, watch me!".
18. your favorite robe has the logo of a major farm equipment manufacturer on the back.
19. you have ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed whacker.
20. your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun.
21. your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt or cowboy boots.
22. you have ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff.
23. your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21.
24. the instructions to get to your covenstead include the words "After you turn off the paved road...".
25. your altar cloth is a Rebel flag.
26. you use junk cars to mark the quarters of your circle.
27. your Eternal Flame happens to be under your still.
28. you use an engine block for an altar.
29. your High Priestess is your cousin and your wife.
30. when drawing down the moon, you say "Y'all come on down, ya hear?".
31. your pickup truck has an Athame rack.
32. your shewing stone is also your bowling ball.
33. your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar.
34. any part of your South Quarter invocation includes any lines from any song by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
35. chewing tobacco is considered a sacred herb.
36. part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells on the fire.
37. the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture.
38. the cakes and wine are done with a Bowie knife, a can of Foster's and a Little Debbie.
39. your coven chose its High Priestess at a wet T-shirt contest.
40. when your priestess says "Blessed Be" in circle, you respond with "YEEE-HAW!".
41. you believe a pentagram is a Western Union message to 5 people.
42. you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly.
43. you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart.
44. you call the North Quarter, but what you call it is an inner court secret.
45. you can play the "Burning Times" on the banjo.
46. you carry your ritual sword in your pickup's gun rack.
47. you found out your familiar is an opossum - and still ate it.
48. you have combined Maypole Dancing/Tractor Pull/Turkey Shoot for Beltane.
49. you have cast a love spell on livestock.
50. you have ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that resembled the Willendorf Goddess.
51. you've ever cancelled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on TV.
2. you've ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu.
53. you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg.
54. you invoke the spirits so that your beer lasts longer.
55. you pray nightly to the god of big tires.
56. you sacrifice BBQ and pork rinds on an altar made of old car hoods.
57. you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says "The circle is open but never unbroken".
58. you smoke Salem cigarettes for the historical significance.
59. you think a "family tradition" is a dating club.
60. you think the Wiccan Rede is good for making twig furniture.
61. you worship the gods Bheer and Nhascar.
62. you have ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football team.
63. you have ever meditated to "Dueling Banjos".
64. you have reached the 3rd Degree but not the third grade.
65. your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis Presley.
66. your Goddess picture says "Miss September" at the bottom.
67. your altar cloth says "Holiday Inn" or "Howard Johnson's".
68. your altar pentacle is a photo of John Wayne's star on the "Hollywood Walk of Fame".
69. your anointing oil smells like Old Spice.
70. your athame is a Bowie.
71. your broom has 4-wheel drive and SC plates.
72. your ceremonial chalice says "Budweiser" on it.
73. your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube-top.
74. your circle dance contains the words "dosey-do".
75. your circle dance is a two-step.
76. your coven chose its High Priest at a belching contest.
77. your coven's secret names for the God and Goddess are "Cooter" and "Sweet Cheeks".
78. your covenstead is propped up on cinder blocks.
79. your craft name starts with "Bubba".
80. your familiar can point quail.
81. your familiar keeps mice out of the granary..
82. your favorite Great Rite partner is your first, second and third cousin.
83. your backyard ritual libation is brewed in an illegal backyard still.
84. your favorite painting of the Goddess gives her hair like Reba McEntire.
85. your maiden sweeps the circle with a weed whacker.
86. your most sacred altar items include a velvet painting, a Million Miles buckle and a half-empty can of chaw.
87. your outdoor circle has defunct washing machines for quarter altars.
88. your pantheon includes Yukon Jack, Jim Beam and the St. Pauli Girl.
89. your ritual music has ever included Johnny Cash singing "Ring of Fire".
90. your robes are made out of denim with Harley Davidson patches.
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