Hey well I am working on a newer story and just thought I would post the progress there!!! Enjoy and lemme know what you think so far!!! It's still in the beginning stages right now so I have only brought in a couple characters so far, but I am working on it!!! I will try to update and post more of this one every now and again, ok??? Lemme know what you think!!!!
Countries away, a young woman stood behind the counter, tapping her foot to the beat and bass of the loud music
pulsating through the entire building. There were no lights other than the strobe lights and disco lights dangling from the ceiling, and the blacklights behind the counter.
"Bartender, get me another beer!" a young man yelled over the music to be heard. Seconds after his request, a beer was slid down the polished surface of the counter, right into his hand. "Thanks!" he remarked, giving the bartender an appreciative once over and a low wolf whistle before walking away.
She stood about 5'8", with a trim, athletic figure, crimson red hair that fell halfway down her back, and the iciest blue eyes anyone had ever seen. Despite the blacklights, she wore a white hightop, a black bra underneath, a black and red plaid miniskirt that fell just an inch loosely past her hips, and a pair of black velvet strap-on high heels that rose only to her ankles. The only piece of make up she wore was a deep shade of red lipstick, and around her neck, a silver and platinum choke chain completed her look.
"Aye, Regan," called the man at the end of the counter, "almost ready for me to take ya home?"
"Almost," she yelled back over the pulsing beat, "don't think the other bartender's in for another twenty minutes yet, I reckon..." Despite having to yell to be heard over the music, her heavy English accent was still evident.
"Go home early, girl," came the second bartender's voice, "you done well tonight Regan. I can take over for ya now if ya like."
"Thanks mate," Regan replied, grabbing her tips from her cup and leaving with the man at the end of the counter.
"Wait 'ere," he told her once they entered the lobby of the large nightclub where it was much quieter, "I'll pull the car around from the back."
"Aye," she replied with a nod of her head.
Slipping into her black pleather jacket, she stepped out into the brisk night air and stepped cautiously out from under the awning to feel the light mist that had begun to fall over the entire city of London, England. Great, a light mist normally meant that it would pour all night...oh well, she told herself as she stretched like a feline, hiking up her already skimpy hightop enough to see the under curve of the black lace bra she wore.
"C'mon, let's get ya home," came the guy's voice from inside the black Lotus.
"I could've walked, Nigel," she insisted, slipping into the left hand side, the passenger side in England.
"Nonsense. I wouldn't hear of it. Not with all the gang wars going on-"
"You think they scare me?! You really think those gang members and their wars scare me?!" she snapped, "You seem to forget Nigel...I WAS one of them!!!"
Nigel turned to see Regan propped up against the window facing him, icy eyes boring into him dangerously. Even in the faded light provided by the dim street lights, he could make out the defiance in those eyes. Turning his own gaze back out in front of the vehicle, he had to remind himself. Regan was a tough cookie. She was not just tough, but smart, savvy, and wise to the ways of gang members. Sometimes he had a hard time remembering that one little known fact about Regan's past...she had as good as grown up in the streets of London. Perhaps that was why she was so combative all the time...or why she kept a .38 Smith&Wesson in the inside pocket of her jacket, a .44 Glock Calibur in the waistband of her jeans whenever she wore them, and a revolver beside her bed and in her desk drawer. Who was he kidding? The girl was a walking armory!
"Hey, stop," she told him, grabbing her purse and going for the door handle.
"Regan, wait," Nigel stopped her with a hand on her arm, making her pause, "Why do you insist on always making your
face a mask?"
"What?"
"You are always making your face a mask...one that hides your true face...why?"
"Look...Nigel..." she sighed quietly, "I make my face a mask to hide the face that hides a pain...a pain so deep and so severe that it eats my heart. And my heart...is a heart that nobody knows. Maybe one day you will actually understand that. See you later." With that, he let her go and watched her as she walked inside the five floored apartment building.
