The Haunted House

Opening: Timmy the puppy and his pal, Frankie, are playing with a baseball on the edge of town. Frankie sends the ball flying several feet away, where it bangs into a metal trash can and bounces back to him.

"I bet you can't make it go as far as I did!" he says to Timmy.

"Oh, yeah?" Timmy rushes at the ball, picks it up in his mouth and tosses it away. It goes flying through the window of a creepy mansion. Both puppies stare at the gloomy place in horror.

"Uh oh," Frankie says. "It went into the old Merphy place!"

"Don't they say that it's haunted?" Timmy says in a small voice.

"Yeah, but who believes 'em?" Frankie shoots back. "There's no such thing as ghosts!" He looks directly at Timmy. "Go get it!"

"You get it!" Timmy replies.

"I'll go if you go too," Frankie says.

"Alright," Timmy agrees.

The two puppies head for the mansion. Just before they reach the porch, they both stop.

"Are you going?" Timmy asks.

"Are you going?" Frankie returns.

"I will if you will," Timmy replies.

"Alright," Frankie says.

They walk up on the porch and over to the door. Suddenly from inside comes a spooky howl. "Ahhh-oooooooo!"

"What was that??" Frankie exclaims.

"Maybe it was Mr. Merphy," Timmy says in a small voice.

"Well, let's not stay around long enough to find out!" Frankie yells. The two puppies race off the porch and back to town.

"Now, slow down," Itchy says to Timmy and Frankie. "Start over."

"Well, we were playing at the edge of town," Timmy begins. "And our baseball went shooting through the window of the Merphy place!"

"Yeah!" Frankie continues. "So we went over there to get it and we heard this sound from inside!"

"It went ‘Ahhh-oooooooo!'" Timmy adds.

"The Merphy place!" Itchy repeats. "I thought I told you kids to stay away from there!"

"Well . . ." The puppies avert their eyes and look guilty.

"We didn't mean to," Frankie says finally. "We found the baseball in the alley behind the Flea Bite Cafe and we started playing with it. Before we knew it, we were on the edge of town!"

"And we heard sounds from inside the Merphy place!" Timmy says again. "They went ‘Ahhh-oooooooo!'"

Charlie suddenly appears. "Well, Itchy, why don't you go over there and get the baseball for them?"

Itchy gulps. "Me, Charlie?"

"Sure," Charlie says.

"Gee, thanks!" Timmy says. Frankie seconds it and the two pups run off.

"But, Charlie," Itchy protests, "that place is supposed to be haunted!"

"Aw, that's all nonsense!" Charlie laughs.

"Well . . . aren't you going to go with me, Charlie?" Itchy asks.

"I would go, but Sasha and I are waiting for some important calls and deliveries to come in," Charlie replies. "You can go and show the kids that there's nothing to be scared of."

"But we could both show the kids that there's nothing to be afraid of," Itchy persists.

"I'm sure you'll do fine, Itchy ol' buddy," Charlie assures him. "After all, I've passed the Merphy place plenty a-time and I've never seen a ghost."

"But---" Itchy begins, but Charlie has already disappeared. "Ohh . . . why do I always get stuck with these jobs?" Itchy moans, heading for the mansion.

About halfway there, he bumps into a dog wearing a spiked collar and glasses going in the opposite direction. "Hey! Watch it!" the dog exclaims. "Where're you going, anyway?"

"I have to go get a baseball for Timmy and Frankie," Itchy replies. Then he gets an idea. "Say, Killer, why don't you come with me?"

"Me?" Killer looks incredulous. "Carface just ordered banana-pickle ice cream and you know how he hates to be kept waiting."

"I know . . . but this'll just take a minute," Itchy persists. "I was almost there anyway."

Killer sighs. "Well . . . alright. But it'd better just take a minute."

Ten minutes later they've arrived at the Merphy mansion.

"What're we doing here?" Killer demands.

"This is where the kids lost their baseball," Itchy replies.

"For heaven's sake, Itchy! Don't you know that this place is supposed to be haunted?" Killer exclaims.

"Well . . . yeah, but that's all nonsense," Itchy says, trying to laugh. It sounds very unconvincing.

"Let's get it over with," Killer says. They head for the house. Just before they reach the porch, they both stop.

"Are you going?" Killer asks.

"Are you going?" Itchy returns.

"I will if you will," Killer says.

"Alright," Itchy says.

They go up on the porch and over to the door. Then, from inside, they hear:

"Ahhh-oooooooo!"

"What was that?" Itchy exclaims.

"I don't know, but it didn't sound like any baseball!" Killer replies. Spooked, the dogs run away.

"Don't be silly, boys!" Sasha laughs. Killer and Itchy are over at the Flea Bite Cafe telling her and Charlie of their misadventure. "Timmy and Frankie got the best of your imaginations!"

"No! We really heard it!" Itchy insists. To Charlie, he says, "Surely you're not going to make us go back to that place, are you?"

