Giving Up

Yes I do recall that day I said, "I quit".

That day I vowed myself to stop.

I didn't know it was going to be like this,

I didn't know it was going to be this hard.

I didn't know I couldn't take the pain.

For almost two weeks,

I cried as I tried to overcome it all,

But as the days went on,

It only got worse,

And I gave up.

I couldn't take it.

I'm just not strong enough.

And this was my idea,

For once, I decided for myself.

No one hounded me,

No one forced me.

And I failed.

I didn't accomplish it.

This is like another mystery to me.

I could endure so much other pain,

But this pain I couldn't.

I thought I could handle it.

I wanted to make it,

But the tables turned,

And I couldn't.

What is it about this pain that I cannot take?

I thought maybe it was because I like to do it,

But I used to only do it when I wanted to escape.

When I wanted to leave everything else behind,

And feel like I was living in another world.

Then I just couldn't help myself from it,

It's as if I need to to survive.

To keep me going,

And if I lose that,

It's as if I'm dead.

So maybe if I just keep on doing it,

Perhaps one day I'll realize,

I really need to stop.

*Melissa E. G. Juliana* 03/03/03