The door to her fifth floor apartment unlocked easily, and when she stepped inside, she turned around and locked all of the dead bolts on the door. Shedding her jacket in the front hall, she moved easily into the living room with a small sigh of defeat, and stood at the window, just staring out at the sky that seemed so distant. The only person who even tried to understand her these days was Nigel...but sometimes she thought he would never truly understand...he could never even possibly begin to understand, or even to fathom the things that had happened in her life...because he was lucky.
He had grown up his entire life with his parents, had known his family, knew his origins and background...had never wanted for anything. Hell, he was married with kids of his own, and his parents were still alive!!! And what did she have? Nothing. No one. She was alone. She was alone because of them...glancing down at the picture, she felt the same mixture of hatred, longing, loneliness, and sadness swirl around inside of her gut...it was the same picture that was so precious, and yet sometimes...she longed to hurl it against the wall...to watch the remains of the last hint of her past shatter with the glass as the wall crushed its smooth, untouched, perfect surface.
Somedays she wanted them to be near so badly, it hurt.
Other days...most days, she corrected herself, she hated them with such a passion, it scared her more than anything else she had gone through in her entire life. They had abandoned her when she needed them the most in her life...and when they did, she spent two years living with a foster family before she ran away and lived her life on the streets. She spent four years living her life just trying to survive, until she began dealing and doing drugs. Then she had gotten busted...but they couldn't hold her and had instead placed her in six months of rehab, and made her stay in a group home. Sometimes, it didn't feel like six years ago that had happened to her...nor did it feel like four years ago that she had joined and participated in gang wars. Now she was just barely in her twenties...
Setting the picture frame in her hands down, she turned back to look out the window and took a seat on the ledge, resting her head against the glass of the window. Barely twenty, and barely making it on her own. Sure, she had an apartment...but she didn't have much in the means of material belongings, and her bartender's wage was just barely enough to help her pay rent and bills, and get her by for the month. While she worked, she also went to college part time in the evenings during weekdays on a scholarship, and was doing just fine in that department. Somedays she wondered if she could possibly ever amount to anything...but at least she was trying. She didn't want to be a bartender for the rest of her life...however fun it was. The amount of attention she got from guys was actually nice...but it wasn't something she forever wanted to deal with. As soon as she got her degree...things would get better...life would get better...but she somedays she couldn't help but wonder whether or not things would be better if they hadn't just...up and left her like they had...
Cowards! she thought angrily to herself as she turned her face away from the window and suddenly hurled the nearest object she could find at the wall...which happened to be a remote control. "Stupid cowards!" she cried to herself flopping down in her comfortable arm chair and turning to watch the rain fall repeatedly against the window like a lullaby. They had been the cause of all the crap in her life, and she did give Nigel credit for trying to understand her...but she just didn't ever want to feel that way ever again...abandoned.
It was the worst feeling in the world to live with your entire life! And it simply wasn't the fact that Nigel couldn't possibly fathom half the stuff she had gone through...but it was because he couldn't seem to truly start to understand that she had once been a part of those gangs and their wars...had once lived a life so completely opposite to his...but he also didn't understand that she didn't WANT anyone to understand her. She was tired of people constantly trying to analyze her every thought, word, or action...she was tired of being analyzed, period! And if Nigel could just stop trying to protect her like she was some little girl, they'd be just fine because then he would stop dragging up those godawful feelings that they had left with her since she was an eight year old little girl.
With a small, quiet sigh to herself, she pulled the threadbare throw blanket over her body and curled up, shutting her thoughts and emotions down to become numb...prepared to fall asleep for the entire night without interruptions...because it was those thoughts that had her waking up at night, those thoughts that caused her so much pain...but if she was so numb to it, then it could never possibly hurt her. Throwing the switch on the lamp beside the chair, the room was plunged into complete darkness, with the exception of the occasional lightning bolt that flashed across the sky. Minutes later, the edges of her vision blurred, and her eyelids dropped slowly until she finally fell into a deep sleep.
