For those of you who hunt deer,
want to pat deer,
or anything in between....
this is too funny!
Never Rope a Deer...
I had the idea that I was
going to rope a deer, put
it in a stall, feed it up
on corn for a couple of
weeks, then kill it and
eat it.
The first step in this
adventure was getting a deer.
I figured that, since they
congregate at my cattle feeder
and do not seem to have much
fear of me when we are there
(a bold one will sometimes
come right up and sniff at
the bags of feed while I am
in the back of the truck not
4 feet away), it should not
be difficult to rope one,
get up to it and toss a bag
over its head (to calm it down)
then hog tie it and transport
it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then
hid down at the end with my rope.
The cattle, having seen the
roping thing before, stayed well
back. They were not having any
of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer
showed up -- 3 of them. I picked
out a likely looking one,
stepped out from the end of the
feeder, and threw my rope. The
deer just stood there and stared
at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist
and twisted the end so I would have
a good hold. The deer still just
stood and stared at me, but you
could tell it was mildly concerned
about the whole rope situation.
I took a step towards it...it took
a step away. I put a little
tension on the rope and then
received an education.
The first thing that I learned is
that, while a deer may just stand
there look at you funny while you
rope it; they are spurred to
action when you start pulling
on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is
that pound for pound, a deer is
a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt.
A cow or a colt in that weight
range I could fight down with a
rope and with some dignity.
A deer-- no chance.
That thing ran, bucked, twisted,
and pulled. There was no controlling
it and certainly no getting close to
it. As it jerked me off my feet
and started dragging me across the
ground, it occurred to me that having
a deer on a rope was not nearly as good
an idea as I had originally imagined.
The third thing I learned, the only
upside, is that they do not have as
much stamina as many other animals.
A brief 10 minutes later, it was
tired and not nearly as quick to
jerk me off my feet and drag me when
I managed to get up. It took me a
few minutes to realize this, since
the blood flowing out of the big
gash in my head mostly blinded me.
At that point, I had lost my taste
for corn-fed venison. I just wanted
to get that devil creature off the
end of that rope.
I figured that if I just let it go
with the rope hanging around its neck,
it would likely die slow and painfully
somewhere.
At the time, there was no love at
all between that deer and me. At
that moment, I hated the thing, and
I would venture a guess that the
feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the
several large knots where I had
cleverly arrested the deer's momentum
by bracing my head against various
large rocks as it dragged me across
the ground, I could still think clearly
enough to recognize that there was a
small chance that I shared some tiny
amount of responsibility for the
situation we were in, so I did not
want the deer to have to suffer a
slow death, so I managed to get it
lined back up in between my truck
and the feeder - a little trap I
had set before hand...kind of like
a squeeze chute. I got it to back
in there and I started moving up so
I could get my rope back.
The fourth thing I learned!!!! Did
you know that deer bite? They do!
I never in a million years would
have thought that a deer would bite
somebody, so I was very surprised
when I reached up there to grab that
rope and the deer grabbed hold of
my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is
not like being bit by a horse where
they just bite you and then let go.
A deer bites you and shakes its head --
almost like a pit bull. They bite
HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer
bites you is probably to freeze and
draw back slowly. I tried screaming
and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective. It seems like the deer
was biting and shaking for several
minutes, but it was likely only
several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though
you may be questioning that claim
by now) tricked it. While I kept it
busy tearing the bejesus out of my
right arm, I reached up with my
left hand and pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my fifth lesson
in deer behavior for the day. Deer
will strike at you with their front
feet. They rear right up on their
back feet, strike right about head,
and shoulder level, and their hooves
are surprisingly sharp.
I learned a long time ago that, when
an animal -- like a horse --strikes
at you with their hooves and you cannot
get away easily, the best thing to do i
s try to make a loud noise and make an
aggressive move towards the animal.
This will usually cause them to back
down a bit so you can escape.
This was not a horse. This was a deer,
so obviously, such trickery would not
work. In the course of a millisecond,
I devised a different strategy. I
screamed like a woman and tried to turn
and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT
to try to turn and run from a horse
that paws at you is that there is a
good chance that it will hit you in
the back of the head.
Deer may not be so different from horses
after all, besides being twice as strong
and 3 times as evil, because the second
I turned to run, it hit me right in the
back of the head and knocked me down.
Lesson six... Now, when a deer paws at
you and knocks you down, it does not
immediately leave. I suspect it does
not recognize that the danger has passed.
What they do instead is paw your back
and jump up and down on you while you
are laying there crying like a little
girl and covering your head. I finally
managed to crawl under the truck and
the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer
hunting they bring a rifle with a scope
so that they can be somewhat equal
to the Prey.