Charlie looks at Itchy with that dare-devil gleam in his eyes. "Actually, Itch, I wouldn't mind checking that place out myself."

"Charlie! You're crazy!" Itchy gasps.

"I wouldn't mind taking a look around either," Sasha speaks up. "As soon as this delivery comes in, Charlie and I will go with you two back to the Merphy mansion. And," she adds, heading for her office, "I guarantee all we'll find in there is dusty furniture and a baseball!"

Killer and Itchy look at each other doubtfully.

"Doesn't look so spooky to me," Sasha says. She, Charlie, Killer, and Itchy are in front of the Merphy mansion in the late evening.

"It sounds spookier than it looks!" Itchy replies. "At least from the outside!"

Charlie laughs. "Well, what're we waiting for? Let's go on in!"

Sasha and Charlie go up on the porch. Itchy and Killer follow reluctantly. This time they aren't met by a howl. Charlie pushes open the door and walks in without anything happening. Sasha quickly follows.

"C'mon, you two!" she says to the others, who are still out on the porch. "There's nothing to worry about!"

"Easy for you to say!" Itchy mutters. "You didn't hear that howl!"

The four dogs walk into the parlor. "There it is!" Charlie says suddenly.

"What?" Itchy and Killer exclaim.

"The baseball," Charlie replies. The other dogs follow his gaze to a white baseball nearly under an old couch.

"Well, there it is, so there's nothing to keep us here," Killer says. "Let's get it and go!"

"Let's look around a little bit," Sasha replies, wandering off into the kitchen.

"Charlie," Itchy pleads, "let's get out of here!"

But Charlie isn't ready to go. "Oh, c'mon, Itch. What's the worst that can happen?" Then he saunters up the stairs to the second floor.

"That Charlie!" Itchy mutters. "Maybe we'll never come out of here alive!"

He and Killer wander over near the old, decrepit fireplace. "Looks like maybe the fire's been lit recently," Killer remarks. No reply. "Itchy?" he calls. He looks around the room. "Itchy! Where'd you go?" The dachshund isn't anywhere to be seen. "Yipe! He's gone!"

Sasha comes back in from the kitchen. "What're you barking about, Killer?"

"Itchy's gone!" Killer exclaims. "See? I told you this place was haunted! Old Man Merphy must've got him!" As Sasha stares, Killer calls over and over for Itchy, to no avail.

Ten minutes later, Itchy still hasn't returned. "Itchy!" Killer calls again.

Suddenly the dachshund appears from seemingly out of nowhere. "Who're you calling for?" he asks.

Killer and Sasha whirl around. "Where've you been?" they demand.

Itchy looks slightly puzzled. "I don't know. I must've stepped into a closet or something."

Sasha gives Killer a satisfied smile and says, "See? I knew there'd be a reasonable explanation."

Then Itchy gasps. "Those eys! They're lookin' right at me!" he exclaims, looking up at a picture of a woman.

Sasha and Killer glance up too. The eyes are normal now. "Must've been the light," Sasha says, going up the stairs to find Charlie.

Killer turns to Itchy. "What did happen to you?"

"I stepped into a closet," Itchy repeats. "I never would've gotten out if you hadn't given me that push!"

"Oh, it was nothing," Killer says, then realizes what Itchy said. "Wait a minute! I didn't give you any push!"

Itchy gasps. "Well, someone or something did!" he says.

"I knew this place was haunted!" Killer moans. "We shouldn't have let Charlie and Sasha talk us into this! And Carface is going to hit the roof 'cause I'm taking so long to get his ice-cream!"

"Who can think about getting ice-cream when we might never get out of here alive?" Itchy snaps.

Killer glances up at the picture again. "Itchy, you were right! Those eyes are looking at us again!"

"Maybe it's just the lighting, like Sasha said," Itchy suggests hopefully.

They turn to go up the stairs and a hand's silhouette appears ahead.

"Do you see that?" Itchy exclaims.

"Maybe it's just the lighting, like Sasha said," Killer replies. The two dogs run to hide behind the couch.

When they cautiously peek out from behind the couch, they see the cellar door swinging open and a gun perched on a gun rack just above the stairs.

"That must be the gun the hired hand shot Old Man Merphy with!" Killer gasps.

"It's probably just the lighting," Itchy says.

"Oh, this is ridiculous!" Killer exclaims. "Let's go find Charlie and Sasha and get out of here!" He heads for the stairs.

"While we still can!" Itchy agrees.

The two dogs wander through the upstairs halls. Charlie and Sasha suddenly come from the opposite direction.

"There's no spooks in here!" Charlie greets them. "You guys must've just heard the wind or something."

Itchy and Killer glare at him. "We heard a howl, Charlie," Killer says. "It wasn't windy when we heard it."

Suddenly Sasha looks up at a picture above them. "It's Old Man Merphy," she announces.

Everyone turns their gaze to the picture.

