This world continues to be more confusing.

Everyday my thoughts and dreams are different.

My outlook of the world used to be so clear,

But after one drink it was fuzzed up.

Things just can't connect anymore.

My friends are what keep me going.

Though even with them I get confused.

Are any of them truly my friend?

Maybe one.

Maybe two.

I'll never know until it comes to the test.

But now I'm left scared to wonder.

Left to cry alone.

This world of mine has been falling for so long.

Has it finally crashed?

I can't stop what is coming anymore.

I'm left unarmed.

Wide-open.

Like a broken-winged bird who can't fly.

Friends who were so close,

Seem to be slowly drifting away.

I can't take it!

Life is so cruel to me!

These occurences are to blame.

People got mixed into my life,

You know,

Those ones who showed me hell on earth.

Bad things happened.

Now it feels like every person I ever loved or cared,

It feels like every one of them is leaving forever.

You can call me depressed if you like,

I'm constantly crying,

Wishing I were dead.

But you know why I haven't done it?

I made a promise,

And I obligated myself to keeping it.

I just wonder if they'll keep their half.

Words have impressed otherwise,

But who knows.

I could be surprised as months pass.

Right now it really doesn't matter,

My view is showing me breaking it.

Yet again,

I just might end up with ' A.P '

I've had it twice.

Third time's a charm isn't it?

The last one got me pretty bad,

I figure though,

Quitting would be genuis,

But I hear no words of it,

So I conclude no one cares,

That is,

If I live or die.

It is true though,

A few might care,

However I struggle to believe the truth,

I've gone through too much to trust fully.

But the raging thought temps me.

With that alone I surrender.

It means nothing against anyone,

Except whose forced it upon me.

You see,

I try to trust,

Though it's not that easy.

And will continue to drive me crazy.

Until that one possible day I completely give in.

Although, you know as well as I do that will be years,

And still this world is confusing.

A puzzle that has a million pieces.

Why is it so hard to put together?

After it's finally all connected,

Why can't it just be left alone?

Why does it have to be tampered with?

It's ruining something beautful,

And you'll just have to put it back intact.

So what's the point?

Yet again,

I'm left confused,

Why people lie to others,

Making something so good,

A mere dream of the future.

Something one may wish ona star,

Hoping the love they yearn will be whole.

Not a scattered image,

So yet lies the answers,

To the confusion of the world.

*Melissa E. G. Juliana* 12/11/02