Giving Up
Yes I do recall that day I said, "I quit".
That day I vowed myself to stop.
I didn't know it was going to be like this,
I didn't know it was going to be this hard.
I didn't know I couldn't take the pain.
For almost two weeks,
I cried as I tried to overcome it all,
But as the days went on,
It only got worse,
And I gave up.
I couldn't take it.
I'm just not strong enough.
And this was my idea,
For once, I decided for myself.
No one hounded me,
No one forced me.
And I failed.
I didn't accomplish it.
This is like another mystery to me.
I could endure so much other pain,
But this pain I couldn't.
I thought I could handle it.
I wanted to make it,
But the tables turned,
And I couldn't.
What is it about this pain that I cannot take?
I thought maybe it was because I like to do it,
But I used to only do it when I wanted to escape.
When I wanted to leave everything else behind,
And feel like I was living in another world.
Then I just couldn't help myself from it,
It's as if I need to to survive.
To keep me going,
And if I lose that,
It's as if I'm dead.
So maybe if I just keep on doing it,
Perhaps one day I'll realize,
I really need to stop.
*Melissa E. G. Juliana* 03/03/03