^*~*^
"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel-"
The words from Papa Roach's "Scars" blared from the speakers of the most expensive piece of equipment she owned...her stereo. For as long as she could remember, she had been able to relate to the lyrics, because she could remember feeling exactly that way for the longest time. Although her books and papers were strewn out in front of her, waiting for her attentions so that she could get ready for her exam the following week, she could not concentrate. Lately, all she could think about was how much pain had been pulled up from the very depths of her soul...the very pain that she had pushed there, so that she would not have to face it every time she woke up. Like last night. She had spent last night by herself because she had two days off...and she had sung to herself right along with her music, because singing was one of her passions in life. If she couldn't sing, or even write her stories or poetry, she figured she would probably go mad or die...it was her release. But last night...she had wondered...if her parents hadn't abandoned her...if they were right here, right now...would they know her well enough to know every single one of her passions? Would they encourage her to find a way to make her 'talents' known? Or would they just ignore her, push her away...not bother with her, or bother to encourage her to do anything? Wait...they had already done that. They had not bothered to come looking for her, and she figured that after twelve years, if they hadn't bothered to even try to contact her, then why should she be bothered with
them?
Because she cared. She cared too much...and that was a major problem in her life.
If she didn't care so damn much about the things that happened in her life, maybe it wouldn't be so damn hard all of the time!!!!
A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, and with a sigh of reluctance, she rose from her spot on the floor and walked into the front hall. It would be Nigel, she knew, right on time as usual...he had said earlier he wanted to talk to her, and she had invited him over for coffee that day so they could talk.
"Hey Nigel," she said quietly, opening the door all the way to let him in, "...glad you could make it."
"Regan," he greeted her, "how are ya feeling today?" His only response was a shrug and a sigh, and almost immediately he knew that Regan wasn't feeling up to her usual self at all. "Well," he began, taking a seat on the comfortable sofa across from her, "what's wrong? You told me last night on the phone that I didn't understand you, so explain it to me. If I don't understand you, then help me to understand. I want to, trust me...but it's not exactly the world's easiest task when you don't let people in..."
"You're married, Nigel. You have three kids of your own. You have your parents...you have a family," Regan shot back, turning to look out the window so that he wouldn't see the tears clouding her blue eyes, "...you don't know how lucky you've got things."
"Lucky? You think my life was lucky?-" he began.
"Yes! As a matter of fact, I do think your life was lucky!" she replied sharply, "I never had a family! I don't have parents! I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have any siblings...I don't have all the things that you had!!! Ok? You have the real gems in life. And what do I have? Nothing. No one."
"Aww Regan...I had no idea," Nigel replied softly, sitting back against the sofa in shock, "...what happened???"
"...Of course you had no idea...I never said anything about it. I let you believe what you want about my parents...because I am just tired of being so alone. They just up and abandoned me when I was eight..." she began, "...I remember going to bed one night...I remember giving them both a hug and a kiss, and them promising to take me sledding the following day. My mum tucked me in, and let me read a story before turning out the lights...and when the morning finally came...I woke up...and no one was home. I thought that maybe they had gone out for coffee or something...and I waited...and waited...and waited...for days...and they never came back." Her words stopped there, and she hung her head, covering her face with her hands and rubbing away the tears.
Nigel sighed. He couldn't believe that she had held that all back for so long...and never once said a word to him about it. "Why didn't you ever say anything to me before now? Regan...that's not something anyone should have to carry around with them all their life without talking to anyone about it...or at least telling one of your closest friends about it...I wish you had told me sooner..." He moved to the edge of the couch, ready to go over and give her a reassuring hug, but somehow he sensed that she did not want any affections. Somehow, he sensed that she felt she had gone over half of her life without anyone giving her any affections whatsoever, so why start now?
For a moment, she stopped and looked out the window. The sun was beginning to dip down below the horizon, casting a beautiful array of colours against the sky, and she couldn't help but admire the beauty of it all before she compared the ugliness of her own past to it.