"They say that Old Man Merphy's ghost still haunts this place. Especially at midnight. That's when he was pushed down the stairs and shot," Charlie says ominously.

The grandfather clock in the hall chimes midnight. And suddenly, up in the organ loft, the organ starts playing.

"Yipe!" Killer exclaims. "It's Old Man Merphy!" Wildly, he shoots down the stairs, looking for the nearest exit.

"Hey! Wait up!" Itchy calls. "Wait for me!"

"What do you think it is?" Sasha asks Charlie.

The German shepherd turns to her with mischievous eyes. "Why don't we go up there and find out?"

Sasha laughs. "I wouldn't mind. But what about . . .?" She nods toward the stairs.

"Aw, they'll be okay," Charlie assures her. "They're probably ten blocks from here by now."

So the two dogs head for the organ loft.

Itchy and Killer are about one block from the Merphy place when they both stop.

"Where's Charlie and Sasha?" Itchy asks.

The dogs look around. "They must still be in there!" Killer finally says fearfully.

"Well, we can't just leave them in there!" Itchy exclaims. "We have to go back!"

The dogs race back to the mansion.

A panel in the parlor wall opens. Two men slowly step out and look around.

"Well, I guess we scared off those dogs!" laughs the one.

"Yeah!" agrees the second.

"We'll be makin' fake money for a few years yet!" says the first. "It didn't hurt to spread that rumor around about Old Man Merphy's ghost still floatin' around!"

They can hear the stairs creak.

"Sounds like there's still someone in here," the second observes.

"Well, shall we scare them off too?" says the first mischievously.

The two men disappear into the panel.

Charlie and Sasha peer around a corner, having heard everything. "Counterfeiters!" Charlie declares.

"What're we going to do, Charlie?" Sasha asks. "We both know the police department wouldn't listen to two dogs."

Charlie looks at the baseball, still almost hidden under the couch, and grins. "I think we'll give them a scare they won't soon forget. They'll be longing for jail when we get through with them!"

Itchy and Killer make their way back up on the porch and inside the mansion again. "Charlie? Sasha?" they call softly.

"Maybe they went up to the organ loft," Killer suggests.

"That's probably exactly what they did!" Itchy agrees. The two dogs separate and begin their search.

The two counterfeiters come out from the panel again.

"I didn't find anyone," the first states.

"We probably already scared them off," the second decides.

"Probably," the first agrees.

Just then, a loud howl reverberates throughout the mansion. The counterfeiters jump.

"What was that?" the second says, shaking like a leaf.

"I don't know, but this time it wasn't me!" replies the first.

Then a baseball slowly bounces down the stairs.

"Yipe!" exclaims the first.

"Look at that!" the second says, nearly in a whisper, pointing at another picture of Old Man Merphy hanging on the wall just above them. "Them eyes are staring right at me!"

Neither of them realizes that the eyes are dog eyes, they're so spooked.

"Ahhh-oooooooo!" The howl sounds again.

And then a gun floats through the air.

"Hey, isn't that the gun that the hired hand used on Merphy?" the first exclaims.

The gun fires twice.

"Yeah, and I'm not stickin' around to see what happens next!" the second cries. "This place really is haunted! Old Man Merphy must not like a criminal operation to be going on in his old house!"

"I'd welcome jail!" declares the first.

The two counterfeiters tear out the door.

Itchy and Killer, in their respective parts of the house, hear the howls and gunshots too.

"What's happening?" they both exclaim.

They both run to save Charlie and Sasha from the ghosts. Killer reaches the parlor first and sees the baseball making another descent down the stairs and hears the howl. Itchy arrives just in time for the latter.

"What's going on?" he yells.

"It's the ghosts!" Killer replies.

And then there's the picture's eyes. "Yipe!" they yelp. And then the gun fires. That's the straw that broke the camel's back! They've had all they can take of this crazy, haunted place. Their eyes cross, they turn pale, and they nearly pass out.

Then Charlie and Sasha suddenly appear.

"Hey!" Sasha calls to them. "It's just us! It's okay!"

"There's no ghosts!" Charlie adds.

Killer and Itchy shake themselves out of their dazed state. "Just you guys?" Itchy repeats. "What in the world were you trying to do?"

"Scare off some counterfeiters," Sasha replies with a smile. "They're probably turning themselves in to the police by now."

"Counterfeiters?" Killer says doubtfully.

"Yeah," Charlie says.

The dogs laugh, relieved.

"Well, I knew it couldn't be ghosts," Itchy says. "It'd have to be something more logical."

Suddenly the organ starts playing.

"What's that?" Killer exclaims.

They all look at each other. "It wasn't us this time," Sasha says. "We're right here."

"And it definitely wasn't us," Itchy adds.

"And those counterfeiters must be in the next county by now," Charlie says.

They all look at each other again. "Then that means . . ." There's only one possibility left. "AUGH!" they all scream and run out of the mansion. They never look back until they're safely back in town. And yes, they remember to bring the puppies' baseball.